GOD WORKS--THEREFORE AA WORKS

COOKIE-GIRL POLLY (AGAIN)
...ALSO STEVE ON THE POT

Seldom--maybe once a month, or once a year--do I have a 'sit-on-the-pity-pot' moment, and this past Friday is my example. Friday morning (4:30 AM, remember?) I awakened, with the thought right there in front of my rather undersized brain, that absolutely nobody loves me, nobody cares--about ME! Wow, we talk often about "having rid ourselves of" self-centeredness, fear, paranoia, guilt, shame, remorse, et., at meetings, and with sponsors. But here I am in early dark, dawn hours, thinking that "Nobody loves me". HA! (Alcohol is cunning, baffling, POWERFUL!)

Well, I got "over it" as soon as I knelt down, and asked my best Friend, the only Person Who loves me and you 100% to ..."lend a hand here, before I get into deep shit trouble, Man". And help was instantaneous in this matter at this time. So I biked across town (lotta FUN!) to the place of my daily meeting.

At the 7 AM meeting I sat next to a tall guy, fairly new in the program, with whom I have a "recovery-affinity", and we chatted a bit. I even relayed my "Nobody cares..." story with him, had to tell someone. We laughed about it, at least I did.

Then, in walked a girl (Some who read this might recall 'cookie-maker extraordinaire' Polly), who sat a couple seats away from me. Within a minute, she reached over and handed to me a bag, containing two beautiful home-baked, chocolate chip COOKIES. They had been left over from a meeting the night before. Polly had baked them. She is the best chocolate chip cookie make I know--and I'm an 'expert'! The 'new' guy and I exchanged glances, shook our heads, and laughed, knowing that God was somehow here at work.

Believe this, I almost (almost? Ha!) had tears in my eyes, at this gesture of friendship, of "caring", if I may use that term. Remember, only two hours before that, my disease of alcoholism was telling me that "Nobody cared!" and here, sitting at the meeting, were between 60 and 70 people without cookies. But Polly gave then to ME! Thank you Polly, and may God Bless you, for you--and Him--helping me to begin Friday with a bit more self-knowledge, and an 'attitude of gratitude' rating of 99.9%.

To explain this 'attitude of gratitude'...well, I ATE the cookies, did not 'share'. After all, isn't a gift twice blest, in her who gives, and in him who eats? (Hope you're laughing...I am!)

God loves you ALL...and me, too!

A BRAND NEW AA GAL

SOBER "K"

This is a follow-up of a story about an alcoholic girl who God sort of dropped on our doorstep for one night only a couple weeks ago. For us, it was a totally spiritual Thursday night of talking, and a wonderful Friday morning AA meeting:

On July 25, I 'logged that 17-year-old "K", attended her first AA meeting that Friday morning in Naples at 7 AM. K. lives in Virginia. Anna and I both talked to her today...she has been sober ten days now, has a 21-year-old sponsor (sober three years)...and is doing...well...OK? Had a rough time of it a few days ago, so she called an AA gal. And today she shouted over the phone at us, two words which say it best, "IT WORKED!"

As it turns out, her sponsor's sponsor lives right behind her house. What a bonus!

Her parents give her problems--they are without a clue, that their daughter is suffering from a fatal disease, alcoholism...but then who--outside of us kind of people--can, on a deep level, really understand that? So they are in that real muddy river of denial. This makes meeting attendance, and adherence to a Twelve-Step Program difficult for a high schooler. However, haven't we found that students in high school can get around their parents for ALL KINDS of so-called difficult situations, and usually come out the winner, parents still being in the dark?

K's sponsor insists that she call her EVERY day for thirty days (a good start?!). And, K. told us, she now realizes that it is not so much about her 'drinking', but about her 'thinking'. How about that! It's what we talked about a couple weeks ago, that Thursday night. How long a time it took ME to 'hear' that truth? Well, well, live and learn! Hopefully, there will be future occasions in the life of "Sober K." which I'll find worthy of publishing on these pages.

Just wanted to share a little bit of the wealth with y'all. That "wealth" is, of course, that God allows us, every so often, to see what He "hath wrought" through our willfully letting ourselves be used by Him, for His honor and glory, and for another person's discovering where sobriety really can be found, AND what sobriety really IS.

May he bless whoever might read this.

MORE: This morning I attended a meeting during which a girl named Polly shared with me. (Polly is a girl who sat next to K. and Anna, my wife, that "other" Friday morning meeting. And Polly told me that just last night K. had Emailed HER! And Polly (a girl who WILL follow up) said to me "That was SO cool!"

Guess that means the same thing as when I say, "WOW! GREAT!"

"It is good that we are here..." Now, I wonder who said that? (hint) St. Peter?

FRUITI TUTTI

FRUITS AND OTHER DIETARY NEEDS

by a FRUITCAKE

For breakfast this morning (at 4:30 AM Eastern, it's what I used to call a late supper!) I ate some fresh strawberries. As a child, you could not pay me to eat any kind of fruit, except bananas (Hey Banana Girl, I'll buy all you harvest). These straws are luscious (is that an onomatopoeia?) berries. Thing is--now I'm wondering, "What ELSE do I like, which hitherto had been on my 'do not put in mouth' list?"

Funny...long ago, strawberries were a no-no, while a little taste of muriatic acid was, well, just what I needed. Mostly I only sniffed it, but sometimes I yearned for that "burn" which could only be satisfied by sipping something with the term "acid" in its name--my wonder drugs. Also it was a habit of mine to put my thumb in my mouth, and huff and puff, until I passed out, then awaken a few seconds or moments later, feeling dazed, but otherwise refreshed. At least I told myself that. To this day I do not know if that's what they called "huffing", but it could well be. Back then, on the farm, it was my OWN idea, though. So much for wonderful self-medication.

Maybe that is why my memory these days is shot--long term, short term, and mid-term. Or could it be those several years when I bought a $1.99 gallon of White Port every afternoon, which would last until the next afternoon. Sometimes, in combination with vodka, beer, and Southern Comfort, I'd get a gallon of White Port TWO days from the last one. The store clerk would then ask if I had been ill. Now WHAT might EVER lead him to think that?

Through all these times, I spent ten years as a violinist with the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra, and played around the country at different festivals, did a stint in recording studios in NY, played one year in Birmingham AL Symphony, et alii.

Later in life--age 32--I found my true career. All my friends were there, all those beautiful bottles--my only true friends left on this earth. That was before those same friends turned against me.

And I did become in those eight years, the best bartender my boss ever knew. I know that's true, because he told me that the night he fired me. (I had been sober nearly a year!)

MY DAY--AND ADDICTION

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF...AND THOUGHTS ON ADDICTION

This is one of those "regular" days, where I get to rise and ride before the morning traffic wakes up my world rumbling and tooting, and go to some early AA meetings. Then, another meeting in afternoon, and maybe one at night also. Am I addicted? My wife thinks so. What do I think? Wellll (blush!). Come on, Steve--the truth! I was told, while once working the Steps, "If it didn't kill ya to DO it, it ain't gonna kill ya to WRITE it." So.....I'm an alcoholic, and I'm an addict--are they the same? Who knows? Who cares?

It seems as if I'm always trading off one addiction (The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something) for another. And I suppose, when I get right down to it, each habit is, in its own way, mind-altering, sometimes mind-bending =grin=.

My problem now has become--was it not always?--one of balance. How unique! Me, the first person in history to experience wanting more and more--too much--of something, anything.

Much of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous was spent in working two or three jobs--I remember working hundreds of seven-day weeks, and rather enjoying it...days and nights. A friend of mine uses the screen name "Raging Worker" and ya know, I have been just that for many years. And now, I'm "Raging something", don't know what...yet. Maybe "Raging Retired Guy" or "Raging Unbalanced Meeting Maker". Many years in the work world I dreamed (a LOT!) of one day being retired and going to many, many AA meetings...and a chain of sudden circumstances led me to the "right ones", or so I believe. I'm having REALLY GREAT FUN, doing the meetings, interacting with SO many new people, and with some whom I have known for a long time, but seldom have seen.

Between meetings I get my daily "pure enjoyment time", reading these AA blogs, and commenting--I truly Looove this part of my day. I try (feign?) to spread around stuff I've learned by listening to others in AA...along with a bit of humor, that "glum lot" thing!

Then, just as I must (try to) practice the Twelve Steps each day, or I will slip backwards...I must spend some time every day practicing the violin--or lose it.

For breakfast I ate one banana. That's all. And I remember the days when my breakfast consisted of a tumbler full of vodka, colored with an ounce of o.j., two raw eggs, and two vitamin pills: shake it like crazy all together...ahhh! drink it down. I could face an army those many mornings.

Better not provide my complete daily diet here, or I WOULD generate some comments, with tips on eating habits! (I do enjoy reading--but not devouring--the blog of that girl who lays out some recipes each day, forget who that is.) Well, time to get on my bike (AHHHhhh, wonderful!) and be "on the road again" to my current obsession. Thank You, God...I think!

Stay sober today--I will too!

ASLEEP...OR AWAKE?

Though not a usual blog-type personal experience, the following piece is SO GOOD, I couldn't NOT publish it. Please read on, there's a truckload of our kind of stuff, succinctly expressed here--Steve E.

Spirituality Means Waking Up
Anthony De Mello, SJ

Spirituality means waking up. Most people, even though they don't know it, are asleep. They're born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up. They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence. You know, all mystics -Catholic, Christian, non-Christian, no matter what their theology, no matter what their religion -- are unanimous on one thing: that all is well, all is well. Though everything is a mess, all is well. Strange paradox, to be sure. But, tragically, most people never get to see that all is well because they are asleep. They are having a nightmare.

Last year on Spanish television I heard a story about this gentleman who knocks on his son's door. "Jaime," he says, "wake up!" Jaime answers, "I don't want to get up, Papa." The father shouts, "Get up, you have to go to school." Jaime says, "I don't want to go to school." "Why not?" asks the father. "Three reasons," says Jaime. "First, because it's so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school." And the father says, "Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school. First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster." Wake up, wake up! You've grown up. You're too big to be asleep. Wake up! Stop playing with your toys.

Most people tell you they want to get out of kindergarten, but don't believe them. Don't believe them! All they want you to do is to mend their broken toys. "Give me back my wife. Give me back my job. Give me back my money. Give me back my reputation, my success." This is what they want; they want their toys replaced. That's all. Even the best psychologist will tell you that, that people don't really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.

Waking up is unpleasant, you know. You are nice and comfortable in bed. It's irritating to be woken up. That's the reason the wise guru will not attempt to wake people up. I hope I'm going to be wise here and make no attempt whatsoever to wake you up if you are asleep. It is really none of my business, even though I say to you at times, "Wake up!" My business is to do my thing, to dance my dance. If you profit from it, fine; if you don't, too bad! As the Arabs say, "The nature of rain is the same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the gardens."

THOUGHTS ON SPONSORSHIP
--HELPING OTHERS

Guess I need to see this written today, so here goes:

One year ago, Anna began to attend a study class each Monday evening, which lasted throughout the whole winter season. (Ha! Winter in Naples FL?) She subsequently became a convert to the religion in which I had been born. So, as you might guess...she's got it (that spiritual "it") whereas I might be designated a slacker of sorts, when it comes to following rules other than our TWELVE STEPS. She goes to daily mass while I'm at the morning meeting(s).

During Anna's sojourn in that class, I became her "sponsor", and we were present each week religiously (appropriate word!). Well, as "sponsor" I wore at these sessions, a clip-on name tag which listed my name and the word SPONSOR in boldly large font.

As an experiment one day a month ago, I wore my "name and sponsor" tag to an AA meeting. A total of four guys asked me to be their sponsor! WOW! I felt like I'd hit that mother lode of gold we read about! (Three of them I never laid eyes on again, and the fourth found "another good man"). Like when fishing--we're always looking for "another good spot."

So at some meetings I hear the chair person ask, "Is anyone willing to be a sponsor?" Usually a spate of hands raise up in the wink of an eyelid..and they recede also quite as fast. And tell me, what beginner receives even a remote opportunity to look through his/her misty eyes (placed in front of a foggy brain), and pick out one of us old sponsor-type folks? Could a beginner even FIND me, who is so full of wit, knowledge, wisdom and charm, with "EASY DOES IT" written all over my smiling face? NO! The whole thing is--I wish to display my saintliness and availability, but I'm afraid to actually make that commitment. That (fearful?) commitment is simply to walk with someone--new or returning--walk them through our program of Alcoholics Anonymous and its Twelve Steps...no strings, no ulterior motives, just a four-letter word: DOIT!

Our textbook, the Big Book "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS", beginning Chapter 7 "WORKING WITH OTHERS", page 89, reads:

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics."
...=SNIP=...
"Life will take on new meaning."

Our textbook then gives me explicit, word-by-word instructions in the next pages to "..find out all you can about him.....have a good talk with the person most interested in him--usually his wife....do not force, etc., etc."

Of course, when the beginner stays sober, he can benefit greatly by following in the footsteps of his sponsor, in the working of the Steps. The real benefit however, happens for me, the sponsor, in that I climb out of my momentary "self-will" and continue to be willing to grow along spiritual lines, and--bottom line--I STAY SOBER! And may whoever reads this, do the same today, one more day! May God be with you ALL.

GOD CALLING

BUSY DAY FOR GOD--NOT ME!

Three meetings yesterday, Sunday--6, 7, and 8, AM. When I called home to say I'd be late, Anna said, "Well, there must be a reason why all this is happening!" (What a 'good' Alcoholic-Alanon wife she is!) The reason? I got a new sponsee...and when we shook hands, his hand was not just shaking my own, it was shaking itself. What else IS there now which could make an Alky more happy than another Alky asking him for help? Nothing on this earth!

Then yesterday afternoon I got a call from a guy, asking me to accompany him today, to visit a 'sick friend' I'll call Eugene . I've know Eugene for most of the the 24 years that he's been trying to get "it" (here, "it" means "stop drinking, and STAY sober"...and just recently his female partner (for the third time--same female partner) kicked him out. He lost his GOOD job, his "friends", his insurance, his DL forever, his self respect (again), and he's been living alone, drunk, for several weeks (so they say). We had planned to go down and see Eugene this morning at 10 AM, reasoning that he might by then be nursing a real bad headache.

Later--last evening--I changed my mind, and biked down there (solo) and found a congenial Eugene; sober, smoke-free, (starving--NOT!) who invited me into his home. We had some good, old-time conversation for the better part of an hour--interspersed with a few laughs. Eugene certainly has some problems, BUT I found him, as he's always been with me, very pleasant company.

We agreed to meet this coming Thursday evening and hit the weekly AA meeting in the church across the street from his house--imagine THAT! Who'd ever guess? Maybe God has another job for Eugene and me. I "was" Eugene's sponsor...and will always be his sponsor--he never did fire me, I don't think...well, truth is, I don't remember! Anyway, THIS will be a big job for even God. (I know...I know...nothing is too big for God to take it on.) Please pray, all you BHMs, and I'll pray for you, too!
This morning--BEAUTIFUL DAY, well, it's still dark, actually! 5 AM and all's well, going to a meeting, but the first fun part is getting there--on the bike! I'll never be able to explain the amount of pure pleasure derived from a good morning ride: that feeling of power, the control, the freedom (all the traffic lights are blinking yellow!), the freshness of morning (or afternoon, or evening) AIR. God IS good. Wonder what He has in store for me/us this Monday?

(Special to 'Nean. Thank you for your kindnesses in the meeting rooms AND emails. Now that you GOT "it"....KEEP "it". OK?)

Everyone stay sober and clean today, ya heah! (I copied that thought from you-know-who "somewhere in the foothills of the Rockies, Colorado "...and I only copy from the BEST! Believe me on that.)

S'roni

DAY IN THE LIFE OF STEVE E.

WONDERFUL SATURDAY

Yesterday's happenings happened to coincide with what I needed. Usual daily ("bestest") meeting at 6 AM. Maybe I like it so much because everything at that hour looks blurred? Surrealistic? Truth is, that group is so small in number, like between twelve and twenty people--and we get to really REALLY know each other. One lady said, when talking about our 'astute' judgment(!) of other's defects, " If I spot it, I got it". How well that describes us all in this life raft of Alcoholics Anonymous!

But I digress (so what's new about that?). Four of us "bikers" rode the forty miles up the road, along the beautiful blue Gulf of Mexico, to Ft Myers beach, from Naples, FL. We enjoyed a great Men's Meeting. I heard very few words which concerned the topic "Willingness", but a LOT of good old fashioned AA. It surprised me how many of the men I knew (of course, I've lived here 43 years!) and had been wondering for a long time, "Where do they all go on Saturday morning?" Well, now I know finally their secret, a secret no more. And no, all forty of them did not ride motorized two-wheelers. Some road in those four-wheeled boxes which use a gallon of gasoline for every 18-25 miles they drive.

But I the best part of the morning was the "RIDE" there and back, and the breakfast at a tiny spot, where 19 of us ate and BS'd for about an hour. Back home at 11 AM, the whole day was left unplanned for whatever God might send.

It has been many moons since I've been "out with the boys"...sometimes I think the longer we've been sober, the lonelier we become in AA. But I've been working myself OUT of that for about four months. It's all to do with how they'd say (back when?) "Be a PART OF, not APART FROM..." Somehow I've grow away from those seemingly trite sayings, believing that as long as I have meetings and the Steps, I'm gonna be OK. Well, there IS the fellowship, don't I remember? YES! The fellowship now has become as important as a sponsor was 34 years ago. YES! Last night Carolyn asked me to speak at an October Saturday night--GREAT! (Be a part OF?)

After practicing,my violin and reading my "list of blogs" and another AA meeting at 5:30 PM (and I stayed on for the 8 PM Speaker!) I got to thinking that hey, AA IS my life today. Sleep? Well, I thought old people needed only about four hours per night. Got news for them...I must not be there yet.

Today is Triathlon Day! I'm prayin'!

A DRUNK-A-LOG? OF SORTS! (SORRY)

ON GETTIN' AND STAYIN' SOBER

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run."
--The Gambler, Kenny Rogers

These lyrics can apply to getting sober--it's sometimes a real tough job. I remember the shakes, the sweats, the expelling of certain body fluids by mouth, and that real sunken feeling of queasiness. It was as if nothing would ever matter, ever again in my earthly existence. Life was now over. The die was cast.

Well, the die WAS cast. God sent me my first sponsor before I ever heard of AA, a catholic non-alcoholic priest, who augmented his income by counseling at the Mental Health Clinic in Naples. So, several weeks BEFORE I even admitted I might have a serious problem here, he counseled me (rather, he 'ordered' me) to drink one pint of vodka per day, about a third of my usual maintenance diet. Fortunately for me, he didn't specify what proof the label might read! I agreed to do as he said, like as if I knew "when to hold 'em". Finally one day he told me it was time to "fold 'em". Monday March 18, 1974, at 11:55 PM I had my last drink. The next evening I attended my first ever meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And "never again has liquor touched these lips"...I like it when people say that--did they then drink it through a STRAW?

Jump ahead with me 34+ years:

It's not the drinking which is my problem any more--it's the THINKING! Wonder if anyone else has ever came to that discovery? -GRIN-

This morning I'll rise at 4:30 AM, hit my regular 6 AM meeting (why do I abuse myself like that?) and then travel, well "bike it", to Ft. Myers Beach for a 9 AM men's meeting. Then breakfast with the bikers (I'm one now also!), some "riding", and activities like these help to keep me sober--and SANE (sometimes!). Should explain, we're NOT Triathlon folks, our bikes have engines! MAY GOD BE WITH THE TRIATHLON PEOPLE TOMORROW! (You know who you are!)

So these days, drinking--or not--is not problem. Cunning, baffling, and POWERFUL! is my problem(s).
Alcohol can slip back into my life through my choices of "people, places, and things", and people...and people. Well, with God's help, and the support of "y'all" I'll go to bed tonight sober. And if I act today, living and loving with great joy, all will be well with me--and I hope with you!

Ahhhh--MIRACLES: SEEN and UNSEEN

POLLY--AND "K"

Recovering Alcoholic, teacher, cookie maker, speaker...

Polly was the speaker at the "cookie" meeting last night. (See "Polly" blog)
http://steveroni.blogspot.com/2008_07_16_archive.html and I got to tell you that her story revealed to the crowd of about 150-200 people, that she indeed is a real alcoholic. And the humility she showed me was inspiring. You know, I believe the way to express humility in a talk, is to not use the word. In fact, maybe that's something I learned last night, "don't talk humility--live it".

When Polly gives me (and many others) an hour of her time, and displays the courage to stand there and more or less bare her soul, it is a gift, presented "as the gentle rain from heaven, dropped upon the place beneath"...dropped upon a room full of recovering alcoholics. Thank you, Polly, for your gift. Your talk was as good as your cookies, believe me!

God has truly been working in Polly's life in convincing and powerful ways--and she is willing to let all know that it is HE, not she, who is boss in her life today.

Each time I hear someone speak about their "last drink" or the day that "the game was over" or that "I surrendered", it gives me those feverish chills, which only a "God-thing" can produce. And to hear Polly talk about "that moment" brought tears to my eyes--and still does this morning. (Had deleted this paragraph, but just decided to put it back in--Polly won't mind!)

I myself often 'preach', that God does 'talk' to me, but only through other people. Of course, then I gotta listen! Well, He 'talked' last night, and I listened.

Looking about twenty years younger than her real age, Polly is a school teacher, and I cannot envision anyone in her class receiving less than an "A" grade. Recently, a seventeen-year-old girl "K." stayed with us over-night, and Anna and I had the privilege, the honor, of introducing her to my morning group. Polly sat next to "K" and I now know that God was sitting there also. And I know WHY! Read on:

Yesterday "K", who lives in Norfolk, called us in Naples to say that at an AA meeting she met her TEACHER! "K" (and the teacher?) was shocked. "K"'s question was how could she face her teacher ("K is a high school senior). So naturally, Anna counseled "K" on the phone, to ask her teacher to be her sponsor. Don't you know, I can feel God's presence all over the place today, and it's only 6 AM.

And so, I've missed my 6 o'clock meeting...but there IS one just following, so I hope I can just sit and listen, and maybe learn something again today. If only I can keep my mouth shut! Thirty-four years ago they told me to "Take the cotton out of your ears...etc." and somewhere along the way, I forgot how to do that.

Thank you R., for asking your bestest friend Polly to speak. And thank you, Matthew, for traveling back to Naples to receive your thirty-year chip!