Friday, January 8, 2010



This story I posted on my other blog 
in June 2008
Here is Part III of III  

(Posted this for the Peeps who
are new here during the past year).


In order to keep away the mosquitos during my stay on 'my island', I had arranged to have the Marco Island spray plane fly the eight or so miles south, to spray me every day. It only cost two quarts of Bacardi Rum, for Martin, the pilot, to agree to this--(see, I even do my bartering with booze!).

Each day, about 8 AM, the old Air Force C-47 made several passes so low, as to raise beach sand everywhere. Martin--a pilot here from Cuba-- sprayed that wonderful stuff onto everything. I'd open my mouth to maybe catch some of it. A few months after, that Martin died in a fiery crash, driving that same aircraft. The Mackle Brothers, developers of Marco Island, paid lots of bucks for my comfort.

The above paragraph sets up this next bit, the SADDEST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE. I can cry even now, remembering the horror of it all. Any true, 'real' alcoholic might identify with me, and KNOW me, know my ache, my hurt, my anguish, by reading this short story:

Two of my friends, both pilots, flew their two small Cessna 270 planes down to entertain me with their aerobatics about three days before I was to vacate the island. I had run out of ALL alcohol (and cigarettes!), was still walking in pain, and figured they would magically, automatically 'know' my sorry predicament.

The two planes flew SO low, that I could see my wife and daughter in one of them--so then I was CERTAIN that my lack of supplies would be alleviated, since we always had a 'working telepathy'. I stood in one spot, waiting for the drop of my C.A.R.E. package...My wife was close to the window, I figured that within minutes I'd be OK again, with a liter of vodka in my hand--my world would then be O-KAY!

Fifteen long minutes later, when I finally thought maybe they were playing that 'waiting' game, they flew away--out of my life--forever? Who would know? I knew true HATRED that day! POOR ME--and I MEAN THAT, even now. (Ha! I just now peeled off a long-buried, long-hidden, powerful resentment. And I'll take care of it right away!)...........

My utterly total self-centeredness assumed that everyone was thinking always about me, ME. And that somehow they would 'deliver' me from my predicament. 

I did not even then realize how close to death I WAS, being such a daily heavy drinker suddenly cut off completely from my supply. This was NOT mental now, but physical. My craving knew no end, only progressed by the hour. I was consumed with desire, would have easily killed for a few tastes of liquor, some alcohol in my body.

SO began the Unhappiest day of my whole life--no booze, no smokes, and that equaled NO NOTHING. I did not pray, for fear that I would curse God Himself for this calamity. (They could have at LEAST dropped some Bandages -grin-) Now...think about this--HOW would these planes flying overhead--5 feet off the beach, drop bottles of booze? Doesn't glass break at 115 miles per hour? (Sigh!)

On one slow, painful 2-hour limp around the island I found a sand-buried Jack Daniels (Black Label!) bottle, and it was about half (empty, or full?). Immediately, I pulled off the cap and proceeded to guzzle--UGHHHHHHH! THHHHHPT! OMG, oh shit...someone had used it for their specimen, it was all piss. I washed my mouth out with salty sea water, and even drank a little of the brine. I can tell you that God was not taking care of ME that day. (Or maybe He WAS?)

I cried often during the remaining really cool sea-breeze nights, and sun-blistering days. The world as I knew it had ended. Friends and family had forsaken me, I blamed EVERYONE ELSE for my predicament. My mantra: WOE IS ME! REALLY! 

I was ready to DO it, but was chicken-shit to end my life, because I could then never drink again--dead! Also because --get this--my FEET hurt too much! I'm living today, because God allowed me to 'cavort' barefoot back-and-forth--unknowingly--through an under-water oyster bar, and spend the next eight days with bloody, infected feet!.

And yet, I spent the next EIGHT YEARS perfecting my drinking habit. I became a 'functioning' drunk. For that, I needed a daily, hefty amount of maintenance alcohol. God, since then, has allowed me to learn and use the Twelve Steps He gave us, and to stay sober since March 18, 1974. I never looked back as far as drinking again--for me. It just has not happened. Expressing my gratitude to God, and you AA people, and now you blog peeps, is what I live for today.

Oh yes, the fishing guide DID arrive as scheduled to pick me up. We enjoyed an EXTREMELY quiet ride back to civilization.

Steve E. (A Hermit--NOT!)

Oh, Peeps, TODAY
Let's be SOBER
Let's be HAPPY
Let's be at PEACE
Let's LOVE

Tomorrow, the story of how my obsession
to be a HERMIT began, in 1962...That
WILL be the final in this See-rees of posts.
Please join me, Friday night or Saturday.


Secretia said...

I will never forget this story of yours, Steve. Mission accomplished.


Shadow said...

yes, let's....

JStar said...

Aww I feel your pain :) But glad you made it through!!! And wow, you have been sober since a year before I was born :) Thats really good!

Kim A. said...

I was really beginning to worry about your infected feet. Like, didn't he know how dangerous that could be, and what if he gets sick and doesn't meet the plane. Typical alanon. I'll even take care of virtual problems that are decades old. Geesh... :-D

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

That is a real story, real scars and stories from real disciples (don't let it go to your head k?)

:) Love ya peep!

Manon Doyle said...

You had a wild ride my friend. I'm glad we're able to save yourself! Congrats on your many years of sobriety!

Dulce said...

Oh my!
that was a hard life... Is that all one needs to experience to become a lovely person?

Syd said...

Chugging some piss would have done it for me. I'm glad that you had a revelation on your retreat from civilization.

The Second Road said...

Ah, most hardcord drunkards have come close to, or chugged some piss. Sad and true.

I wonder what it would be like to visit that island again in Star Date 2010?

Joni aka Jett said...

Cool blog!

Kristin H. said...

Steve-O. I love your posts. But what I have come to love the most is the way you sign off:

Indeed. Let's BE HAPPY!

Steve E said...

THE SECOND ROAD: I would go there in an instant, never even thought of it, thanks for the suggestion.

Really not far from Naples, about 20-25 MILES (there's that "word"!) down in the 10,000 Islands.

I think you should insert your name A Miles. into each comment you do on these posts. And I have reasons!

Skip O said...

Thanks for your share.
I can't help but think, "there, but for the grace of God, go I." I was just luckier in some respects. But then it took longer for me to find sobriety.

garden-variety drunk said...

wow steve. that is one hell of a story.

and i would not have wanted to be your fishing guide that day...

Nevine said...

Oh, how painful, Steve. But it's those very pains that have made you so precious today. I'm happy you're over that phase, and are just living with the memories, though those are painful too... I'll be waiting for the story of obsession... and a hermit... I'll be waiting, Steveroni!


Just Playin' said...

I can't imagine. Having dealt with "a little bit of alcoholism" if there is such a thing, I couldn't go there. Need a therapy session here!

Fireblossom said...

For some reason, this makes me think of a song by the Newsboys that goes:

"When we don't get what we deserve,

It's a real good thing;

When we get what we don't deserve,

It's a real good thing."

What a tale you're telling. I'm glad you decided to repost it for noobs to your blog, like me.

Tall Kay said...

Just the thought of no booze or cigs for 3 days made me cry too!

(I knew the first post you didn't bring enough booze to last 10 days!) LOL

Thanks for sharing...Love and hugs!

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Sylvia said...

My God! That is really sad and shocking... That scene of your wife and daughter flying away touched me more than anything. But I'm glad you survived the pain and the loss. Thank you for teaching me. I needed this. Big hug.

Carol said...

Another WOW. Just amazing how we will cling to what is killing us, hermitism, substances, money. God must love us to put up with it all!

Gaia said...

Dear Steve, I am now catching up on all the posts I've missed. You have come a long, long way and I am happy for you. Finally light at the end of the tunnel. You are now such a positive influence, may God bless you everyday of your life.

Superfluous Brunette said...

Amazing story and insight you have shared here about addictions/self sabotage in general. Reading your posts really helps me in seeing someone I loved clearly...or well believing myself that I did see things clearly, thus why I ended our relationship. He was a former alcoholic, years before I met him, but I was his first sober relationship after his 16 year marriage and I just thought some things he did were bizarre...came to the conclusion: codependent. Although he is in denial me thinks. And it all helped see me more clearly and my inner addict and codependency issues.
Would love to hear more, your insight is gold!!