Monday, August 24, 2009

Sem Ting!

Constant Attenuation


You know, it is usually I who dictates the ups and downs of my life--but there are several constants.

1. I don't drink, and have not for a long, long time. My first 15 years of being sober were slow going for me. I was a very sick man emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Looking back, treatment with counseling might have moved the clock a bit faster. But, with working our program, our Steps, I and my sponsor always felt that was enough. And it worked for a number of years.

2. A second constant in my life has been hiding inside me always, but only the last 20 years in AA have I allowed it to thrive. (So I've not drank for 35 years. So what? You know what that makes me? OLD! and sober.) This second constant is my lifetime, innate enthusiastic happiness, now in regards to sobriety, AA, God, life, health, finances, others' recoveries, Recovery Blogs, wonderful Peeps!, and meeting either hundreds--or one-at-a-time AA members, new and old.

3. I love all kinds of music, except--you know--well, most rap. I won't even capitalize the word rap. In orchestras through the years, I had the privilege of playing second violin most of the time. That allowed me to hear all the parts of the whole symphony over and over. I never was bored with that. As a result, I'm able to "replay" whole symphonies in my head during a day. What is playing tomorrow, I cannot choose. In the mornings, a melody will begin, and before I know it, the sun is high in the sky--and I'm in full "concert" mode.

Some people will ask me "What composer is "on" for today. It might be Debussy, Beethoven, Shostakovich, or any number of composers. But this is one of my constants which keep me level MOST days.

4. There are other "constants", but I'm thinking the most consistent is a growth--no, not a carbuncle--in my relationship with God. It is evolving into some sort of change in my life, a new attitude toward my fellow creatures. Sure, I would like to see everyone happy. I'd like to have had something to DO with it. (Ego, ego...let go, let go...let God, let God!) Alas (alas??? Where'd THAT come from?), I'm learning again to live and let live, SOME of the time. But I still would enjoy--and praise God--to see everyone happy again. Enough with the "I told you so" bull shit.

5. And this will be my final "constant" for this blog. Every time--EVERY time I see something wrong in another's behavior, if I look at myself, I think (IF I'm being truthful) that would, could, or was, or may again be...ME! Because, peeps, we are all SO much alike. How is that so? I do not know. But I DO know the truth of it. And I did not have to get drunk to find that.

I can show you all what a great guy I am, when you do not know me from Crapola. We can ALL be F'King SAINTS here on line. Let's hear it for the real saints...NOTE: Ya almost gotta DIE first!

Hey I've said enough. This began as a nice quiet blog and turned into a rant of sorts. Forgive me if I sound upset, because I'm not, really. I'm NOT. REALLY! NOTTTT, DAMMMMMIT!

I'll be Bach! Have a sober day, and it could well be a day of peace, with a dash of happiness...and mix well with bunches of LOVE. OK?


vicariousrising said...

Great post (and I love it when you say "I'll be Bach."

I think the fact that I had nine years of therapy (five of them with my most-excellent current therapist) before I got sober really assisted in the recovery process for me. I couldn't get sober with just the therapy, but I don't think just AA would have been nearly as effective in addressing the maelstrom going on in me and the massive cognitive changes that needed to take place. The two working in tandem was like I finally had both gears to get the watch working.

Hope your trip is marvelous. I go to Hawaii for a writer's retreat in a couple days and to see my husband do a 2.5 mile open water swim. Adventure time!

Andrew said...

Have fun on the road trip!

Scott said...

gee whiz we're alot alike (and that makes me smile :-) )

I am inspired by what you've shared in this post today. Inspired because you've outlined some excellent "promises" of recovery, should I pick up the tools and use them. You've outlined some distinct similarities between your program/personality and mine and that makes me feel very good as well!

Thanks for a great post!

Catvibe said...

Bach is good! You are a saint, and saints are real with all the feelings good and bad. You got em and that makes you alive, ahhhh life! Sending you love and hugs.

Ed G. said...

Nice set of "constants".

I align with those most days but hesitate to call them "constant" in my life in that, my experience has been that when I get used to something being constant, it changes. I don't know why - it's just been that way...

Blessings and bon voyage...

wolfie185 said...

Carbunkle!! Damn you are old, took me a minute to figure out what you were talking about then because I am not extremely young I remembered just haven't heard it used since Green Acres was a weekly stable at our house, not the reruns either.

Great post even with the Rants, rants are good and freeing. Yes we aren't all saints online, so tend to sugar coat everything but the best blogs are the ones where the bloggers are fairly honest and open with the rest of the world, Gabi for sure and a bunch of others we both share an interest in, oh yeah and you old man:-)
With age comes time honored experiences, with age there are more mistakes and triumphs to share and God willing we can assist another through their troubled times, maybe just maybe they hear our mistakes and tell themselve I don't want to do that and also they hear our sucess and think maybe if I try this and things will work out for the better like it did for them, either way it is up to God, we are just instruments in God's orchestra.
Have a good trip, I am staying sober today and I hope you do the same ;-D

Banana Girl said...

WHEW!!! I have been missing you and now I know why. thanks for the "rant" NOT! If ever I have a day wherein I am a bit confused, all I need do is read your blog and voila, I am clear. Sober. Sober. Sober. The rest as they say, is gravy.

Hugs. J.

Carol said...

Great post, happy travels.

Syd said...

I think that it's good to have consistency. The changes that I don't like are good too because they make me think more and deal with the unknowns. Enjoy your life on the road.

linda said...

I have now read the story of your past few weeks--your life...

and I just knew you played the violin from the very start :)