GOSH! THANKS, DAD! I T'S A GOODYEAR!

STEVE THE "HERMIT"
STAR DATE 1966

The year 1966 is one which lives in my memory, mainly for the events here described. Since I had come to Florida to 'be a hermit', for my vacation during the summer of '66, I determined to get a taste of the hermitage. So, for my two weeks in the sun and fun, I chose to get myself planted on a small spit of an island south of Marco Island--the objective, to 'play hermit' for a week or so...I think it was ten days?

I rented a tent, and all the equipment which could fit on a small boat, and hired a fellow to float me down to this 'sugar loaf' spit of sand in the Gulf of Mexico. And of course, it goes without saying that I loaded onto that little runabout several cases of beer, one case (12 quart bottles) of my favorite (the cheapest) vodka of the day and six quarts of Early Times (to compensate for my bland vodka dietary choice). Ice, many cans of tuna, some boiled eggs, heck I don't know what else, it didn't matter. Ants got to the food before me, since I mostly drank the first couple days.

As soon as this fellow dropped me, and helped to unload my gear (don't break the glass!), he sped away, maybe glad to be rid of me--with the promise that in ten days he'd return. Well, I was ecstatic!

I was in HEAVEN! I ran around like a crazed child, alone on his private playground. Me, the hermit! My dream of thirty years had come true, at least in "trial" form. I cavorted (yes, cavorted) in the water, bare-footed, and bare-ass'd. I really thought maybe the water there was contaminated, because it had a certain foreboding red color, all around me was this red-tinted water. It was THEN, that reality set in. I had been cavorting on an old oyster bed, and the "red" was my own blood. Yep, my (by now!) VERY sore feet bottoms were shredded.

Now I became scared...no doctor, no medicine, no First Aid kit...so first I took a huge pull from a vodka bottle, and knew that I was going to soon be wasting some of the precious liquid on my FEET. If whoever reading this is an alcoholic, they will immediately KNOW what absolute TRAUMA it was for me to pour vodka , AND Early Times (forgot to mention the Whiskey!) onto my feet. I cried then. Not the burning, but OH! the wasted booze, Oh! Woe is me!

So, for the next days (daze!) I walked about wearing a tee shirt wrapped around each foot, using a makeshift cane for support. I did not know God at that time very well, I mean He and I were at odds, at least I was.

But, Back to my first night. On the radio, it was announced that a Tropical Depression had formed over Everglades City, about 10 miles from where I sat, painfully nursing myself with the only anesthesia I knew, in the darkness of a warm, June night. Well, that storm came thundering full blast at my island, the water kept rising, I'd check it every half hour, and moved my tent several times that night, walking on two bloody stubs. I stayed very drunk, but could not avoid the dangerous situation which was before me. There was nowhere to go, no hills, and the water kept rising. In a drunken stupor I fell fast asleep.

You'd think my 'First-Night' story might end here. Wrong! Since this blog has become waaay out of bounds for a simple daily log reading, the "rest of this story" will be on tomorrow's posting, that's Wednesday. It's much more interesting than today's, so don't miss it. I promise!

THOUGHTS--CAREFUL NOW, STEVE

RANTIN' AND RAVIN' TODAY...

The Monday 'Beginners' section of our New Dawn group was chaired by an excellent man, who really REALLY knows his way 'around AA'...ME! -grin- Dontcha just love the way some people say something like..."I've been 'around AA' now more than a few 24 hours..." etc. Why the f... don't they say HOW long. "A few 24 hours" could mean four days. Do I want to ask that guy to be my sponsor? (Maybe!)

After all, the only thing I DO own in AA IS my sobriety date. Everything else is day-to-day, live-and-learn, continue-to-grow-along-spiritual-lines stuff. Which is great. But the one static thing (hopefully) is my D.O.S. It's all MINE!

I had my last (final?) drink the night before my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, March 18, 1974. That's the way everyone introduced themselves at that time, of course, things change, e.g., we do not wish to offend someone who has--maybe--three weeks! Well, I remember saying ,"I'm Steve, I'm an alcoholic, and I had my last drink seven days ago. AND I PASS!" It was NOT embarrassing. I recall being 'so proud' of that accomplishment, TRULY. Oh well, I'm WAY off the topic ...

Ya know, we treasure our sobriety, our Twelve Traditions, our Twelve Steps, our literature, our meetings, our sharing at those meetings, our service work, our (sometimes) loose structure, our coffee, our rooms with A/C, etc. I do believe though, that there is a bottom line somewhere. And it is the following (my opinion, of course):

There would be NONE of the above, absolutely none, if it were not for the "BOTTOM LINE", that is, one alcoholic talking to another, helping another, spending time with another, loving another, or rather loving the God I find in another. I think often about this, that one-on-one is where it began, and one-on-one is where it continues, even this very day--to 'begin' for someone...somewhere.

Accompanying this one-on-one relationship (which may last only minutes--or YEARS!) is the Presence of God, Who is really doing the talking, one to another. I have simply made myself available for Him to do His work among us humans. And by gosh He DOES work, even when we do not!

Anna did the lead this morning on Step Three, and she does have "it", that "it" which we read on page 58 in Big Book: ..."go to any length to get IT!" (A loosely quoted phrase?)

Thank You God, for bringing me to Alcoholics Anonymous, and thank YOU AA people for bringing me back to God!

Steve E.

MORE FROM STEVE E.

THE WEEKEND--ALMOST GONE--
BUT NOT LOST

Boyoboy! Yesterday, five of us from Naples joined the others for a men's AA meeting at Ft Myers Beach, and about 15 of us went for breakfast afterwards. I can't begin to tell you--that's the title to a song, look it up--what a beautiful Saturday morning it was, not only the weather, which is always such (wait until my Tuesday blog, we're anticipating a very windy, and very rainy day), but the meeting, the morning, the camaraderie, the breakfasting, the riding...Ahhhhh!

It is seemingly difficult for me to enjoy myself (self, get it?) unless the activity involves Alcoholics Anonymous members, the AA program, or spirituality of some sort. Since 'gratitude' is usually uppermost in my mind these days, I really can enjoy just being, or riding, or working, alone--or with someone!

Today I get to play my violin at two masses at St Ann Church in Naples, the 8 AM and 6 PM, and I love doing that. My favorite pianist-organist-music director Jamie is working this week, and asked if I might like to join her and my favorite, wonderful cantor, Karen. Would I LIKE ? Huh? Does an Alky like booze? Of course, it really screws up my self-imposed meeting schedules. But hey, why do I stay sober? In fact, in our Big Book I read..."we absolutely insist on enjoying life." Page 132

Our daughter Cheryl is visiting us this weekend,. She is a darling, age 26. She was not a darling, age 6-20, at least to ME (stepfather!). And she does have her problems, but NOW she asks advice, and LISTENS! Thank You, God--but God, You were so s l o w in bringing this about, this change in behavior. Then I look at my own life--when did the change occur? Well, it did not 'occur', it rather dripped along like a faucet might leak, until, years later there was a hole in the sink.

Another huge event in my life happened yesterday. I erroneously thought I had offended someone (my favorite non-related person EVER!) on my blogroll very deeply--don't know exactly why. And it hurt bad, and so I needed to make an amend...for ME, really. The response was timely, and exquisitely positive, and I am yet again awed by the love and understanding I find here in AA blogland. Of course, the AMEND is that I must change--and I did--and be ever so careful of what I say, do, and WRITE! I will admit here, to a few tears of JOY, as I read the answering mail.

I know this is wrong, but I (oh, crapola!) don't mind too much when I offend SOME people, but NEVER, on here, with you, beautiful AA people.
Steve E., still sober, still trying to get better. May god bless you all today and every day!

YA NEVER KNOW WHAT

THE DAY, THE HOUR, WHO EVER KNOWS?

OMIGOSH! Now the greatly accurate and precise weather forecasters are letting us (Naples, FL) know that we must prepare for another hurricane. I've been 'preparing' since 1965. It IS sort of scary in each instance. There's always the possibility of tornados, the near-certainty of heavy amounts of water (well, we need it, they've been telling us forever!) damaging winds (lost some roof and a wood fence last time, so?). I guess it's the Uncertainty of it all which is the most scary, especially for old folks and children. BUT, "I been there...done that!". I'll let ya's know how it all turned out here where the sun shines ALMOST every day (seriously).

But ya know, I believe the uncertainty of driving to work is a frightening thing if I really think about it--so I do not (drive to work, OR think about it...I'm retired!). Thursday morning one of our Harley guys (AA) and his wife were riding (not to work) when they ran into a truck, which had been pushed around by another truck, a freak accident. One truck didn't stop when it was supposed to, and bottom line IS that Tim H was killed instantly, age 53. His wife Marian is in a hospital in very bad shape (she was riding her own Harley, these are 'real' bikers.)

INSERTED SATURDAY AT 11:00 AM: Tim and Marian's accident happened on the day of their 32nd marriage anniversary...just learned that this morning. Also learned of the numerous occasions that Tim said something privately to others which helped them stay sober ONE MORE DAY. See--all of us! We do not always realize when someone IS listening to our words, hearing God speak to them. Praise!

This morning we (ahem!) bikers will ride (after the 6 AM meeting) to Ft. Myers for a men's meeting, and breakfast somewhere after, and it will be a sad ride--Tim H. would have been with us.

Please God, help Marian in her suffering, which she must endure without her husband...and please God, welcome Tim into Your kingdom of heaven. This is my prayer now, and the blogging community will also pray with me, as a few of them read this sad blog.

ONE PLUS ONE

STEVE PLUS STEVE
IT IS ALWAYS ONE PLUS ONE

AND WHEN GOD IS ALSO PRESENT, MIRACLES HAPPEN!

Please do not construe the following as a display of my Ego or Pride (although I do have too much of both!). This short story DOES make me proud of God...and proud that I am knowing Him as the Great Friend in my life today.

In November of the year 2001 I found myself, for whatever reason, attending a MEN OF NAPLES meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, a meeting "seldom graced with my presence". -grin-

Background: In November 2007, I had written a note to one of my pigeons, Steve T., in recognition of his sixth anniversary as a member in good standing of Alcoholics Anonymous. His words in response are one of my fondest keepsake memories in AA. And this is for me a reminder, that God CAN write straight--with (e.g., ME) a crooked pen!

IMAGINE! God used my voice to speak to Steve T., the sobering words he needed to hear on that early afternoon of November 22, 2001. Thank YOU, Steve T., for sitting next to me at that AA meeting, and for calling me soon after....as I had "commanded"! --grin-

Here are the words of Steve T:

"Actually Steve, it's 6 years (Ed. Note: Steve T. DOS Nov 4 2001). My 24 hour book has 22nd Nov in the back. We may have met a few days prior to that. On the 22nd I had 18 days. I remember sharing in that meeting that it seemed my only option was to get a cheap motel room and go get drunk. I had told the group that I had a huge monkey on my back. And when I looked around the room at a few of the guys, everyone looked away.

Then, Steve E., you appeared, as if from nowhere, (Ed. note: I was sitting right NEXT to Steve T.) and there was an aura around you, a white light, and I heard angels singing…. Oh OK, maybe not!!! But I’ll tell you one thing Steve E. That was the day my recovery STARTED!

Thank you for carrying the message to me, Steve. Thank you for being there and being my friend. You helped me get through that first 18 months, such a crucial time in my life, and then the divorce et al. You are the first person I ever told anything about me.

I remember that first time I called you. We had a chit-chat for a few minutes, and then you asked "So anyway, how are you?" and I said "Oh, I’m fine"...and then you said "Oh, REALLY!. Hahahahahahah!" And I thought, "Oh shit!"

God really did smile on me on Nov 22nd 2001 and I still thank him every day for putting you there, Steve E."
(END OF STEVE T. STORY...)

OK Gang...How often does God give to us, years after the event, such a blessing, as to let us know that He DID use us at one point in time? With me, hardly ever--well, there HAVE been a half-dozen other instances. But, during a 34-year period, that's not many.

It IS true, that now I pretty well realize when I AM doing His will, and when I am NOT! And, as some of you know, I now have a sponsor to let me know, when I'm in DOUBT. Sober today, while writing to my sober friends--YOU! May you all be as HAPPY as me today...gotta go to my morning 'places'. And Thank You, God!

CHANGE THE THINGS WE ...WHAT?

I CAN CHANGE WHO???

(NOT!)

Since the topic is "Change" (my topic!) I'd like to relate a couple changes with which I'm involved. About a year ago, I began dreaming about owning a bike again, but did not tell my wife. About six months ago, I began dropping little subtle? suggestive-type phrases now and then, like, "Look what we're spending on gasoline each week!" And I walked around the house, shouting "VVVRRROOOOOOM". Well, finally in April I just out and said, "How about I get a bike--in May we have our 18th Wedding Anniversary, plus each of our birthdays.

This got her to thinking, but her mind, you see, was already (secretly) prepped. So, mid-may, we bought me a nice scooter, the biggest one made--I think. Then I coaxed her to start riding on it, as long as I was driving (she had never ridden a bike before). She has NEVER entertained the notion that a bike would tempt her, so I used the same trick with her now, as before...the gas crunch, gas prices, maybe the gas shortage one day--who knows what?

Yesterday, we came home from Fort Myers, and I drove HER new bike back to Naples. She has no motorcycle endorsement on her Florida D/L yet...but soon, soon. NEXT Thursday she will go to "Motorcycle School (a mandatory three-day course, here in FL--as of July 1) and learn the rules, and also how to drive the sucker, and she will receive her MC Endorsment.

The point here illustrated is that we CAN change people--but only RARELY. Only after a HUGE desire, and careful planning on my part, could this have been pulled off. The end result IS that we're BOTH happy campers after having 'bit the bullet'...

Do not know if this falls under the heading of "Courage to Change", or just under "Have nothing to contribute to my blog today". But "Willingness" might fit, or "Open-Mindedness"...hey we can justify ANYTHING that is life-on-life's-terms living...justify it as AA stuff. Because EVERYthing I have or ever will have is due to this program for living which YOU all keep on teaching me, as long as I can remain TEACHABLE.

NOTE: Anna tells me now--after reading this--that she does not subscribe to the thought that I 'changed' her (or could ever change ANYBODY), but since it reads that way, I may leave it unedited.

CONTINUE TO GROW ALONG SPIRITUAL LINES

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS...2008

"..CONTINUE TO GROW ALONG SPIRITUAL LINES."
(MY FAVORITE SIX WORDS IN BB)

Went to a MEN'S meeting last night at a homeless shelter. It was good for me to get "back with the boys"! And now I realize (again) that a homeless shelter is NOT where I ever wish to live for more than an hour or two at a time--as for an 'AA meeting.

When I arrived at the door, in 1974 (it rhymes!), of Alcoholics Anonymous in Naples FL, there were no halfway houses, or treatment centers (here). We had to 'tough it out"...but I didn't know that's what we were doing. I remember them saying, "If ya wanna quit drinking...quit drinking!" Sounded logical to ME. And I came back the following week...and kept coming back, each week, without taking a drink in between meetings.

AND, I was a BARTENDER those days! That's really what 'saved' my skin. I could actually SEE, that excessive amounts of booze was doing to my people--my customers--what it had done to me.

Now this morning I am having breakfast with my new sponsor Don, who says the same thing to new people. The ones who listen to him likely will make it. (I'm not implying that those who don't listen to him will NOT make it!). The whole thing is that I stopped drinking FIRST, and THEN came to AA the next night. My AA program is NOT one of stopping something. It is a program of DOING something, of learning how to live. How to live HAPPILY without drinking.

And I have been doing that for a long time. I must warn myself again, though--and maybe others who have long-time sobriety--that complacency is NOT a virtue! Procrastination is NOT a virtue. Non-virtuous thinking and/or behavior is NOT a virtue.

Doing my best to live the kind of life which conforms to God's will, IS virtue! And with His continuous help, I--and you all--will do just that, at least for today!

Steve E.

"SHAYERING!"...

IS IT SHARING?
OR
BARING MY SOUL?

This is another one which I must send off FAST, before I change my mind!


Got me a sponsor this morning, right at 7:45 AM! It was on the advice of my 'ex-temporary' sponsor--figure THAT out! (Later.) Been needing one for several months...someone more than a "Howdy, how are you?" kind of guy. So, maybe he doesn't have 34 years sobriety...maybe he ain't old enough yet.

I've had sponsors from my AA beginning for about 25 years. The past ten years, I've depended on 'on-the-run' conversations with men, after men's meetings, etc. I can say now--not enough! SO THERE!

Funny, how I can readily advise everyone ELSE to get a sponsor, etc., and yet figure just because I'm sober almost half of my 75 years, that I'm immune from 'thinking' problems, 'living' problems.

I sponsor others...and one of them I use as MY sponsor, but ya know, sometimes that works, and sometimes it just does not...especially when he is in Colorado for five months a year!

My new sponsor's name is Don, and I picked him because I've been listening to everyone's sharing for four months now--EVERY morning--and he is the one who spits out 'old-time' AA, just as I remember it. "IF ya wanna stop drinking...stop DRINKING!" Simple, yes?

Of course, I'd like to--really enjoy to--have a 'girl' sponsor, even tried it for a few weeks recently. Can you imagine ANYONE being such an IDIOT? (Who? Me, or the girl? I ain't gonna tell. Oh well...BOTH!)

Anyway, it's time to quit hanging around the girls, and get back with the BOYS! And I've found out that even the 'HARLEY' bikers in Alcoholics Anonymous, are willing to let a 'scooter' guy join them for Saturday morning rides to a Ft Myers meeting and breakfast after...how good is THAT?

I am publishing this to illustrate that, no matter HOW many 'years I have' here in AA, there is always room for improvement. If I do not continually grow spiritually...I begin to slide backwards.

There IS a God, and I am SO happy to know Him, and SO grateful for the people who have allowed Him to use them to do His work.

Thank you, and Love, from
Still Sober Steve E.

I AM BLEST--AND GRATEFUL!

IN THE BEGINNING...

This morning I get to chair the weekly beginners' meeting at my group, and this is a serious, yet fun place, for me to be. I actually enjoy being with people who are newly sober, who are full of wonder. So often I can see that they want to know what it's all about, but have not the answers...in fact, they have not even the questions. We say, "Suit up and show up." Sounds so trite, but SO tritely true it is!

And then, to watch the new ones grow, oh, so little at a time. "Careful", I say to myself, when I notice one of them 'catching it all' in the first few weeks. I was there. I knew most everything about Alcoholics Anonymous in the first couple months. After Step 5, I was ready to save the world. It does not work that way.

Patience, sweet patience, dear friend, we will guide you at a slow and comfortable (Ha! Who is comfortable during those early weeks of 'sobriety'?) pace through these steps, all the way to freedom. Freedom from bondage, freedom to be yourself, freedom to confidently do God's will, freedom to walk any where, any time, with your head held high. Freedom to look in the eye anyone on the face of the earth--AND in heaven...freedom to face your God, Whoever that is.

And yes, the freedom to express this AA program in terms that others might understand, and climb on the wagon--this wagon of our program, which leads to peace of body and soul which I can call serenity. And yes, know this. In time, (that's TIME!), even HAPPINESS entered my life. And I hope and pray it enters yours, dear new person--or 'old-timer' who might still be suffering somewhere inside.

I am so blest...and SO grateful!

YEP--STEVE NEEDS. UGHHH!

OK HERE IT IS--STEVE NEEDS--I GAVE IN!


* Steve needs a doctor.. maybe a vet?

* Steve need you... Ohhhh, Yessss!

* Steve needs help again. Don't help me--just DO it!

* Steve needs to hurry up. This isn’t nap time. This IS nap time, ya got 5 minutes.

* Steve needs to find a squirrel hitman. Possibly someone with the nickname Squirrel Zipper or Squirrel Burger... or SQUIRREL AWAAAAY!

* Steve needs more money. Not money...GOLD!

* Steve needs a new V8-pack funtion. Yes...Whatever that is?

* Steve needs to figure out what David Sedaris book he’s talking about. That one--over there...he IS funny--somewhat.

* Steve needs to specify the containers in which the existing MS-Word-98 objects are store ....Little trash-can icons with painted flowers


* Steve needs to deliver the Keynote at San Francisco this year. Not good on keyboard--I play a violin.