Constant Attenuation
CONSTANTLY CONSISTENT
You know, it is usually I who dictates the ups and downs of my life--but there are several constants.
1. I don't drink, and have not for a long, long time. My first 15 years of being sober were slow going for me. I was a very sick man emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Looking back, treatment with counseling might have moved the clock a bit faster. But, with working our program, our Steps, I and my sponsor always felt that was enough. And it worked for a number of years.
2. A second constant in my life has been hiding inside me always, but only the last 20 years in AA have I allowed it to thrive. (So I've not drank for 35 years. So what? You know what that makes me? OLD! and sober.) This second constant is my lifetime, innate enthusiastic happiness, now in regards to sobriety, AA, God, life, health, finances, others' recoveries, Recovery Blogs, wonderful Peeps!, and meeting either hundreds--or one-at-a-time AA members, new and old.
3. I love all kinds of music, except--you know--well, most rap. I won't even capitalize the word rap. In orchestras through the years, I had the privilege of playing second violin most of the time. That allowed me to hear all the parts of the whole symphony over and over. I never was bored with that. As a result, I'm able to "replay" whole symphonies in my head during a day. What is playing tomorrow, I cannot choose. In the mornings, a melody will begin, and before I know it, the sun is high in the sky--and I'm in full "concert" mode.
Some people will ask me "What composer is "on" for today. It might be Debussy, Beethoven, Shostakovich, or any number of composers. But this is one of my constants which keep me level MOST days.
4. There are other "constants", but I'm thinking the most consistent is a growth--no, not a carbuncle--in my relationship with God. It is evolving into some sort of change in my life, a new attitude toward my fellow creatures. Sure, I would like to see everyone happy. I'd like to have had something to DO with it. (Ego, ego...let go, let go...let God, let God!) Alas (alas??? Where'd THAT come from?), I'm learning again to live and let live, SOME of the time. But I still would enjoy--and praise God--to see everyone happy again. Enough with the "I told you so" bull shit.
5. And this will be my final "constant" for this blog. Every time--EVERY time I see something wrong in another's behavior, if I look at myself, I think (IF I'm being truthful) that would, could, or was, or may again be...ME! Because, peeps, we are all SO much alike. How is that so? I do not know. But I DO know the truth of it. And I did not have to get drunk to find that.
I can show you all what a great guy I am, when you do not know me from Crapola. We can ALL be F'King SAINTS here on line. Let's hear it for the real saints...NOTE: Ya almost gotta DIE first!
Hey I've said enough. This began as a nice quiet blog and turned into a rant of sorts. Forgive me if I sound upset, because I'm not, really. I'm NOT. REALLY! NOTTTT, DAMMMMMIT!
I'll be Bach! Have a sober day, and it could well be a day of peace, with a dash of happiness...and mix well with bunches of LOVE. OK?
Steve
