SPONSORSHIP: WHEN TO SAY NO!

I CANNOT SPONSOR YOU

BOB:

"We shared too much history for him to pay any attention to my directions." ---Quote from Big Book, pg 97

But you will not find that quote in your book. I had looked through my 4th Edition page-by-page, then 3rd, then 2nd Edition for this quote, found it on page 97 at bottom. Under the printed matter, there it was in faded blue ink.

I recall the happening. A quasi friend, who had been a daily bar customer (one of many!) of mine for five years, found his way to the AA room, and asked me to be his sponsor. I just couldn't do it, and told him so.

I could not tell him the reason though: I had been his bartender/entertainer for too long, and knew everything about him. Hundreds of times in our past I had agreed with his words, when I knew he was full of craparoni, and I could not now own up to that. It was then I asked my sponsor about it, and he, knowing both of us, said to me what I quoted above. We just knew each other too well--we shared too much history. It would have almost been like sponsoring a brother, a fairly well-known setup for disaster.

LOIS 1968:

This quite attractive lady, mid-thirties, and (ahem) quite well-proportioned, was also a daily customer, in the beginning drank very little. She was always scouting for young guys, and depended on me to guide her to ones which probably would not hurt her. I would point out a guy, she'd move to sit next to him, and minutes later, they would leave.

She always saw that I got a BIG tip. Lois owned a dress shop a few doors down from the (unnamed) bar. After about an hour the man would return, she would not. 'He' always needed a quick one. Every guy would ask me questions like, "Where did you find HER?" or "What time does she come into the bar tomorrow?" or "Wow! Phewww! AMEN!"

Some nights when we were alone at the closing of the bar, she would give me a good hug, and a better kiss, but never suggested more. I have often wondered (pictured?) what went on in that dress shop, and why I was never invited. She told me once, she "respected" me...Oh SHIT YEAH! But she always behaved like a "lady" and ALWAYS tipped more then the cost of her drinks. And she LOVED violin playing. Well, in a fashion, I suppose I 'respected' her also!

Lois finally settled down and married a real nice man, They asked me to play at their wedding in a church. I did. It WAS nice. (And I had introduced them at the bar!) Marriage lasted several...months. So I felt I was a failure at "Matchmaking"...(Although MANY of the people I introduced to one another are still together 40 years later!)

Lois found her way into AA, and asked me to sponsor her, and just could not understand why it would not work. And I could not understand it either! Dammmm rules!

May her wonderful soul rest in peace. She was good. I loved her.

I have SO many stories of real people-of-the-night who I got to know so well...maybe that's why I cannot get to bed on time--ever. I'll blog some more eventually. Some are REALLY good, Oh my yessss.

REALLY, In LOVE and service,
Sincerely,
Steve E.