BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

To Thine Own Self Be True:

A farm boy was so quiet that his girl friend, after five years of courtship, decided that he was never going to propose to her and that she would have to take the initiative.

One day when they were sitting alone in the garden, she said to him, "John, let's get married. Shall we get married, John?"

A long silence followed . Finally, John said, "Yes."

Another long silence. Finally the girl said, "Say something, John. Why don't you say something?"

"I'm afraid I've said too much already!"

--A De Mello, Heart of the Enlightened, p 129

__________________________________________________

THINGS I DO NOT EVER WANT TO TELL YOU
and probably should not have

Went to confession tonight, but I won't tell you what I said.
My wife reads these blogs.

I've never been in a therapist's office...sober.

I was a heavy-duty consumer of chemical comfort.
Pills, that is.
During the last two years of my drinking.
Up and Down. Up and Down.
I came to not know "up" from "down".
Now I SURE don't know up, from down.
That's what my friends tell me.

I dye my whiskers.
Very Lightly, brown.
Got tired of Brown on top, White on chin.
Brown and White do not go together.
BLUE and White look fine.
Maybe Blue Lips (Pam?), and White hair, beard.

Once I killed a sick cat.
With my bare hands.
It was not easy.
I was drunk.
I was age fourteen.
My hands were bloody.
My blood.

Pilot made forced landing on our farm.
He promised to take me for a short ride.
My parents gave permission.
I was up and dressed, on time.
Behind the orchard, plane was gone.
My mother had fed the pilot breakfast.
They had all lied to me.
I was age eleven.
I've still not forgotten.

Another time, I was promised a Jeep.
In 1947. Jeeps cost $ 400.
For my fourteenth birthday.
I had Ohio restricted license to drive for farm.
They gave me the Jeep.
It was 1.5 inches in length.
It sat under my cereal bowl.
Happy Birthday!
I was not hungry.
I sobbed privately behind the horse barn.
I learned to break promises.
I learned to hate.

I was in love (really!) at age five.
It lasted seven years.
I've always been in love.
Always with a girl.
Always with a pretty girl.
Once with a wealthy girl.
Stupid me. I could not say "Yes!"

I've been married four times.
Not counting the 12-hour marriage.
Stupid me. I said, "Yes!"
Bartender was the celebrant for that.
Everyone was drunk. At 12 midnight.
Honeymoon and marriage ended next day.
At 12 noon.
I tried to get an annulment.
She wanted alimony!
We had known each other for 13 hours.
It was "True Love!"
Anna is number four. Lucky number for me.
Anniversary # 18 is in May.

I want some material things.
I want a laptop, my specs.
I want a Blackberry phone, etc.
Don't know what Anna wants.
I have not asked her.
I'm afraid.
Afraid it will NOT be 'material something'.

Never do I sleep enough.
Usually I'm a BIG procrastinator.
But I AM going to bed.
Now!

And, you all DO know by now, that I love you and the God I 'see' in you, and the Spirit which moves you and me--to stay sober today. No Matter What!

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely,
Steve E.