REALLY REALIZE REALITY

REALIZATIONS

REAL-EYE-ZATION

Step 1.  I had to see the truth, face it, accept it, admit it deep down, concede to my innermost self the utter powerlessness of this affliction. OK, I surrender--I give up!

WHERE DID IT GO?

A couple years ago I had a semblance of humbleness in my interactions with others. Sure it was not without any pride, but in general I did not seek admiration, praise, and love from all and everyone...all the time.

Today it was made known to me by a blogger that this huge monstrosity, my Ego, was rearing it's head, roaring its way out the barn door, and had jumped over the fence. False Pride has again settled in, and has sought and found comfort--in my mind and my soul.

Blogger "friends" had implied this in recent months in too-subtle ways. When pride is running my show, subtlety cannot breach the well-built, self-built wall. So for moon after moon after moon, I ignored, denied the signs which were pointing to my slowly-lacking slacking AA program.

How could I guess that I would actively participate in two to four meetings every day, and not become a saint?  ("We are not saints." BB, p 60)

I am just sick and tired of unwittingly pushing my own thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and understandings onto others--at home, at AA meetings, on this blog-world, even in church-- in arrogant, prideful, overbearing ways which are and have been offensive to more than a few Peeps.

Hey Peeps...Of COURSE I have not been drinking...just appraising my life--it IS time to do that.  NOW--grin! I have come to a conclusion, that I must help others, and in doing so, benefit, guess who? ME! There is that "ego" thing again.  I am NOT trying to flagellate myself...in fact I am not even hurting. The opposite is true, I am still happy, joyful...and free, to the extent I decide.

In close, I wish to say, I have been thinking (dangerous word!) about sin; the act itself, motivation, consequences, causes.  These thoughts have brought me to another conclusion, that my greatest unforgiven sin is that of WASTED TIME.  Oh!  All these years, to think of being so engrossed in self, that God and the Will of God took a back seat. And wasted time, is like an empty hotel room--ya NEVER gain it back, the time, nor the room rent, both are lost forever

If this blog sounded like "preaching" so be it. That was not my intension. And I wish to again address ALL you bloggers, many of whom are my friends. There is a special love for you in my heart, which will never leave! May God bless you all.
 
This almost sounds like a farewell thingie! Well, ya never know!

Maybe I'll try an act of humility--today.
Love.
Peace.
Sober another day!

 

GUARDIAN ANGEL "FLEX" 

CHANGED HIS NAME TO SHADOW

 Sitting here with my bright yellow keyboard, (ooops! wrong color?) I am listening to the MAGNIFICAT,  Gregorian chanting by monastery monks.  Also trying to write a short blog which makes sense, for a change. The change would be reflected in both: making sense. And short!

What I think or think about will not play in Chicago.  It will not make headlines across the nation, across the oceans. I'm thinking at this moment:  How wonderful it would be for a Peep to walk in the AA door saying, "I cannot stop.  I just can't stop!  What should I do?"  Those words would be most welcome in ANY meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.  And I LOVE-IT...to hear the words of POWERLESSNESS spoken in earnest, in complete surrender. THEN is when God can work through another person in recovery to "do God's work!"...Pick me--pick me!

ALTOGETHER ANOTHER TOPIC.

Coming home from choir-singing this afternoon, I was traveling my usual-slow-styled ride, when a little red sports car (convertible) cut me off (about 50 mph).  He passed less than one meter in front of my scooter, scared the you-know-what out of me.

OK, here is a view of what can-does-DID pass through my mind in just a split fraction of one second of time. (Everyone's brain does this, BTW., so I'm just observing me in this post.)  My first thought (insane) was "Let him wipe me out! SO WHAT?" My next thought (sane) was to get those brakes on FAST...which I did, of course, or you would not be reading this --grin!

The many thoughts IN BETWEEN first, and last above, are what inspired me to write this post. Note how MUCH activity is available to our brains in a micro-second of time:

1.  I thought, "Yesss, I'm gonna meet my God, at last. What a wonderful day this IS!"

2.  It will be "magical" to meet all my friend and relatives who have passed on, and the saints, and God Himself edited"As I Understood Him".

3. Oh! But there is "hell to pay" first...what I believe in, a purging, called Purgatory. Am I really ready for THAT?

4.  What if I do NOT die?  What then?

5.  Probably be laid up for a "blong" time.

6.  Might get loaded up with drugs by some well-meaning doctor.  And knowing me, there is always a possibility of getting hooked on them, or back to my daily alcohol intake, and totally crappy BEHAVIORS!

7.  What if I lose my mind, as in a coma?  What about bed-ridden for years?  Nope. That does NOT sound like my favorite way to leave here...

OK.  Peeps, those were all thoughts in that VERY split second, all the while, my horn was beeping--lot of good a horn will do , when you are lying in the street.  But I'm wanting you--and I--to know, the fleeting though-wave which FORCED me to clamp down hard on my dual ABS-system brakes.  It was this thought:

What ever would be the outcome, this one fact was certain.  Prayer Girl would NEVER (as long as we were together) allow me to have another scooter or motorized two-or-three wheeled vehicle again. Ever...NEVER!  Wouldn't you KNOW, that was the single thought which brought me to (I'll call it) sanity?   I thank God that "time" will bend itself to allow me, on occasion, to have enough thought, to reach a conclusion.  That instant conclusion was:

1. I'd maybe NOT be able to blog today, and

2. No more riding my scooter.

2. Possibly (doubtful, though, because I would have lived!) No "good-byes" to my family, friends in AA, and YOU, my very most special of Peeps, you bloggers, especially you who I am coming to know SO well, as to have a place in my heart for you.

I know it sounds--IS--selfish, but often accidents, death, or illness ARE selfish issues.  But ya know, it shows me what is really important to me, in my life at this time. Meanwhile...shiny side UP, rubber side DOWN.  A scooter rider in Virginia taught me that. It's called "Basic Scooter Riding 1.01" 

Well, my angel with his new name WAS with me this afternoon.  Thank you Shadow!






Peeps, I LOVE you,
Wish you the "Joy of Living sober"
and of course, a huge amount of PEACE in your lives.

"SHADOW" photo credit to Scott G W