WIDE AWAKE.....6 AM in Naples FL
This morning I went for a short walk up the road--up is not the correct word, there is no "up" or "down" here. You might refer to us as Flatlanders. It is a word I detest, because I love being in--or on--mountain(s).
It seems all nature has or should have ups and downs. All being level, flat, is boring. But, I do ride a scooter. The only hills I get to travel are traffic fly-overs, and that is fun. Yesterday though, it seemed as if every one of those had a cop sitting at the top, looking for guys like me, who have taped over their speedometers.
I've been working in the yard these days, sometimes too much. Today I shall buy a power saw, because cutting tree trunks with a hand saw has been taking too much energy, and time. At the rate I'm going trees will have grown back, where I have sawed down at ground level.
Yesterday, I attended three real good meetings. Of course the best was one I chaired -grin! (humility here) I used the reading from "God Calling" and peeps were eating it up (the topic). Then one fellow spoke up, almost shouting to the 45 people there, that "Some people (me!) should be more careful about what they being into an AA meeting. You should be ashamed of yourself for reading out loud from material which is not 'Conference Approved'" And he ranted on a bit about that. Actually I was shocked at the outburst of negativity.
The guy was sober 10 years, which matters not, but thankfully, in my (many more) years, I've learned to keep my mouth shut when attacked, and God may take care of things. Well, God did! Each person who shared after that expressed happiness at "being at that meeting, that day, at that time in their life, etc." By the way, I had announced at the beginning that I was reading from "sponsor-approved" literature! And my old sponsor was sitting there also!
Right now I'm sitting here before sunup, feeling sorry for the guy who actually made an ass of himself. At the same time I'm thanking God, that I was allowed to keep silent, as it states in our Big Book:
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned." --BB. page 84
Well, I don't know about the "sanity" part for me, but I have been slowly giving up the "fighting" part. Arguments for me are just bad--I still have not learned how to handle them. Some people are born "mediators". I was born a "Caesar" (do it my way, and we'll get along).
This would bring up that topic of "Change". Which is a big one, for me. The Doctor's opinion is "...unless this person (me?) can experience a complete psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery." BB Page xxix.
So here is my change for today. I am kind to everyone I meet today, and I greet even strangers with a smile, and let them see not me--but the God within me! (Come to think of it, that's a GREAT change from the "old Steve", I don't even know him any more.)
Peace and Love, Blogger Peeps.
Steve
11 comments:
You'll have to let us know how today's goal worked for you. Being nice to EVERYONE is a tall order. Sounds like you do a great job at those meetings. Some people are just plain insufferable.
I'm glad I know the new Steve. I too have learned not to engage in arguments. I SUCK at them big time too. Besides in an argument no one is listening, everyone is talking trying to get THEIR point across so what is the point?
Enjoy your day Steve. Have fun with your new power tool. I know you guys like that sort of thing!
Passing on smiles to strangers is contagious. Way to go, Steve-0-!!
I might have been nicer about it, but I would have agreed with the guy. I think we ought to stick to AA literature at meetings. Fortunately, my group agrees with me on that one.... or I would probably find another group.
oh dear, all i can think of now is sitting on a deserted beach of the coolest sea sand, watch the sun rise over the horizon.... sorry. add.
Looking at your picture, you sure did wake-up a completely different person than the one I said good-night to last night. Looks like God must have kicked you back to the first quarter. :)
Thank God for our beautiful AA program. Thank God for a new life. Thank God for being able to live it a new way.
ME
Thanks for the recovery salad, Caesar.
you know there's at least one in every fellowship!!
oh well, hope he get's some serenity in his life. you know this program, or i should say these programs only work for those who want it. and i know a few addicts with substantial "dry" time and no recovery. it can be done, but who would want to live like that? the only term i know for people like that in the program is "dry drunk" which is what my father was. no program, self will run riot, and misery was not only an option, but a way of life. may you never decide to live that way, and may i never settle for that either. i am glad you read what you read, i didn't hear what you read but i like people who rock the boat!!
The spearhead of God's ever advancing Creation part of me wants to jump up and down cheering, "YAY Steve-A-Roni!" and jump on the bandwagon of God being brought into a meeting through the "un-approved" literature, but I also recognize that I've been on the side of unsupportive thoughts as a woman brought in a romance novel and read from it to get to a topic too. I had a visceral reaction but...when I prayed I understood (I believe) what she was getting at, and I'm glad I had restraint of tongue that day, I learned something.
The truth is, the book does say that it recommends reading outside literature (page 87) "There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from ones priest, minister or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. "Make use of what they have to offer." I'm not sure I'd choose romance novels, but hey some have spiritual ideas in them.
While I don't have any expectation that everyone in the room will follow each direction in the book, I plan to do so to the best of my ability myself, and I plan to continue to share my experience, without asking you to agree or follow my lead. I will however, try to stick to group conscience for a meeting (some say only AA lit. may be used, some aren't so stringent)
I ask God for awareness daily of my intolerance and for the power and strength to change. Because I am so stubborn and have lots of "fixed ideas."
God please set aside everything I think I know about myself, my disease, these steps and especially you! Grant me an open mind for a new experience with myself, my disease, this fellowship and especially you!
I love giving the happy away to people i don't even know - on some days that is better than others!
I actually did speak up at a meeting a few weeks ago when several members from the other fellowship started introducing themselves as "Hi, I'm ______ and I'm an alcoholic" and then started talking about the BB which isn't CAL in Al-Anon. So when someone started saying that people needed to speak up to be heard over the AC that was loud, I said that I needed to speak up about keeping this an Al-Anon meeting. And that we don't discuss being members of other fellowships or non CAL in Al-Anon. This group is about 70% double winners. I just felt that I needed to say something. And I don't feel badly about doing it.
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