REALLY REALIZE REALITY

REALIZATIONS

REAL-EYE-ZATION

Step 1.  I had to see the truth, face it, accept it, admit it deep down, concede to my innermost self the utter powerlessness of this affliction. OK, I surrender--I give up!

WHERE DID IT GO?

A couple years ago I had a semblance of humbleness in my interactions with others. Sure it was not without any pride, but in general I did not seek admiration, praise, and love from all and everyone...all the time.

Today it was made known to me by a blogger that this huge monstrosity, my Ego, was rearing it's head, roaring its way out the barn door, and had jumped over the fence. False Pride has again settled in, and has sought and found comfort--in my mind and my soul.

Blogger "friends" had implied this in recent months in too-subtle ways. When pride is running my show, subtlety cannot breach the well-built, self-built wall. So for moon after moon after moon, I ignored, denied the signs which were pointing to my slowly-lacking slacking AA program.

How could I guess that I would actively participate in two to four meetings every day, and not become a saint?  ("We are not saints." BB, p 60)

I am just sick and tired of unwittingly pushing my own thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and understandings onto others--at home, at AA meetings, on this blog-world, even in church-- in arrogant, prideful, overbearing ways which are and have been offensive to more than a few Peeps.

Hey Peeps...Of COURSE I have not been drinking...just appraising my life--it IS time to do that.  NOW--grin! I have come to a conclusion, that I must help others, and in doing so, benefit, guess who? ME! There is that "ego" thing again.  I am NOT trying to flagellate myself...in fact I am not even hurting. The opposite is true, I am still happy, joyful...and free, to the extent I decide.

In close, I wish to say, I have been thinking (dangerous word!) about sin; the act itself, motivation, consequences, causes.  These thoughts have brought me to another conclusion, that my greatest unforgiven sin is that of WASTED TIME.  Oh!  All these years, to think of being so engrossed in self, that God and the Will of God took a back seat. And wasted time, is like an empty hotel room--ya NEVER gain it back, the time, nor the room rent, both are lost forever

If this blog sounded like "preaching" so be it. That was not my intension. And I wish to again address ALL you bloggers, many of whom are my friends. There is a special love for you in my heart, which will never leave! May God bless you all.
 
This almost sounds like a farewell thingie! Well, ya never know!

Maybe I'll try an act of humility--today.
Love.
Peace.
Sober another day!

METAMORPHOSIS

CHANGE...OR NOT?

Following taken from: 

The Song of the Bird, 

by Anthony De Mello 

"Don't Change" page 67.

 

DON'T CHANGE

I was a neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and totally self-centered. Peeps kept telling me to change.

I resented them. But I agreed with them. And I wanted to change, but simply could not, no matter how hard I tried.

What hurt the most was that, like the others, my best friend kept insisting that I change. So I felt powerless and trapped.

Then one day she said to me, "Don't change. I love you just the way you are."

Those words were music to my ears:  "Don't change. Don't change. Don't change...I love you as you are."

I relaxed.  I came alive. And, ya know what?  Suddenly I changed!

NOW I know that I could not really change until I found someone who would love me whether I changed or not.


Is this how YOU love me, God?

Picture Credit, Deviant Art:  METAMORPHOSIS_by_RafiX14.jpg

COMMENTS ARE WORTHY OF COMMENTING...

MY PEEPS--GRIN!

 Frequently I just do not make enough time to comment on

all the blogs I love--there are just too many!  

So this is a posting of my responses to all 

who commented on steveroni yesterday...

this is DEDICATED to my FAVORITE PEEPS

--also to those who read and do not comment:

 KRISTIN: you are so nice to comment on a blog which seems to recycle it's posts annuallyee, especially the "duck" series! Stepdaughter is the answer to many prayers!  You betchum, Red Ryder!

CHICAGO GREG: yes, we have roast duck on Sunday. Monday--duck stew, Tuesday--duck with orange in its mouth, Wednesday--fried duck, Thursday--Duck-potato soup, Friday--FISH, Saturday--Throw-up Duck! Thanks! (I think!)

ANGELES: YOU know that a mother never forgets the aroma of her offspring, however perfumed.  I'm a (Chinese sign) Rooster, but I never did--YOU know, ummmmm, well--but maybe I thought about it? Your English is excellent!

TURNING POINT:  You commented "Ducks and cats, didn't know they got along together."
...Sure, that's where we get the word "ducat"...OK?

HEATHERS MOM: For being so nice, I'll comment on your blog (do you not have a "gmail" address?) how to link in "comments"...someone was nice to show ME recently.

LASH 505: Well, this will be our 3rd "hatching in 9 months, right AT our front door. Wanted to stop the ducks, but WTF! Nature, ya know?

SECRETIA: One of our neighbors looks like the duck. When we call out to him ("DUCK"), everyone in the 'hood hides under their cars or somewhere--grin!

SUSAN:  Obviously, you do not know me--AT ALL!!! But I AM sober! And nice?--grin! YOU are too nice with your comment.

PRAYER GIRL: Welcome! Please come back and comment again! Even though you've "heard it all before".  Love you, too! Thanks for cleaning Duck residue off the sidewalk--grin! Next time let's have scrambled duck eggs with sliced hot dog, OK?  (You sure put up with a lot from me--grin!)

SHADOW: You are BACK! And we choose YOU--good and kind! (13 years ago I pulled the (mewing) kitten, then 4 inches long, out from under a wood pile on a cold, rainy, wintry Naples night. Guess he thinks I saved his life. Dumb cat!

JESS:  "YAY Dog and Duck" almost sounds like a listing on a dinner menu, i.e., Surf andTurf--grin!

ED G:  The dog took over care of the mortgage payment book...he just ate it--grin! Then spit it up and buried it. Fitting end for a "death" document. Thanks for dropping by.

SWEETER POET DULCE:  Whenever I lie on the bed, Bert (as in "Catbert") lays himself--age 13 and 13 pounds--over my chest, and buries his head in my neck by my ear, and "purrs like a kitten"!!! Take Care, my Sweet peep...

GARNET:  IF you are one who hurt today, and needed healing, and God allowed you to find it here...then THAT is the reason for this post.  Thank you for following. PEACE!

LARRY V:  Yep, he (dog) ate everything. And he licks everything!  Normally, I am a "barefoot" Peep, and so my feet DO get dusty. But with "Lucky" here, my feet are always clean--well, that all depends......Glad to welcome you here, friend of 60 years past.

Well Peeps, sobriety is one day at a time, and today I AM! I wish blessings for you ALL...

Picture Credit, Deviant Art:  People_by_Mollicles420.jpg

DUCKS AND DOGS

RETURN OF THE DUCKS...

Would you believe that less than one week after PG cleaned up the sidewalk leading from our front door, less than one week after the hatching of nine ducklings, less than one week after I had placed all the stones and rocks to their original state--yep, another Daisy Duck is digging her nest? One rock at a time (like one-day-at-a-time?) she is constructing her place deep in the coolness of the stones right at the front door of our house.

It almost seems like we should feel honored that these creatures have chosen OUR place out of a couple dozen neighbors--to use as their birthing ward, time after time.

We may have another seven or so weeks of exclusively using the garage door.

RHODESIAN RIDGE BACK-GERMAN SHEPHERD

At the age of 42 I visited a farm outside of Kirksville Missouri. There was a huge dog there, and as we pulled up, the children jumped out of the car to play with (I shall name him "Killer"!) him, but I was afraid...those teeth, WOW!

Farmer said not to worry, dog loves Peeps and children, gentle as a lamb. And so I climbed out of our 4-W drive, and all I could see was the foaming from his mouth, the look of Satan in his eye, and the afore-mentioned shark teeth. With a flying leap, the monster attacked me, and bit a chunk out of my neck. My unmitigated fear of canine, either tiny or humongous, remained for 34 years after.

And then one day, daughter "C" (5 months sober and clean!) moved in with us, and brought her best friend, who shares her bed. Best friend is big as a big dog, walks on four legs with paws, and is named Lucky.  He and I have become close--I almost know what he is thinking, and it seems at times that we are holding conversations.
And I love him...and Lucky loves me.

I am by nature a "cat" person, savior of cats, lover of cats, cat owner (is that an oxymoron?), yet animals and birds in general use up more of my love and admiration, than in the past. That realization the we are ALL a part of the whole, all a part of Mother earth, Mother nature, well, I could not have that feeling were it not for staying sober today. And for wishing you all as well, a sober day...TODAY

A LIST

I ALWAYS TOLD EVERYONE
WHO I AM
NEVER...WHAT I AM!    

A LIST OF "DIDN'T EVERYONE"???:
NOTE:  After staying sober, we found out that not EVERYONE did or does these things.

Didn't everyone quit  jobs just before they got fired. LOTS of jobs?
 
Spend Friday's paycheck before going home on Friday?
 
Kick the dog?
 
Spend the night in jail once-in-a-while?
 
Go to prison at least ONCE?
 
Have one "dealer" who was really special--MY man?
 
Often eat out--at McDonald's--out of the dumpster behind the restaurant?
 
Slap the husband/wife, to show who is boss?
 
In front of the kids, to show them, also?
 
Think he/she drove much better when drunk?
 
Drive completely wiped out--speeding, with children in the car--at night?
 
Think, "I don't have a problem, just had 'one t o o many'"?
 
When questioned, answered EVERY time: "I only had a couple drinks"?
 
Say often, "I'm going to stop in here and have a drink"?
 
A short eight hours later, finally order a last "one for the road"?
 
Hand the bartender a $50 tip, thinking it was $5?
 
Take part in huge drunken brawls, and say to a friend, "Wasn't that fun"?
 
Be told "You are an alcoholic"?
 
"But only YOU know if you are one for real"?
 
Be told, "You'll do until a real one comes along!"?
 
Think church-goers are goody-goody hypocrites?
 
"Total" cars? At least one or more a year?
 
Have several DUI's to their credit?
 
Didn't everyone: SHOULD have had hundreds of DUI's?
 
Doesn't everyone feel "alone and lonely"?
 
Doesn't everyone "isolate" for emotional safety?

Doesn't everyone think "I am UNIQUE"???




HEY STEVE!  It's time to END this list...NOW!!!
And be SOBER!
TODAY.

PICTURE CREDIT

NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING

Photo by Heather T., Naples FL, taken at Swamp Buggy races

DROID NEWS

Couple days ago, my Verizon phone "The DROID!" asked me to download and install an update. So I did, not even realizing what I was putting into my "iPhone-clone" (almost). Don'tcha know?  Now I can dial you e.g., to send you a text message. Then I talk into the phone normally, and the voice detection sends what I spoke, to Your phone, texted.

This is awesome to me, another "thing" I can do while driving--Ooooops! ##CRRRRAAAAASHHHHH##!!!  I predict more and more Peeps in future, saying things like, "I was the last one to hear her voice before she plowed into that abutment." Oh my--I hope NOT!

Here is a list of more update enhancements I just installed

Peeps, a DROID is a GREAT Father's Day present: June?

Oh well, so much for the "material crapola" in my life, but I LOVE it, Peeps! And it all fits right in a shirt pocket!  And I have the complete Big Book (literally) under my fingertips, and the Bible also! 

After reading all that, you deserve an "AA" joke:

A group decided to hold Step Meetings from now on in the nude. So, the first meeting was held, all sixty-seven Peeps undressed (please don't spill the hot coffee on me!).  After the meeting a friend asked one of the participants how it went...

She answered, "Well, it would have been a good meeting, except we ended up "comparing" instead of "identifying"!

(I can hear the groans, all the way to Naples.  That joke is from a Grapevine Magazine.)

NOTE: Yesss, I'm still sober for today, although my post may sound a bit inebriated...see?  I could not spell that word if (hic) I was drinking--grin!

POTPOURI

WHAT'S GOIN' ON, MAN???

1. My Laptop "Higher Power" returned from its "free-engine-repair-and-tune-up" round trip to Auburn WA (Puget Computer Co) and so it is taking me time to tweak it back to "steveroni" specifications, read: re-install sisteen hunnert programs, and mountains of data and other stuff. But I LOVE doing that!

2. Our daughter locked her keys AND her spare key in her car at work.  Now I know why we pay guys $50-$100 to come out at night a "break in" to your car.  (I found another spare key at home.) She took us out to Dairy Queen.  Beats 50 bucks!

3.  Sunday night I got a call from an "active" alcoholic.  He was so drunk I could barely understand him.  He DID promise to meet me Monday morning at a meeting. He did not show. I was really surprised--NOT!  We will try again tomorrow.

4.   Today at Starbucks (well it's less expensive than ABC Liquors!) we met an AA girl we had not crossed paths with in about 20 years.  We met also her friend, whose son was arrested Easter week TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

He was in jail 8 times, back when they lived "up noath", and 5 times here in Naples--cocaine and alcohol-type stuff.  He has been on life-support 3 times--overdosed.  He is in jail now for a longer period of time.  Yet he does not believe he has a problem...YET!  Age:  23.....OMG!  He will not attend (yet) the meetings we take in to the jail.  Do we not ALL remember our own personal "yets?"

5.   This summer looks good both in fantasy and on paper.  In July we will attend--my first--the 75th Anniversary AA International Convention in San Antonio TX.

Less than three months after that, we will be on a 7-night Gratitude Cruise (Sobriety!) (Royal Caribbean Lines) on the OASIS with many meetings, open and closed, scheduled speakers, 24-hour coffee and pastry areas, and a few shore excursions.  There's not a whole lot more that a guy could desire--OH!  Yeah, I forgot...the  ANY-TIME  BANQUET ROOMS.  This will be my second cruise.  Fortunately we paid for these things a year ago, or else I'd be pulling weeds and mowing grass all over Naples these next few months--and hustling wedding gigs on the beaches (playing violin).

Again, I am certain there's more, but how did we used to say it?  "Father, that is all I can remember."  Yeah!  Right!  It is NAP TIME!!!!

Gratitude List--Yeah!

Blue Birds of Paradise

GRATITUDE: A LIST

Today I am grateful--and try to show it--for:

1.   Friends!

As I grow older, it seems to me that everyone, even Peeps I simply meet by "chance", IS a friend. That determination expands the list of friends unendingly.  Those I find otherwise are SO few, and rather obscure, that mostly I do not even know who they might be.  I am grateful for friends...especially you blogger-type Peeps!

2.   Being SO tired!  When I am this fatigued it means I have been more than busy in the whirlwind of this past Wed., Thurs., Fri., Sat., and today, Easter Sunday. And it is a Happy, Sober "weariness"...

3.   We do NOT have termites, as we were told by a pest control worker.  Just a bunch of dead ants with wings and some wood dust mixed in.  NO problemo.

4.   My violin is sounding as good as ever!  I got to play at St Ann church...and sing.  I always thought something odd about guys who "sing in choirs", like they think they're "holier than thou" Ha! and LOL!  (I DO love being there, participating--it's like "hanging out with the winners" sort of thing.  Is it rubbing off?

5.  Family.  We seem to be settling into a more comfortable "place", dare I say more loving?  We are being watched over by a couple angels, who have been working overtime.

6.   Motor scooter. The Suzuki Bergman 650 has unknowingly been a dream of mine for many years.  Never dreamed there would one day be a scooter so powerful.  It is named Flex, after one of my angels.

7.   NAPS!  I have learned this past year to take one every day if possible.  Even if they do not extend life.  A little afternoon sleep is Sooooooooo nice!

8.   Sobriety.  Alcoholics Anonymous. The fellowship, the therapy, the healing, the closeness of the Peeps, the tough love, help, trust, and guidance which I have found there.  We are "like survivors from a sunken vessel, in this lifeboat of recovery".  I think that's from the Big Book.

9.   Higher Power, my computer.  Where would I be without it?  For "people of age" it is a marvelous connection with the world, which helps keep the mental processes from stagnation.

10.  The REAL Higher Power, God...who I have noticed IS still in charge of everything.  If I do not get in the way, don't put up a wall of separation, God will take care of showing me what to do, how to do it, and give me the power to do what is right.  Not easy--but simple.

11.  HEALTH which allows me to stay up until midnight or after, writing these things.  As stated in #2...I am tired enough to put my head right on top this keyboard and snooze away.

 
When I slip into bed I will think of two dozen more important/appropriate gratitudes, so mayb another "list" soon.  Meanwhile,  thanks for reading

Blessings.                                                                                                                                                                                          

Picture, c1917 by Ellis_Rowan25.jpg‎

EASTER

HAPPY EASTER FROM steveroni

Be back tonight with a post.  Sorry, just T O O much going on!!!

Photo: Deviant Art, lost the URL

THOUGHTS ON GOOD FRIDAY...

GOOD FRIDAY

This is a solemn, wondrous day.

This day I heard Him say

"For YOU I hung there those hours three

And of what have you given ME?"

I sit in the church listening, and I nod...

Knowing that the crucified One is God.

My simple life of simple ease

Has not been lived to please

God.  Rather for me to feel good

Has been my goal.  I  surely do

Seek pardon of those whom I've offended,

And from then on,  begin life anew...amended. 

For the way I see it, most all of my slips

Are in the realm of human relationships.

I can make an argument out of thin air

And blame you, so unjustly and unfair.

But at the end of the day

Is when I hear God say,

"What have you done for ME?

While I was hanging from that tree?"

 God continues, "Wake up and SEE!

It is where I am--always am,

Inside every Samantha and Sam.

Every Peep you meet and greet

It is ME standing on those feet."

And so when you express love for one of these

A spark is released, which ignites and frees

That one, to make a selection

Be part of that wonderful connection.

For we are, well, yes...

All one with the Father, 

And the Spirit and Son.

And with us, all of nature

In it's springtime splendidness

Has arrived, and with us adored

Our own Creator, Lord!

...and SOBER today.  How's THAT?