Saturday, January 2, 2010



Three of AA's Twelve Steps:

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Is it Saturday already? I wish that the rest of this year flies by so well as the first day.

I am having a traumatic reaction to a life-changing event having to do with Steps Four, Eight, and Nine, those steps which I have always hated and still DO (hate?)!

Enough for me to say simply, Peeps, that steveroni is in pain--no joking here! But this too shall pass. How well I should know, that neither highs nor lows last too long in God's changing world--thank GOD--grin! And, thanks to AA's Twelve Steps, Sobriety, Peace, Serenity, and even Happiness can coexist midst Ups and Downs, even with a sprinkling of insanity and chaos stirred in.

Many years ago I completed Steps 4, 8 and 9...and I've been "completing" them ever since. There are some defects of my character which return year after year--trans: "day-after-day". There are also some which were not disclosed--by me TO me--in the past, and then new ones always are showing up to remind me I am SO human, NMW (No Matter What!).

It is my desire to ask God to help me with the changes in my life which must take place for my sanity, my peaceful way of life, yet preserve that enthusiasm and lust for life which I so thoroughly enjoy...which IS me.

Fortunately I have a sponsor who has stood by me through thick and thin, who "understands" me--because we are NOT different from one another. Seems like my best therapy can be realized with one who has suffered, and recovered, from the same maladies.

And, in spite of all I say and do, crazily or otherwise, I AM getting better. There is NO WAY, to get up for so many meetings, to work the steps, to meet and greet Peeps new and old, and not somehow get better.

As long as I keep in mind that "Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." And I do NOT want to go back to that living hell of active alcoholism. Ya know, sometimes I DO believe when I can stay sober for such a long time, I let it slip my mind, the deadliness of this disease. And it is just those OLD IDEAS which can open the flood gates onto the fields of sobriety, drowning any chance for staying sober with JOY, maybe for staying sober--PERIOD!

Well, it's about time for me to end this January 1st, the beginning of a year with promises galore for me, us, and YOU, all my special Peeps.

All for today, and today for ALL


Anonymous said...

Steve, you are included in my daily prayers, that's what I think of you!

Listen, in my opinion #8 and #9 can never be completed by most people, don't agonize over it any more.


Just Be Real said...

My dear Stevie, I am so sorry you are in pain. I pray for God's healing touch to fall upon you dear! Dear one you have shared some great things here. Especially asking God to help you in the changes.

Blessings and hugs. Keep warm dear one.

Kim A. said...

I know, for me, the fear of what may happen is what kept me from so many of the miracles that I have experienced, finally, after realizing that it is okay to be afraid, but I must still step out on the faith that I have in my HP and program. It has not failed me yet. I'm with you in spirit, Steve-O.


dAAve said...

Get that word right out of your mouth ...


It's so damn negative.

Madison said...

I love the title of your blog. Danger Ahead - Man Thinking. You don't want to do too much of that thinking. All you can do is the best you can do. :)

Dulce said...

What? When? Where? Why?

What the heck are you talking about?
Hey- Sweetest Peep, you know if you are in pain I am in pain as well... and surely you do not want that for your Dulce-girl... or any of the other peeps who so much love you, do you?

Ten is five and five is twelve, right?

Nevine said...

Hang in there, Steve. And we're all hanging with you. You've stuck with the system for a dramatically long time, and though it feels like things will slip, I know they won't. We all have our challenges, but the most important part is that you know yours, and you're not afraid to acknowledge what they are and work with them. Only the fearless fall, Steveroni!!! And you're perfectly human, so fear has to be a part of your life. Now smile. It's January 2, 2010. It's a brand new day. Here's a Starbucks toast to you... Clink!


Sherry said...

You are a very talented man - has anyone told you that lately?

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Enchanted Oak said...

Here's what you said that hit me over the head:
"Thanks to AA's Twelve Steps, Sobriety, Peace, Serenity, and even Happiness can coexist midst Ups and Downs, even with a sprinkling of insanity and chaos stirred in."
I'm so glad that's where you're at. With the help of our Higher Power, we can survive anything.
With a hug, Chris A

TSR said...

Happy New Clear!!!!

Pete Hoge said...

Thankfully this is a slow
and gradual recovery for
most of us.


Anonymous said...

I have passed something?

Manon Doyle said...

Oh Steve,
Hadn't realized that you'd joined in!! Ces and I usually get into these conversations on Saturday night. Come on in my friend!! Age.... it's a state of mind. I feel like I'm twenty most of the time....lol!

Ed G. said...

Here's to letting go and living in 2010 and beyond.

Blessings and aloha...

Syd said...

Those are steps of action. I suppose that they get us out of a rut and imply a change. Maybe that is what is so daunting about them. Best of luck as you move forward.

Tall Kay said...

They named the chapter "INTO ACTION", not "INTO THINKING" for a really good reason! Thank God we have a program of action to keep us sane and happy. Happy New Year to you!