SOME SERIOUS SHIT

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING 

IS ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES 

IN ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

WHAT? NO UMBRELLA?

During my earliest memory--about age 5-8--Grown-up Peeps would ask me questions like, "What do you want to be when you grow up, young man?" Oh how I hated that condescending-sounded question! I mean, they didn't give a rat's ass about "what I wanted to be", right? RIGHT! So I began to make up things they wanted to hear, like "I want to be a farmer" (like my father) or, "I want to play violin in the Symphony!"

The old joke here is;
Kid: "I want to grow up and be a musician".
Response: "Well, son you can't do both!"

DEFINITELY I do not recall saying--or thinking--"I want to grow up and be a drunk and sleep under a bridge, and eat out of McDonald's dumpsters, and puke a lot, and die all alone of sclerosis while laying frozen in a snowbank!" 

Sometimes I would say what I REALLY wanted to be my career...psychologist or psychiatrist. Even at that early age, I felt in myself a special gift for "helping" people sort things out in their lives. Not MY life, understand...please! But I wished to "direct" the lives of others...hmmmmmm? Some bad vibes there?...

So, I played the violin--in symphony orchestras, in cabarets, on street corners, on boats, on airplanes (twice), in String Trios and Quartets, in recording studios, on the beaches of SW Florida, in churches, in Men's Toilet Rooms, for weddings, for funerals, for Christmas midnight masses...

Many years have swept by in hindsighted warp-speed. Today I find myself--not unusual at all in recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous--with several new Peeps to sponsor...which means three men asked me to be their sponsor, AND I became willing to let God use me to help them stay sober. 

It is a full life, allowing my time to be taken up by the needs of others. It is satisfying, fulfilling, rewarding.

The reason I am uniquely qualified to be of help, to peeps in real deep-shit trouble is because I have been where they are...I had completely clothed myself in utter chaos, even long since my last drink. Several times! 

Staying sober (not drinking alcohol) did not, nor does not guarantee a happy, joyous, free life. Staying sober is simply the beginning. For me it was a prerequisite. Becoming honest, open-minded and WILLING was then necessary. Next came surrender, action, complete change--prayer to some form of Higher Power (my choice)--as requisites.

And THAT is what I guide Peeps through, this 'simple' maze of twelve steps, to somewhat stressless peace, serenity, calmness of spirit, and a sober, happy and satisfyingly productive life. 

The reason--again--how I am qualified for this new (volunteer) job, is that I myself did everything WRONG! And learned the hard way. Many Peeps have forgiven and forgotten...one or two have not. God will sort that all out in time.

One of my personal needs is spiritual help to grant me patience, tolerance and calm understanding to allow other Peeps the RIGHT TO BE WRONG! I heard those words at my second AA meeting, more than 36 years ago.

And so, in a way, these three peeps I met this week, have entrusted their lives to...who, ME? OMG! Already I feel sorry for them who have asked me to be their sponsor, their guide through the program of AA. But I shall not back away from this responsibility, because it keeps ME sober, you know?

In fact, that is more than half of the whole idea--grin!

--steveroni

55-WORD-FRIDAY--CONNECTIONS

Mr G-Man:

It is with real regret that I tell you this.

At the convention, there is just no

time scheduled for 55-Word-Friday

visiting, reading and commenting.

But I did manage to sneak a "55" out

of here, past the AA Convention 

Police Cadre. Thank you for 

understanding.  --S

ALL

ARE

ONE

ONE

ARE

ALL

WITH

GOD!

CONNECTIONS

The most inevitable attribute of life

Upon that very breath of its creation--

Is evolvement

...And that evolution is 

A direct act of God's LOVE. 

Continuing Creation! 

When Creation ends, 

Life and the world stops being.

Before TIME

AFTER time--

God is with all connected:

 Blade of Grass...Leaf of tree;
Sweet bird... 

And Thee.

--steveroni 

If you wish to write some kind of story in exactly 55 words, let the G-Man know about it and he will respond. Then visit other 55-writers (there are many...) Go HERE

"55" Times TWO! LET MY PEOPLE GO

 FREEDOM

Two Friday "55"s today. If you'd like to play

post a 55-word story or whatever, and let

G-MAN know about it!

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May

And summer's lease hath all too short a date. 

--William Shakespeare

"55" Number ONE

(LITTLE BIRDS,
GO NOW--BE FREE!)

Fly little bird,
Fly with the wind.
For if you don't
You have sinned.

For the wind is the law
And the law is just.
Whence the wind blows
You also must.

So fly, sweetest bird,
Go fly with the wind.
If you do not
You've most assuredly sinned...


"55" Number TWO

In all Creation
Above and beneath
There exists a simple rule
Creator's bequeath

The rule is thus.
What is following next
All must obey
No matter what
Any one may say:

There arrives a moment
That birds, beasts,
And Quirky Peeps
Even great celestial bodies
Must
Extricate,  
Separate
Uncage
Assuage
And simply
Let go,
Let God..... 

 

--steveroni

 
Picture from

Deviant Art:  FREEDOM by Rippedknees

WHERE IS HE? EVERYWHERE!

 

PEEPS IS WHERE HE IS

Today I get to ride 50 miles on my scooter to our district AA meeting.  As a new GSR, I remember last month that the meeting lasted more than 5 hours.  And I fell asleep--sort of.  Today I will not snooze because the temperature is in the 60's and on a bike there is the wind factor.

The 7 AM AA meeting this morning was about God.  Since each of us has--and is certainly allowed--to have our own concept of our Higher Power, this is a tricky topic to address.  The first 164 pages in our Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" for me is like a rock-solid creed from which I sometimes veer, but to which I usually try to adhere.

A priest in AA named (believe this!) Father Bill Wilson tells us on his CD that Chapter Four "To The Agnostics" is the most important piece of literature in all of written history.  He had been seeking the "real" God from Rome Italy, to California. Studying in Rome, he acquired TWO doctoral degrees, no dummy, this guy. And he "found God" in Chapter 4 of our Big Book page 55.  In fact, Father Bill Wilson reads aloud this paragraph (about halfway down page 55) TWO TIMES in his talk--it is that important to him, for understanding "where is God"...

The excerpt:

"We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us."

Yes, it does say "deep down within us" and "In the last analysis" and "ONLY there that He may be found." WOW!  It almost says to me to look no further that the Peep next to me and I should be able to "see" God. This chapter/paragraph changed my lifelong-held perspective of God--as if God ever needed MY "perspective-change"--grin!!!

Sober, Love, and Peace for today
For ALL you Peeps and me, I pray!

Painting from DEVIANT ART:  "CROWD"  by  tigerlilyn.jpg

Past, Present, Future!

PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE

This post is the sole responsibility 

of the Blog-owner and reflects 

the thinking of me alone.

It surprises me that some Peeps really believe there is only Past and Future, but no Present. I do not know the philosophy, nor the theology of this, but I do have my own thinking. And I am certain there must be others who share my thoughts on this.

Please do not read only the first line and then move to another blog. You will know why. OK!

The past is unattainable by me, except for purposes of research, a teaching aid, or the results of those.  The Past, as I see it, is that accumulation of experiences, activity, and knowledge which affords humanity and the world a constant flow of what we label as "new, improved, or never-seen-heard-or-thought-of-before now"!

These results of past revelations, one might think, would culminate in a complete and total learning environment, a search for truth. For there is but one truth, in the final analysis. We can argue truth forever, but in the end, truth stands uncluttered, unfettered, undoubted, admired, revered, adored. God is Truth as much as God is LOVE.

The FUTCHAH! Well, who knows? Actually none of us know what the future--even the next second--holds. We plan, sign contracts, buy, sell, consume, enjoy freedom, make do with oppression, sleep, awaken (somewhat?), and we live. Always we live, planning the next step, next day, week, year or more--we live. However, whoever observes must know the future has not yet arrived, and is changed moment-to-moment by zillions of factorings.

What is...is now, this moment, this split spit of time, but whoa! there Nellie! This moment is all that ever was or will be. Creation happened in that instant of the Most Powerful Purest of Infinite LOVE. Creation was, IS, that Prime Thought of a First Cause. And we live creation in this (that) moment. Everything "happened" now, is happening now. Of course I do not understand this, I just "know" it. OK?

I think always of love as a quality connection, unity, combination, the closest word would be UNION. Naturally, a beautiful God-created Gift,that quality of love one human can express with another is sexual union. 

Aside and beyond--dare I say 'above'?-- that is a connection, a union of the mind and the soul, when two minds and two souls become as one, there arises as the result of "them" a third "person".  I shall call this person Happiness, Ecstasy, a Total Escape (even if only temporary) from Self, and Self-Centeredness. 

There is a lovely love for all humanity. there is the love of ALL THINGS, and there is that love I have for GOD, that which He so desires, that which He has so freely given.

Peeps, know PEACE today!
Peeps, give and receive LOVE today!

Recovering Peeps, stay SOBER today!

STEPS ARE THE WAY TO THE NEXT FLOOR

YEAH, I'M SERIOUS!


Peeps, this will be a "serious" posting (yeah, right!). Every morning I slide out of bed and on my knees ask God to let me know His will for me today...and give me the power to carry it out. Well, this morning I really meant those words, "Show me" and then "Help me". Within about 15 minutes He showed me. Armed now with the realization of what I must do, I waited for the power. Some of it I could muster up from His Gift, but I found it lacking...His power for me.

Then I realized the "acceptance" part of my program. Every gift must have two elements, a Giver and a Taker.  If I hand you a book, and you do not take (accept) it, there is just NO gift. Period. So it is with this program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and God--Who gave it to me. For it to work, I must take it--and use it, work it.

At my 7 AM meeting, a person who NEVER is up that early sat next to me, could see that I was NOT as I (of course!) had answered, "OK!"  And he suggested the Power I sought was in an INVENTORY, preferably Step FOUR!  OK I said, then, "How come YOU know what I need to hear?" He answered, "Because I'm sitting in a mess of it myself, right now".  How good is God to give me (us both) a good laugh this early morning. And I sure needed it!

And, whenever I am in deep shit thinking, there is certainly another (others?) in their own mess! And THAT is God helping us, one to another, mutually and sometimes tenderly showing us the answer we need--and actually, want!

The answer, the solution, is not necessarily an AA "exclusive" LOL! Already God was at work in my emails at 5 AM, using a blogger to send me a message which was so "right on"--as help to one (me) who had a curtain blocking his view of life-on-life's-terms...in other words, ACCEPTANCE!

Another topic:
Enough of this. BERT, the cat I rescued 12 years ago is curled up around my feet, I cannot even move from the computer.  Ya know what else?  Bert has been sober for 12 years!

Be sober with me today, Peeps!
Love ya, Peeps!
Peace to ya, Peeps!

THEY CALL ME "RED" BECAUSE ONCE I READ A BOOK

BOOK-A-YEAR CLUB

This is MY choice for myself and one other Blogger who read an average of one book a year--THE SHACK by William P Young, published by WINDBLOWN MEDIA, Los Angeles, CA

Left picture is a book cover. On the back cover a publicist wrote, "You'll want everyone you know to read this book."

On the right is a photo of our home in Naples, Florida. I've been outside working on it--some repair, ya know? Although it's really OK as is. It reminds me of the first half of my life, before I came to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. You might notice the two replaced "lanai" roof supports, there are a few other things on my list--watch TV, Blog, Sleep, Eat, Crap, the regular stuff.

This post concerns a passage on page 175 in THE SHACK. A minimum of background (my version)...God the Father is a woman. She is in the shack with our hero Mack. Mack's daughter died a horrible death. OK, that is the minimum.....

Mack:  "Is that why she died, so you could change me?"

God: "Whoa there, Mack...that's not how I do things."

(Skip a few lines)

Mack: "But if she had't died I wouldn't be here now..."

God: "Mack, just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrated the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I needed it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exists, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."

Peeps, to me there is profoundness in God's explanation to Mack--one which, in the midst of pain and suffering at another's hands, I too often overlook.

SOBRIETY.

LOVE.

PEACE.

Those are my wishes for you, and for me--today!

A CLEAN SWEEP

I LOVE Sunday. (Well, I love EVERY day! That's the TRUTH!)

This morning is again AA meeting time, 7 AM.

Choir Rehearsal

Sing at 1100 mass

Visit daughter in treatment (only on Sundays).

Another AA meeting @ 1730

Meet with sponsee after meeting...hopefully.

Call a friend.

The day is over, the week is finished. Enough!  Amen!

This coming week is already scheduled as busy.  For me it is really exciting!  For years I have been wondering what surprises God has in store for me, who is there to meet?  Who might I help?  Who might help ME? I know God will use me somehow. Will He let me see that?  It does not matter,


Simply having witnessed now how it works lets me know that Great Things will be happening.
 
Alcoholics Anonymous has done that for me...given me back a life, my life, and added many years to what might well have been.


OKAY, It is time for a joke...to end this week of seriousness:

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married..

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

'Why...we haven't even SWEPT together!'
_________________________________________________________________

And Peeps, One thing I believe which always
was, is, and shall be, forever and ever is LOVE.
Sort of like an attribute of God, Hmmmmm?

It leads me to PEACE!
(Those Green Pastures by the Still Waters?)

May we all enjoy both Love and Peace...and Sobriety.
Today!

CAN I JUST HELP GOD A LITTLE?

I DID IT MY WAY...

My father had a lot of antisocial habits.  He was a dairy farmer, with lots of cows, a few hundred acres, six live-in hired hands, some less-than-sterile habits, and he was sightless.

I remember when he was measuring liquid into a container, whether five gallons of milk for a customer, or coffee in his own giant cup, he always stuck a finger or a thumb into the jar, cup, or can, so he could tell when it was filled.  In a restaurant, he'd stick his finger into his cup (or stein) to see if it had been refilled. If it was hot coffee, he'd say "OUCH" so loud that many would hear him.

These years were the early 1940's when he was beginning to experience serious  hearing loss. I was between age 8-12, and began to copy his behaviors, as if they were "normal".  So by the time I got to college, I discovered it was difficult to impress a date, when you stick your finger into her beer, and then lick it clean.  

Many years later I entered an AA meeting room.  I was like "born and raised" in a new way of life.  Before there was Inter-Group in Naples FL, before local treatment facilities, before the now-all-too-familiar 90 meetings in 90 days, before the shouting out of "What's the POINT?", "It Works if you WORK IT!", before a LOAD of nuevo practices, rules, and regulations became effective, I had been taught simply, that if I drink I die. That was basic. And I believed then and continue to believe that, with all my heart.

And so when we in Alcoholics Anonymous began arguing about whether a drug addict was allowed in our rooms, what we should do about a "Jesus" special messenger, and do we say--or not--the (non-AA) Lord's Prayer after a meeting, I was dumbfounded.  The first time I heard the meeting topic "My boyfriend moved out...what should I do?"  I was stunned. And the first time I heard a leader at a 9th Step meeting say, "But FIRST "my sponsor" told me to forgive myself (so I would 'feel good')", I thought WTF, this is NOT the way I was raised in AA. I felt at once so alone, rudderless.

AMENDMENT:  Shadow wrote the following good point-a question:

"...what is it about change that makes us so uncomfortable. what is it about another's way, that makes us want to pull back..."

Shadow...Isn't it FEAR (Pride?).  Fear of maybe you finding out my way is not the 'only' way. Fear of me finding out my "thinker" needs adjusting. Fear that in my experience, you will only "get it" if you do it the way I was raised.  Fear of me finding out "my way" is not the best (finger-in-the-beer)...I may add these couple lines of amendment to the blog. Thank you SO much.


I crusaded to "change things", all for naught. With "adult supervision" I decided to seek out meetings which adhered to the Principles and the Traditions, as they had been taught me.  Admit powerlessness, kneel and  surrender, trust a Higher Power, turn my life over to Him.  These acts culminated in my working the next eight steps, so in fact, that is how to really work step three.

The point here is that I am comfortable when things are going my way--the way I was early-on taught--and very uncomfortable when I see some of the changes happening right before our eyes, which--to me--are how we might one day be destroyed, from within.  

It is then when I realize that we are all--sober, drunk, or neither--in God's hands always, and forever. And with God leading the meetings, the membership will learn, and will stay sober, in spite of all efforts to bend the meanings of our meaningful steps, to suit every flavor of taste in every room of recovery.

Oooops, I just spilled some HERSHEY'S chocolate syrup on my thumb...(slurrp...slurrrp!)--all clean now!

May God's Loving and sober Peace be yours today, my cherished Peeps!

PRACTICE DOES NOT ALWAYS 'PERFECT' MAKE

Einstein and I--buddies--we DID

have one thing in common!

"A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy" - Albert Einstein (he was past age 70 when he said that...)

My comment to Mr A Einstein:  Well Sir, I do not know about YOU...but for me, a chair--OK, a violin--OK, then, well, I--uh, um, hmmmmm--why is this not easy? Well, I'll be honest.  I'd want my woman!  And I am older than you were--with your bowl of fruit!  I hope you had a good time...--grin!

Of course, that is NOT the topic here.  I prefer to talk in this blog about what (Who) keeps me sober, mostly serene and at peace.   

NOTE: This is my first try at this type of verse. So be gentle please --grin!

And it IS the Power
of the Universe,
that Great Spirit
which moves
in constant waves
over and through
all things
all bodies
all minds

This Power, God,
As I delve
into His Programs
Stairways of Twelve
keep me sober,
and mostly happy

Always Pushing,
Leading, Pulling--
The Great Cajoler
Teasing me/us
with moments sublime
Moments of time
In perfect time.
In perfect tune.

Strings taut so those notes,
Like petite round sounds--
Beautifully soft,
Reach my very
center. Inner nerves
Also taut...on the verge

About to release the energies
Of sight, sound, touch
And face the reality of LOVE
To attain that serenity
For which I try much,
Too much, to achieve

No more deceive.
All is at peace.

All tiredness
all weariness
ending with
Gratitude,
With PRAISE,
with healing sleep.
Prayer and Healing Sleep..

Peeps, what can I say?  I love you all.
PEACE!

THE STEP LADDER

"Wait!  You did not tell me 

they were REAL steps!"

LADDERS OF SUCCESS

Yes, well...the meeting topic  yesterday was "When I arrived at the door of Alcoholics Anonymous, what did I do to fill the hole left, by not drinking, not fraternizing with my 'friends', not fighting, and not drinking--grin.

How did I fill up that huge emptiness, that hole in my body, my life--of time spent drinking, of 'fun'...and finally of misery, of chaos, of hopelessness?

For one thing, there was a great hole, but it was not in me. I was in it! It was as if I was caught in this immense, ummm, black-hole. It kept filling up with more and more crapola, and kept getting larger, as might a stomach being constantly fed.

The only way out of this hole--of which drinking large daily amounts of booze was a true symptom--was a ladder being handed down from above. Isn't it interesting that this ladder contained Twelve Steps?

All I had to do was start climbing--take that first step, admit my powerlessness.  And there was a light which began shining dimly at first, a light of hope, that here was an opportunity to begin anew, again, once more.

When I was ready, God put the ladder in my path.  You people met me, helped me, prayed for me, told me to "Don't drink!  Come back next week". And I did just that--thirty-five and a half years ago.

However many times I Fk'd up, I always was given another chance--by God, that is.  Not to mislead you--from my first meeting in AA, I never drank again. God did for me what I could NEVER do for myself. And I simply kept following that beacon of hope, which shone brighter with each period of painful change.

Each plateau of growth seemed to have added a few more Watts to the bulb lighting the way.  I have two bulbs shining the way now, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the religion of my childhood. God has really smiled on me, Peeps!

Oh, I forgot to mention...that ladder of Twelve Steps? It has extensions, each having Twelve Steps.  I am beginning to again take someone through  the steps. I will once more pull out the extension for myself...and re-learn and re-take those Twelve Steps.  This is "How It Works" for me today.

In gratitude, I am your steveroni.
Thank you for your love.

PEACE!

OWNER'S MANUAL

ANGEL'S TRUMPETS...THEIR SCENT
PERMEATES THE NEIGHBORHOOD

GPS

A few days before I left on my solo scooter ride from Naples Florida up the east coast to Virginia, I bought a GPS. A Garvin nuvi 260W, at Costco...probably a closeout model.

The first time I used it I was disappointed, frustrated. It did not perform how I wished. It kept leading me to wrong street names, wrong turns, wrong house numbers. There was a problem with its distinguishing between E and W and SW directions. In other words, it worked somewhat--but as I rode my scooter through many miles of busy streets of Orlando, Florida, holding a GPS, trying to read it and listen to the "voice", somewhat was just not good enough.

A few days later, I had called my host in Richmond and whined, "I cannot get there from here." She said, "Use your new GPS, Dummy". (I don't know if she really said "Dummy".) I told her, well it is quite useless, and when she asked why, I had to admit I had left the User's Manual back at home in Naples. A lot of good help that provided for me in Virginia!
_______________________________________________________________________

SOBRIETY

Well, not for everyone, but certainly for me, my recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous would be utterly useless without directions. As I walked through that door for the first time, I had not had a drink since the night before at midnight. I was in a hazy daze, which would continue for a number of years. In this state of ill health, broken body, broken spirit and broken brain, I needed to be told immediately after the meeting, what I would do.

I must have explicit, detailed instructions on what to do, and how to do it. Otherwise I'd have done it my way--the easier, softer way. Otherwise, I would have failed. I'd have died drunk many years ago. That is fact.

My Owner's Manual--or user's manual--for AA is our Big Book. Everything I need to know (this is ME I'm discussing here!) is in the first 164 page of that book...including the "Doctor's Opinion." This is my textbook, my never-changing day-to-day volume.

The AA "User's Manual" teaches me how to behave in almost every imaginable situation, what to say, and when to say it. It teaches me how to live life on life's terms. And it shows me how to pray and meditate. It even practically orders me to laugh. It gives me a list of things to write about. The Big Book shows me how to be rid of fear, guilt, remorse, anguish, and heart-pain. And so I learned in the Big book, how to be Happy and at peace.

I learned--am still learning--how to live again. I gratefully praise God, from Whom came my gift of sobriety. It arrived to me through AA members, and continues to be dished out to me by you Blogger Peeps.

I pray for you all to enjoy some peace in your lives!
Love.
Steve

DAY ONE

First day of trip I enjoyed a private guided tour of a
museum of statue and art. A whole estate literally
LITTERED with wonderful works of art
in every medium--in Orlando FL

A "GOD" DAY

Took it easy first day out, only traveled about 250 miles. And everything got wet except my scooter and me. How can this be happening? Good planning--I just travel between the drops. (That came from a boy, age 8.)

My bike is carrying weight of 450 pounds (204 kgs) including me, and so that brings (bike weighs 550 lbs.) total weight to a half ton (455 kgs).

One scooter-rider (me), hiding under a bridge, in a downpour on a short span of I-4 near Orlando, FL, was feeling sort of lonely around noon today.

Next bridge where I sought shelter, two more riders joined in to make a party (real bikers!), and under the bridge after that (four miles down the road)...three became five. The last bridge we sheltered under, there were SIX of us, all asking things like "Where you from?" What do you do?" "Got a cigarette?" you know--real GUY stuff! --grin!

Really impressive to me was how all six of us who are so different in outward lives and appearances, are yet so much alike, so much the same in our basic needs, desires, wishes, habits, feelings, sorrows, gladness, pain and happiness. We just want freedom and peace, and love. Actually, that's what we DID talk about. Imagine!

God is good to me on this trip. Instead of cursing the biting rain-pellets, I got to praise God, by joining with his creatures in fun and fellowship, and sharing of the water bottle. Water, peeps! WATER, Okay?

I am thoroughly and kingly ensconced in the home of an Alanon blogger 'friend' in Orlando Florida on this, my first night out. I've even been invited by her and two roommates to have dinner "out" at 9 PM. And I shall BE there!

And I'm sitting on my wonderfully soft--even if strange--bed while writing this blog. It is just SUCH a warm feeling for me, a stranger, to be accepted into someone's home, our only mutual credentials being an honest look-in-the-eye between two peeps. Interesting how that can be, yes? I'm telling you, my peeps, God is with us today, and may God be with us ALL, and keep us from harming ourselves--or anyone ELSE! Ya HEAH?

Peace and Love,
from Steve

LEARNING IN A COFFEE HOUSE

Come on in and get connected.

PERSISTENCE

Well...here I am, sitting in a Starbucks, blogging. for several weeks I have been trying to get online here. A friendly corporation named ATT has been working hard for me, to keep me from gaining access to the Free Starbucks Internet access, two hours each day. Finally, they succeeded in getting me pissed off enough to make some calls and complain (covered with sugared maple syrup), so now I'm set for the next couple weeks.

It is time for a list, maybe an "I have learned" List. Okay,

I HAVE LEARNED

That respect for each other is VITAL in our attempts to help one another.

I've learned: Forgiveness is God-like. Anything less is NOT.

God is in charge, always and forever.

Because of that I now know what is peace.

What love is.

That I now know Who is the God of my understanding.

Where that God is.

To appreciate gifts I have received from others, even when they are not aware of it.

What goes around DOES come around, both good and bad.

To anticipate with happy expectation, the unknown where I am riding

To let God be m guide, to listen to that "voice inside".

That when I am full of music, all is well

Music in my head, that is...full symphonies, I can "play" at will. Love it!

AND I have learned to have compassion for those who are in distress in their family life, their work life, spiritual life, their health, mental and physical lives.

Let us pray that we all stay sober today, No Matter What.

So Peeps, Peace be with us all.
And may we LOVE one another.
Seek God's Will, and God's Power.
And if it is "right"...DO it!

I am learning that we only live once. I have heard that expression for three quarters of a century...and it finally is making sense.

GOD THE DOCTOR

TV DOCTOR HOUSE

BOTH GOD AND THE DOCTOR SAID.........

Monday I had a "regular checkup" doctor appointment. There is one medical problem which has worsened considerably since the last visit. I had decided to not mention this to the doctor (Like shhhhhh! don't tell my sponsor!).

You see, I have a scooter trip planned, and I was pretty certain doctor would say, "No. You cannot go". I did not want to let you bloggers know I was too old, too sick, too this or that--to behave like a forty-year-old. Well, Peeps, I "bit the bullet".

For several months I have been planning (in my head) to get on my Suzuki motor scooter and just "ride, ride. ride". To justify the fulfillment of this desire (whim?) I decided to take to the Blue Highways (colored "blue" on street maps), stop in towns along the way to anywhere, and visit meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. As my evolving "dream" inched closer to reality, I realized I'd like to visit blogger peeps along the way for coffee and possibly a meeting.

The next inspiration to hit me, was that I might stop in for a face-to-face with the Peeps at TSR (The Second Road) "Where Everyone Knows Your User Name". TSR is fast becoming my favorite place (Blogs and Chat) to "hang out" on the 'net. Of course it is recovery based, but not "all AA". I thoroughly enjoy the diversity--I had to "learn" that.

Then, a couple weeks ago I learned that one of my granddaughters was to have (did have!) a baby August 11 (can you say "Great Grandchild"?) in North Carolina.

DIGRESS HERE:

The 7AM AA Monday meeting's topic was "Let Go And Let God", a familiar phrase in most recovering minds.

So, on my ride to the doctor's office, I actually said this: "God, if the doctor tells me to stay home, I will consider that it is against Your Will for me to go, and I will just let people know what happened. My trip only matters to me, after all. Everyone has their lives to live." I--still so full of myself--continued fighting this great ego-deflation thing. I mean, how can YOU all NOT be completely immersed in my doings? Hmmmmmm?

Confession: I did ask God to please allow me to go--but don't tell anyone...Okay?

A GREAT PEACE CAME OVER ME. Peeps, this was "huge" for me, to finally realize exactly what "turning it over" means. Ride or not ride is insignificant, I begin again to see that God's Will is what reigns always and forever. Praise God Who knows what is best for us all....

TIE UP LOOSE ENDS HERE:

1. Doctor said, "Go, have a 'God-good' time. Be careful out there!"

2. My wife Prayer girl does not wish to "ride" for a number of personal reasons.

3. A. Miles of TSR sent two beautiful saddle bags for me to use. May God bless Peeps like A. Miles and Jinx (of TSR), not as much for the welcomed saddle bags, as for the prayerful thoughts behind every act they perform to be nice to a fellow human. I learn from these people. My thanks and prayers are for and with you and yours, J., and A.

4. Let us seek to do what is the next right thing. I know what that is when I become still...and know that He is God--not me. Also I can see things when I'm looking through a non-drugged mind--and yes, I believe "Pride" is also a drug.

5. I'll get to hold my (very Irish) first great grandchild. I SO desire to be given that spiritual moment.

6. Please God, bless us all, and Love all us Peeps!
I love you, Bloggers!
And I will stay sober with you today...

Steve

FRIENDS FOREVER!

Note to "xxx"
...Forgive easily, laugh joyfully, and serve
others with Love and compassion.
There happiness is.
And keep writing.
US

FELLOWSHIP OR FRIENDSHIP

Tuesday I chair the 8 AM "Early Risers" AA meeting. It is the one for which I was a 'no-show' last Tuesday. Do you remember the meeting in which I apologized the next day, and they looked at me as if to say, "Whatcha talkin' 'bout, man?" What a beautiful moment in my week! A moment of virtue being learned.

Anyway, topic tomorrow is about FRIENDS in AA, and what they mean to me. My AA friends mean more to me than all 'friends' before. These are the people--finally--who accept me at face value, who neither fame nor defame, neither applaud nor blame, neither rate, nor berate. They only share out of love.

Friends, the night after my first AA meeting--I did not even know their names--came to the cocktail lounge where I worked and sat at the bar, in what I figured was the AA way to 'police' their own. How wrong was I! They (usually three guys) came in to be supportive for me, at my job, which was pouring a tank-truck-load of alcohol into glasses for people to drink. In fact, these bar visits by my new AA friends probably are a huge reason why I did not drink since the night before my first AA meeting, a long time ago.

So many who helped, spent time--and money, so many who lent their expert advice, so many who did actual physical labor at my house, so many who patiently tolerated my ranting , my lengthy 'shares', my stupid perspectives, my truth-stretching, so many of these are friends today. Most who were here when I first walked into the room, have passed on. But I find myself frequently quoting them, verbatim, though I do not remember who said what...nor when.

Without friends like mine from sober day one, I would not have had "sober day TWO"! I would not be here today. And so for me there is but one goal left...that is to pass it on, help others to recover from alcoholism. And I only can do that by practicing certain principles in ALL my living of life today. Yep, those Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. A spiritual way of living.

In several areas (family?) I have run into brick walls, walls that maybe I have built. God will either remove them, or let them be. He has not yet 'talked' to me about that -grin! Or perhaps I've not listened to the Spirit-Voice.

Back to topic: FRIENDS.

Fellowship means Friendship. I prefer the friendly term, maybe because I felt so friendless for so many years. So empty. So alone. So forsaken, so abandoned. SO DRUNK! I chose the prison I had built for myself, to be the place where i should die. Death did not come. It did not happen. God intervened. New friends, many of whom had lost everything, saw in me something worth saving. And there I was. God intervened. And here I am.

Two of the alcoholics I know have mountain homes, one in Colorado, one in North Carolina. We have a standing invitation to visit, and enjoy what they have worked so hard for. Isn't that just miracle stuff? For me, it is.

And now, with some years of sobriety, God has sent me to you bloggers. What a profound difference you have made in my life. I have a new motivation to write, to learn, to share, to just be among you. I have learned how to better meditate, pray, spread happiness and good cheer, relate and identify with the new person in the room. I am learning where God is, and where He is not.

Without you bloggers, and our unseen but extremely personal and spiritual relationships, my life today might not be overflowing with love, and I might not be eternally grateful. I might never have translated gratitude into action.

PRAYER REQUEST

Two specific matters in the lives of young people close to us which are very disturbing, will be ongoing for some time. And if anyone has room on their prayer list, please add our intentions. Thank you, dear blogger peeps.

Love,
Steve E

TRIVIA

Did you know the literal meaning of Bethlehem? "House of Bread".
WOW!

LET'S LIGHTEN UP...

GOD, IN A MOMENT OF FRIVOLITY

SENSE OF HUMOR

"The Master" was in an expansive mood, so his disciples sought to learn from him the stages he had passed through in his quest for the divine.

"God first led me by the hand," he said, "into the Land of Action, and there I dwelt for several years.

Then he returned and led me to the Land of Sorrows; there I lived until my heart was purged of every inordinate attachment.

That is when I found myself in the Land of Love, whose burning flames consumed whatever was left in me of self.

This brought me to the Land of Silence, where the mysteries of life and death were bared before my wondering eyes."

"Was that the final stage of your quest?" they asked.

"No," the Master said. "One day God said, 'Today I shall take you to the innermost sanctuary of the Temple, to the heart of God himself.'
....And I was led to the Land of Laughter."

--Anthony De Mello, "TAKING FLIGHT", Page 126

Peace, and Love,

Steve E

TRIVIA

"Only the male Robin sings"

FIRST AND LAST

THE FIRST DEADLY SIN IS THE LAST ONE TO GO

The following is a response--one hour ago--in comment form to one of us bloggers. Its appropriateness as a possible blog stayed with me, so here goes:

I just love those words and their meanings: Pride and Ego--that must be what keeps
New Englanders staying there for the winter--grin! Summer?



AMENDED THURSDAY MORNING: One of the comments below addressed "What was it I did not say?" How perceptive! And how rude of me, to hide truth--which is...I was really pissed off when I wrote the following blog. One of my friends had been attacked in a comment, by a self-appointed guru, and I wanted to tear into his flesh.

Reminds me now, of a friend of mine who went into Judge-ordered Anger Managment Class, and he said, "Boy, that Anger Teacher really pissed me off!"

So now ya know--and I know something: for me, never write a blog in anger, because nobody but I will understand it. Thanks for reading, my wonderful peeps!

THE BLOG:

I see truckloads of it online and in f2f meetings. I am first to recognize it. Why? Because I'm still full of that crap myself. Else how would I know? It doesn't smell, taste, make noise, and it has no 'feel' to it. Well...maybe a queasiness?

But it DOES show itself to whoever can see. And even the blind readily see it, some better than sighted peeps.

I'm still new to the blogs, just one year. My understanding is this is NOT the place for me to counsel, advise, belittle others, or for me to get well OR to find God. I become well by working the steps. I find God, the Great Reality, deep down within me--and within all others--for, in the final analysis, that is the ONLY place He can be found. (BB, page 55).

I love these blogs, I can be myself without intimidation. I can learn at my speed. I can live, laugh and love here--and I DO!--to my heart's content. I can publish, or reject. I'm "in charge" of my blog, so to speak.

I get my AA from the Big Book's first 164 pages. I get my spiritual growth from wherever else I am led. I have adult supervision for all my questions about living life on life's terms. Usually, my adult supervisor will point me to a page in the Big Book--unless I first point him to a page. (He's only sober 31 years. I remember back when I had only 31 years! ---Private joke!)

I'm grateful to the extreme and do express that in AA group activity, and one-on-one sponsorship. I talked with two sponsees today, one more later on, he lives in Colorado on a mountain.

This sure sounds like a lot of "I, I, I," to me, but--don't forget--in the beginning of this message I put out Pride and Ego as my chief defects. And God and "I" are working on those--the timetable is really up to Him. I've written wayyyy to much for a 'comment'.

Bottom line here, for me the blogs are NOT where I TELL peeps what they should do, or should not do (unless they ask, or unless I know them pretty well). Otherwise, I can just about write whatever I feel is appropriate if I respect others' rights to do that, also.

I do NOT have to read certain blogs, and I do NOT have to publish certain comments--especially if I believe they make the commentator sound like an asshole. (Some of us do sound like that ya know? -grin!)

TODAY'S TRIVIA

A silk fiber is triangular. It reflects light much as does a prism. That's why silk cloth shines.

Hey, if you bloggers thought for one minute that you were gonna get away without something else from me, you are sadly mistaken:

Peace, and LOVE, from
Steve E

Trivia taken randomly from Boyd's "Curiosity Shop"

3 EGGS, 3 ALKIES, and A DOORKNOB

THREE DAYS AND THREE EGGS--
PLUS GUESS WHO IS "BIGFOOT"

THREE BECAME FIVE

DAY ONE, we found one egg. PG had called me to the front door, "Look at THIS!!" One Muscovy duck egg. A miracle, I suppose. Only God can make an egg. The next day were two, and then there were three. So I took a shot.

Tonight I counted FIVE eggs, plus (something new) a bunch of soft duck down, plucked off somebody's chest...well, breast, to be precise.

So I will probably be a grandfather again in a prescribed number of days. Since we'll be gone for two weeks, that will make the ducks happy, as they made their home right AT our front door, in the (egg)rock in a kind of trough. It is another happy family in the 'hood. No rent, no taxes, no jobs, no worry, no muss, no fuss

In AA, paradox is a common occurrence. The first I recall was: one plus one equal three. Thus we have Bill W and Dr Bob together bringing into their fold a third, Bill D., the celebrated "Man on the Bed". And the family which emanated from those few now numbers in the millions. "What hath God wrought?"

Really, is it easier for God to give the Gift of sobriety to millions? Or to make one human life in the womb of a mother? Or to allow the hatching of ducklings from six eggs happen?

IS A DOORKNOB YOUR HIGHER POWER?
HMMMMM?

Remember when one day some self-appointed AA guru announced at a meeting, "If ya havin' trouble with the 'God Thing', use the group as your Higher Power...or a doorknob. or anything, the A/C unit."

Next, a 'humble' Air Force (Retired) colonel would tell how he jumped from a plane and thought his parachute might not open, it was behaving erratically. He said, "Did I say, 'Come help me, doorknob'? Nooooooo...! I said, "Help me O God, Maker of all things. Be my higher Power, today and always!"

There was this unspoken war between doorknob people and the God-peeps. All I could dream up was, "We have ceased fighting anybody and anything..."

To tell the truth, I am just plumb tired of answering every dumb-ass, stupid idea, and having no support, no backup. It's "SHOW TIME", alcoholics! It's time to pick up the loose ball and run toward the goal.

It is not often I get riled up, but ya know, I've about had it with this "easier, softer way" crap. The only reference I ever found to "easier and softer" is "...but we could not." You can see, as I also see, this soapbox stuff will get me--and you--nowhere. So it is 'nuff said...for now!

Gosh, I hate to leave with feelings of disharmony. Actually, after spouting off to y'all, I feel really GREAT again! thank you, Peeps!

In service.
Peace and LOVE for you, from
Steve E

Mary, thank you for Year 7, that is not an easy task, to put your soul out here in view of all. But one day we will each one of us be on view to one another, for all time. So???

This is a service you perform...I KNOW there is one or more who will read your Blog, and receive hope, maybe say silently to themselves, "If she could escape, maybe I can also!"

You are loved by many out here, Mary Christine, "One Sober Alcoholic".

55-WORD FRIDAY

GOD SEES

I have been wanting to try this out for several weeks, and so this is my first attempt, and I just thought a prayer would be in order. Anyway, it's MY thing, right? I may try a story next week, but feel so inadequate among the fine writers on here...seriously. But God is watching! Shhhhhhhhh!

Every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. if you want to join in the fun and games and give it a try...post your story and report to the boss G-Man!

A PRAYER

May God Whose Spirit permeates our blogs and bloggers,

The God Who has special love for us,

That God Who brought us here together,

May that Same God protect us from all unnecessary anxieties,

And may He BLESS US, and all those we love.

May God's Spirit stay with us now, and from now on.