OLD AND YOUNG--NOT MOODY!

OLD and YOUNG--NOT MOODY!

And here are the words, which frank Sinatra sings: so appropriate for me at this time of my life. Thank You God, for giving me this beautiful respite in my later years, I am SO grateful!

You make me feel so young
You make me feel so spring has sprung
and every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy individual
The moment that you speak
I want to go and play hide-and-seek
I want to go and bounce the moon
Just like a toy balloon
You and I, are just like a couple of tots
Running across the meadow
Picking up lots of forget-me-nots
You make me feel so young
You make me feel there are songs to be sung
Bells to be rung, and a wonderful fling to be flung
And even when I'm old and gray
I'm gonna feel the way I do today
'Cause you make me feel so young
You and I, are just like a couple of tots
Running across the meadow
Picking up lots of forget-me-nots
cause you make me young
give me songs to be sung
fell like bells should be rung
and a wonderful fling should be flung
and even when I'm old and grey
I'm gonna feel the way I do today
cause you make me feel so
you make me feel so
you make me feel
I feel so young

PEEPS! It is REALLY SO TRUE!

YOU CAN BE OLD AND YOUNG TOO!

Just be SOBER

Just LOVE

Just open up to some PEACE

Thank YOU, DSDP -grin!

"You Make Me Feel So Young"
Words by (Lyricist): Mack Gordon
Music by (Composer): Joseph Myrow
Additional notes: Written 1946.
Artist: Frank Sinatra

I'M GRATEFUL

GRATITUDE DINNER

My little village called Naples Florida has grown from a 1974 one-stoplight  "Four Corners" of about 7,500 people, to a widely spread-out city of about 300,000. I have lived here for almost 45 years, so as I look around, I wonder not only what has taken place here, but when the heck did it happen?  45 years ago was one small sign at the city limit which announced, "Entering Naples, Florida". Now there are huge signs over 250 miles (402 kilometers) away, spanning across 6 lanes of expressway which read NAPLES 250 MILES.  I guess these are warnings for Peeps to put the plug in the jug -grin!

The number of people addicted to certain mind-altering substances has also increased exponentially. There were 6 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings each week, with 3 groups in early 1974. Now there are 188 meetings each week, in 54 meeting places in our town.

So tonight we had our annual 35th Intergroup Gratitude Dinner.  Now anybody who is not addicted (or IS!) to anything--even HERSHEY bars, may not understand fully the implications of a Gratitude Dinner.  Some of us see one another only this one time each year, and it is cause for HUGE amounts of inner and outer joy, to see old friends of 25-35 years who are STILL sober.  And we talk about the "old days". And how different is today's atmosphere in and out of the rooms.There were nearly 500 people attending, we had a great dinner, (I had expected a thousand!).

SO many Peeps said things to one another, like: "Do you remember 24 years ago, and you said (whatever)?" Or "You have no idea how much your words helped me 32 years ago." Or "I came to my first meeting this morning, and you were the only person to welcome me.  You said 'Hello', and we found you and I had a lot in common. I sure hope we'll both be here, still sober, in 2010 November."  Can you feel my heart beat faster, at hearing these kinds of comments? Praise God, and the people in AA, who carry the message of AA to those who not only need to hear it...but WANT it.

Deserts were all over the place (before dinner)...and that's MY kind of dinner! Of course, I always eat less for dinner, IF  I've enjoyed some cake, fancy chocolates, sone kind of vanilla concoction

Gallons of coffee (to support my caffeine habit?) went along with the "Countdown". An AA countdown is a method of determining who has the most sober time in the room, and who has the least.  Oldest was a guy, with 56 years on continuous sobriety.

The newest member, a girl, had fewer than 12 sober hours, and so was presented with a Big Book, signed by hundreds of us.  The oldest in sober time passes on the Big Book message to the youngest member, truly symbolic. Because that IS the way this thing works, one passing the message on to another

Next we had a speaker. And 500 people sat there sober, listening to and laughing with a guy who was talking about the horrendous past he lived.  Who of us could not relate, identify with his behaviors--and it was not because I drank so much every day. It was/is my thinking which messes up my life.  Chaos ruled, and it is THAT cave into which I hid my real self from all of you, for so many years...as if you cared!

Thank you, all you sober bloggers--and others--SO much for being a part of my life, and letting me be a part of yours.  It is only together that we will ALL come through this alive.  Too many suicides this year, it IS a deadly disease with which we are dealing here.  We laugh a lot, as tonight proved--"we are NOT a glum lot.  We absolutely insist on enjoying life." BB.  But each of us know this is serious shit we're talking about.

Thank You God, for bringing us all together.

Love soberly Peeps...
And grab a chunk of PEACE on your way through this life.

FLASH NONFICTION FRIDAY 55

True story: that I pretended to be blind and deaf--
sometimes just to feel how it must have been for my father during those years.....

Flash Fiction Friday 55
is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

Sometimes pretending I can
Neither see nor hear
Locked eyes and stuffed ears
I go around like a deaf-blind man.  

Redolence of fresh-mowed Blue grass
Burnt toast, unburnt roast,
Of Angel Tulip scents 

Riding soft night currents
Are my pleasure

None of these compare
With that sweetest aroma--
Essence of YOU, my Dearest

_________________________________________________________________

Peeps, I wish for our SOBRIETY

Peeps, I pray for our LOVE

Peeps, I hope for our PEACE

SO-PHISTICATED A LADY?

"SOPHISTICATED" LADY

For some reason one of my all-time favorite songs keeps running through my head tonight, named "Sophisticated Lady". It is not a happy song, and depicts one of so many girls I watched slide themselves into oblivion in a time determined by a combination of choice and fate.

For quite a number of years I supplemented my income by tending bar (I was the bar-man) and I was good at it, played the violin, mixed the drinks, waited table, entertained, everything.  (That is when I had my two heart attacks, age 34.)

One bar owner in Naples just sort of set me up in business, and I ran the place--and ran myself almost to an early grave.  For several years the old "Captain's Cabin" was THE place to go after a party, dinner, or dancing. Well, you DID get to hear a violinist play "your song" right at your table, ya know?

Among the 70-80 guests nightly (seating capacity was 65) always were a small number of lovely girls looking (in the wrong place) for THE MAN.  I introduced a dozen couples, men and women mostly, who later married and would bring in their children to meet me...how's THAT grab ya?

But likely as not, the girls ended up in one-night-stand-type situations, which saddened me, because, even during the maintenance of my drunken condition, I could sense so many of these beautiful people heading down the road to oblivion. If any one of the girls had just waited one more hour while I cleaned the barroom, they could have had...well...ME!

Sophisticated Lady is a song about just one of these Peeps who looked so pretty when they arrived in the lounge about 7 PM, and aged about 15-20 years by 2 AM closing.  And I'd see some of them night after dark night.

Smoking, drinking, never thinking of tomorrow,
nonchalant,
Diamonds shining, dancing, dining with some man in a restaurant,
Is that all you really want? No, sophisticated lady,
I know, you miss the love you lost long ago,
And when nobody is nigh you cry.

They say into your early life romance came,
And in this heart of yours burned a flame,
A flame that flickered one day and died away.
Then, with disillusion deep in your eyes,
You learned that fools in love grow wise.
The years have changed you somehow;
I see you now...

Smoking, drinking, never thinking of tomorrow,
Nonchalant,
Diamonds shining, dancing, dining with some man in a restaurant,
Is that all you really want? No, sophisticated lady,
I know, you miss the love you lost long ago,
And when nobody is nigh you cry.

A Lana Turner vid to Duke Ellington's "Sophisticated Lady" performed by Sarah Vaughan.

Peeps , please keep coming back, because I Love you all, and send wishes for a sober and peaceful day.

ANOTHER KIND OF BEAUTY IN MY LIFE

 

Beauty

Never have I really liked my mother.  During more than 60 years I did not  feel a warmth from her, a true non-obligated love.  When one has a strong intuition one way or another about anything for 60 years it cannot be denied, whatever were/are the reasons for the feelings.  Yes, I did and do love her--again, that sense of filial obligation. God does not demand that I love my mother, only that I honor her--"Honor Thy father and thy mother" or something like that.

That being stated, my mother did give me a lifeline to the road of happiness, a key to the notion of fulfillment.  My music.  I now sing in the church choir at St Ann in Naples FL. This is the first time ever that I entertained the thought of singing. For three months it has been a blessing in my life, and--for me--is another cause of living, not simply existing. So, I guess, "Thank you, Mom."

Jamie is the Music and Liturgy Director. I posted a blog about her in June 2008, if you are interested (it's pretty good!) here's the link.  And we worked together for nine months in 2007-8 and now I get to sing in her (really good) choir.  If it were not for my mother's years of constant prodding, I could not sit out there and read music as if it were a Stephen king novel.

Each year for 25 years I have been an orchestra member (violinist) at a large Baptist Church here for their annual Living Christmas Trees. We give 9 performances, and 2,000 people attend each one (18,000 people).

Anyway, to get to the point, I had not played in an orchestral situation for about a year. It is different than strolling, or playing alone in a country club foyer. To get "back in the saddle again" was sheer happiness, and with the greatest joy I told God how grateful I was that He allows me to continue to play in these types of situations.  So, I guess...thanks Mom.

And although I LOVE that we have some rehearsals now, plus those "shows" --churches like to call them "Presentations"--and I have some other gigs coming up, TIME is gonna be my problem. Maybe my Guardian Angel "Flex" will bend some time for me through these next five weeks. I will be reading, but not too much commenting. OK?

I was led to the Naples group of Alcoholics Anonymous a long time ago. One of those "things" I had to do was to stop drinking. Another was to pick up the "kit of tools for living" called Twelve Steps, and use them. Peeps I can unequivocally state that I should have been dead YEARS before now.  And I'd have missed the fun in life, the joys of helping other Alkies, and the pleasure of playing the violin until I'm 100--that's my new goal.

And I have never felt so young, so productive, and so happy for MANY moons!  I'll try for another poem tomorrow?  I feel one inside just in a rage to get out. I can hear it now:  "Rage, rage, rage".....

Peeps, let's stay SOBER today
Let's LOVE today
Let's spread PEACE today

A "POEM"

"...to do Your Will." Click HERE

"GO MY FRIEND...

Is not the beginning
The end?
And the end, the begin?
And do I sit here
Without single sin?

"Bless me father"

To begin anew,
Meet and love you
That's what will give
Reason to live--
Now and ever

"I have sinned"

Meet and love
Again and again
Early love's infatuation
That wonder of life
Right now

"Since my last confession"

Meeting, loving, are
More common to some
Than others who love
from afar than near,
Right here

"Which was so long ago..."

First is knowing,
Loving after that.
Then it becomes
Beautiful happening
One more time

"How many times, Father?
I do not remember."

Enveloped in tenderness,
Arms reaching, all-around loving,
Gentle lip-sucking caress
Everywhere, everywhere, yes...
Right there

"For your penance--

do three good deeds"

Then, in peace,
The fulfillment
Realized...oh!
Heaven-sent
To us

"Go with DD and sin no more."

And after that
What is one to say?
Come back, oh yes,
Return another day
(Tomorrow?)

Love arrives, intrudes unmercifully.
It brings the aged back to their youth

Fantasized Ego says, "Hello, youth!"

Sense says, "Go away. I left you
Long ago for dead...."

Reality says, "Just live in this moment,
This day. Live it well, live it to the full.
Love it...cherish it, and
Find happiness in that--
For it is God's gift for you
NOW!"

TRITE...YET TRUE!

One said to me this morning, "Steve, don't always believe what you THINK!" And so I got to thinking about that--yeah.

When not drinking I used to think I would never be more than a piece of shit.

When drinking, I knew I was better than the next Peep...or ANYONE else.

I "THINK":

I'll live forever.
The leak in the roof will not get worse.
I can get by without practicing (my violin).
I can get by without practicing (My AA Steps).
Satisfaction will be mine, even when I do not practice "being satisfied".
I can eat a half gallon of ice cream every night.
Plus peanuts and potato chips.
And I will not put on weight.
I can live happy joyous and free on only 3 meetings a week.
A few weeks ago a daily meeting was essential.
She loves me.
She does NOT love me.
Nobody cares.
EVERYBODY cares.
Of course, it is NOT about ME!
My special Island I'll call
Bali Hai -- is calling me.
Every night, every day.
Temptation is more than the name of a song.
It keeps calling me also.
Freedom is "getting away from"...
Blogging is more important than anything in the world.
I am utterly happy and without turmoil.
And I WILL live forever! Hmmmmm?

NOTE: The above are thoughts which I try not to believe, OK?

Another note:
I love living, I love life--
I LOVE! YESSS!
I'm at PEACE! YESSS!
I'm SOBER! YESSS!
And I hope all the same for YOU, my PEEPS!

MY NAME IS LUCKY

LUCKY

I AM LUCKY

In the dreamy dewy
morning's earliness
the man and me
we walked
I am Lucky
And so is he

I have four paws
The he has but two
With a very long tongue
I taste it all
On the greenish glades
I place my searching nose
between grass blades
I smell and I eat
the dreamy dewy
earliness

Sniffing and tasting
all of it is how I live
It's what I have left
to take and to give
in the early soundless
morningness

My man is a happy camper
Surely I know that
Even so, wish he had a tail
so he might show me
Happiness: something to spread
wherever this day our trail
up and down, twists and bends

WAIT!

Who else is walking
In the dreamy dewy
Morning early?
Are her footsteps
breaking the silence?
My hearing so sharp
detects not a single sound
but I feel her presence
A feet-walking other
With me and the man

So far away, so always close
in even these:
the early
the dew
the dark blending
with morning light
the dream, yes, the dreams!

The he walks with the she
Lucky is me....
Steve E

Peeps, I am sober
I'm at peace
I LOVE
I go now, wishing Y.O.U.
all the above.

Brrrrrrrr PLUS (YEAH!) LOVE

COLD FUSION by GUSTI BOUCHER

COLD: A PERSPECTIVE
IT IS ONLY WIND-CHILL

BRRRRrrrrr! Friday morning it was cccCOLD!  Well, in South Florida--for me--"cold" is
below 16 C  (60 F).  It DID reach 27 C (80F) later.  But I wish to say, that on a scooter in the early morning traveling at a speed of ***/kph (***/mph) I was REALLY cold. I DO have a pickup truck sitting in the driveway, but it has FOUR wheels. I like TWO wheels. I am Happy on two wheels. I can express myself without blowing a horn.

With four tires on the road I cannot lean my body to make turns, or swing myself a little to avoid a pickup truck (like mine!) when it is in my space. Driving a truck, I do not have that freedom of motion, to pass whoever is in front.  I cannot squeeze between the rows of vehicles stopped for a light or an accident, nor decide to change direction at the last minute.

Sounds rash and reckless?  It is being ready for whatever comes my way.  With Flex guiding me ("Flex" is Flexible, my Guardian Angel) and a modicum of common sense--that's all I can muster--I'll probably ride a HARLEY into heaven when I'm 100....

Enough of that--you "Peeps up Noath" please don't laugh too loudly when you read I am cold at 60 degrees.  Don't forget there IS a wind-chill factor! And I am sober. No brandy to warm the body--we do have a big dog now, but he sleeps alone--so far--grin!

YEAH, I KNOW...
MORE ABOUT  L O V E

Well, it had to be soon again...what can one NOT say about love? That it is unnecessary? That it was contrived by humans to "make us feel good"? That it is simply a feeling, an expression of affection? Well, maybe those last three words fit closer to the truth.

I am reading a book THE SHACK by Wm. Paul Young! (I know--everyone is saying, "Oh! THAT old book?"  I will not delve into the story, but a man (Mack) finds himself back in the shack of his past--with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. They are girls, beautiful girls. They are three persons, yet they are One in thought, behavior, and in their LOVE for all creatures and things, and one another.

Our hero is watching as the Holy Spirit is cooking, stirring a huge pot of batter or something. The pot falls to the floor, breaking, and batter (or something) flies EVERYWHERE!.  It gets all over "God and everything"! Our hero observes the cleaning process.  Jesus wipes the food from Poppa's dress, then bathes her feet, as she (God) continues to cook something else. The Spirit is in cleaning also, and she also is behaving with such love.

(Mack) leaned against the door. His mind was full of thoughts. So THIS was God in a relationship? It was beautiful and so appealing. He knew that it did not matter whose fault it was--the mess from some bowl which had been broken, that a dinner which had been planned would not be shared. Obviously, what was truly important here was the love they had for one another and the fullness it brought them.  He shook his head. How different this was from the way he treated the ones he loved!

--Taken from page 105, THE SHACK, Wm. Paul Young

Peeps THIS is the brand of love I've been thinking about, writing about. Where mistakes are not even considered, only "what may I do for and with you".  SO much time I waste pondering who, what, when, where and why. And all I need do is simply focus on what only matters. Love. Love for you ALL and for the God within you. It IS that simple!

So love IS an expression of affection, a feeling, an intense desire and attraction for another--or ALL others. It is an emotional attachment, an enthusiasm for someone or something outside of myself. Love is an emptying of myself, so that there is room for the other. It is filling and fulfilling. As with my love for God, it is a strong desire to simply be with God, or another, or others, to share feelings, to care for needs, to desire  peace and happiness for others.

This all seems so clear to me (at times, like right now!)  Yet it is difficult to verbalize.  Love IS the bottom line.  And as I wrote a few days ago, LOVE never had a beginning, nor will have ever an ending. Love is infinite, forever. The only true love is that of my God for me--and YOU, Peeps! God IS love. Love IS God. Who is to reason otherwise?

PEACE

PLAY BALL! PLAY LIFE!

 DESPONDENT

Flash Fiction Friday 55
is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

 ME! Pick me. Pick ME!
Yesss it is I, fruitcake of fruits
wishing to become
not necessarily
Chosen One--
Just one of

Pick me, pick me
might well have meant
Pickle me
Again...about being chosen
As belonging. Oh!
The myth of

Alone and lonely
Fitting in nowhere
Despondent
Depressed
Pick This
Piece of Shit

SOBER, Peeps
LOVE, Peeps
PEACE, Peeps
From me to you, Peeps