55 WORD FRIDAY

Mr G-Man is THE man to tell when you
have posted a 55-word story for Friday
...Thinks he knows it all--and he DOES!

1972: Most of these 55 words are taken from a letter to me
from my father. He died five days later...I edited this
remembrance, written by his Daughter-in-law:

In the spring
You called him home
Buds are springing
Crocus blooming
He spaded and planted.
Daffodils and tulips growing
In the spring
You called him home
New birth for us all.
Wild animals and birds
Pear tree much alive.
In the spring
You called him home.
Blind and Deaf
He now sees and hears.

Bloggers, this is sort of a repeat, for that I apologize.

Polly's cookies were GREAT tonight. It was a speaker meeting, one alcoholic, and one Alanon (once a month, we give Alanon a chance for rebuttal!)...terrific messages, both. Librarian told a joke, as usual. Since he (me) will be "on the road" next week, that joke will be the "Word-55"...next Friday.

Love you, Bloggers.
Peace be with all of us.
Steve

AVE MARIA PARISH ORATORY

NEW TOWN, NEW CHURCH,
NEW UNIVERSITY, NEW AA MEETING

We had heard that a new AA meeting had started up about 35 miles out in the swamps of SW Florida, in a place called Ave Maria, a community of about two years. (I call that "new.) So four of us set out Monday night, since the group had asked for support from Naples AA members.

Meeting topic was a chapter in our big book called "To Employers". It is not my favorite place in the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous. I find it difficult to relate to a CEO who decides to keep an addict-alcoholic on the payroll while he seeks treatment, looking forward to the day when said addict would become a producing person. Yes, I admit there are some redeeming elements to the material, but in today's market, a boss is quite likely to tell the alcoholic-addict to "take a hike", since profits demand cutbacks,especially of dead wood.

Central to the Ave Maria community is the Oratory, pictured above, around which is clustered a large circle of Italian architecture of shops and apartments. After the meeting a few of us crossed the square (well, the circle!) to the Oratory, to check out the interior, and to just be "quiet, at peace" for a period of time.

Th night lighting played its softness throughout the church, which itself is reminiscent of an Italian Cathedral. Above the high altar hangs an imposing, near-gigantic cross icon of multi-tonnage. Two choicely placed spotlights made the cross symbol to shadow itself on either of two ceiling areas, giving views of different perspectives waayyyy up there. What magnificence!

Prayer Girl did what she does...prayed! Actually, PG made a fairly abbreviated "Way of the Cross" around the whole place, a place made for meditation. It occurs to me right now that I forgot something.

Up high and to the rear in a choir loft is situated the $1.2 million pipe organ, and on the keys was someone practicing, working on a piece by the great genius and icon of music, J.S. Bach. The playing was done in registers which emitted sounds ethereal throughout the Oratory. Just marvelous it was.

What blessings we received, for our taking the few steps across the traffic-less brick paving into a sanctum, a bit of heaven on earth. The Bach being played was with fitting passion.

Many interpret Bach in a square and pedantic, even boring manner. But any composer who fathered 24 children (Bach) had to write music with passion as its hallmark. So with Bach. (Enough of today's music lesson?)

What does this have to do with recovery? Well we started out to participate in an AA meeting. On the way home we had a "meeting after". This was Monday evening.

Right now I am in a passionate mood to join you all in being sober and clean today.

Peace
Love.
Steve

DON'T STEP INTO WINDOWS

RIGHT INTO A VISTA OF WINDOWS

One evening a couple daze ago I walked right into an Office Max store--literally. A glassed door was sliding to open (so I thought) RIGHT-TO-LEFT. It was actually closing, RIGHT-TO-LEFT. I figured ya always walk into the right side of a doorway. And I did. Right into an ultra-clean plate glass windowed area. Just where I thought I should have walked. Big mistake. Prayer girl kept me from falling, The manager brought me a chair and an ice bag.

Another lady said, "The same thing happened to my daughter just three days ago!"

We got her name and address as a possible witness, just in case.

She stayed to support us, and talk, to keep me awake, I guess. I could feel the swelling begin to rise on my forehead. And it became reddened, the color of a summer Naples sunset. (Wow, Steve--wax a little poetic here why dontcha?)

Anyway, here's the story: As soon as Prayer Girl put her hands on my head, I felt the familiar high degree of heat from her hands go right through my head.

And this, I swear to you, is what happened in fewer than five minutes. My (forgot to mention) horrible headache disappeared. The redness became a "Florida off-white". And the swelling went back to a normal-sized "big" head--mine. (And we have a witness!)

I do not know what exactly happened, the cause. I do not need to "know" what happens. I feel and see and know the results. There were no prayers, no incantations, not even "holy" thoughts. We spoke about "normal" things, sobriety, the Steps. We chatted about the cute little Sony Cyber-shot, and the GPS which I had gone there to check.

And, everyone was trying to get me to go to the hospital. Yeah, right! that's just what I needed, a bunch of probing instruments investigating my inner bodily functions for three days--including my head. OMG, what might they find there?

So, we finally came back home. this was Sunday evening.

Tonight (Tuesday) Office max called,to find out how I am. Of course, says I, "GREAT!" And they will be sending me a $50 certificate toward any store purchase. HA! I'm going there tomorrow, and run into the other door. BANG!

DUCK NEWS

We have a new prospective "mother duck" beginning to construct a new nest in the same rock bed as the one in June, immediately outside our front door. This means A LOT to me...it means A LOT of coming and going through the garage door for about eight weeks. Oh well, let Mother Nature and mother Duck do their stuff.

Fear not, I won't be blogging a blow-by-blow of this hatching process. Once was enough. Actually, I think the duck population here is looking for publicity, maybe they had a meeting. It IS known that ducks hereabout are looking for bread subsidies from a bill now before congress--and passage seems likely. --grin!

(Ooohhh, Steve, did you have to open that can of egg yokes?)

I suppose after reading this blog, that you KNOW the author is a "real" alcoholic (whatever "real" means!) named Steve.

What you may not know is that the author prays for Peace for ALL us Peeps, and that we show love for one another, and let's STAY SOBER today! Okay?

GOD THE DOCTOR

TV DOCTOR HOUSE

BOTH GOD AND THE DOCTOR SAID.........

Monday I had a "regular checkup" doctor appointment. There is one medical problem which has worsened considerably since the last visit. I had decided to not mention this to the doctor (Like shhhhhh! don't tell my sponsor!).

You see, I have a scooter trip planned, and I was pretty certain doctor would say, "No. You cannot go". I did not want to let you bloggers know I was too old, too sick, too this or that--to behave like a forty-year-old. Well, Peeps, I "bit the bullet".

For several months I have been planning (in my head) to get on my Suzuki motor scooter and just "ride, ride. ride". To justify the fulfillment of this desire (whim?) I decided to take to the Blue Highways (colored "blue" on street maps), stop in towns along the way to anywhere, and visit meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. As my evolving "dream" inched closer to reality, I realized I'd like to visit blogger peeps along the way for coffee and possibly a meeting.

The next inspiration to hit me, was that I might stop in for a face-to-face with the Peeps at TSR (The Second Road) "Where Everyone Knows Your User Name". TSR is fast becoming my favorite place (Blogs and Chat) to "hang out" on the 'net. Of course it is recovery based, but not "all AA". I thoroughly enjoy the diversity--I had to "learn" that.

Then, a couple weeks ago I learned that one of my granddaughters was to have (did have!) a baby August 11 (can you say "Great Grandchild"?) in North Carolina.

DIGRESS HERE:

The 7AM AA Monday meeting's topic was "Let Go And Let God", a familiar phrase in most recovering minds.

So, on my ride to the doctor's office, I actually said this: "God, if the doctor tells me to stay home, I will consider that it is against Your Will for me to go, and I will just let people know what happened. My trip only matters to me, after all. Everyone has their lives to live." I--still so full of myself--continued fighting this great ego-deflation thing. I mean, how can YOU all NOT be completely immersed in my doings? Hmmmmmm?

Confession: I did ask God to please allow me to go--but don't tell anyone...Okay?

A GREAT PEACE CAME OVER ME. Peeps, this was "huge" for me, to finally realize exactly what "turning it over" means. Ride or not ride is insignificant, I begin again to see that God's Will is what reigns always and forever. Praise God Who knows what is best for us all....

TIE UP LOOSE ENDS HERE:

1. Doctor said, "Go, have a 'God-good' time. Be careful out there!"

2. My wife Prayer girl does not wish to "ride" for a number of personal reasons.

3. A. Miles of TSR sent two beautiful saddle bags for me to use. May God bless Peeps like A. Miles and Jinx (of TSR), not as much for the welcomed saddle bags, as for the prayerful thoughts behind every act they perform to be nice to a fellow human. I learn from these people. My thanks and prayers are for and with you and yours, J., and A.

4. Let us seek to do what is the next right thing. I know what that is when I become still...and know that He is God--not me. Also I can see things when I'm looking through a non-drugged mind--and yes, I believe "Pride" is also a drug.

5. I'll get to hold my (very Irish) first great grandchild. I SO desire to be given that spiritual moment.

6. Please God, bless us all, and Love all us Peeps!
I love you, Bloggers!
And I will stay sober with you today...

Steve

R U Kidding Me???

Just HAD to throw this into the mix today...Sorry for double dipping!

See y'all later--or earlier?
Steve

"AM I AN ALCOHOLIC?"

I know this is an old tired picture, but
someone out there needs to see this.
Maybe me? Well, not today!
DD

ARE YOU ONE TOO?

I was asked this question by a blogger today, "Do you think I am an alcoholic?"

Well, it took me back, because I'm just not used to a point-blank question like that on line. First, how in the world could I ever decide who has our illness? Since the disease "Alcoholism" has very little to do with drinking--if anything, he who asks the question must not know the definition of an alcoholic.

Neither do I!

All I can really know about is my own insane living, thinking and behavior while I was seriously spending 25-plus years (drinking great daily volume) developing my disease. I became full of the following: fear, paranoia, guilt, remorse, lowest of esteem (well who needs ME?), selfishness--we call it "self centeredness"--hatred of God and man and woman, and all living things, complete denial, self aggrandizement, and a complete disregard for anything but my own concupiscence, my own instant satisfactions in all aspects of life, alone, or with others. NOTE: this is not a complete list.

I already can figure who will know what that word "concupiscence" means, and who probably will not. (That's how well we get to know one another in just a year's time). It's one of those dumb things I had to memorize in high school. It is real. And it was true.

So, back to the question: "Am I an alcoholic?" I absolutely LOVE our Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (from which our fellowship got it's name), and Chapter 4, p.44 "We Agnostics" has something on this topic. The first paragraph gives me a benchmark, so to speak, by which I may loosely determine if I AM or am NOT an alcoholic:

We Agnostics

"IN THE PRECEDING chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."

Of course, if I read that and start to analyze one word at a time, there just might be something wrong with me, i.e:

"Well they DID use the word 'probably', that lets ME off." "'Honestly' why would they put that in there, HONEST, who? Me? Are they joking?" "I quit 'ENTIRELY' almost every day, maybe two times a day...so why do they make a big deal out of 'entirely'?" "And 'little control'...OK, I ALWAYS control my drinking. I just always WANT to drink a lot!"

(And on and on we go, fooling ourselves.) Until down the line somewhere after three wives (husbands), a few jail or prison stints, some bloody happenings, the loss of a whole slew of friends, a DUI or 5 DUIs (Driving Under the Influence arrests) I finally at long last, after everything was lost, find that chaos reigned in my life. I finally admitted defeat, and showed up at the door of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And here I learned, and (thank God) keep on learning how to live, how to treat others with respect, how to stay sober and happy (or sad) at the same time, how to love, really LOVE, and how to talk to God, the One I understand. And how to CHANGE!

And "change" continues even to this very day. And I am here to tell you God's gifts just keep rolling in, and I'm hoping I can give some away--none of the Gifts are money, by the way! God doesn't usually deal in cash. His gifts are MUCH more valuable and long lasting. They consist in things like Peace...and Love.

Thank you for being here, Peeps!

I wish you and yours God's PEACE.
I wish you God's LOVE...and mine also.
Steve

CHILL, CHANGE, AND GREEK CHILI

Here is how I picture myself about a week
from now, scootering through the ALPS of
the US, the appalachian mountains This
picture has nothing to do with tonight's blog.

MY SIX WORDS
FOR YESTERDAY
(SATURDAY)...

Have become the
title for Sunday's blog:

"LIKE TIDES...
LIKE WINDS......
EVER CHANGING."

So much I pray this may be allowed me--to be ever changing. I feel it, know it is happening. But I usually cannot point to it, and say: There, that is what is changing today. It just has to happen in God's way, in God's time.

Funny thing! Early in my days of not drinking (in AA) all I heard was "Don't drink", and "Go to meetings". Then one day it dawned on me that you had said way back then, "'OH! And you must change everything about you, all about your self, beginning with your thinking, all the way to your style of haircut".

Well, I thought "Change the things I can...and certainly I cannot change my thinking! So I'll start with the haircut". I figured I'd "work up" from there.

I am finally remembering--because I've heard it more recently--that when you long ago told me I must change "everything", you were serious. You even said, "If there's anything, ANYTHING about you Steve, which does not need changing, we will notify you." I don't know about YOU, but to me, this is strong, heavy-duty shit.

So, through the years, I was allowed one thing, then another, to be kept: such as I could keep my job (bartending), my hobby (daily boating in the South Florida waters), my family (their choice). Very little else.

I am grateful that in the meetings in which I participate, this same message of the necessity for change is pounded into each new person (and old person!). And, do you know, in the several groups I frequent, we are having very few drinking slips. A LOT of thinking slips, and behavior slips. I am finding that God, when I let Him, gives me the grace to make those changes in my actions. He does not make it easy, but He is thorough.

So yesterday, instead of changing how I think--IF I think--I got a haircut! Today I took my wife to SKYLINE CHILI PARLOR, for a Greek-styled delicious bowl of chili. Yes, it's good. And I went to ONE meeting instead of THREE. And I made a couple new blogger friends on here. So, I guess I'm not too old to change, to make some differences in my life, and possibly in the lives of others, in town and on the road.

This blog seems boring to me...I just could not get it "going". Tired is the word. But my point is that we never just stand still. Like the creations of nature itself, we are ever-changing...getting rid of the old, bringing on the new.....or we rot and die.

Bloggers, let us stay sober today, and stay away from Greek Chili. Okay?

I Love you all, believe me.
Peace,
Steve

Prideful Pride

I have two related "55"s, not necessarily fiction. If these are not satisfactory just mark "FAIL" on my paper, and I'll retake the course next semester. Also, I'm including the titles in my word count--is that permissible? Mr G-Man, please answer , inquiring minds want to know.


Number ONE:
About Pride:
Rabbi, is there nothing that I do about which I may be proud? The Rabbi spoke: There was a man who sang so well, people remarked, "What a voice he has. He sings divinely." Just then a fellow happened by who said, "Well, if I had his voice, I'd sing that well, too".

Number TWO:
A reflective thought about SIN: Rabbi, you have been teaching us about sin. Here is my question: "What, in your judgment is the greatest sin in the world?" The Rabbi thinks, then speaks: "The greatest sin in the world is that of the person who sees other human beings as sinners." (In other words...Pride!)

Thoughts expressd in these two 55s are taken from somewhere in the writings of Antony De Mello S.J. I can't find which book. I am grateful to have recently "discovered" his powerful messages on peace, prayer, meditation, living and dying.

Flash Fiction Friday 55
is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

STOP! LOOK! LISTEN!

SHHHHHHHHH!

RESTRAINT OF TONGUE
WILL NOT KILL ME

I think of possible scenarios in which not saying something...not speaking up, might actually kill. Someone else...or me.

Example: When the hangman says, "OK. Last chance. Do you wish to tell us WHO did it? If so, you may go free." (I'd probably keep mum, not believing him or her.)

For me, it is when--early in the party--the host says to me, "Here's a little drink (a little pill?) for you. Let's drink together, for old times' sake". It is past time to say, "Goodbye, I suddenly feel ill". (gotta go Puke --grin!)

HOWEVER

Please note: The following is not an hourly, nor a daily occurrence. Whatever it may be, it is but a fraction of my otherwise happy, joyful and free me. My life, I am certain, is frequently one of God using me to help another person, another alcoholic.

During this past year, maybe longer, my head is in "loose" mode. In other words, if I think something (whether I believe it or not) I say it, write it, or do it. Without thinking it through, as "we" used to say, and still say.

Sometimes it is almost as if I am age 7 again, roaming the hilly, summer forests in the far-reached acres of the farm. Back then fantasy ruled my life. I became whatever, whoever, whichever, wherever my thought led me. I was everywhere from being born--up to and including dead. I should have studied writing. I could have written the autobiography of my 94-year life--at age 20. And it might have been somewhat accurate. (And it might have sold!)

Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me--is teaching me--to think before I write, say, or do...anything. It is time to begin being 70 instead of 7.

SLEEP DEPRAVATION

The problem for me about sleeping is not the waking up part. Usually, I slide right out of bed and onto my knees, 'talk' to God for a few minutes. And then, up and "take on the day." My problem is going to bed at a sensible (ha!) hour.

This afternoon I took a 'short' nap beginning around 4PM. I woke up at 9:30PM, did not know whether it was day or night, not even what day it might have been. It was weird, like in "those" days of yesteryear.

Even though I am writing this blog, I perceive some hidden messages in here. Maybe I'll look back and find them.

Just this minute I read a short blog by Patty of "Calm Acceptance" (yeah--Calm-- that's me, LOL). I could have simply copied her blog, except for last 7 lines (with permission, of course!), instead of painfully writing out pages from my own soul's inner sanctum.

This I DO know. I have not had a drink today. I have prayed, gone to a meeting, and will be at a meeting in the morning at 7. A "cookie" meeting tomorrow night is a weekly highlight for me. Writing these notes (blogs) to my peeps is a highlight of my day--almost every day. As it is now another day, Thursday, I plan to stay sober with all of you today. Please.

Peace (for me, too!)
Love you Peeps.
Steve

I "like" the saying that I heard in a meeting--"Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut." (Time to quit "liking it" (the advice) and start "using it"!)

GOING AWAY, BUT NOT TODAY

GEOGRAPHY LESSON:
Name the States

RIDE 'N GLIDE

Most of you who read this already know that in a couple weeks I will be riding my scooter (alone) up the east coast from Naples, FL to somewhere north of Miami to St Augustine, Jacksonville, and to a final destination...Richmond Virginia. I'm leaving either August 22, 23, or 24 (Sat, Sun, or Monday.)

After 2 weeks--for the return , I plan to follow I-85 line to Charlotte North Carolina, then to Charleston, South Carolina. From there, back to home, Naples, FL. I have no route planned for that. Maybe through Orlando ("around" Orlando?). I'd like to "do" Mt Dora.

A lot of this ride will be on the "Blue" highways. My GPS will take care of that. And, of huge benefit is that time is not critical. I'm gonna get there when I "get there".

If you are a new reader, I am just coming off my Freshman Year of blogging. And I'm learning. Still learning. BOY, am I "learning". Sheeesh!

For this upcoming scooter trip, I have to admit to a little fear, mainly in my lack of planning. I know I have to get a list of dealers for my Suzuki Scooter, I'll need an oil change. I AM getting a GPS, a couple saddle bags (I think?) a jacket with "armor" (pads around shoulders, elbows, etc.)...and I 'want' a nice tiny camera--I'm looking.

Also, using my laptop, I'll find AA meetings wherever I stop. Have to buy a newspaper to find out where I am??? --grin! (Yesterday's blog!)

So if any Peeps between Naples, FL, Richmond, VA, Charlotte NC, Mt Dora FL, are interested in meeting a sober guy on a scooter, let me know, at fiddlemn@gmail.com. That is the address I'll be receiving mail on the road also. If anyone responds, I will send you my cell number, in case you want to alert me to an AA meeting along the way.

Many years I scoffed (?) at those who said they wished to "find out who they are". Well, I think it's about time for me to trudge that road. I hope to return in several weeks "with a whole new outlook" on life. (sigh)...ANOTHER one? This all sounds so selfish to me as I write it now. But I am praying that God will ride with me and guide me along the way to unselfish happenings.

Another purpose of my ride is to meet a few blogger-friends face-to-face, take my enthusiasm to meetings, and blog my daily thoughts--BIG deal, huh?

An unexpected treat is that I shall visit and hold my first Great-Grandchild. (It) is being born right about.......NOW!

ADDENDUM: 8PM First Great Grandson named Michael Patrick BORN

Peeps, I'm hoping for some spiritual recovery here, so if you feel so inclined, please add me to one of your prayerful thoughts through the day.

"Let us be sober today.
Let us have some peace today.
Let us love today."
Steve

NOTE: As "Riding Day" gets closer, I'll letcha all know more about my plan which has not yet been formulated.