SERENITY II

This is where I found Serenity--Ted and Laura's "POINT OF VIEW"
somewhere in the Colorado mountains.

WE WILL COMPREHEND THE WORD SERENITY AND WE WILL KNOW PEACE

Serenity in my life today seems to be more important than in the past. Maybe because I "didn't drink and didn't die" thing. That's 'staying sober and growing 'older' -grin-, but this peace which surpasses all understanding is something I've tasted, although rarely--during prayer and meditation, and even during turbulence (more rare!). And I want MORE! So I'm reminding myself today...what I can do to gain that which brings me closer to my goal, which is to know God's will for me, and receive the power to carry it out.

"We are not saints. We are willing to grow along spiritual lines." BB, p.60

20 Ideas For Mastering Serenity

1. Serenity is a choice that I make with my own mind.

2. I am resolved to master serenity. I will benefit in multiple ways from being calm and serene as my usual way of being. As I focus on those benefits, I will be more motivated to master this state.

3. This moment is the only moment that exists and this moment I choose to be calm and serene.

4. All stress comes from the thoughts in my mind. Therefore the thoughts of my mind can release stress right now. Whenever I realize that I feel stress, I will immediately flow to a calmer mental place.

5. Whatever I focus on gets strengthened. I am strengthening my ability to be calm and serene by focusing on it.

6. Every calm and serene moment adds up. Every time I am calm and serene it makes it easier for me to be this way more often.

7. I will consistently talk to myself and others calmly and serenely.

8. Even when I am not yet serene, I will be 'serenely' un-serene.

9. This too will upgrade my serenity. Serene moments upgrade my serenity. And challenging moments upgrade my serenity by mastering the ability to flow from unserenity to serenity.

10. The nine word serenity formula: Be totally in the present with a calm attitude.

11. Whatever happened 15 seconds ago is ancient history. Let it go.

12. No matter how much I have to do, I will do each thing calmly and serenely. This will enable me to take care of things faster and more wisely. I will be alert and will do things with appropriate speed.

13. I will be in a state of serene empowerment whenever I need to experience a sense of empowerment.

14. I will be in a state of being centered, focused, and flowing whenever challenges with other people arise.

15. I will remember times when I have been calm and serene. I will picture what I saw then. I will talk the way I talked then and I will feel the way I felt then.

16. I will mentally picture the most calm and serene scenes that I can imagine. Since these images are in my brain, I know that my brain is always with me and I can mentally go to these calm and serene places whenever I choose.

17. I will learn from every calm person I meet. I will learn from their attitudes and patterns of speaking. Whenever helpful, I will mentally put on the head of a calm and serene person. This will help me think like they think.

18. I will mentally prepare myself for challenges. Whenever I think of a challenging situation, I will mentally picture myself handling the challenge calmly and serenely. I will do this calmly and serenely. Every time I practice in my mind, this becomes more and more my actual reality.

19. Whenever I need to become more calm, I will breathe slowly and deeply and I will repeat over and over again, With each breath I am becoming calmer and more serene. More calm and more serene.

20. Serene people accept what they cannot change and change what they can. Stay calm and serene during your stay on this planet as you gain more wisdom about what you can and cannot change.

© Rabbi Zelig Pliskin [based on "Serenity" by Rabbi Z. Pliskin]

If this is an infringement of copywrite, please let me know, and I'll remove it.

CLEAR TO LAND ON RUNWAY THREE

SERENITY NOW

From this man I have learned so much:

Rabbi Pliskin

Be Serene This Moment

I exist in only one moment at a time. To be serene I only need to be serene during that moment. I create serenity when I think serene thoughts and mentally picture serene scenes. I create serenity when I breathe slowly and deeply and relax my muscles. I create serenity when I vividly remember scenes of being serene. Regardless of how I have been at any given moment later on, I only need to be serene this moment. I should say to myself throughout the day: "Be serene this moment".

Serenity Promotes Harmonious Relationships


Serenity promotes peaceful and harmonious relationships with other people. “As in water, face to face, so too is the heart of one person to another” . When you speak serenely to someone, the peaceful energy puts the other person in a better state, and usually that person will speak more pleasantly to you.

From Rabbi Pliskin’s new book, Serenity

I just felt extra serene today,
so decided to spread it around a bit
--like apple butter(?).
Hope someone who needs it
will read this today....
I did.

Peace and Love, Steveroni

www IS What a Wonderful World!!!

PLEASE! SOUND ON AND CLICK ON LOVE (in next line)

I absolutely LOVE this song! 


WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

(George Weiss / Bob Thiele)

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"

I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Oh yeah!

Love, steveroni

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2008

With permission, I copied this photo SHADOW published Saturday.
In my "bad place" the following conversation took place between the
feather and the flower:

Feather: "You smell."
Flower: "I know. What can I do about it?"
Feather: "Go to meetings...and DON'T DRINK!
You will die...and STINK"

Steve E. decides to break his anonymity
by publishing a self portrait, taken in Colorado!

THE STORM IS OVER--

TIME TO PICK UP THE PIECES

I heard today: "In AA I got to know the real ME!"

I said to myself: "Noooo...In AA I get to BECOME the real me."

What a day was yesterday! I have learned to 'not go back'. However, It is difficult to turn away my thoughts from the past 24 hours. These hours began with a beautiful "Getting-to-know-you"-type phone conversation with Jenn in Houston, who sounded to be weathering Ike's wrath quite well.

Funny, I felt as if I had known Jenn for a long time--but we've never met, or even spoke before. We do have this common thread in each of our lives--a deadly disease, and a seriousness about a program to recover from it and better our lives. And we make an effort to help others in any way we see fit, that they also may enjoy some of the benefits WE experience. And while we discuss our alcoholism almost daily on-line, I don't believe we even gave it a thought in live conversation. I know we laughed during those few minutes. How wonderful it is! Thank You again, All-Powerful God!

Later, I read on Andrew's Addiction about a "bike-for-sale" ad (with picture of bike, and phone number of owner named Steve--happens to be my name!). L. Made vague reference that it might be that my wife is forcing me to sell the bike. (BTW, that would never happen--or we'd BOTH need lawyers, or maybe paramedics ASAP?) Well, this significance apparently escaped my usual aptness -grin-, until later, when I had to set the record straight (like NOW!) Again, I REVEL in the Email exchanges with my new and true friends in this Blog Community.

A few of us 'bikers' (misnomer, because I ride a scooter, albeit a BIG one!) rode to Ft Myers Beach to a men's meeting, what a FUN trip! I try to go every Saturday. It's the 'ride' and the 'breakfast' after, and oh, yes...of course, almost forgot--the AA MEETING! About 50 men from different towns around two counties attend this Saturday morning event. I have seldom enjoyed 'men's AA meetings' until finding this one.

Then I practiced my violin parts for playing at 7:30 AM mass Sunday morning...I LOVE it! Believe me, when I say I LOVE something (and I say it often here, and everywhere else, too!) it is for REAL!

Attended another AA meeting Sat afternoon, about 50 people, in a discussion out of Big Book, "Chapter To The Wives". That reading has never excited me until today, I decided to pay attention--there's the clue, guys! And, AND--there is SO much AA I found in that chapter today, had never 'seen' it before in all these years. No, I did not "share" my new-found insights--it was not the 'moment'. I'm jes sayin'...

Almost finished here:

Ya know, all of us have been thinking about, and praying for, those friends and their loved ones, living along the Texas east coast, and rightly so. An approaching hurricane, with all its uncertainties, is very stressful for most people.

Just stop though, and think how this terrible, violent storm of nature got us all to focus on others' troubles. I got to pray--or continue praying--for other people. I got to think about--and care for--and wish the BEST of everything for OTHER than "my usual SELF". I got to kneel right here at my computer and say aloud the prayer I was at the same moment writing to someone. Isn't that magnificent? Another item on my 'Gratefulness' List? Definitely!

NOTE: Now that these thoughts are in cyber space, I can "Let Go-Let God".

Have a GREAT sober Sunday everybody!

SEPT 13-SATURDAY: FIRST DAY and LAST DRINK

THE FIRST DAYS--AND THE LAST DRINK

First, a moment of prayerful silence for all our friends in harm's way in Texas and elsewhere.

I've been looking at my own daily log which a counselor told me to write. It was begun several days before I stopped drinking, before my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Had I not kept a written accounting then, my feelings, behaviors, and observations as a beginner, would have been lost. I'd have forgotten what a difficult time it was--34 years ago last March--for my wife, two young children, and me.

Because--just moments ago--I relived those early, first days of not drinking, I come again to the realization of the TRUE miracle which happened to me. I'm shaking my head now, wondering how in the world did I stay sober? Without my knowledge or desire, God brought me here to you people in AA, and you, and He, (and later, me) began the work of trimming. Layer-by-layer, one-day-at-a-time, the fear, the lying, the total selfishness, one moment, the huge ego, next moment, the deadening low self esteem, the 'attitude', the hatred, which was ME. The first phase of this took 15 years.

Why so long? Because I did everything wrong. Well, not everything--I stayed alive, and stayed sober! "All in God's time", is now my excuse for being an AA deviant, during those early years. Step one I took to heart, because there was no way I could NOT know something was seriously amiss, my life had somehow gotten all out of kilter. So much promise, and no product. I had met a catholic priest at 1973 Christmas midnight mass, as I tumbled down the altar steps, wearing dark glasses. While in 'protective' mode, I held high my violin and bow--with which I had been playing "Silent Night" as part of the pre-ceremony music. Yes, I was drunk out of my mind.

Father Owen, the non-alcoholic priest, as it turned out, was also the drug-and-alcohol-abuse-counselor at our County Health Clinic. He insisted, in 1974, that I visit him as a patient, twice each week. Each visit cost me the price of a quart of cheap Vodka. He "tapered me off" of alcohol , whittling my daily maintenance diet of vodka to one pint, only 16 little oz. Well, I never got used to that.

You might think that, as a bartender, I'd have had trouble staying sober during those darkest of my early days as a member of AA. Not a problem, I was too busy, and used the foolishment of my heavy-drinking customers as my guide to going dry.

Saturday March 16, I had the worst day of my whole life, fighting the urge to drink (remember, I was only 'allowed' one pint of Vodka), using sheer will power. It did not occur to me to ask God for help--He and I had been personally on the 'outs' for many years. I thought I might die.

And I SURE AS HELL did not fathom that two days later I'd have my last swallow of mind altering alcohol two minutes before midnight. Three days later would find me sitting in a room with 15 chairs and 20 drunks, 19 of whom were holding lit cigarettes in each hand! Cough, cough! Welcome to my first Beginners' Meeting! It was borring--BORRRRING! All they talked about was some steps. Who needs this crap. And cake and cookies--WAIT! Are those chocolate chip?

My journal entry for March 19, 1974: "Midnight--1st AA meeting over. Will try again next week w the non-smokers---they have GOT to be smarter! Still no drink, in day #2 now" (after midnight). They told me "One day at a time." I thought, "Bull Shit!"...and yet, in my log book, I SURE KEPT TRACK of 'how many days', 'how many hours'; EVERY day, EVERY hour! But I could not understand "One Day At A Time" coming from these people. They were so confident, so happy, so well-groomed, eating stale chocolate chip cookies and yesterday's doughnuts, drinking gallons of coffee. I slept a LOT, and dreamed a LOT. Dreamed of booze, dreamed of drinking it. dreamed of being very drunk. Woke up. Nothing! Still shaking. Still sweating. Still crazy. Still "tasting" the alcohol, even though I had not been drinking! My 'plan' was to enjoy ONE MORE drunk in June of 1974. My wife and children went away for two weeks to Cleveland, OH. I was FREE! FREE! Get me a couple of those sick AA girls I saw giving me the eye, and let's PARTEEEE!

Something kept holding me back from my plan. (Looking back,. this was the first "turning point" of which I was aware.) I, who had not made a personal telephone call in many a year--me, I--picked up the phone and dialed Tim F. It was 9 PM and he was at my house in a few minutes. I cried. I surrendered, in a fashion. And I knew I would never drink again, no matter what.

All this stuff is reported in my journal that year. It was still some huge length of time before I realized that NOT doing something is NOT enough. I had to DO something. That will have to wait for another day. But there I was, and here I am. God is not letting go of me, of that I'm certain.

sober-roni

UP AND DOWN WE GOES, AND WHERE WE STOP....

WHAT A RIDE!

Riding to the "cookie" meeting last night, I thought to myself, "Steve, you've been to two AA meetings today. Why are you going to a third? What's the motive here? Are you climbing back on that old roller coaster?"

Well, for one thing, I absolutely adore riding my bike. Two, I absolutely love chocolate chip cookies. Three, I felt a strong desire to 'be at that place'. And, to be honest, an AA meeting room is a very comfortable spot, like the TV saloon CHEERS, (Where Evr'ybody knows your name?). But I still was not sure, just why was I going to #3 meeting last night? (As if I have to be so positive about my every activity any more -grin-.)

My answer arrived on two legs, as I was 'dismounting' my bike, I spotted a young fellow, looking lost. He was holding a clipboard and a pencil -grin-. So I joined him, and together we walked the 'green mile', that long sidewalk leading to the meeting room. Naturally, I asked him the usual questions, "Are you new here? What's you name? Ever been before to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous?"

He was brand new. So I told him, since there's between 150-200 people at this meeting, to follow me, and I'll show him where to sit, etc. (Ha! I'll show him the ropes!)

Wonder of wonders, he did follow me! He sat with me, asked some questions, etc. I (sort of forced?) got him to stand when the chairperson asked if there were any newcomers, etc. And I noticed he DID listen to the (two) speakers. Later, I literally pushed him out to the front of the room to receive his 24-hour chip. And we exchanged phone numbers. He admitted that he'd earlier planned to sit quietly in the back of the room, didn't cherish"being made a spectacle of..." We sat in the 'meditation' area of the church yard for some minutes, talking. I'm certain he had no plan to include ME into his first meeting!

Also, I'm just as certain that God 'showed me' exactly why I rode down town to that meeting! The kid is probably today climbing on that old roller coaster, which is so familiar to many of us. Don't know if I'll catch him at the top, or at the bottom, or at ALL. What happens is ALWAYS in God's Hands. That is one thing I DO know!

TICKETS, PLEASE?

roller-roni

H O W DID IT HAPPEN?

Back Yard of my daughter's home!

THE ROAD TO SERENITY: PART ONE

One day, several weeks after I had stopped drinking, my guru-type person queried me: "How is that violin sounding, now that you're getting sober? I'll bet it surprises you how much better you are playing now."

And, probably the first truthful thing I ever told him, "Jim, my violin sounds terrible since I'm no longer drinking, The vibrato is slow, I'm playing out of tune, my bow shakes, and I can't stay in rhythm. Truth is, it's awful!"

Jim shot right back at me, "Well, that's because your HEARING is clearing up."

How do I remember a brief exchange like that, of 34 years ago? One of the early advices I obeyed was from a counselor. He told me, a week before I came into AA, a week before I stopped drinking, to keep a daily log, like a diary-type accounting of my feelings, attitudes, and thoughts. He figured it might help me stay sober (but he didn't tell ME that!). And it did!

Tomorrow I intend to recall--from that log--my 'early days' in this program, and possibly discover WHY I never drank since my first AA meeting. (I already KNOW why! -grin-) Because I SURE didn't do everything according 'to the BOOK'.

Oh, another topic: I absolutely LOVE Gratitude Lists! Please, you guys who write a daily list, keep it up! I'm just thinking that I'm also SO grateful...my Gratitude List is every word I've written in this blogosphere since July 1, 2008. Each morning (or evening, or noon!) I think of those happenings in my life which are nothing short of miracles, gifts from God, and I become so thankful, nearly to tears. Seriously. I've come to love all that IS.

Tomorrow: log-a-roni

BRAIN DENSITY

OUTSIGHT - INSIGHT

It's been only two days since my cataract removal (one eye) and I marvel at the changes which have taken place in my vision. Of course, everything is not clear, but all that cloudiness and fuzziness is gone. And I am typing for the first time in thirty years without glasses.

So, I prayed recently, and so did others, for my eyesight, for the whole situation to end with improvement. And it appears this will be so. However, now I wonder at that inner vision, my insight, my perception of things spiritual in nature (big contemplative words for me, "IN NATURE"). That is what I might, should, and better have prayed for. I wish to see clearly the will of God and then ask His help for....carrying that out.

Example: I am so dense when it comes to understanding the simplicity of certain concepts. This morning's meeting moved into the "I-am-a -grateful-alcoholic" mode. People were sharing about how they at first did NOT share the "gratitude" thing. Well, I always said it...because everyone else seemed to be saying it. I was "in agreement" with the majority, so maybe they would not bother me any more. Real truth was, at age 40, I had not the slightest notion of what they were saying. I did not know the word--the meaning--of grateful, or gratitude. "Why don't these AA people speak English?"

When someone gave me a gift--say, a half gallon of Smirnoff--I fell immediately in LOVE. Not with the giver...with the BOTTLE!

So many years later I am reading:

"The master's sermon that day consisted of one enigmatic sentence.

With a wry smile he said, 'All I do is sit by the bank of the river, selling river water.'

I was so busy buying the water that I failed to see the river."
--THE SONG OF THE BIRD by Anthony De Mello p 60

Reading that last night, again this morning I was still puzzled, even though De Mello explained it in his usual succinct manner.

NOW, finally, I GOT it! (Maybe!) All my life, I've been in line to hear and learn about God and Me. It never occurred to me that He is already everywhere--I don't need the jug, the 'reading', the 'sentence', the 'chapter', the 'verse' the 'explanation' of every word and comma. I'm not looking for that sought-after SPECIAL 'insight'.

After all, of the Alcoholics Anonymous ABC's, is letter (c) "That God could and would if He were sought." (NOT CAUGHT!)
steve-densa-roni

HAPPY DAY(S)

Photo is Aspen overlooking Lake City CO
GREAT (small) AA Mettings there!

STEVE IS FULL OF...GRATEFULNESS! YES!

Before I continue...how about someone signing up on my "Follow This Blog"?
It's at top on right side over HERE ------------------------------->>>>>>>>>>>>>>


OK, I gotta let ya all know...the cataract extraction, and intra-ocular lens implant procedure of the right eye, went VERY well. I am SO HAPPY! And I do not remember ever undergoing a surgical procedure with such a high degree of confidence that everything would turn out so good. It was a breeze--one more next week. It was a real experience for me to completely trust 'in the process'. My gratitude to this blogging community for your supportive Emails, your comforting comments, and your meaningful PRAYERS, is huge! Were I a man of great means, I'd invite each of you (and friends) to a--'nice, with stars'--hotel, somewhere in Texas (you know who you are, Texas!) for a weekend FUNference...maybe THIS weekend, like a "Non-Hurricane" party? Oh! How I'd love to see (and now, I mean SEE!) all of you in one place, and hug every single one, with real hugs instead of {{{}}}.... We would not have to meet, we've done that here. We'd not even have to 'get to know' one another--we've done THAT right here also! We might discover more of our purpose, our prayer-life, our love. And we just might share with each other, in person, our happiness, our sadness, our dreams, hopes, fantasies, ourselves! (Talk about "fantasies"!) I am in heaven just thinking about that whole last paragraph. Just now, I noticed that I have not mentioned our disease, have not once used the words "alcoholic" or "Alcoholism" nor any of the words which might precede the word "Anonymous". We might even discuss a tiny bit -grin- of THOSE experiences while in the great drinking State of Texas. This post is simply a GREAT and HUGE THANK YOU from me to all of you who read here. You DO know my appreciation is like a wonderful mountain in my heart! Steve-eye-roni

RIDING A TROPICAL HEAT WAVE

(This'll crack you up--you know who you are!)

MUCH A MORE DO ABOUT NOTHING
(Shakespeare's original title, before he
decided to remove the word "more"!!!)

Hurricane Ike, Sunday afternoon September 7, 2008...Ya never know where it is going, ya do not have the slightest clue how strong (what category) it'll be when it makes landfall. And ya have NO IDEA what damage it'll do, how many lives it'll affect, how many people it will KILL! The one factor known about a hurricane IS it's capabilities for destruction!

So like a hurricane was I, 'back-in-the-day'! I felt supernaturally full of strength, yet a good chilly wind would have me withered, incapable of decisive action, or intelligible word. After I had been reduced to Tropical Storm status (Sheeesh!), producing none but a mess of soggy, breezy, soaked days and nights, there was but one more rung down the ladder...DEPRESSION!

Depression: Noun, c. A lowering in amount, degree, or position. That was me, THAT WAS ME! Well, that is NOT me today. I have been sober since the night before my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, March 18, 1974. Since that time, "...these lips have not touched alcoholic spirits!" as they say -grin- ...but these lips have touched a lot of OTHER spirited things they might have should not -VERY BIG GRIN- OH! I mean, like the time I licked ice off the handle of the well pump, outside in 15 deg below zero F. Ouch! Or the time(s) I sipped muriatic acid out of a vat in the hayloft ...there were other lip moments-- well, you get the picture.

Then 'they' told me (always wondered who is 'they'?) to "..act out the symptoms of radiant happiness, and your depression will leave." Well, I tried that with little success. Hell, I didn't even know what 'they' were talking about--and didn't think 'they' knew, either.

Then, along came this Big Book, and it read: "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover...." Well, THAT was me! And now I'm reading there is a way out of my chaotic situations. It's called Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, a program for recovery from a hopeless state of mind and body (and soul?), called alcoholism. I am here to say, It WORKS. It worked. I'm still here, that's how I know it works. And I'm HAPPY, that's how I know it works. And I'm FREE, that's how I know it works. And I am now riding--instead of in the eye of a hurricane--on a Tropical Heat Wave, of Love and Service to others. and of humble gratitude to God.

--Steve-E-roni