Step 1. I had to see the truth, face it, accept it, admit it deep down, concede to my innermost self the utter powerlessness of this affliction. OK, I surrender--I give up!
WHERE DID IT GO?
A couple years ago I had a semblance of humbleness in my interactions with others. Sure it was not without any pride, but in general I did not seek admiration, praise, and love from all and everyone...all the time.
Today it was made known to me by a blogger that this huge monstrosity, my Ego, was rearing it's head, roaring its way out the barn door, and had jumped over the fence. False Pride has again settled in, and has sought and found comfort--in my mind and my soul.
Blogger "friends" had implied this in recent months in too-subtle ways. When pride is running my show, subtlety cannot breach the well-built, self-built wall. So for moon after moon after moon, I ignored, denied the signs which were pointing to my slowly-lacking slacking AA program.
How could I guess that I would actively participate in two to four meetings every day, and not become a saint? ("We are not saints." BB, p 60)
I am just sick and tired of unwittingly pushing my own thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and understandings onto others--at home, at AA meetings, on this blog-world, even in church-- in arrogant, prideful, overbearing ways which are and have been offensive to more than a few Peeps.
Hey Peeps...Of COURSE I have not been drinking...just appraising my life--it IS time to do that. NOW--grin! I have come to a conclusion, that I must help others, and in doing so, benefit, guess who? ME! There is that "ego" thing again. I am NOT trying to flagellate myself...in fact I am not even hurting. The opposite is true, I am still happy, joyful...and free, to the extent I decide.
In close, I wish to say, I have been thinking (dangerous word!) about sin; the act itself, motivation, consequences, causes. These thoughts have brought me to another conclusion, that my greatest unforgiven sin is that of WASTED TIME. Oh! All these years, to think of being so engrossed in self, that God and the Will of God took a back seat. And wasted time, is like an empty hotel room--ya NEVER gain it back, the time, nor the room rent, both are lost forever
If this blog sounded like "preaching" so be it. That was not my intension. And I wish to again address ALL you bloggers, many of whom are my friends. There is a special love for you in my heart, which will never leave! May God bless you all.
This almost sounds like a farewell thingie! Well, ya never know!
Maybe I'll try an act of humility--today.
Sober another day!