READ 'EM (AND DON'T WEEP!)

READ 'EM (AND DON'T WEEP!)

Surely EVERYONE reads Mary Christine's "ONE SOBER ALCOHOLIC" blog daily, maybe even twice...like me! But just in case someone out there has missed it, Mary has begun Sunday November 9, a twelve-day "course of action." She is taking the time (of which Mary has oodles to spare? NOT!!! -grin-) to post a 12-Step Commentary, one each day (Today, Monday, is Step 2--do not miss YESTERDAY's Step 1). This activity--IMO--is truly in the realm of 'Service' in Alcoholics Anonymous.

After all, the Twelve Steps ARE our program for recovery. They are where we find, not the 'answers' to our living problems...rather we find the SOLUTIONS, how to solve the problems!

In fact, one of a sponsor's primary functions is NOT to answer my questions, or solve my problems of romance, finance, etc. A sponsor can best help me by SHOWING me where, in the first 164 pages of our Big Book, or the 12 X 12, I can FIND the solution.

Here I am again -grin-, almost trying to sound like a 'teacher'...but really my only intention here is to insure that all in our blogosphere (spread the word!) is aware of this fine opportunity to learn how to apply the steps to my life. For this, I thank YOU again, Mary Christine!

gratitude-a-roni

New GUY blogger...also ALCOHOLIC

VISIT A GUY NAMED DAVE

Hello Everyone, I received an award from Gabrielle, and will get to it next day or two. Are we still doing that? Actually, I didn't care for it at first...but now that I've been included as a recipient, it seems like more fun. Hmmmmm! Same old, same old!

This is a tired day for steveroni. Busy and tired. Skipped morning meetings.
Played mass at 7:30 AM, enjoy that very much. REALLY! Going to bed early.
Catch up with everyone tomorrow, hopefully. I feel with certainty that the
AA blogosphere will survive. Flurry of Emails with several of our number earlier...and later. That's fun, too. REALLY!

I DO wish to introduce a guy, folks. Named Dave (another Dave, yayyyy!) Don't know a lot about him, but if I know y'all, it won't be long before I DO. Please, if ya have a moment, go over and say Hi, and welcome Dave to our small world. Well do I remember when five months ago, someone named Mary Christine did this for me, and it changed my whole outlook on life (sound familiar?), and has positively increased my spiritual awareness, on many levels. I'm grateful.

introduce-a-roni

WELCOME HOME!

"Well, it's not much....but it's HOME!"

NOTE: In Akron, Ohio, at Dr Bob's home,
a greeter at the door announces to all who enter,
in a musical, slowly paced voice, "Welcome Home!"

At my 7 AM meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been acting as official greeter for a couple months. This morning my sponsor--who has one year less of sobriety than I, big deal--well, he walked up, and I said my usual, "Welcome Home" line, reaching out to shake his hand. He informed me that he thought he was suffering from a highly contagious disease, and so would not shake my hand.

I felt a bit of sorrow for him, and five seconds later, he had both arms around some young thing (girl), was hugging her and KISSED her! (Later he informed me that it was SHE kissed HIM--but I know that a good kiss takes TWO!) Only then did it dawn on my dimwitted brain, that I had not called him or even seen him for several weeks...and he was using contagiousness to illustrate that fact. (Like, I had not been with him because of his being contagious!)

Guess what was the meeting topic? Sponsorship! Isn't that the way it happens--EVERY time? So I had to admit to myself and to a small AA group of ninety other people-grin-, my very recent 'sponsor-contagious-disease' experience. Of course, that included my own laxity in making use of my sponsor. (He didn't even know Anna and I had been away on a 7-night cruise!) Well....I'm still learning. But hey, these are things I teach OTHERS, to keep their sponsor informed of EVERYTHING! And here I'm 'guilty as charged' for not doing them myself! Sound familiar?

As in: "Do as I say, not as I DO!" (sigh!) Guess I am 'home', after all?

greet-a-roni

FRIDAY...ADVICE WITHOUT CONSENT

"Advice is like snow --- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Blog Guide:
Blg means 'Short' post
Blog means 'Sensible-length' post
Blong means 'Pour yourself a tall, non-alcoholic drink before you read this one.'

THE WORTH OF MY ADVICE--A Blg

Drunk or sober, age 2 or age 72, working or not working, in sickness and good health, I have ALWAYS enjoyed giving you advice, especially when you did not seek it. Often when you did not even NEED it. Even more so when I was ignorant of a few major facts surrounding what I perceived as a great problem of yours.

Little by little, I'm being oh, so slowly relieved of a few of my defective characteristics. But that IS happening! And I AM continuing to learn. I am learning that when snow is called for, I must let it drop slowly and softly. So that it dwells long upon the place beneath. So that it sinks into the mind.

I can never, ever, 'convince' anyone they should stop drinking. Read on page 63 in our beautiful Big Book: "Being convinced, we were at Step Three..."

I had to be convinced myself, or let my Higher Power have another "go" at it. Thank all of you blogger regulars--and all the members of my home group--for helping me "stay convinced".

At this time, I am SO very grateful, that you don't even want to HEAR about it!

advice-a-roni

NOTE: Hey, youse guys...there's a 'new' blogger Big JENN (I call her Jenn 2) in our midst. You will certainly enhance your 'living experience' by reading her, and please comment, so she gets to know us. You'll see, steveroni does NOT lead you astray in matters of this magnitude! "...you'll thank me later!"

BEWARE--RELIGION IN THE AIR

Lone cowboy praying the Rosary

One blog I visit daily is listed on my blogroll (right sidebar area) as "Catholic-Faith and Country". I do not 'push' this blog because it IS religious, and I do try (somewhat) to honor our important, necessary, and beautiful Traditions. After all, they are the "cement which holds us together as a fellowship." However, she--or he--posted a picture of a cowboy, this evening, which brought me to recall a time of my 'yoot', about age 11-13. So following is a:

Memory of a "deprived" -grin-, childhood: At a young age I had my 'own' horse on our several-hundred-acre farm near Cincinnati, Ohio. Yep. Saddle, etc., all the accouterments. And I'd ride way back to the third pasture, a thirty-acre Mecca for little boys who wish to camp out, be alone, and survive on peanut butter sandwiches with jelly, milk, cookies (and accouterments--I like that word!). Yes, accouterments, like Graham Crackers and Baby Ruth Bars.

The few times I did this alone contributed to my early spiritual development, because it was just me, mah hoss, and God out there. (Note who is listed first!). We were like...buddies. He was my Friend, my Companion. A fifty-year period of time was soon to arrive when I became de-enthralled with rigidities of the church, with the processions, the litanies, the lengthy prayers--I wanted to talk to God in MY language, not someone else's. Please understand that I now LOVE all these 'church' signs of subservience, of attempts at humility, outwardly acknowledging my Creator. AA allowed me to retrieve all that stuff. I even now play violin at mass every Sunday. (Big Deal, huh?)

But ya know, as a fantasized long-ago cowboy, I prayed the rosary also, out there in the field of dreams, surrounded by those flowery woodlands which Mary Louise in Africa aptly and often describes. Perhaps the graces I received then, are what brought me to this AA fellowship, this program, yes, even to this anonymous blogging community. I have come to NEED you, guys.

I appreciate use of the cowboy picture! NOTE: When ya get my age, ya can comment with a personal experience on almost anything--a word, a picture, a thought.

Fond and wonderful memories are also on my own gratitude list, today, and most days. And I send Peace, and Love to all, even our new president....now, damn! WHY did I have to write it like that?

mem-a-roni or screw-up-a-roni

CRUISE NUISE 1

IN COZUMEL

(Whispered): But I asked Prayer Girl. And she said there's
NO WAY you're coming back to Naples with us...
at least not until you put on some shoes!

When Anna and I received our first glimpse of the "Freedom of the Seas" from the Miami shore, we saw only the top several decks. I actually figured we were looking at the towers of a tall condominium complex. As the fullness of our view of the ship became transfigured, we both gasped at the majestic beauty of this true edifice of the oceans.

Such a huge piece of boat, actually floating--HOW? What a wonderful feeling to board this largest cruise ship in the world, so safe, so comfortable, so complete in its offerings of services. Restaurants are everywhere. There are are 21 complete bars on this barge! And we were so pampered by the staff of more than 1,000. The captain, boss, host, dictator, is charged with operating a ship carrying more than 4,000 guests.

This ship is a place I could live the rest of my life. Only conditions would be that Anna, Internet access, AA groups, and adequate medical facilities be available. All else could stay ashore AFAIAC. (That's "As Far As I Am Concerned", for some people I know! -grin-)

The opening-line phrase kept repeating itself in my small brain: "I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky. And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by." (Masefield)

Wonderful facilities, wonderful food, wonderful companionship is here, and I am so in love with life, and all it has to offer, all which God has given us, all which we accept, with gratitude and praise. And all He asks is that I spread the good news of sobriety (and any other good news!) among those who need it AND want it.

How I would miss my blogger friends, though. That would really hurt. But Internet access would alleviate that void. And I'd miss my 6, 7, and 8 A.M. meetings, but could probably deal with that. I'd miss my bike, but could probably deal with that. I'd miss my friends--in and out of AA--and this would present problems for me, personally and spiritually. But there are always friends waiting around the next corner!

Well, we got off the ship, and the memories came with us: Meetings, meetings, meetings. Coffee, coffee, coffee. Companionship, fellowship, sharing, hope, love, and "getting to know you" stuff constantly surrounded us on this magical trip of Gratitude to God and AA!

steveroni

ACADEMY AWARDS: The Academy Presents...

Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in GONE WITH THE WIND

AND

Steve, THE ACTOR--that's me. And I am a damn good actor. I received--even if only from myself--applause, accolades. I shined, playing all the parts. I played 'presidents', I played animals. I became one with the characters I portrayed. Funny thing, though...

The only single character beyond my scope of acting, was ME!

The only part I never played was......ME!

The only part I couldn't or wouldn't learn was......ME!

The only truth I refused to recognize was.....ME!

As a newly sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was directed to peel off layer after layer of fantasies, illusions, myths, and plain old dreams. This took many years of learning--under adult supervision, of course!--and working, the Twelve Steps. In fact, the process is ongoing. Admittedly, through the years, it has become more and more a satisfying pleasure, real fun, a thrill even...

To explore now...the real ME!

To be...who else? ME!

I have become one who is grateful to God for giving me AA and YOU!
And grateful to you AA members, for giving me GOD!

Peace and Love,
steveroni

THANK YOU, HIGHER POWER (GOD!)

GRATEFULNESS AND LOVE--PRAYED

In case ya didn't guess--I am the baby in the picture, and the powerful arms
holding me and teaching me...are the Steps and the sober members
of Alcoholics Anonymous. --Steve E.

So we "just got off the boat" after breakfast this (Sunday) morning. I had to move my chair back a few inches from the table. Did you know (I didn't) that some people eat dessert for breakfast? Well, as always and forever more, I'm totally "in readiness" to join ANY group, drifting from the ordinary, no matter what they're up to...well, within reason -grin-. So it was no problem to 'be cool' with this crowd of dessert-eaters from Sunday October 26 through the morning of Sunday November 2, 2008. CHOCOLATE RULES!!

During our final dinner Saturday evening, we had the choice of three magnificent 'tastries', and several at our table ordered all three. At this moment, 4:45 PM, I am willing (you know, "willingness?") to give my right arm for a repeat of those three desserts. Alas! My stomach will have to wait until our next Sober Gratitude Cruise on the newest ship OASIS in 2010. Note: OASIS is not built yet, but we are ready!

Now, I'll get get SERIOUS. Prayer-Girl and I agree that we have never enjoyed a week as much as this one--never, ever. I can not put into words that might describe the wonder of being pampered, of being free, of being sober, of being surrounded by 140 strangers, who ALL became immediate friends with us. I didn't even notice there were 4,000 other passengers on board, drinking, cavorting, and exclaiming their joyfulness in loud voices. We became all of that, except for the drinking.

EACH AA meeting--3 to 6 a day--was a DEADLY serious, yet FUN-filled affair, at least for me. Guess I could even have fun in 'ell...NO! Not there, but that's the ONLY exception! We had the best week we could NEVER have imagined! I'll get some pictures up some time some way.

I am sure that if anyone noticed the picture in the heading, that this is our constant prayer this month, one of such GRATITUDE, that I'm frequently overwhelmed at His goodness. And Yes--I am SO grateful that I was chosen to become an Alkie, realizing that not everyone can feel gratitude for THAT gift(?). But nowhere could I have found the peace, the serenity, the utter happiness, which I've found in Alcoholics Anonymous--and I had to become a bottom-type drunk to get here!

Heck, I'm spouting off about happiness, etc., and do ya know what happened to me today. Lost on the ship, top deck, in the wind: my Driver's License, and two credit cards. I'm so happy, I forgot about that. See. Even in adversity, we can somehow be given a gift to stay above that crapola. I can now (sometimes!!!) realize what IS important, and what is merely a few pebbles lying on the road we trudge. The road we trudge--TOGETHER! Stay sober, everyone! Glad to be back, I certainly missed y'all!

dieting-a-roni

ONE STEP AT A TIME

STEP ONE

About one week ago, Hank tagged me to blog about Step One. I procrastinated for a few days--too busy, ya know--until I forgot completely. Reading Mary Louisey's October 24 blog (scroll down to find it) on the Second Step, reminded me to get on the stick:

When I became a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. I realize the first step includes the word "We" which meant to me I needed you. How TRUE! Because I had tried SO many times to stay stopped. Note that hundreds (thousands?) of times I had stopped drinking, when mostly I went into my hour-or-two of oblivion.

I stopped drinking many times every day, every time I screwed the cap on the vodka bottle or put the cork back on the wine bottle. But I could not STAY stopped, could not STAY sober. I promised myself--countless times--that "this is the last one...ever". Oh, my puzzled brain, when next morning I'd awake looking straight up at birds sitting on power lines, looking down at me. I experienced frequently that remorse known only to addictive people (or great sinners?), when occasionally remembering where I had been, what I had said and done, and to whom.

In March 1974, I had been seeing a counselor, who had me cut way back on my alcohol consumption, way back to 1 little pint of vodka per day. (I remember buying a case of pints on sale.)

On Monday, March 18, he said to me, "Today is the day of your last drink. Tomorrow night you will attend your first Meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have arranged for someone to meet you there. Good luck."

At my first AA meeting, I heard the following words, but did not remember them. "Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

And since my life was at that time in complete, utter CHAOS, I sensed that I was in the right place. And, here I am--October 2008--still free of alcohol, and free of SO much more! Often have I pondered why some of us--many of us--do not make it. The difficulty seems to arise in those of us who never really admitted that we were powerless over alcohol. We had a mental reservation. We kept debating with ourselves and finally reached the wrong answer.

In Step One, right next to 'powerlessness', (or under?), 'surrender' comes to mind as SUCH an important word/concept for me. I DO recall thinking this: "Please, AA people, tell me what to do. I am helpless and hopeless. I cannot do this. I want to drink SO badly, it's been 20 hours now."

I had given up. I had surrendered. I had lost all mental willfulness, all physical energy, and could fight no more.

Even though I've not drank alcohol for many years, I know, in my heart of hearts, a drink is only a slip of the mind away--for me. I must constantly think about how to give this (sobriety) away, in order to keep it. And, still, here I am...and this I remember always, a quote from I don't know where:

"The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house."

soberoni

IS GOD WORKING?

Picture yesterday was posted in error.
Above is the boat we have chartered for our
7-night Gratitude Cruise through the Caribbean

GOD IS WORKING,

EVEN AS WE ARE NOT!

Sugden Theater is the name of a playhouse in downtown Naples. Groups such as The Naples Players produce theatrical presentations throughout the year. It is one outlet for retired, and/or visiting actors and actresses, dancers, singers, etc., to perform. In Naples however, it a far cry from "typical" small-town theater. The shows here are first-rate in the small-town, resort category.

I have long wanted to see if I could still cut the mustard in an orchestra pit, but the opportunity just never happened. This afternoon I received a call. They need a violinist to "fill in" for this Saturday night performance. The caller even told me that I was at the bottom of his list of available players. -grin-

In the past, at such a remark, I would have already been "busy"--yeah, busy sitting at home blogging! Or watching TV, or riding my bike. But, you know, I was 'inspired' to recognize the caller's honesty. It was almost as if (this might be stretching it!) it was God Calling, to say, "I'm sending you a chance to play this show, get back in the swing of playing with others, under a conductor. Do your best, and We'll take it from there."

So, tonight (Thursday) I attended the performance, and sat in the orchestra pit next to the violinist I'll be replacing. Sort of like "Show-and-tell"?? Try to understand the next paragraph, in the light of someone learning how to play the music--like I did tonight--just by listening to the orchestra, and taking notes.

This reminds me SO much of a Charlie Brown "Peanuts" comic strip: Charlie's uncle wants to learn how to play the violin, so he goes to a concert, to see how the violinists DO it. He goes home, only to find that he cannot even play one note. When Charlie asks, "What is he going to do?" The answer: Oh, he's going back next week, and try it again, but this time he'll sit real close, up front!"

It is like a newly sober woman or man, sitting at meetings, never working the steps, never getting a sponsor, never making coffee, or setting up chairs and tables, never sharing...in other words, not practicing our beautiful program, yet expecting the result to be a happy and peaceful sobriety. It just ain't gonna work that-a-way.

Anyway guys, say a little prayer for me--I'll have to get Prayer-Girl on it also. These shows last several weeks each, and so playing a few throughout a given year COULD pay for the October 2009 Eighth Annual Fall GRATITUDE CRUISE!*

mustard-cutting-a-roni

*In case ya missed yesterday's blog,
we're sailing Sunday on the Freedom of the Seas,
(as of now) the largest passenger liner afloat.
Day after tomorrow we'll board for the 2008
Seventh Annual Fall Gratitude Cruise