First Painting: EMOTIONS by Kari
SCOFF SCOFF
I used to scoff whenever I heard at an AA meeting the words "emotions" or "feelings". I can hear even now a whining voice telling us, "I'm just an emotional wreck", or "But...I told him my feelings were hurt, and then he walked out. boo-hoo". I did not like those kinds of words, because they were not definable by me. I HAD no feelings or emotions for a number of years, even in sobriety, in AA.
Sure, I tried to understand what the peeps were talking about. No use--if it ain't happening to me, it just is not happening. I WAS trying, but you see, I suffered from a serious illness on more than a few levels.
In hindsight, I feel certain that psychiatric help would have benefited me. But I wanted NO part of that. Actually, I feared being locked up, and the key being misplaced--know what I'm sayin'?
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I have lately been shown what an important part of your sober life and mine ARE emotions, feelings, thoughts, perceptions (even illusions!).
More important to my sobriety is that when I speak at an AA meeting, people are listening, people who have been where I've been, and done what I've done. And I can see that they understand me as I understand them.
When a member at a meeting now brings up a problem of living, I listen, try to catch the core meaning, and learn more each day--just by paying attention.
I used to say, "If it's not alcohol-related, I don't even want to know about it." Well, I'm an alcoholic, so is everything about me alcohol-related? It is like saying, "I am a turtle." So name one thing about me which isn't "turtle-related"...Try it!
Sure, fallacious reasoning can be found here and argued, but someone else can do that.
Through the Twelve Steps I have formed, (still forming) a meaningful life, with a growing "selfless, unconditional giving" as my mantra. The giving can be a cup of coffee to a stranger in line behind me at Starbucks--to time and energy spent with a relative, a friend, an alcoholic.
Peace to you Peeps.
Love you Peeps.
Sobriety, Peeps.
Steve
Sure, I tried to understand what the peeps were talking about. No use--if it ain't happening to me, it just is not happening. I WAS trying, but you see, I suffered from a serious illness on more than a few levels.
In hindsight, I feel certain that psychiatric help would have benefited me. But I wanted NO part of that. Actually, I feared being locked up, and the key being misplaced--know what I'm sayin'?
__________________________________________________________________
I have lately been shown what an important part of your sober life and mine ARE emotions, feelings, thoughts, perceptions (even illusions!).
More important to my sobriety is that when I speak at an AA meeting, people are listening, people who have been where I've been, and done what I've done. And I can see that they understand me as I understand them.
When a member at a meeting now brings up a problem of living, I listen, try to catch the core meaning, and learn more each day--just by paying attention.
I used to say, "If it's not alcohol-related, I don't even want to know about it." Well, I'm an alcoholic, so is everything about me alcohol-related? It is like saying, "I am a turtle." So name one thing about me which isn't "turtle-related"...Try it!
Sure, fallacious reasoning can be found here and argued, but someone else can do that.
Through the Twelve Steps I have formed, (still forming) a meaningful life, with a growing "selfless, unconditional giving" as my mantra. The giving can be a cup of coffee to a stranger in line behind me at Starbucks--to time and energy spent with a relative, a friend, an alcoholic.
Peace to you Peeps.
Love you Peeps.
Sobriety, Peeps.
Steve
10 comments:
You got me on the turtle! I loved the coffee for a stranger...I'll have to try that. Sweet dreams!
hi steve, enjoying your point of view and since I am on the opposite side of favoring psychiatric assistance--notice the word assistance not help--I am interested to follow your journey, hear your way of Being in this world...nobody turns to any substance of abuse without there being a reason that hurts deeply...I know that with everything I am... the pain is un-bear-able so one can't. thus addiction follows, often in secret, stubbornly, meanly to both oneself ultimately and one's most dearest.
compassion is born out of this suffering...don't you think?
blessings to you [and the "peeps"] as we all continue on our paths...whether it be Jesus, God, Goddess, Heavenly Father and/or Mother, Mary, Tara, Buddha[the list is endless], I believe it is the same...still the realization we all need some help getting by, a belief in a Higher Purpose. Wow, didn't mean to get so long-winded!!
xox
Well meaningful post Stevie. Blessings....
I've done the giving of a cup of coffee thing a Starbucks, I've done it anonymously from my car too... paid for the person's coffee behind me and bounced off to work ....
Giving with absolutely no expectation of anything in return is a FABULOUS thing.
really listening... i found that since becoming sober, it easier to listen than to constantly having to talk....
From where you were to where you are sounds like a miracle to me - with many more to come. You're a man of influence now.
Emotions are a significant part of my life. I'm learning new way to deal with them.
I must disagree, with all respect, linda's view about addiction. My experience is different from hers and she can't speak for me.
Reassurring theme, thanks!
Thanks Steve for an excellent post. I use to view feelings and emotions the same way. I grew up thinking it was unhealthy to feel feelings, anger and shame where expressed in my house but only by my parents we kids where not allow to express them, so I had a lot of year of practice stuffing them. It has only been through this time in recovery and a really good sponsor plus my spiritual path that I am learning to identify and feel the feeling and in turn accept them for what they are, still an ongoing process. I haven't done the cofffe thing but I will give someone some extra change in a check out line if they are short, plus buy people in recovery a cuppa if they say they can't be part of the meeting after the meeting because they are broke, it is a blessing when this comes from the heart and not the ego.
Thanks for all the great post!!
I like that random act of kindness. Thanks for posting about that. And feelings too. I do know how to do that.
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