EYES TELL ME MORE
OR TELL ME LESS
Standing in the checkout line, I hear her telling her Spanish friends something, and gesturing toward me...and they all laugh knowingly. I usually ask what was said. Invariably, the Peeps will tell me, "She says you are a good man, wise, kind, and sweet. She can tell by looking at your eyes. And she likes your voice." To have--at age 77--even my voice noticed by someone, is already too prideful a consideration for me.
Well...I thought that the eyes do not lie, but I am here to tell you, THEY DO! Still, I enjoy visiting the store, and since I now have eight doctors who see me regularly, the occasions for me to visit the pharmacy have become more rather than fewer. Lots of "strangers" around the 'hood now recognize and say "Hello, Steve" in my direction. And yes, I admit to enjoying Ego strokes and flattery, even when it is not justified--and that IS often.
Someone (ANONYMOUS!) commented on my blog one day about 3 months ago, something like this:
"Yes, Steve. That is what you need. Your great Pride and Ego always are in need for another Peep to soothe your mind, rub your back, praise your wit and charm, and tell you how great you are and how well you write."
OK I left it to stand, because ...well, so what? I enjoy friendships when and whence they are placed in my path. Humility? Well, I suppose this post could be named "Lack of Humility"??? Psssst...I do not really believe that!
I stand GUILTY.....mostly of being human. Sometimes, it's a bitch!
Can a Peep be "half-depressed"? That's how I have felt for a week--depressed...sort of. Bad, BAD thoughts. If you are so disposed, say a silent prayer for steveroni...THANKS!
I'm certain God will know you...and me.
Lagniappe: Ya know--I never in nearly two years in this blogger-hood have found anyone to comment on another blogger's post, "That is a horrible poem", or "Your paintings suck!" or "Why don't you go back and learn how to write?"
Of course, the Peeps I've met here ARE exceptional in their efforts, I mean WE are treated to some real professional stuff, prose, poetry and art pieces here. Even so, who of us does not enjoy the occasional praise, the support, the friendship, and even the rare soft criticism we encounter. I LOVE these blogs, and this life, and nature, and all of creation--THAT'S what bloggers do--THEY CREATE!!!! And I love ALL YOU PEEPS!
I'll stay sober today.
Deviant Art:
Tell_Me_More_or_Tell_Me_Less_
by_dashinvaine
29 comments:
Prideful Things
I have found that I need to pay attention to what my critics have to say. Like you, I am human too.
Keep at it Steve. I enjoy reading your posts.
First of all, that is an amazing painting you started with. Her eyes say SO much. In my opinion, there's nothing at ALL wrong about delighting in compliments. We writers really need feedback to hone our craft. And yes, I'll be praying for you. And congrats on the staying sober. Someone very close to me is about to celebrate 7 years.
smiles. yeah we all like a good stroke every once in a while. there are some days i just wish someone would tell me my poem or story sucked. lol. seriously though. each one will strike someone diffrent, and its ok not to like something. i think the key is honesty. we create with our words...we might as well uplift most of the time, and maybe send an email instead of a comment when it really does suck, smiles. oh well, rambling..so have a great weekend and congrats on a big month!
Is it really so wrong to like compliments?? Is it really so wrong to enjoy being told we're good, clever, kind etc etc....??? I don't think so - it shows that someone thinks we're ok - and while we all need to find self - validation first and foremost - don't ever be down because someone said something to 'stroke' you!!
Love and Prayers for another sober day for you
Liz x
I wonder when another takes my inventory what the reason is. Whose ego is in charge then?
I think it is natural for us all to desire and to love praise, as you say, we're only human! Modesty is an admirable quality (in some cases) but sometimes, it's nice to enjoy people's wonderful comments without any feeling for "polite humility".
I hope you're feeling better soon, stay strong :)
My wife today commented on my doing my blog and other writings. "Jim you need the strokes for your ego and to validate the value of your life. Then she added "love you no matter how good your writing is."
Love you, you make such a contribution to my life.Yes all of your postings.
Jim
Steve you were right to write about ego and pride. They are with us always, it's how we use them that matters. Since I've gotten to know you through blogging I have found a person who not only is full of enthusiasm but genuinely wants to help people. When I started this journey I was so confused and full of pain and then my sponsor said," Only you can make yourself feel something, if someone calls you stupid and you start to feel stupid it's because you chose to by into their agenda. This took away so much pain because I chose to no longer feel what other people wanted me to feel. If you like a little ego stoking and your pride needs a boost once in a while it's because you are a normal functioning person. When I started out in business my Uncle gave me this advice: "Just remember all anyone wants to feel is important, yourself included". You have been an important part of my recovery, and you and I both know it's what you think that's important....
ANDREW: really glad to read you here, thank for coming by...
TINA: If you like to tell me who is 7 years soon, there is an Email in my profile. If not....but I'd like to know, with their permission.
Yeah, the painting...I usually and also this time, look and look, and suddenly my eyes will settle on one,and I say "That's IT!" And I liked her also. Thanks for noticing.
BRIAN...ya know, I have yet to find a blog post in out blogger-hood which is not very readable, and otherwise favorable.
And I've looked long and hard--grin!
LIZ: you are SO alert, logical, supportive, and a sweet dear. Thank you So much for validating!
SAM LIU: Yep we are human, sometimes too much so. Thank you, blog-friend!
TURNING POINT--JIM: It was a true treasure that I found in you and your quirky wisdom, Sir. Don't EVER leave us. Please!
DRYBOTTOMGIRL: Ya know, it bothers me to see how you and I are frequently on the same wave-length here. Have you been reading my class notes?--grin!
SYD: In one of my regular groups there sits together a small group of old sober men, who pass a judgment on every Peep who walks in the door. We call them "The Judge and Jury"...Used to bother the He** outta me, but no longer...
I love your posts Steve and look forward to them
Linda
Psyche Connections
Heya Steve,
I don't know if you remember me, but I had a different blog a while back under the name of "Faith, Hope, and Love" - I read your blog quite frequently and your wife's as well. I left AA for a while thinking that I didn't have a problem with drinking, but surprise surprise I'm back! My blog is protected because I'm planning on spilling my guts and I don't necessarily want the whole world to read. Or have the wrong people find it lol
Hope you are feeling less depressed soon! I think you are awesome! Hugs.
steve said:
I'll stay sober today.
well darling, i sincerely hope so because we don't want to lose you and so don't worry us that way... ;)
not nice, some people-peeps-are they.. i have had some real winners in the past, most when i have written about some form of MY mental illness, NOT theirs but you would think...well, it's a waste of energy and i hit delete 'forever' generally ... why not if it hurts..if not, then sobeit...
to me, you are a gem and that's a gentle back rub for your ego..you deserve that and more♥
LINDA S S: Somehow, I always think that maybe you are "out there" and reading, lurking, and it gives me peace to know there are friends around, even when I do not "see" them.
FAITH (Hope) I sure have wondered where you went, like "whither goest thou?"--grin! But the important thing is--you are BACK! They have been telling me (for 36 years) "You never have to drink again" and I believed them...WELCOME. Can you Email mr some access? I want me some ACCESS!
LINDA, dear, I hope this Sunday (today) gives you a lessening of the pain which is keeping from the world such beautiful work as you still have for us, your uncreated CREATIONS. You are a blessing to me.
Oh YES that voice of yours... I can understand that Cuban girl so well... Even though I've never heard you say... Or have I?
Anyway - if you speak and lokk the same way you write I can easily imagine...
:)
Love My peep!
PS. You were right> I liked this post. and as you see am back...
Who knows maybe I can get to hear your voice. AND you are not 77 quite yet!
Really enjoy that portrait - (eyes are not always truthful)
The way we say our 'suggestions'
surrounding writing, painting,
can really be productive. I often practice beforehand, making sure I'm at least palatable !
My first sponsor used to remind me I had 'a great big heart' so use it ! I can be such a Bulldozer, linear to a fault. one of my less favorable qualities unless I harness it.It can be a Lipizzaner.
Since we are striving to grow up into balanced adults- what is wrong: with affection and support ?
Good Grief .
I always liked hands, eyes and voices of people, I think they are our eternal part.
Humility is a virtue that we must practice daily, but is very nice that people tell us something nice is a way of sharing love.
I perfectly understood your message and I really enjoyed this:
When Peeps say that "God is LOVE" they are not kidding. I believe that when ALL ELSE is gone, burnt, evaporated, or melted, there will be ONE attribute left standing...it will be--it IS--LOVE!
I think the same.
Happy Sunday
I pray for you.. You pray for me.
SI?
Besos:)
dale Carengiein his book "How to Win Friends and influence people" that we human, can't make it in this life without being praised and that the key to win people's hearts is to praise them honestly and whole-heartedly. we humans want others to make us feel good about ourselves and sometimes even we go there "Fishing for compliments". So, all that I'm trying to say is, it's al normal, for we are all like that.
DULCE:
Enjoy the sea
Ten miles away
Be happy and free
As you hear Peeps say
"Look! Look and see!
She is smiling today!
IZZY: You are SO right.."GOOD GRIEF" (Charley brown). Also you are correct--sometimes it is difficult to realize I am 77 and NOT 7 --grin! I love your posts, and love your comments, ALWAYS palatable!!!
ANGELES: What is there to say to one who is so full of love for all her Peeps, one who is endowed with a certain humility, and one who WILL PRAY FOR ME! It cannot be better! And I pray for you, too...
I don't know how your voice sounds but I do know that there are those whose voices are comforting. I think the young girl heard that in yours. As far as compliments go, our souls need more of them and less criticism. We give as we get, imho. I'd rather enjoy a compliment than nurse a sting.
♥namaste♥
And we love you too, Steveroni! Here's the deal: Fact: Really: We make it in the world by being rewarded. Being punished brings us down. These are true facts based on psychological studies. Reward and punishment and all that jazz that B.F. Skinner talked about and researched until his eyeballs dropped. When we are praised, we feel like we can do more... better. And why would anyone want to be so cruel as to say something like "Go learn how to write." I mean, everyone is making what they think of as their best effort on whatever it is that they like to share on their blog. That would be inhuman for someone to say such a thing. And people who leave anonymous comments are... well... quite cowardly. If you want to say something at least have the courage to stand behind it and declare yourself!
And why are you sad? No. It's a rhetorical question. You don't have to answer it. We all have our down days... those days when we wonder if we just aren't half-depressed, to use your expression. So just know that you are not alone. And when you are down, you have a loving group of people who think about you and hold you in their hearts until you come out on the next post and say "Life is great!".
BTW, my hubby and I were driving around yesterday and I saw a cafe called Les Peeps Cafe, and guess who I immediately thought of! See what I mean? :-)
Hugs,
Nevine
I missed my grandpa! =0)
I read this a few minutes ago:
Pocket Sponsor - Book - Quote
There will be times when people around you act like absolute jerks. If they are a jerk and the problem is with them, time will reveal it. Likewise, if you are the jerk and the problem is with you, time will reveal it. Do the next right thing and give time time.
Today, I don't let a-holes rent space in my head.
**
E-mail me at recovering.faith@gmail.com so I can add you to my blog! Tell that Prayergirl I said hi! =0)
MAHA: The more experienced (older!) I become, the more I know that we ARE all alike...and then I forget that. When I think that YOU or I are unique in humanity, I am not being truthful to you NOR me.
Off-Topic: How WONDERFUL (full of wonder, that is) life will be when you are my age and beyond! It is just unfathomable, incomprehensible!
It is going to be a GREAT ride, NMW (No Matter What!).
KIM A: I believe the Cuban girl liked (likes?) my enthusiasm, I am usually in a constant state of joy, of happiness, and I feel that is returning as I write here. So THANK YOU for all this supportive and loving feedback--thanks to ALL!
FAITH: "Pocket Sponsor" reminded me of a humorous piece called "DRIVE-THRU SPONSOR". If I find it, Ill send it. And thank you for allowing me to become a part of your "blog family".
NEVINE, NEVINE: I have saved you to the end, because of the glowing manner in which I wish to praise you for your talented writing abilities (in HOW many languages?) and your natural gift of counsel. That adeptness with which you are SO helpful to the casual soul suffering from whatever--THAT is how YOUR God is using YOU, Peep! ASSI (As Steve Sees It!) I am assi, LOL --grin!
Your skill in seeing a problem and
immediately composing a solution, is of grave importance to the quality of life of the many who are fortunate enough to read you.
Yep, and I too, am one in that crowd of "fortunates"...
Gratefully,
Steve
I know something that would be good for you....
A spiritual retreat!
It is a beautiful Rx. for everything.
I know. I just tried one. :)
ME
Me? I just DELETE! It's my blog and I'll do as I please. I ask no one to visit me. I cannot stand sycophants. I see them everywhere. We all know what is good and what is awful. To each his own.
Two people came to my blog once and when I returned their visits, what did I see on the their blogs? One had a picture of her extracted molar and the other had a picture of the bucket where he vomited. from then on I made a pact with myself: I will only visit artist's blogs.
You are one of two or three non-illustrator/painter bloggers who I visit.
I suppose you know when your writing is good or bad even without the praises? If you get your visitor involved and an exchange of ideas ensues. That's tells you right there, you wrote something worth reading.
Eyes can lie!
You are sweet and kind with your comments. You are always welcome on my blog, however, you must visit Manon. You will miss a lot if you don't! She is one of my daily reads, even if she has not posted a new one.
you good,
being honesty is cool,
stick to your belief, enjoy yourself!
peace be with you, my friend. There's nothing wrong with a bit of ego-inflation and "pride support." Just stay real, enjoy and let it go :-)
As for the comment, let it go my friend :-) Investigate the possibility of there being some truth to it, apply the principles of the program, and let it go!
Be well :-)
The meetings in "bloggerland" are priceless! Eyes... in my family we called it the "telephone-face", mom would be be in gale-force rage and the telephone would ring. God forbid you did not answer it... Anyway out would come the telephone-face/voice. We learned early to not show what was really happening in our lives.
Love all the comments. Thanks for sharing.
You are priceless dear. Love and joy to you
Linda
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