Of Gratitude and of Love

WE FLEW HOME

Thankful for all the blessings of the International Convention of AA

Indebtedness I owe to the hopeless, suffering alcoholic, whether 1 day or 36 years--sober.

Rejuvented by 65,000 smiling and very happy sober faces--day and night! OMG!!!

Entering a new phase in sobriety--of Recovery, Unity, and Service

Dismiss self and personally welcome all who step through this door of Alcoholics Anonymous

Just a few thoughts. Of course you noticed--grin! that taking the first letter of each line spelled "TIRED". And that is certainly what I am tonight--we just arrived home in Naples to a thunderstorm of the "magnitude" variety. That is the standard "Summer Welcome" in late-afternoon SW Florida.

Others have reported with much eruditeness convention news to the blogging world. I must say it was TRULY FUN to meet, even if ever so briefly, some of the Peeps of "blog" acquaintance. That's enough about that.

But I DO have an apres-convention short story which will no doubt be lengthened here to ungodly proportion:

This has nothing to do with alcoholism or the convention--or maybe anything at all. Sunday night I was sitting in the lobby of our hotel after midnight.  Blogging, and writing Emails was on my agenda, as usual every night, into the wee hours.  I was dying for a cup of coffee, Starbucks had closed. All alone, in semi darkness I sat writing, when a young girl smiling all over the place, popped out of seeming nowhere and stood before me.

Her words:  "Hello, I see you sitting here every night alone with your computer and a huge cup of coffee. And I see you  have no coffee tonight. Would you like some?" 

OBOY! My angel Flex is with me, and I said that she reminded me of Florence Nightingale.

Lesson to me (again): No person or group owns the monopoly on kindness to strangers. I still feel all one with people, and connected with all creation, no matter how loosely.  Whether I respond or not to that is up to me. The benefits of interconnecting far outweigh any semblance of tranquility in lonely self-aggrandizement.

Not only coffee, but some Apple-cake, water, and that genuine lovely smile all were delivered to this little computer table in the empty lobby. Marissa, born in Spain, told me she worked in the hotel bar--which had all but closed during the AA convention!

I verified for myself again, peeps, that love is everywhere. It is giving, it is an action. It is exemplified frequently in the bestowing of grace, favor, empathy and service to another/others. It can be the trading of a smile, an eye-to-eye connection, an understanding. As with any gift, the nature of love demands not only one who gives, but one who receives--and in beautiful reflection...gives back. When that happens, isn't it just WONDERFUL?

See...I told you I'd drag this out to a length far greater than its worth.

Sober Today.
Love you bloggers.
Wishing for us all--PEACE!

--steveroni

ONCE AGAIN IT'S TIME FOR...STEVERONI'S GRATITUDE LIST

For many years I have been listening to Peeps tell me that "Gratitude is an 'action' word. One does not simply sit here and be grateful."

While I agree that to show some sign of being thankful, other than just sporting a smiling expression, I must first have received a gift, and second, must know what IS that gift. When it finally hits me (when will it?) that God has done something for me which I could not do for myself, then I might say the following:

...in no particular order
I AM GRATEFUL FOR.....

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, my LIFE
SPONSEES, "must-haves", I need them
ICE CREAM, love it--any kind except "fat-free, sugar-free"
LIVING ON FARM, taught me a lot
HORSE, Mickey, beautiful shiny "black beauty"
SOBRIETY, without which I'd have been dead 30 years ago
FAMILY, here and elsewhere, I love them
FRIENDS, I love them
BLOGGER FRIENDS--I REALLY love YOU!
LOVE--Yes, I admit I love "love"
AIR cannot live without it--
ODORS love all those smells
NOSE of mine--it smells things others do not.  I can even
          tell women what perfume they are wearing--TRUE!
ART of all kinds, performing, creating
PAINT, to throw on canvass
DANCE...like ballet
POETRY--I'm attempting this myself occasionally
RAIN, thunder and all the trimmings
FLEX, my Guardian angel (Flexible)
FLEX, my 650cc scooter, named after angel
FLORIDA, 45 years of living in Naples
MEDICAL SCIENCE, and dedicated doctors
TECHNOLOGY--ALL of it!
MUSIC, the old masters
MUSIC, the new masters!
HERSHEY BARS, and chocolate in general
ESPRESSO, ESPRESSO, ESPRESSO
COFFEE, I'll settle if there is no espresso machine
.www or What a Wonderful World
INTERNET
COMPUTER, named Higher Power
MY "REAL" HIGHER POWER
GOOD HEALTH, well, comparatively speaking
PEEPS, everywhere
MY VIOLIN, by Georges Chanot c.1856 Paris, Fr
SERENITY, when I have some
PEACE, most of the time, this, yessss
HAPPINESS
Did I mention "LOVE"--grin!
GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING

More next year............Peace to you, Peeps

MY EYES AND I

MY EYES AND I

"Steve, your eyes are too close."

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said--your eyes are too close.  Check 'em out."

So, the next morning I studied myself, my face, in the bathroom mirror.  Ugh! But, even so (with the "Ugh!") I could not see a thing wrong with my eyes. At the next meeting I met an old-timer, and there I got the answer to my question.  He said, "Your I's are too close. When you speak, it is always 'I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I".......

 HIS SOBRIETY DATE APRIL 26, 2010

AS TOLD BY I, I, I, I, I

Met a fellow tonight who had been sober in AA for six years--then six years ago he had one--just ONE!--"fancy" drink, a Mai-Tai.  Well you pretty well know the story, he's been mostly a drunk ever since, these past six years.  His first meeting back into AA was this evening.  And I became the fortunate one to have a coffee with him after the meeting.

A nice telephone conversation with him just ended. I was filled in on his updated life, a nearly verbatim story of so many;  out of work--no paycheck for 9 months, living with parents (he's nearly 50), wife, also an untreated alcoholic, living in a Colorado city (with HER parents), threw him out.  They had been drinking buddies ever since those six long years ago in another state.

Now in Florida, he owns--as of today-- a Big Book, and a 12X12 (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions).  Do you know?  He seemed SO happy to get those books back into his hands. I have given lots of books away, and usually I get the impression that the recipient thinks he is doing ME a favor by accepting a book...how "positive" is that?  But THIS guy wanted a book so bad...and no money (he had put his "last dollar" into the basket), he expressed real gratitude.

I  almost said to him not to put a dollar into the basket, but thought to myself, "This helped me to make my commitment to staying sober some years ago...when I was expected to 'pay my way', even when broke.  It is almost like showing respect for a new person to allow him to pay for his coffee, and Big Book".

And tonight he told me he read "The Doctor's Opinion" for the first time. When he chooses a sponsor, he will be still a friend to me--I can "feel" it.  In a room of more than 100 Peeps, he picked me to talk with. What an honor, that God directed him my way. 

In SO many words, and with my "I's" very close together...I'm just sayin'

--steveroni



 Picture: Deviant Art--Too_Close_by_JaBoy3000

Gratitude List--Yeah!

Blue Birds of Paradise

GRATITUDE: A LIST

Today I am grateful--and try to show it--for:

1.   Friends!

As I grow older, it seems to me that everyone, even Peeps I simply meet by "chance", IS a friend. That determination expands the list of friends unendingly.  Those I find otherwise are SO few, and rather obscure, that mostly I do not even know who they might be.  I am grateful for friends...especially you blogger-type Peeps!

2.   Being SO tired!  When I am this fatigued it means I have been more than busy in the whirlwind of this past Wed., Thurs., Fri., Sat., and today, Easter Sunday. And it is a Happy, Sober "weariness"...

3.   We do NOT have termites, as we were told by a pest control worker.  Just a bunch of dead ants with wings and some wood dust mixed in.  NO problemo.

4.   My violin is sounding as good as ever!  I got to play at St Ann church...and sing.  I always thought something odd about guys who "sing in choirs", like they think they're "holier than thou" Ha! and LOL!  (I DO love being there, participating--it's like "hanging out with the winners" sort of thing.  Is it rubbing off?

5.  Family.  We seem to be settling into a more comfortable "place", dare I say more loving?  We are being watched over by a couple angels, who have been working overtime.

6.   Motor scooter. The Suzuki Bergman 650 has unknowingly been a dream of mine for many years.  Never dreamed there would one day be a scooter so powerful.  It is named Flex, after one of my angels.

7.   NAPS!  I have learned this past year to take one every day if possible.  Even if they do not extend life.  A little afternoon sleep is Sooooooooo nice!

8.   Sobriety.  Alcoholics Anonymous. The fellowship, the therapy, the healing, the closeness of the Peeps, the tough love, help, trust, and guidance which I have found there.  We are "like survivors from a sunken vessel, in this lifeboat of recovery".  I think that's from the Big Book.

9.   Higher Power, my computer.  Where would I be without it?  For "people of age" it is a marvelous connection with the world, which helps keep the mental processes from stagnation.

10.  The REAL Higher Power, God...who I have noticed IS still in charge of everything.  If I do not get in the way, don't put up a wall of separation, God will take care of showing me what to do, how to do it, and give me the power to do what is right.  Not easy--but simple.

11.  HEALTH which allows me to stay up until midnight or after, writing these things.  As stated in #2...I am tired enough to put my head right on top this keyboard and snooze away.

 
When I slip into bed I will think of two dozen more important/appropriate gratitudes, so mayb another "list" soon.  Meanwhile,  thanks for reading

Blessings.                                                                                                                                                                                          

Picture, c1917 by Ellis_Rowan25.jpg‎

ARTISTS AND ANGELIC BREEZES

This poem is dedicated to the many artists, painters, poets, writers of prose, recovering addicts/alcoholics and story-tellers who day after day inspire me to try...try to become a better person. 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

IN THE WIND IS ANGELS' SONG

The blowing breeze

Carries messages of love
Around the world
By creatures angelic
While I simply be.

And I observe
Churning waters of the sea,
Winded...and seeming
Directionless.
Also part of Thee?

I look at nature, painting Herself above
And below, quite colorfully
Beautifully, Vibrantly
I am part of it all--
"One plus one are always three".

I see many have been sent;
God's Creation of love continues.
God's gifts--so freely lent.
Artisans and artists, poets and Peeps
And on these blogs, they write to meeee?

Yesssssss!!!--grin!

Countless angels are singing
During wind's caressing of those
Sweet chimes of mine, to ring
As music. I HEAR!
And Oh! Now I SEE!

So blow wind, go wind, slow wind,
Push your own way this and that.
Since I have surely sinned
And since I have paid the fee
Come you angels!  Sing me FREE!

--Steve E. 3/14/2010

LOVE today!
PEACE today!
SOBRIETY today!
Willingness to CHANGE...today.

MY LIST

Now and then, I get a bit mushy and reflect on the wonderful gifts which God has given to me.  I am grateful for many things--among them:

Music, which lifts me from this worldly world


Singing in the Choir at St Ann Church

Art--all genre, all form, all color

I will get to "ride" to my meeting tonight

It is my "home group" meeting (Thursday)

I am librarian for this group

Never figured I'd be proud to be a librarian

I will tell my weekly joke tonight to about 200 people

They will laugh

Laughter is good

I use my computer for God's sake!

I have several 'families'

Prayer Girl and our children is one dear family

My early 7 AM meeting is my other dear 'family'



Other AA meetings I love

You bloggers--Yessss!--are also my 'dear' family.

I love all my families

My families love ME!

I wear a beautiful solid gold cross

Daily Reflections (A.A. Readings)

Anthony De Mello (Author)

The Cloud of Unknowing (Book)

Water aplenty

A roof that does not leak

A toilet that does

A wide TV screen

That I don't watch TV

Knowing how to pray

Learning how to meditate

My contact with God as a Friend

Do not ANYONE who reads this think that I am not grateful--in the extreme!

That's about enough for now--more to come...tomorrow?  Before signing off for this Thursday night, I've GOT to tell you all:

I am most peaceful, most serene, most happy, most thankful, and I know that God is close to me--at these moments in front of my computer.  This is whether I'm reading you, blogging, commenting, Emailing--and/or praying with you.  I love you.

MUCH Gratitude.
Steve 

PG AND STEVE E AND CHERYL CHRISTMAS TREE

O CHRISTMAS TREE--

YOUR REFLECTION 

IS IN THE IMAGE OF YOURSELF

CHRISTMAS 
AND GRATITUDE

Years ago, a guy in AA handed me a card, and he said "Here is your Gratitude List!"

There was nothing on either side of the card, so I told him that.

He said, "Good!  All you have to do is fill in all that blank space!"

So much gratitude we talk about during this triumviral holiday season. Only this morning the chair person announced: "Today's topic--and I can hear groaning already--is on Gratitude." Those were his exact words.

My first thought was "You said 'Groaning'? WTF? After 'not drinking', gratitude is what keeps me ALIVE!!"  

If I am not grateful, Who do I think got me sober, and keeps me sober? Me? You? AA? Answer: None of the above. It is GOD Who does all this for me-- through you Peeps and practicing the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.  That's how it's done, where it is AT, folks. For ME--nowhere else. It is the only thing that worked--and continually works.

So, for everything I might declare Gratitude for, SOBRIETY is Numero Uno, because without it, I have nothing. I would have been  either in JAIL,a Mental Institution, or under the ground...and maybe for those reasons is whence comes my JOY at being alive.

Happiness is for me Acceptance of almost everything, Willingness to change most everything, and Gratitude to my God, for all he has given me.  This gratitude is not a simple "feeling of being grateful". It is more like "feeling of DOING grateful". Gratitude is an action word. I must show others what I used to be like, what happened to me, and what I am like now. Perfection is the goal. Great amounts of IMPERFECTION is the reality. And so I can only strive to get better, BE better, and serve better my fellows, you Peeps, and whoever I may be fortunate enough today to MEET.

Dammmm, I sure got on the soapbox! But I'm NOT sorry! See? It's working already!

I wish you all the Peace for which the Christmas celebration implies. I wish you my LOVE and a Merry (means HAPPY!) Christmas week...and after. Thank you--all my Peeps--SO much for being here. Blessings.

ANOTHER KIND OF BEAUTY IN MY LIFE

 

Beauty

Never have I really liked my mother.  During more than 60 years I did not  feel a warmth from her, a true non-obligated love.  When one has a strong intuition one way or another about anything for 60 years it cannot be denied, whatever were/are the reasons for the feelings.  Yes, I did and do love her--again, that sense of filial obligation. God does not demand that I love my mother, only that I honor her--"Honor Thy father and thy mother" or something like that.

That being stated, my mother did give me a lifeline to the road of happiness, a key to the notion of fulfillment.  My music.  I now sing in the church choir at St Ann in Naples FL. This is the first time ever that I entertained the thought of singing. For three months it has been a blessing in my life, and--for me--is another cause of living, not simply existing. So, I guess, "Thank you, Mom."

Jamie is the Music and Liturgy Director. I posted a blog about her in June 2008, if you are interested (it's pretty good!) here's the link.  And we worked together for nine months in 2007-8 and now I get to sing in her (really good) choir.  If it were not for my mother's years of constant prodding, I could not sit out there and read music as if it were a Stephen king novel.

Each year for 25 years I have been an orchestra member (violinist) at a large Baptist Church here for their annual Living Christmas Trees. We give 9 performances, and 2,000 people attend each one (18,000 people).

Anyway, to get to the point, I had not played in an orchestral situation for about a year. It is different than strolling, or playing alone in a country club foyer. To get "back in the saddle again" was sheer happiness, and with the greatest joy I told God how grateful I was that He allows me to continue to play in these types of situations.  So, I guess...thanks Mom.

And although I LOVE that we have some rehearsals now, plus those "shows" --churches like to call them "Presentations"--and I have some other gigs coming up, TIME is gonna be my problem. Maybe my Guardian Angel "Flex" will bend some time for me through these next five weeks. I will be reading, but not too much commenting. OK?

I was led to the Naples group of Alcoholics Anonymous a long time ago. One of those "things" I had to do was to stop drinking. Another was to pick up the "kit of tools for living" called Twelve Steps, and use them. Peeps I can unequivocally state that I should have been dead YEARS before now.  And I'd have missed the fun in life, the joys of helping other Alkies, and the pleasure of playing the violin until I'm 100--that's my new goal.

And I have never felt so young, so productive, and so happy for MANY moons!  I'll try for another poem tomorrow?  I feel one inside just in a rage to get out. I can hear it now:  "Rage, rage, rage".....

Peeps, let's stay SOBER today
Let's LOVE today
Let's spread PEACE today

I'M GRATEFUL

WRITE OR SLEEP?


For Tonight I do not have a blog. This day, Wednesday was packed full of activity. I realize it is difficult to believe that a retired guy "just doesn't have time to blog...but it is either "Blog" or "Sleep".

Oh, well, there's always tomorrow for sleep! Tonight is for Gratitude:

I am SO grateful:

That I got to be at an AA meeting with Prayer girl, her daughter, daughter's sponsor, and daughter's boy friend.

That meeting just "happened to be" on Step 1--Okay, God, You are still "doing it"

Boy friend knew nothing about AA, but got an earful of "Really good shit".

That we had a special "happy meal" at Longhorn's--GooooD!

Did not work in sun today.

I am now able to say, "The work will still be there tomorrow and Friday".

That I am being "allowed" to go on a solo bike trip August 22.

That I am surrounded with people who do love me, no fake stuff.

That I can love them, no fake stuff.

That early enough I'm finding out who is a true friend and who is not.

That I realize it is possible to love both, pray for both.

That I have hope for reconciliations between all those who have enmities between them--for whatever reasons.

That I am able to get to many meetings, which I LOVE.

That I am still teachable.

That young people all around me are getting sober.

That some are STAYING sober!

That I now know the secret of why I kneel every morning--FIRST thing!

That I do not have to recite a litany backwards (--grin!), in order to pray.

That I can meditate on these things and others, while going to sleep--in my own cool bed...in minutes.

Thank you ALL who might read this, and please know that I wish for you all:

Peace.
A sober day.
And love in your hearts.

Steve

ON BEING GRATEFUL

In a blog yesterday, my blog-friend Carol wrote an excerpt about the:

"Good news ... from Melody in Lang'ge of Letting Go . . . Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life . . . "

It became significant in my thoughts Saturday, through some VERY trying moments (hours?) of personal disturbances, so I decided to paste the whole piece from Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie, a Hazeldon book of Meditation.

"GRATITUDE unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

GRATITUDE makes things right.

GRATITUDE turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power.

We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it. if you say it long enough, you will believe it."

This was not what I had prepared for my Sunday blog, but I hope you all like to read it. Again, if you already have read it once on Saturday, be kind to yourself, and re-read. And, do not forget--GRATITUDE is an "action" word! Bless you all!

PEACE.
LOVE.
from Steve

FIRST AND LAST

THE FIRST DEADLY SIN IS THE LAST ONE TO GO

The following is a response--one hour ago--in comment form to one of us bloggers. Its appropriateness as a possible blog stayed with me, so here goes:

I just love those words and their meanings: Pride and Ego--that must be what keeps
New Englanders staying there for the winter--grin! Summer?



AMENDED THURSDAY MORNING: One of the comments below addressed "What was it I did not say?" How perceptive! And how rude of me, to hide truth--which is...I was really pissed off when I wrote the following blog. One of my friends had been attacked in a comment, by a self-appointed guru, and I wanted to tear into his flesh.

Reminds me now, of a friend of mine who went into Judge-ordered Anger Managment Class, and he said, "Boy, that Anger Teacher really pissed me off!"

So now ya know--and I know something: for me, never write a blog in anger, because nobody but I will understand it. Thanks for reading, my wonderful peeps!

THE BLOG:

I see truckloads of it online and in f2f meetings. I am first to recognize it. Why? Because I'm still full of that crap myself. Else how would I know? It doesn't smell, taste, make noise, and it has no 'feel' to it. Well...maybe a queasiness?

But it DOES show itself to whoever can see. And even the blind readily see it, some better than sighted peeps.

I'm still new to the blogs, just one year. My understanding is this is NOT the place for me to counsel, advise, belittle others, or for me to get well OR to find God. I become well by working the steps. I find God, the Great Reality, deep down within me--and within all others--for, in the final analysis, that is the ONLY place He can be found. (BB, page 55).

I love these blogs, I can be myself without intimidation. I can learn at my speed. I can live, laugh and love here--and I DO!--to my heart's content. I can publish, or reject. I'm "in charge" of my blog, so to speak.

I get my AA from the Big Book's first 164 pages. I get my spiritual growth from wherever else I am led. I have adult supervision for all my questions about living life on life's terms. Usually, my adult supervisor will point me to a page in the Big Book--unless I first point him to a page. (He's only sober 31 years. I remember back when I had only 31 years! ---Private joke!)

I'm grateful to the extreme and do express that in AA group activity, and one-on-one sponsorship. I talked with two sponsees today, one more later on, he lives in Colorado on a mountain.

This sure sounds like a lot of "I, I, I," to me, but--don't forget--in the beginning of this message I put out Pride and Ego as my chief defects. And God and "I" are working on those--the timetable is really up to Him. I've written wayyyy to much for a 'comment'.

Bottom line here, for me the blogs are NOT where I TELL peeps what they should do, or should not do (unless they ask, or unless I know them pretty well). Otherwise, I can just about write whatever I feel is appropriate if I respect others' rights to do that, also.

I do NOT have to read certain blogs, and I do NOT have to publish certain comments--especially if I believe they make the commentator sound like an asshole. (Some of us do sound like that ya know? -grin!)

TODAY'S TRIVIA

A silk fiber is triangular. It reflects light much as does a prism. That's why silk cloth shines.

Hey, if you bloggers thought for one minute that you were gonna get away without something else from me, you are sadly mistaken:

Peace, and LOVE, from
Steve E

Trivia taken randomly from Boyd's "Curiosity Shop"

"MOVING RIGHT ALONG..."

HERE, THERE, AND EVERYWHERE

We are 'awn root' today, heading for the NC Smokies to visit Anna's sponsling and husband. They built a house on top a mountain near Maggie Valley, NC, wherever that is.

We are leaving from a shrine owned by an order of Oblates--missionaries--who work among the poorest-of-the-poor in over 70 countries. It has been a rich and rewarding awareness for me to be here. It is good!

And we are going to God's very own retreat place, His Creation of beautiful mountains. We shall attend meetings there. In fact , we have been to a meeting each day this trip. It is an unbelievably wonderful experience, meeting with AA peeps everywhere we go. I am SO grateful!
_____________________________________________________________________


Since I didn't have anything blog-worthy on my mind for Today, I hope you'll settle for a bit of humor--if ya haven't heard it before, that is:

A couple of hunters chartered a plane to fly them into deep forest territory.

Two weeks later the pilot came to take them back. He took a look at the animals they had shot and said, "This plane won't take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the other behind."

"But last year the pilot let us take two in a plane this size," the hunters protested.

This pilot was doubtful, but finally he said, "Well, if you did it last year I guess we can do it again."

So the plane took off with the three men and two buffaloes. But it couldn't gain height and crashed into a neighboring hill.

The men climbed out of the wreckage and dazedly looked around.

One hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are?"

The other inspected the surroundings and said, "I think we're about two miles to the left of where we crashed last year."

(NOTE: If I keep doing the same thing, I'll keep getting the same result.)
____________________________________________________________________

DAILY TRIVIA: Ancient Greeks (c. 250 B.C.) believed that eating parsley would prevent them from getting drunk. They were wrong!

Peace.
Bloggers--and, if ya do not know this...I LOVE ya's--REALLY!
Steve E

A YEAR FOR "ONE", A DAY FOR "ANOTHER"

A YEAR FOR "ONE", A DAY FOR "ANOTHER"

I cannot write that every day of mine is as follows, but so many are, that I thought they deserved a blog. Please understand, this is not about ME, any long-timer could be writing an identical blog. This is about living an AA Way of Life.

AN AA YEAR FOR MARY C

ONE SOBER ALCOHOLIC

Before starting, I wish to notify those who may not know, that my very favorite blogger Mary Christine has begun to blog each of her soon-to-be TWENTY-FIVE Sober-in-Alcoholics Anonymous-years, beginning with year ONE in 1983. Today (Saturday) is blogged her fourth sober year. If you peeps are not reading this, you are missing some good solid recovery stuff, some "Learning-the-HARD-WAY" stuff, some "Do Not Drink No Matter What" stuff. Take this blog to the bank, I've been there, also done those things and for whatever reason, God has decided that Mary C should still be here, and also lots and lots of us peeps--and me, too.
Steve E

AN AA FRIDAY FOR STEVE E

ANOTHER SOBER ALCOHOLIC

Remember please, I am not relating this in any way but humbly, because it is through the Goodness and Grace of God, and with His Power I am here to tell it.

My day began with a prayer, this morning a bit different. Today I asked for a favor for ME, that God would give to me what I needed, a bit of healing through another alkie. I attended my morning meetings as usual. (Aren't you jealous that I'm retired and can make as many meetings as I want?)

Three-fourths through the second meeting I had to use the men's room. Leaving, I spotted my sponsor, just standing in the kitchen of the 24-Hr Club. Don't forget, we've each been sober well over 30 years. And he and I went for a "walk-and-talk" out into the parking lot and beyond. We had a heart-to-heart, which bordered at one point on severing our relationship. Our walk-talk ended in love, we hugged...(NO! we didn't KISS, asshole!) and we parted friends, and helpers of one another in our lives of sobriety. He is still my sponsor. My meeting ended without me.

I came home, read blogs, commented on blogs, began to write a blog. Practiced violin, but not for long. Nap time. A friend was speaker at the 5:30 meeting, so I attended that--I'm so glad I went. Another "good" friend was speaking at an 8 PM meeting, I told his fiancee I'd be there.

Bingo, then I remembered. A week ago I had made a commitment to help carry a meeting every Friday at 7 PM into our detox unit. So, I'd normally have been really upset, having signed myself to be in two places at once. Not so, something told me God would handle it.

The detox meeting was just what I needed to remind me of where I could be any given year or month. The poor creatures have no idea the Gift being extended to them by God. After that meeting, I had to decide where to go. (It was now 8 PM, my speaker-friend has already begun, 10 miles away.) I wanted to come home, get on the computer with my peeps, ya know. But something a sponsor long ago had said to me, "When I WANT to do something, do the the opposite and I'll usually be right." So I drove the ten miles, my friend was still speaking--he had the whole hour!

Here's the punch line. After the meeting, I was in line to shake hands with the speaker. He turned toward me, away from a group he was in, and told me, "Thanks! I KNEW you'd come!"

Well guys, that's all I needed to hear, to realize God had again done for me what I couldn't do for myself...He made a decision...for me! I left the building and came home to a warmed over, left-over supper, shaking my head and marveling at God's Greatness. Thank You. Can you think I'm not grateful? Can you think I'm not happy?

Well, THIS is the way I lived an AA day, in an AA way. Remember, I'm retired, and do have that certain freedom to roam, to BE there where I believe God wants me to be. Wouldn't you know, ALL long-timers who are happy live like this, it is not unusual. I'm finding out that even in the work of gratefulness, I'm certainly not alone.

Peace, and Love, Bloggers!
A happy, grateful Steve E

A TUESDAY RETROSPECTIVE

HOW I SEE ALL LIFE

IN RETROSPECT

Every day I read blogs and comments from nearly two dozen Peeps. My head shakes slowly back and forth, as I am simply awed at the eruditeness of the bloggers in our select little group. Your blogs are written with style, imagination, honesty, and a certain humor which could only be derived from experiences of living a period of years in abusive and/or self-abusive/destructive circumstances.

So many of the comments left by followers on each blog are written in an atmosphere of caring, sharing, and loving tenderness. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the directness of responses to problems others might be suffering. I am cheered by enthusiastic responses of long-timers to newer recovering peeps, and the newer members' to 'older member' comments. Often it surprises me (it should not, After all, it IS God working here, not us peeps -grin!) and warms my heart to read how one of us was really and truly helped by remarks from another.

To add to this mixture the fact that many--most?--of us have never met; do not know each other's last names; in many cases not even first names; have no idea what we all 'look' like; in some cases are recovering from different illnesses than alcoholism; ALL have a sense of a Higher Power directing our lives; ALL express here a spirituality, which would lead an outsider to sincerely believe that we meet together at least once a week, in person! And ALL express themselves in superior fashion...in poetry, prose, photos and blog layout.

Further, many of us share openly with one another now--or have in our archives--stuff that even our near relatives and close friends do not now, and may never, know about ourselves. We speak with each other as if we are a large family--the only difference being that we don't fight! I have seen and read these amazing blogs for nearly a year.

The same ten people who welcomed me online here are still blogging, for the most part, daily. Their welcoming words remain engraved in my heart, more than the welcome words said to me at my very first AA meeting. BECAUSE, back then I was in such a fog I couldn't remember anything. Now I CAN put together some loving memories and store them in my private and secret place. If ever I'm having an "off" day, I call on those happiest of memories, which immediately pick me up.

Even on an operating table in surgery, these fondest of memories--of my real family, and of my virtual family, you bloggers, past and present--are what now help to keep me serene and at peace. And all is well and good...because I KNOW now that God is directing my life and yours--to the extent that we allow Him.

For all AA members, and God Who introduced us, I am so grateful! To my sponsor, and those I sponsor, and did sponsor, and will sponsor, I am grateful. To my families! I am grateful. And I owe so much to those who were here for me, as I walked in the door of AA all those years ago. And I thank with all my heart those who were here for me online nearly a year ago. And my gratitude is also for all others who have come on these blogs since, and those who, for one reason or another, have left the blog world. You ALL have had a part in my learning experience, since I usually do what you tell me. And we CONTINUED to grow along spiritual lines. We CONTINUED to take personal inventory...the word "continued" appears in other places in our literature. I think of this existence as one great continuum, of which I am a very small but important part.

Truly, in Service and Love.
Peace,
Steve E

Peace!

PEACE

Tuesday's blog has been written and deleted. it was me ranting about corporate America, our government, the world, and I was becoming angry. How would I ever sleep with resentment in my head? God...help!

A trusted friend just sent me a short movie-type URL which, upon watching, I found a sense of calm, of serenity deep down--hiding. Just over three minutes, there is at least one quote which will grab you. Guaranteed! All are quotes, tried and true. Give a look, it will make you smile. I've never sent something like this before, and will not often, but, well, here 'tis: CLICK ME!

I am grateful tonight for:

• Healing hands
• A computer that works
• Friends, both here--and there!
• Trip across Florida to a roundup this Thursday through Sunday
• A program that works (if ya work it? Ugh!)
• Choices, options, Free Will
• Sponsor, to say "No" to choices, options, and free will.
• Wife who puts up with a lot of crap
• Blogspot
• TSR
• Snows in Denver
• Does not snow in Naples
• Sponsorship
• Service
• They are NOT the same!
• God's Mercy and Love
• Joyful anticipation: what this summer will bring all of us
• We all will stay sober today--together
  

In Peace, Love, and Service,
Sincerely,
Steve E

Amended: WEDDING DAY plus "K" (Update!)

Amended: As I went to lobby at midnight to write this blog, I found "K" (see below) sitting on floor by elevator, talking on her cell. She told me this morning that she was so excited (at midnight!) about her Saturday--and her unanticipated AA meeting--she had to call her sponsor in Virginia and give her the good news! -SE

THE WEDDING

People, I have played violin for at least 500 weddings. Some were for relatives, some friends, but most contracted for, through agents. Today's wedding in Tampa FL was for Anna's son, and it was one of the most fun for me.

I got to meet so many relatives and friends for the first time, nearly eighty people who I did not know until today. I must say that attending were the usual number of future "customers" for our fellowship--lots of prospects.

SURPRISE FOR STEVE E.

But the following is my reason for blogging tonight. A little background first. Back in late July or early August 2008, I blogged about a girl named "K", a then-unknown (to me) relative, age 17, who happened into our midst one Thursday night.

Next morning at 7AM in Naples, she attended her first ever AA meeting. She 'looked' then (to me) like she really 'wanted' to stay sober. And somehow I 'knew' she would soon be one of us. Ya know how after a number of years we achieve a certain 'intuition' about certain people, etc? And once-in-awhile it turns out we are correct? -grin!

Periodically, but not often, we have been in touch with K, who lives "up nowath". At the hotel, where Anna and I are staying for the duration of wedding celebrations, I stepped outside the lobby for a minute. Who do I meet, like, blocking my path? Of course, it was K--what a wonderful moment for me, to reaquaint with this beautiful young high school senior, who I had not seen since last summer.

She was smiling a smile which could adorn only the face of one who is happily sober. We hugged. I met her Mom, Dad, and brother. A few whispered remarks with K confirmed with me she had stayed sober since last July 30 (2008).

Her sponsor told her she must sponsor someone, and so she now has a "sponsling"! K is active in her home group. I must tell you all I am tearing up with happiness as I write this! Don't forget, we had the joy of taking her to her first AA meeting! I had not even expected her to be here. Thank You, God!

NEXT: UNBELIEVABLE! AND YET?...

OK, here goes. Anna and I were on the way to the wedding venue this morning. Anna saw, out of the corner of her eye, a triangle hanging over a garage of an old house. We decided to stop on the way back, after the wedding stuff. Well, as you might know, it IS an "old" AA-type club house, with a meeting at 8:15 PM.

We decided to go, called K, and she sounded "overjoyed", said she really needed a meeting. We did it! We are all happy campers, praising our Higher Power for what He has accomplished for us! What a WONDERFUL way to end a day!

And today, Sunday morning, we'll breakfast together, before returning to our respective cities...homes.

Our Higher Power DID do one more thing for us last night. He pointed out--after our AA meeting--a Dairy Queen store, where we all fell in love....with the concoction named TURTLE SUNDAE ($5). My advice: If ya never tried one--DON'T! It can be like that "first drink" thing we've all heard about.

Anyway, blogger friends, this was another of many sober, happy days. I feel more love than usual tonight for God, AA, family, and YOU blogger people--and I really mean that! Thank you all for being here!

In Love and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES

PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES

tradition twelve of alcoholics anonymous

Don't forget to check out Syd's blog on this same Tradition Twelve, if you haven't been there already. We both have thoroughly enjoyed this time with you in this two-sided study/discussion of the past three weeks. Thank you for staying with us--or it would have been lonely out here! -grin!

TRADITION TWELVE!
How many of these things ARE there???

This tradition, I believe, has much more to do with each of us personally. We are--each of us-- ambassadors for Alcoholics Anonymous, wherever we go, especially when we 'announce' ourselves as being sober members of AA. So if I am sober I must ACT sober, right?

Tradition Twelve states: "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."

1. It behooves me to never, never, ever, ever break the anonymity of another AA member. It also behooves me to never say, even whisper, anything of the private life of an AA member, which could somehow, in some way injure, or hurt him or her. I am bound to not even hint by association that another is in (or 'out of') our program. It is the ONE thing that is honored, must be honored, by every AA member.

This IS our spiritual foundation. This IS the binding which holds us together, though in every other way, on every other issue I may argue and disagree. God will surely judge me in how well I perform--or not--in this part of my program.

Let's move on:

2. Recently a fellow, 17-years-sober--a self proclaimed guru in my 6 AM meeting--had rudely cut me off while I was sharing, before I had finished. This has happened more than several times during an eight-month period. So my sponsor said I must confront him, short and sweet, get it over with, and never mention it again. That I must not let someone get away with running over me or another. I said, "OK".

Well, the next morning, I thought long and hard about this for a minute or so, and remembered I had given up fighting anybody or any thing. So I decided to let go of the matter (again). But, the real decision to do nothing, was this: the fellow has quarreled with me several times in the meeting room. So, instead of fabricating a disturbance for our group, I am letting it alone. My sponsor (bless him) agreed that "I may be right". I'm calling this "placing principles before personalities". This is part of Tradition 12 for ME.

3. Among millions of AA members, of which I am, what...a micro-organism? (NOT orgasm, you people!) You would think I am not important, right? WRONG!! To a new person entering our room for the first time I am 100% of the AA he meets, sees, or knows, for that first hour. I am what I see as his 911 call for help, his 911 call for support, his 911 call between him and possible premature death, his 911 call between him and, yes, his GOD! I can be his 'angel'--several have (seriously) mistakenly called me that (or, more likely, the 'devil'), which will guide him back through the wall of hell, to a more pleasing place. Each of us is as important to AA as we are to the God Who made us. When I remember that, I'm in "Tradition 12" mode...

4. In regard to AA (and life in general--believe me!) I am confident and enthusiastic--REALLY! My brand of recovery is finally attractive enough to me and others, that I willingly and readily reveal my AA affiliation in private conversations. This may occur in grocery lines, parking lots, doctors' offices, or in the "bike maintenance garage" to a mechanic. It may happen in a church, a coffee house, a symphony rehearsal, or a line at the ATM.

I am never ashamed of AA, always ready to help another, or to spread the word where another may find me/us. And I'm always ready thereby to help ALSO that most important person...myself. Whenever I'm doing AA work, I have gotten--at least temporarily--out of myself, and into the spiritual life of my fellows. That is the best way for me to stay out of all kinds of trouble, mental, physical, moral...which includes spiritual.

5. In fulfilling my own AA responsibilities, I probably am a little bit lax. Did I say a little bit? Try "doing less and expecting more"! Always ready to help another, I sometimes shirk on performing my duties as best they could be done. I am a master of excuses, having culled the 'best of the best' from 25 years of practice "out there". I promise to do better in this activity. Ha! Maybe I'll volunteer me an assistant, some new guy who is feeling sorry for himself. But, as "head librarian", I still get to tell the jokes!

5. Many of us in AA complain rather constantly about the "way things are run", or the way work is performed, especially by necessary paid professionals. We complain about those who complain, and about those who do not.

Funny, I sobered up--only to find I was still exactly ME, the same as always, except I did not drink any more. Everything else was the same. I was still the same old ass-hole. There had to be some changes made. I had to realize that AA includes many who might never have associated with one another...well, isn't that true? It is for me! So I had to learn to tolerate, respect, and love each and every one of us. That is not easy in some instances, but IS necessary. "Principles, before Personalities." Remember?

I was exactly like that farmer on page 82 of the Big book, who, after the tornado, saw everything as "hunky-dory". I completely overlooked the chaos all about, the havoc everywhere. Actually, that WAS me--for a long time ("Blong" Time?). In AA. I thought 'not drinking' was about all I needed to do, to live that life of productive fulfillment. A rebuilding from the ground up was an absolute for me.

Through working over and over the Twelve Steps, and observing to my best, the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have built, and am still in the process of building, a new and better life for me and those around me.

I've NEVER ever been more happy, relaxed, serene, and at peace, than these past ten or so years. March 18 will be the 35th anniversary of my last drink. And it seems like yesterday. I continue to attend two or three meetings every day at this time, because I love them...and because I CAN!

And I am so full of gratitude, and love, that I'm fairly bursting with joy most of the time. Thank you all who have labored with Syd and myself through these traditions the past several weeks. They are not easy--but they ARE simple! AMEN!

Steve E

MADE A LIST...

A COMPLETELY INCOMPLETE LIST

As I read this morning a short Email from a blogger who lives in South Africa, I began to think of that 'other world', the one I know not. The world which is 'real' poor. Sure, most of us are not rich, and we have a small percentage of the truly impoverished. My 'want' comes not from "do I have enough for today". It is more like, "will I have enough for tomorrow?" Fear of the future during these troubles times. Wondering, "How will we make it next year?"

That spells to me a lack of faith, of trust, of willingness to let God take care of tomorrow, if I do my part today. This brings me again to the table of Gratefulness, to the realization that I owe my very life to Alcoholics Anonymous. That is the place God brought me 34 years ago, a shaking, sweating, mentally deranged and physically ill 'mess of pottage'.

So I have lived long enough to continue writing a completely incomplete list of my blessings:

A computer on which to write this list

Visit Syd on TSR chat tonight...Later: TSR would not let me in.

My ignorance--when will I learn?

Electricity to power our home appliances

Water, running at a turn of the faucet

Some of it HOT

A great king-sized bed to sleep on

With sheets and a 517 yr-old pillow

Well, it LOOKS like 517 years old

Mega grocery warehouses

Chili for dinner

Chocolate chip cookies from Anna

A.A. groups and meetings in Naples (all day)

Ethereal thickly-fogged beauty of pre-dawn

Chocolate chip cookies at A.A. (7 AM this morning)

Awesome church music with a children's choir at mass

Suzuki Bergman "executive" 650cc (scooter)

Gallon of gasoline is $2

$8.00 will take me 200 miles to visit my daughter

Shoes and socks on my feet

NOT second-hand

Busy retirement

Able to work, long past retirement date (play violin)

A terrific sponsor (I should call him?)

I DID! And it made me happy--and him, too!

The Second Road--TSR--(IF I can ever get on -grin)

Patience: Try to logon TSR again tomorrow!

Chocolate Chip Cookies!

Grateful that a blogger let me know how obnoxious it is to "-grin" all the time! Thank you. I'll TRY!

And now, I shall pray for willingness to grow along spiritual lines, as I sign off on this day, and wish all of us to stay sober today, be at peace, LOVE...and BE loved (God IS "Love"!).

Sincerely,
Steve E.

Yep! I'M GRATEFUL!

YA REALLY WANNA TALK
"GRATITUDE"?

My home group, The Naples Group, will be having our 55th Anniversary Dinner the last Thursday of this month. A speaker--Barry W--from New Hampshire is featured.

At our recent monthly meeting to 'take care of business' (eight members attend, out of 150-200 regular meeting attendees) we were bandying about who we might ask to give the Invocation for this annual affair. A priest, a rabbi, a minister, were considered (none by name), when suddenly one girl said, "What about HIM"? And seven pair of eyes turned toward me. And, well, they appointed me, Steve E., to deliver the Invocation before the dinner-meeting. I truly thought they were joking. They were not.

I didn't allow anyone to see the tears forming in my own eyes, at being so honored by my peers. Probably I'm making too big a thing out of it. You see, this is the same A.A. group whose door I was pulled through that night of March 19th, 1974. At that moment, I KNEW that I would be resigning my position in that group the next day, March 20, 1974. And here I am, almost 35 years after, going to lead them in a 'short' prayer! God, what have You done for this formerly drunk hunk of flesh and bone?

I am grateful for many other things
--among them:

Music, which lifts me from this worldly world

I will get to ride to my meeting tonight

It is my home group meeting (Thursday)

I am librarian for this group

Never figured I'd be proud to be a librarian

I will tell my weekly joke tonight to about 200 people

They will laugh

Laughter is good

I use my computer for God's purposes

I have several 'families'

Prayer Girl and our children is one family

My early 6 AM meeting is my other 'family'

You bloggers are my 'DEAR' family

I love all my families

My families love ME!

I wear a beautiful solid gold cross

Anna gave it to me

Daily Reflections (A.A. Readings)

Anthony De Mello (Author)

The Cloud of Unknowing (Book)

Water aplenty

A roof that does not leak

A toilet that does--

A wide TV screen

I don't watch TV: well, VERY little!

Knowing how to pray

Learning how to meditate

Contact with God through others

I am most peaceful, most serene, most happy, most thankful, and I know that God is closest to me--at these moments in front of my computer. This is whether I'm reading you, blogging , commenting, Emailing--and/or praying with you. I love you, and Prayer Girl loves you.

MUCH Gratitude.
Steve E.

"BLONG" COMMENT

Thought it was time to put up (again) a photo of my
MOSTEST FUNNEST TOY' my Suzuki Bergman 650 "Executive

NOTE: Following is a "Blong" comment I made on Mary LA's blog this morning...

Good afternoon, Mary! Odd, to write that at 5:30 AM. Reading and commenting your blog daily has given me a new perspective on our small world. Seldom have I given thought to the fact, that as I rise (early) from deep slumber, others are having a nice lunch under the sycamore (well maybe not sycamore?)

Still others are having nothing to eat, wear, sleep on or in. Those same 'others' maybe even have nothing to DO. And time moves slowly, OH! so slowly, given those circumstances.

So I picture myself in both instances, and have great moments of thoughfulness, usually before dawn, each day in Florida, US.

Sorry--I got sidetracked from your blog--maybe not. I thought I held the record for a "blong", but Irish Friend has me beat. She does speak well and good. In any dissertation, it's the imported thought which I discern. And it is good for me...almost always!

Mary, you wrote: "If I could go and sit in AA meetings I think I would go twice a day for the rest of my life out of sheer gratitude."

Ya know, for many years I had two, sometimes three employments a day, and I remember driving a bus daily, saying to myself, "When I retire, I'm going to as many meetings as I can". Well, do you know, it happened! I am SO fortunate to go now to two meeting EVERY day, and sometimes three, or four.

And Mary, I L.O.V.E. them! I thrive on listening, hearing and understanding more and more about Alcoholics Anonymous, God, other alkies, and me.

I wonder if you can even IMAGINE my gratitude? I get to spend time with new members--right out of the woods (literally!) and long-time sober ones as well. I wake each day with anticipatory thoughts and feeling, my heart even speeds slightly, wonderingly, knowing that good things will be happening in me and around me today.

These will include--but not be limited by--writing you (pleasant moments for sure!), attending meetings, working with another, riding my bike (that's BIG 'pleasant'!) playing my violin, blogging, commenting, living, learning and loving...loving you, all the bloggers, and probably everyone I meet, and especially my wife, "One Prayer Girl" (Anna).

My regret of today (each day there are more than too many) is the frustration I feel in not being able to help those in dire need, e.g., those you so eloquently describe to us, mainly the CHILDREN, who have not asked for their lot, and who have no way to help themselves. Reminds me of many "bottomed" alcoholics.

Mary, I'm going to make this my blog for today, and I'll pray that is not offensive to you in any way.

Peace, and Love, from
Steve