DO EYES TELL THE TRUTH?

EYES TELL ME MORE 

OR TELL ME LESS

In this tropical climate of SW Florida, we live in a predominantly Spanish-speaking neighborhood. At my age, and in this political climate of continually growing bureaucracies, I have created a well-beaten path to the pharmacy--well, Walgreen's, --grin! Working there is a young Spanish (Cuban) girl, who "likes the way I talk"! And we have gotten to know each another.

Standing in the checkout line, I hear her telling her Spanish friends something, and gesturing toward me...and they all laugh knowingly. I usually ask what was said. Invariably, the Peeps will tell me, "She says you are a good man, wise, kind, and sweet. She can tell by looking at your eyes. And she likes your voice." To have--at age 77--even my voice noticed by someone, is already too prideful a consideration for me.

Well...I thought that the eyes do not lie, but I am here to tell you, THEY DO! Still, I enjoy visiting the store, and since I now have eight doctors who see me regularly, the occasions for me to visit the pharmacy have become more rather than fewer. Lots of "strangers" around the 'hood now recognize and say "Hello, Steve" in my direction. And yes, I admit to enjoying Ego strokes and flattery, even when it is not justified--and that IS often.

Someone (ANONYMOUS!) commented on my blog one day about 3 months ago, something like this:  

"Yes, Steve.  That is what you need. Your great Pride and Ego always are in need for another Peep to soothe your mind, rub your back, praise your wit and charm, and tell you how great you are and how well you write."
 
OK I left it to stand, because ...well, so what? I enjoy friendships when and whence they are placed in my path.  Humility? Well, I suppose this post could be named "Lack of Humility"??? Psssst...I do not really believe that!

I stand GUILTY.....mostly of being human. Sometimes, it's a bitch!

Can a Peep be "half-depressed"? That's how I have felt for a week--depressed...sort of. Bad, BAD thoughts. If you are so disposed, say a silent prayer for steveroni...THANKS!

I'm certain God will know you...and me.


Lagniappe:  Ya know--I never in nearly two years in this blogger-hood have found anyone to comment on another blogger's post, "That is a horrible poem", or "Your paintings suck!" or "Why don't you go back and learn how to write?"  

Of course, the Peeps I've met here ARE exceptional in their efforts, I mean WE are treated to some real professional stuff, prose, poetry and art pieces here. Even so, who of us does not enjoy the occasional praise, the support, the friendship, and even the rare soft criticism we encounter. I LOVE these blogs, and this life, and nature, and all of creation--THAT'S what bloggers do--THEY CREATE!!!!  And I love ALL YOU PEEPS!


I'll stay sober today.

Deviant Art: 

Tell_Me_More_or_Tell_Me_Less_

by_dashinvaine

MY EYES AND I

MY EYES AND I

"Steve, your eyes are too close."

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said--your eyes are too close.  Check 'em out."

So, the next morning I studied myself, my face, in the bathroom mirror.  Ugh! But, even so (with the "Ugh!") I could not see a thing wrong with my eyes. At the next meeting I met an old-timer, and there I got the answer to my question.  He said, "Your I's are too close. When you speak, it is always 'I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I".......

 HIS SOBRIETY DATE APRIL 26, 2010

AS TOLD BY I, I, I, I, I

Met a fellow tonight who had been sober in AA for six years--then six years ago he had one--just ONE!--"fancy" drink, a Mai-Tai.  Well you pretty well know the story, he's been mostly a drunk ever since, these past six years.  His first meeting back into AA was this evening.  And I became the fortunate one to have a coffee with him after the meeting.

A nice telephone conversation with him just ended. I was filled in on his updated life, a nearly verbatim story of so many;  out of work--no paycheck for 9 months, living with parents (he's nearly 50), wife, also an untreated alcoholic, living in a Colorado city (with HER parents), threw him out.  They had been drinking buddies ever since those six long years ago in another state.

Now in Florida, he owns--as of today-- a Big Book, and a 12X12 (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions).  Do you know?  He seemed SO happy to get those books back into his hands. I have given lots of books away, and usually I get the impression that the recipient thinks he is doing ME a favor by accepting a book...how "positive" is that?  But THIS guy wanted a book so bad...and no money (he had put his "last dollar" into the basket), he expressed real gratitude.

I  almost said to him not to put a dollar into the basket, but thought to myself, "This helped me to make my commitment to staying sober some years ago...when I was expected to 'pay my way', even when broke.  It is almost like showing respect for a new person to allow him to pay for his coffee, and Big Book".

And tonight he told me he read "The Doctor's Opinion" for the first time. When he chooses a sponsor, he will be still a friend to me--I can "feel" it.  In a room of more than 100 Peeps, he picked me to talk with. What an honor, that God directed him my way. 

In SO many words, and with my "I's" very close together...I'm just sayin'

--steveroni



 Picture: Deviant Art--Too_Close_by_JaBoy3000

REALLY REALIZE REALITY

REALIZATIONS

REAL-EYE-ZATION

Step 1.  I had to see the truth, face it, accept it, admit it deep down, concede to my innermost self the utter powerlessness of this affliction. OK, I surrender--I give up!

WHERE DID IT GO?

A couple years ago I had a semblance of humbleness in my interactions with others. Sure it was not without any pride, but in general I did not seek admiration, praise, and love from all and everyone...all the time.

Today it was made known to me by a blogger that this huge monstrosity, my Ego, was rearing it's head, roaring its way out the barn door, and had jumped over the fence. False Pride has again settled in, and has sought and found comfort--in my mind and my soul.

Blogger "friends" had implied this in recent months in too-subtle ways. When pride is running my show, subtlety cannot breach the well-built, self-built wall. So for moon after moon after moon, I ignored, denied the signs which were pointing to my slowly-lacking slacking AA program.

How could I guess that I would actively participate in two to four meetings every day, and not become a saint?  ("We are not saints." BB, p 60)

I am just sick and tired of unwittingly pushing my own thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and understandings onto others--at home, at AA meetings, on this blog-world, even in church-- in arrogant, prideful, overbearing ways which are and have been offensive to more than a few Peeps.

Hey Peeps...Of COURSE I have not been drinking...just appraising my life--it IS time to do that.  NOW--grin! I have come to a conclusion, that I must help others, and in doing so, benefit, guess who? ME! There is that "ego" thing again.  I am NOT trying to flagellate myself...in fact I am not even hurting. The opposite is true, I am still happy, joyful...and free, to the extent I decide.

In close, I wish to say, I have been thinking (dangerous word!) about sin; the act itself, motivation, consequences, causes.  These thoughts have brought me to another conclusion, that my greatest unforgiven sin is that of WASTED TIME.  Oh!  All these years, to think of being so engrossed in self, that God and the Will of God took a back seat. And wasted time, is like an empty hotel room--ya NEVER gain it back, the time, nor the room rent, both are lost forever

If this blog sounded like "preaching" so be it. That was not my intension. And I wish to again address ALL you bloggers, many of whom are my friends. There is a special love for you in my heart, which will never leave! May God bless you all.
 
This almost sounds like a farewell thingie! Well, ya never know!

Maybe I'll try an act of humility--today.
Love.
Peace.
Sober another day!

Humble Humility?

Sooo, we got fleas.  So what?  

PG and I had to leave the house 

for three hours while exterminators 

murdered millions of fleas.  Burt (cat) or Cat-Burt? had to go away for overnight, he'd been losing hair, 

started looking like a rat.  

Here we are in STARBUCKS blogging, 

can't beat THAT! 

We have two free 

Internet hours daily.  

And a coffee pot which is never empty!

ANNOUNCEMENT!  

Today October 20, 2009, I have lived 13,000 days without a drink or drug--how 'bout that?  How did I DO it?  I didn't drink...and I didn't die!


HUMILITY?  NO WAY!!!

Meeting topic this morning was "humility" and I got to hear lots of people--in under an hour--tell how they have little, none, or wish they had more humility, etc.  Since months and years have slipped (pun) by, I wonder that it's all been said and heard by me now, and I might tune out and live--this hour--in my own VERY pleasant reveries of people and places near and far away.

Then I vaguely hear some guy say, "Humility means I give somebody help or money anonymously"...humbly!? but deep down I WISH the Peeps would find out! So they might congratulate me!!  Nope, I say to myself, that ain't humility--but it's what I sometimes DO.

One time I (humbly) gave a down-and-out fellow a C-Note, and felt SO good for it, like I really could not afford it at the time.  Many years later, I ran into him, now sober about 25 years--and I fully expected him to come up and say "Thank you, Steve.  You really saved my life those years ago."  He is doing quite well for himself now, never married (after the first two) owns a thriving business.  I even entertained that he might choose to pay me back, pat me on the back--or buy dinner, or something?  NOTHING!

SEE where Ego gets me--EVERY time? And so, in later years I decided--and this WORKS, folks--every time I wish to "help someone out" financially or otherwise, I do it with NO strings attached.  That way I avoid concern with Ego/humility, a future resentment, anger, frustration, Pride, even fear.  

And most certainly it is an Ego-deflating action, which we alkies certainly need.  
Although more than ever lately it has become a source of spiritual growth.  I don't mean it is my road to sainthood.  I made a wrong turn somewhere back there--grin!

My road is a simple one now, one foot in front of the other, don't look back too often, never look too far ahead (like, more than an hour or so) during a given day.  Look at tomorrow only as far as my commitments and appointments take me.  Be ready for ALL those to change any moment.  Sobriety allows me to live like this more and more. It is NOT a boring life, it is no longer a "difficult" one.  

Age has its rewards, and this life of minimal anxiety, peace, sharing, observing nature, stresslessness, and living, giving  and loving, praying and meditating, is becoming more a habit, than a willful daily action.  And to do these things with ENTHUSIASM is one of my keys to being HAPPY!
 
OK, Peeps?  Ya still with me? Sober and all? Let's grow together!  I have lots of it to do (growing!)...l love y'all!  PEACE!

PRIDE CAN KILL ME

LET GO OF OUR OLD IDEAS, THINGS, AND PEEPS

NEIL

"Some of us tried to hold onto our old ideas and the
result was nil until we let go absolutely." BB pg 58

At about 15 years sobriety I sat daily in a noon meeting. Every single day this old fellow Neil would read "How It Works" out of our Big Book. Except he did not read it. He had it memorized. He would start off with the book open, then make a big to-do about closing the book while he continued to recite the two-and-a-half pages, 58-59-60. He did make errors, but he did not know that. I did. He impressed many a newly sober person that way.

I remember thinking--judging--that Neil had an Ego problem. So did I. Pride was what defined him. So it was with me. Always when I have ever judged someone and found fault with them...it was my faults being mirrored and looking back at me from outside myself. Also I wondered how much time Neil had before he would drink again. That was NOT me!

Neil had been sober 21 years. He did get very angry one night, stormed out of the "cookie" meeting, and never came back. He lost his wife, his car, his truck, his boat, his business, his self-respect, his life. Yes, Neil died drunk. About 3 years after his meeting tirade. About 1992.

You might see why I look at Pride as my number one nemesis. You might understand why I consider Pride as my large defectiveness. I have other defects, find some each week. Pride is where a next drunk likely begins.

Soon after Neil went out drinking, we had a visitor--very young, very loud, very talkative, very alcoholic ("Thunderbird and Coolade is mah drink!") from Southern Alabama. He spoke that 'foreign language' which is heard in south Alabama, and which really quite beautifully rolls off the southern tongue. He was asked to read "How It Works" one afternoon.

Remember the word "nil". And remember the name "Neil". Here is what brought down the house, nobody could stop themselves from laughing.

The young boy quite innocently read this sentence from page 58 in our book "Alcoholics Anonymous", to sound like "Some of us tried ta hold onta are old idees and the result was NEIL 'til we let go absolutely." (And for Neil, the old ideas did not work--nor will they work for me!)

TRIVIA

Q. How many different poker hands are possible in a 52-card deck?

A. 2,598,960. If you dealt a hand every second, it would still take you more than a million years to play all the combinations.

Well, that's it, peeps, for now.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY--HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!

Peace.
Love.
From Steve E

Trivia captured from L.M. Boyd's "Curiosity Shop" page 101

FIRST AND LAST

THE FIRST DEADLY SIN IS THE LAST ONE TO GO

The following is a response--one hour ago--in comment form to one of us bloggers. Its appropriateness as a possible blog stayed with me, so here goes:

I just love those words and their meanings: Pride and Ego--that must be what keeps
New Englanders staying there for the winter--grin! Summer?



AMENDED THURSDAY MORNING: One of the comments below addressed "What was it I did not say?" How perceptive! And how rude of me, to hide truth--which is...I was really pissed off when I wrote the following blog. One of my friends had been attacked in a comment, by a self-appointed guru, and I wanted to tear into his flesh.

Reminds me now, of a friend of mine who went into Judge-ordered Anger Managment Class, and he said, "Boy, that Anger Teacher really pissed me off!"

So now ya know--and I know something: for me, never write a blog in anger, because nobody but I will understand it. Thanks for reading, my wonderful peeps!

THE BLOG:

I see truckloads of it online and in f2f meetings. I am first to recognize it. Why? Because I'm still full of that crap myself. Else how would I know? It doesn't smell, taste, make noise, and it has no 'feel' to it. Well...maybe a queasiness?

But it DOES show itself to whoever can see. And even the blind readily see it, some better than sighted peeps.

I'm still new to the blogs, just one year. My understanding is this is NOT the place for me to counsel, advise, belittle others, or for me to get well OR to find God. I become well by working the steps. I find God, the Great Reality, deep down within me--and within all others--for, in the final analysis, that is the ONLY place He can be found. (BB, page 55).

I love these blogs, I can be myself without intimidation. I can learn at my speed. I can live, laugh and love here--and I DO!--to my heart's content. I can publish, or reject. I'm "in charge" of my blog, so to speak.

I get my AA from the Big Book's first 164 pages. I get my spiritual growth from wherever else I am led. I have adult supervision for all my questions about living life on life's terms. Usually, my adult supervisor will point me to a page in the Big Book--unless I first point him to a page. (He's only sober 31 years. I remember back when I had only 31 years! ---Private joke!)

I'm grateful to the extreme and do express that in AA group activity, and one-on-one sponsorship. I talked with two sponsees today, one more later on, he lives in Colorado on a mountain.

This sure sounds like a lot of "I, I, I," to me, but--don't forget--in the beginning of this message I put out Pride and Ego as my chief defects. And God and "I" are working on those--the timetable is really up to Him. I've written wayyyy to much for a 'comment'.

Bottom line here, for me the blogs are NOT where I TELL peeps what they should do, or should not do (unless they ask, or unless I know them pretty well). Otherwise, I can just about write whatever I feel is appropriate if I respect others' rights to do that, also.

I do NOT have to read certain blogs, and I do NOT have to publish certain comments--especially if I believe they make the commentator sound like an asshole. (Some of us do sound like that ya know? -grin!)

TODAY'S TRIVIA

A silk fiber is triangular. It reflects light much as does a prism. That's why silk cloth shines.

Hey, if you bloggers thought for one minute that you were gonna get away without something else from me, you are sadly mistaken:

Peace, and LOVE, from
Steve E

Trivia taken randomly from Boyd's "Curiosity Shop"