EXPLANATION and UTTER HAPPINESS

TWO TOPICS

1. EXPLANATION

In yesterday's post "He Didn't Even Remember Me" I might have given out a wrong signal.  The lady (K.C.) who spoke was telling of her early years as a member of Alanon (now 35 years), and of AA, sober now 34 years. She lives in Naples mostly, and I simply blogged a segment of her own story--because it is the story of SO many of us.  Our minds can sometimes carry us so far away from reality, and sometimes even all the way to a drink...




As long as we're here I might as well relate this short story--also from the same meeting:

UTTER HAPPINESS

It was "Anniversary/Birthday" night at my group. My step-daughter C was sitting right behiod me, as I turned to her and asked if she would present  me my medallion.  She responded, "As long as I don't have to say anything!" (The fear of a newly sober Peep!)


Minutes later she rose to the microphone, "My name is "C" and I have been sober 5 months. I am here to give to my stepfather his 36-year medallion. I have to say, without him and his counsel, I would not have got sober, and I love him."  (Not direct quote.)


And, stepping down, she hugged me. There were few dry eyes in the room, including my own.  That was the final stone, the keystone, now put in place to seal our reconciliation.  Thank You God, for that, and for other gifts during this very special day.

Let's stay SOBER today!

What else matters????
 I got the picture HERE!

HE DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER ME!

 

WELL, YOU SAID, "COME BACK NEXT WEEK..."

Wonderful Lady at Cookie (Speaker) Meeting  last night inspired this story of her first day in Alcoholics Anonymous...misunderstood rejection, exaggerated fantasy, complete clue-less-ness.


I walked into the smoky room
One thing on my mind:
Troll for a groom.
In this group of alcoholics
There's got to be at least
ONE "handsome"--who frolics.

At meeting's end, HE came to me.
So stunning...Oh my God!!!
Said, "You are new here?"
"(sigh!) Yesss"
"Welcome...and please 
Come back next week."
 
"Ohhhh (swoon)"

Alone, for the short trip home, I mentally
Chose the venue for our wedding,
The musicians, the photographer
My white dress, even the college
Our daughters would eventually
Attend.

"Next week", I went to where he sat
Believing I was all what he fancied.
 
What happened next
Made me drop my cup
He stared blankly up
At me--standing.
And he thought
Naught


For Today:

SOBER
GRATEFUL
LIVE
HELP
LOVE
BE AT PEACE

GRAPHIC FOUND HERE

YOU AND ME-ANDERINGS...

Now I am reading that several of the (AA/Alanon) bloggers who so warmly welcomed me here 21 months ago, are considering leaving this end of the blog world. These peeps are not regular visitors to steveroni, but I read  and benefit almost always from their writings. And YOU and I will sorely miss their unselfish contributions to these blogs.

The tone of "our" blog community has changed somewhat, and I fear I have contributed to that change.  But those half-dozen who have, or may be moving on, are ones who have daily held the line for excellence, integrity, humility, truth, faith, hope, and in this way have helped SO many of the rest of us. This is SO true!

God is in charge. GOD is GOoD!

In another topic, I wish to thank ALL/EVERYONE who yesterday commented their prayers, love and support for me and my family, having lost N. to cancer. It was another of those days, seldom experienced by me, which show me that "something" in Alcoholics Anonymous WORKS!  because I did not drink. How about that?

It is a marvelous thing to be so thoughtfully remembered and cared about by so many AA Peeps.  I am sure we can go anywhere in the world and find immediate friends, and friendliness, understanding and love, like nothing I have seen before, or since.

One more thing--personal:  Doctor exam today revealed to me that my cancer is still in remission, and I am otherwise quite healthy for a 76-year-old man.  And Peeps, I feel GoooooD!

Good enough to stay sober today.
Can you do that with me?
And let us live, and be filled with reconciliation and love.
It really IS a .www, or as I have heard it  "What a Wonderful World!"

HELLO AND GOODBYE

HELLO
36 YEARS AND 5 MONTHS

The speaker "Three Legacies" meeting Monday night was partially populated by a bus load of Peeps from one of Naples' treatment centers. Afterwards I found myself talking with a few of the guys and a girl. Someone had introduced me to this small group as, "This is Steve--he just celebrated 36 years of sobriety!"

Nothing!

Conversation got rolling and we got to discussing their prospects (future) after Treatment. I found a chance to mention that my step-daughter had last summer  gone through the same 28-day program they were now experiencing, that she had 5 months of clean and sober.

Suddenly came the questions, "How did she DO it?" and "Wow that's a LOT of time." "OMG, not one drink?" "Where does she go to meetings?" And so smiling, happily, I answered their questions. Upon leaving, I said to them all, "Welcome to AA.  Hello!  And Welcome Home"...

Instantly, I decided to never again tell newly sober Peeps a single WORD which smells of my length of sober time. The new person cannot wrap his brain around 36 years!  But a new Peep can surely see the possibility of 5 months!  And isn't that amazing?  And isn't that wonderful!  And I had heard that before--just pridefully--for the moment--forgot!

GOODBYE

The mother of my children died this afternoon after a nearly-year battle with all kinds of cancer. She had been living for 5 years with my daughter in another city. She and I had been married for 25 years before our divorce 20 years ago.  I have been so busy this evening, that my thoughts have not yet gathered, but somewhat ambivalent they are at this moment.

My tendency is to revisit and "see" the stage play of many years of wonderful moments, wonderful memories, rather than "observe" any of the scenes of my drunkenness, which are from so long ago, and so hurtful, even after all has been said and done.

I shall go in the "music room" now, and, in darkness, "talk" to the saint which is how I have known her more recently. It is she who put the words of my father into a poetic beat.  Goodbye "N"...it WAS a helluva ride, for many years.

Good night to you, my Peeps.
Sober today,
Pensive tonight,
Serene on the outside.
Tired!

steveroni...

IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY......?

DISTORTION

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." Mark Twain (1835-1910


After an AA meeting this morning I found a guy admiring my scooter (Bergman 650).  He asked me, "How many times have the cops stopped you on this thing?" He sounded resentful of something--what? He obviously resented "cops" and maybe even the fact that I owned a nice, large, fast scooter, and he did not?

Anyway, under his questioning, I told him that I had owned the bike for nearly two years, 20,000 miles register on the odometer, and I have a tendency to go slightly over--well, wayyyy over--the speed limit. Also, I have not been stopped one time on my scooter, for any reason/violations, real or trumped up.

His claim was that police officers randomly stop bikers under suspicion they "might be" carrying some of the so-popular contraband--drugs, baby!  I told him I thought it ridiculous that I'd be stopped, just because I'm "riding".  It was no use to remind him of the "number one offender" (resentment) at that moment, especially since he did not ask. But he sounded like the former me...everyone was "out to get me".

But it did get me thinking about this line I read on someone's blog this morning:

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." Mark Twain (1835-1910).  So I figured this fellow (a bi-monthly in-and-out alkie) might be now in "distortion mode".  How frequently I distort fact--more frequently I wrongfully notice how others do so--not my business--grin! Fact is fact. Truth IS truth. It is not necessarily "what I believe", nor what you think. How quickly I jump to be the one who "knows" everything....

Does anyone have facts about police anywhere who stop, harass,  and sometimes even arrest peeps because they are riding a motorcycle or scooter, and for no other visible, viable reason?  I have all my life heard of this behavior being practiced, but just have never encountered it.

God, I'm glad I am not a cop.

I have enough problem being ME! UGH!

I'm Still SOBER today!
You, too? GOOD!

DEVIANT ART "Distortion"_by_DeMaulwurfn.png.jpg

A NEW LIFE

These are the inspired spontaneous writing of N, upon hearing of Pop's death...using actual phrases from his last letter (March 25, 1978) to us. One week later April 1, he died. Remember?  He was deaf-blind, loved nature, and his gardens.  The following was written in his memory, three days later by one he loved, and I shall call her N:
 

"In the spring
    You called him home

Crocus bloom
    Buds are springing

He spaded and planted,
    Daffodils and tulips still growing

In the spring
    You called him home

New birth for us all,
    Wild animals and birds

Pear tree much alive,
    Thanks again

In the spring
    You called him home

Blind and Deaf
    He sees and hears

Crocus Blooming
    Buds are springing

In the spring
   Of the Risen Christ
        You called him home..."
-- by N


PEEPS!
Stay SOBER with me today.
Be GRATEFUL today.

LIVE today.

LOVE today.

Be HAPPY today.

QUACK-QUACK AND PEEP-PEEP

She was telling me, "Look what I've done. Smile for the camera little one!"







Duck on roof we think is Grandpa of the new babies--the Mother's sire. It IS one big family--we know that now. He is "spotting" enemy encroachment...ME!









These little ones on the left are taking their first breaths of oxygen

OK NOW, WHICH CAME FIRST, 

THE DUCK OR THE EGG?

For six or  seven weeks we have been "caretakers" of a group of Muscovi ducks.  The Momma has been sitting in the nest she built RIGHT AT our front door. She has sat through the coldest nights and days I have experienced in Naples in 45 years, incubating her nine eggs, leaving the nest only to find water for herself, once every one or two days.

Sentinelled throughout the neighborhood have been eight drakes DAY AND NIGHT guarding our front door from cats, dogs, moles, possums, and people.  For more than a month we have been the only ones allowed in or out of our house. Very safe! We could hire them out?

Last July and August an identical scenario played out--same (exact) spot, in front of our front door. (Fortunately we have a garage!). The nests they build with sticks held together with fine, fur-like feathery material from Momma's breast. We are fairly certain that from last year's batch of babies came the mother and father of the 2010 hatching.  Forgot to mention the nests (both) were constructed sunken into a six-inch-deep egg-rock covered area. Further, we believe the Mother and Father from last year, were here also, because of their recognizable colorings.

How does this tie in with alcoholism, one might ask?--grin! Or maybe one isn't even vaguely interested--grin!  ANSWER: The little hatchlings broke through their shells on Thursday!  What a nice 36th sober anniversary present! As I left for the meeting Thursday morning I heard a faint "Peep", and immediately knew what was happening. (That "Peep" I heard has absolutely nothing to do with the Peeps I meet and trade posts with here on the blogs, OK? "Just so we're clear about that!")

Friday at noon they were gone....

One more thing...
I might pose the question
--as if even I care
--as if even I dare:

"Which came first,
 alcohol or the alcoholic?"

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY "55"

Let G-MAN know when you write 55 words--no more, no less--of fiction. And get ready to be swamped with 55s and comments galore...

"OOOPS!"

Lights flashed,
Siren sounded,
The shiny white-and-blue
Stayed behind
As I rounded
The corner at sixty-two.

"Why did you stop me?"

"I will show you".

Behind my car,
Sticking out the trunk
Dangled the bloody and mangled
Arm of a man named Syd.
Why did I not remember to
Close the trunk lid?

THIRTY-SIX YEARS AGO MARCH 18 (1974)

MY THIRD STEP PRAYER Dear Lord, My God, I am so grateful for this gift from You of sobriety; this gift which has allowed me to be another of those who can proclaim to any who would listen, Your LOVE, Your KINDNESS, Your PATIENCE, Your FATHERHOOD, Your OMNIPOTENCE!
 
Following are some thoughts on my first 24 hours of sobriety. For nearly twenty-five years I had sunk progressively into the alcoholic abyss of total self-centeredness, fear, EXTREME paranoia, and alcoholic insanity.

This is a slightly edited reprint of my March 18, 2009 blog post--after all it IS my Anniversary.  You will not read more about this after this day.

Five minutes before midnight on Monday March 18, 1974, I had my last and final drink of alcohol. At that moment I was infused with an opportunity available to many, but which comparatively few have accepted. It was an opportunity to begin a second life, to be one with YOU--that unique minority of humans who are fortunate enough to be given another chance. I was allowed to live two complete and distinct lives in one lifetime.

NOTE: I celebrate my anniversary based on the day of my "last drink"...I see no reason I must change. Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous Dr Bob had two beers the morning of June 10, 1935, and by night the same day he had completed Step Nine--even before there was a "Step nine". And AA continues to celebrate it's anniversary on June 10 each year, the date of Dr Bob's last drink!

Tuesday March 19, 1974 8:30 PM:

It was very dark that night (or so it seemed to me!) when I walked for the first time into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting at Trinity-By-The-Cove Church, in Port Royal, into what was called then (and still is) "The Naples Group". Being "fashionably" five minutes late, I was thinking, "DUMB, Steve--look what you've done now. This is the stupidest move you have EVER made...you must really be sick!   I had expected to sneak quietly into the room, sit, shake, and sweat (the three s's?) in the back, and figure out "How am I going to get out of this predicament?"

All I needed was a few drinks to get me back to normal. Remember...I had my last drink just 21 hours before. (Yes, I had a desire to stop drinking--maybe until 9PM?) Yes, I certainly was willing to do ANYTHING to have a better life--anything......except stop drinking!

But do you know, at the same time, I had decided that I would never drink again.  I did not know how, because nothing before had worked for me. I did not know that I COULD "not drink" one day at a time!

Well, a fellow came walking fast, out into the parking lot, out from that meeting, almost falling down the few steps, to greet me, saying, "I'm Jim F...welcome." Then, no questions asked, he proceeded to guide me first into the meeting room, right past everyone. I "unobtrusively" bumped into a couple fellows, spilled someone's coffee, fell across a couple chairs on the way to--guess where?--the door at the other end of the room! So, already, I was ushered "in and out" of AA in 30 seconds.

Outside, he herded me across a small courtyard into a smaller, very smoky, very crowded room, called the "Beginner's Room". How did they know? The topic of this meeting was Steps One, Two, and Three. Thank God, when I arrived, they were already on Step TWO! I thought, one-third of the meeting must be over! Because all I wanted to do was get out of there. Not one memorable (to me) word was said during that meeting, except what they all sort of shouted at one another before leaving--not to me, of course! "Don't drink" and "Come back next week." But do you know what? That's what I heard them say. That's exactly what I did!

THURSDAY MARCH 18, 2010

I have learned that God makes use of other people in order to work with us--and talk with us--and that's how God was working in my life, then...and now, allowing me to write to you and bear witness that a completely helpless, hopeless, powerless, very sick piece of human flesh, enslaved to the drug alcohol (and a few well-known pharmaceutical products) was picked up and delivered from alcoholic bondage, and made well again.

And I am granted a daily reprieve, contingent on my spiritual condition--no, wait--contingent on the MAINTENANCE of my spiritual condition. (Being completely human, my spiritual "condition" can vary greatly from moment to moment on any given day.)

Finally, I wish to say I am so grateful to my Higher Power, for bringing me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous for giving me back my God, for giving me back my life. Thank God for giving me you, and thank YOU for giving me God!

And CERTAINLY not the least, all my blogger friends--my wonderful 'peeps'--have shown me SO MUCH about how to live, how to love (I'm still learning "how") and how to help others in many ways. Within me is a fast-beating heart which burns with the fire of love for God, and all He has created, and you, my Peeps. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

In  Attitude Change, in Gratitude, and in LOVE!
Sincerely,
Steve E.

YEAR OF SEVERE FEAR

FEAR

NOTE: The year 1974 was my first year 
sober after 25 years of heavy drinking.

It is the month I remember and identify as "near my year of severe fear"...it is impossible for someone (non-alcoholic) to understand the combination of physical compulsion and mental obsession and moral degradation which encompasses the life of a practicing alcoholic, read: drunken sot.  Our Big Book calls it "Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization".

The fear then, the loss of all hope, the barren wasteland of soul which I experienced during early March of 1974--the utter abandonment of family, friends, co-workers, and yes even God, was without any expectation that life might one day look a little better than hell itself.

But my greater fear was "How will I live?", now that I had decided never to drink another drop of alcohol...ever, forever, one day at a time.

Fear knocked on the door, faith answered and there was no one there!

Just as darkness is not something, neither is fear. Darkness is only the lack of light. You can not put darkness into a lighted area and make the light go away because darkness does not exist. Light, however, can be put in a dark area and the darkness goes away because the light does exist. 

One is a thing and the other is a no thing. One cannot put fear in a place of faith and make faith go away. One CAN put faith in a place of fear and make fear go away.

Fear was ME!  Faith (and Hope) was ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS!

All week please celebrate with me in Gratitude my sobriety date 
Thursday, when I had my last drink of alcohol, a long time ago.

And we and I stay SOBER--today.
And we and I live in PEACE--today.
And we and I LOVE someone today.

Photo at DeviantArt, click HERE