PEEP COMMENTS

Peeps

Pre-Blog Comment:

A Good Friday celebration at our church was really neat--hundreds of people--and fun for me, because I got to play some of my favorite hymns from the "old days".

About Commenting

Bloggers, you have recently been extremely kind in your comments on my blog. I hope you are not all living on the same 'funny farm'. Wait...what! Let me look out the window. I cannot find it. Also I cannot locate a doorknob. There IS one door, but no keyhole. No locks, no knobs, no widows--Ooops! I mean WINDOWS! Dammmit.

I want to see the manager. This is no way to run a hotel. They even took the strings off my violin. Maybe they think it sounds better this way. Maybe they are right.

(Right about here, I'm expecting some rather caustic remarks by dAAve or Pammie or Anonymous....)!!!

Violin

Some few of you on occasion, have mentioned you'd like to hear the sound my violin makes. I tried to listen to it tonight, held it right up to my ear. Guess what? Didn't hear a thing, no sound at all. I'll try again tomorrow.

Steve, "What's the point?" The point is that we become willing to grow along spiritual lines...wait a minute! Here was the point--I hope no one is following this. I'm old tonight, and tired, but NOT DEAD! Well, "...we think not!"

Back to the point. Some time in early July 2010, I'm going to be--with 59,999 other alcoholics--attending the 75th Anniversary Celebration of Alcoholics Anonymous in San Antonio--yeah (sigh)-- Texas. It is quite possible some of us (ALL of us!) will be getting together for a breakfast, lunch or dinner, or 3 AM "Dessert Blast". This will be, for many of us, our first face-to-face meeting. And I'll certainly have my violin there, since I have "to practice these principles" of violin playing every day. And I'm always good for one or two tunes, it would not be boring. So count on that, 'cause I'm a'gonna fiddle, man!!

Hey, fellow peeps--I wish to congratulate us and thank us all for coming around here every, every day to read, blog, comment, Double Dip, post photos, teach, learn, share daily experiences, work the Steps, Study the Traditions, rant, paint, cook, travel, pray, support, receive support. We mostly just suit up and show up...and get a sponsor and work the steps. This is the most beneficial computer experience I've known, and it only began--for me--toward the end of June 2008

I am truly indebted to all of you for the enrichment of my life. Again, I'm ending this busy day so full of gratitude, and love, for all that is AA, for all that is YOU, for all that is God. Amen.

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely,
Steve E.

MORE: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

AA MEDALLION AT THREE YEARS" SOBRIETY

NOTE: Here is my blog for Good Friday, so serious, so spiritual,
so UNLIKE the real me...while all about in the
blog world tonight is frivolity, and bawdiness:
Click here and see Pammie's latest...oh well, she lives in Texas!

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE:

GOOD FRIDAY

This Good Friday at 3 PM, I am to play violin solos, sans accompaniment (means no organ, piano, voices, or other instruments). It is for the "Adoration of the Cross" time, which can last anywhere from a half hour to one hour, depending on number of people attending.

So, again, since I thoroughly enjoy playing my violin, the age-old argument rages on in my head. I don't care what anyone says about "How nice, that you play for our meditation, etc., etc." Nor does it phase me that the priests all tell me how much my music adds to the parish community and its services. My Pride (yep, I have that also, plenty!) just does not even "go there".

It is that I feel I should be praying, not doing. When in fact, if I think it through, doing IS praying, especially when in the company of a correct motive.

Isn't this akin to our wonderful AA Program? I cannot simply sit there in AA meetings morning after morning, listening and maybe 'sharing' (still hate that word), maybe sharing what I consider to be some witty tidbit which I heard someone utter many moons ago.

This "three-legged" Program of ours is about Unity (of which most of us know little), Recovery (which we work for the most part, in a private manner, with a sponsor) and SERVICE.

Service. Aha! There it is! That means I'm DOING stuff; cleaning ashtrays, mopping floors, painting the clubhouse rest rooms, setting up, tearing down, chairing meetings, doing actual Twelfth Step work, sponsoring, attending group business meetings, serving as a trusted elected person, and God knows what else!

Service is my guarantee of a better, happier, soberer, more fully lived, recovered (ing, whatever) life. Therein I find that Peace which surpasses all understanding. This is how I stay sober and show others (by example, and by training) how to live it by doing it.

When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought it was a totally giving organization...giving to me! However, a few years later I found it was ME giving to IT that helped me to grow spiritually, and grow in that social grace, to get along with others.

My life is divided into two parts, before and after AA. Before, my first 40 years I can truly describe as dying embers. Since then, my description of this new life, the second half of my lifetime, can only be looked at as a BURNING FLAME! And that burning flame is LOVE!

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

Note: "Burning Flame is Love"--words taken from a Kahlil Gibran poem.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

To Thine Own Self Be True:

A farm boy was so quiet that his girl friend, after five years of courtship, decided that he was never going to propose to her and that she would have to take the initiative.

One day when they were sitting alone in the garden, she said to him, "John, let's get married. Shall we get married, John?"

A long silence followed . Finally, John said, "Yes."

Another long silence. Finally the girl said, "Say something, John. Why don't you say something?"

"I'm afraid I've said too much already!"

--A De Mello, Heart of the Enlightened, p 129

__________________________________________________

THINGS I DO NOT EVER WANT TO TELL YOU
and probably should not have

Went to confession tonight, but I won't tell you what I said.
My wife reads these blogs.

I've never been in a therapist's office...sober.

I was a heavy-duty consumer of chemical comfort.
Pills, that is.
During the last two years of my drinking.
Up and Down. Up and Down.
I came to not know "up" from "down".
Now I SURE don't know up, from down.
That's what my friends tell me.

I dye my whiskers.
Very Lightly, brown.
Got tired of Brown on top, White on chin.
Brown and White do not go together.
BLUE and White look fine.
Maybe Blue Lips (Pam?), and White hair, beard.

Once I killed a sick cat.
With my bare hands.
It was not easy.
I was drunk.
I was age fourteen.
My hands were bloody.
My blood.

Pilot made forced landing on our farm.
He promised to take me for a short ride.
My parents gave permission.
I was up and dressed, on time.
Behind the orchard, plane was gone.
My mother had fed the pilot breakfast.
They had all lied to me.
I was age eleven.
I've still not forgotten.

Another time, I was promised a Jeep.
In 1947. Jeeps cost $ 400.
For my fourteenth birthday.
I had Ohio restricted license to drive for farm.
They gave me the Jeep.
It was 1.5 inches in length.
It sat under my cereal bowl.
Happy Birthday!
I was not hungry.
I sobbed privately behind the horse barn.
I learned to break promises.
I learned to hate.

I was in love (really!) at age five.
It lasted seven years.
I've always been in love.
Always with a girl.
Always with a pretty girl.
Once with a wealthy girl.
Stupid me. I could not say "Yes!"

I've been married four times.
Not counting the 12-hour marriage.
Stupid me. I said, "Yes!"
Bartender was the celebrant for that.
Everyone was drunk. At 12 midnight.
Honeymoon and marriage ended next day.
At 12 noon.
I tried to get an annulment.
She wanted alimony!
We had known each other for 13 hours.
It was "True Love!"
Anna is number four. Lucky number for me.
Anniversary # 18 is in May.

I want some material things.
I want a laptop, my specs.
I want a Blackberry phone, etc.
Don't know what Anna wants.
I have not asked her.
I'm afraid.
Afraid it will NOT be 'material something'.

Never do I sleep enough.
Usually I'm a BIG procrastinator.
But I AM going to bed.
Now!

And, you all DO know by now, that I love you and the God I 'see' in you, and the Spirit which moves you and me--to stay sober today. No Matter What!

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely,
Steve E.

AMENDED: VIEWPOINTS

Continental Divide in Glacier National Park. We visited our college friends who live in Libby, MT...

What BEAUTY as the sun rose over these mountains.

Anna was so frightened, driving on the narrow one-lane mountain roads

RANDOM THOUGHTS

When drinking I suspected I was the only person in the world. Sober now, I realize there is no one left to read this.

The day I stopped drinking, that was the day my troubles began. That was the day I realized I had big problems.

When finally one day I quit trying to make good things happen, good things just happened.

The day I changed...everything changed.

Our house is paid for.
We are broke.
Our neighbors have money.
We are paying for their houses.

Blogging is good for me.
A blogger said pull out weeds by root.
Make room for grass to grow.
I pulled weeds today.
Hurt my back. Wow!
Blogging is good for me.
Pulling weeds is not.

I love my Suzuki bike.
It is almost one year old.
I've laid it down only five times.
Only one collision.
Pickup truck failed to make right turn on RED.
Right on his tail, I did not fail to do so.
Bike is old for its age.

I love riding in small planes.
I love riding my scooter bike.
Riding bike gives same feeling as in plane.
That same rush, gravity pull and thrill.
Plane 0-60 in ten seconds.
Bike 0-60 in 2.5 seconds.

My desk is a mess.
I might have to clean it up.
Papers and book piled high.
Some sliding off onto floor.
Q. Where will everything be stored?
A. Wherever I cannot find it.

I love Alcoholics Anonymous.
I love the people there, my true friends.
(And the bloggers...I cannot find the words...)
I go there every day.
My bike knows the way.
My bike is on Step 4.
My scooter has a Harley for a sponsor.

I love my home.
I love my wife, her family.
I love my family with extensions.
We agree on everything...always.
I just wrote a lie...old bad behavior.
God, I thank you for everything!

I've got to go to bed soon.
Or my wife will say, Why are you getting up so early?
And, in order to keep peace,
I'll just have to get dressed, and stay up.
(Yawwwn!)

Stay sober today with me and with each other, OK?

In LOVE and Service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

Good Topic?

As I understand, in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous, certain guys (almost everyone new) had to be hospitalized. Well, the hospital, in order to guarantee payment, asked that every Alcoholic , upon admission, had to produce someone who would sponsor the new member. The "sponsor" was expected to PAY even if the patient did not. Now, THAT was "SPONSORSHIP"!

Sponsorship...AGAIN?

Just think what a huge act of humility it was for me, a self-centered alkie, to ask someone to help me. I am remembering. I could not even realize I needed help. What help?

My game was...I was always RIGHT THERE to help, when someone asked ME for help...but I'll be dammmmmed if I was going to ask YOUR help--that the great ME! was gonna stoop so low as to admit I was finally what you people said: POWERLESS, and that I needed help. Bull Crap on that!

A "we" program? Since when?

Since it IS a humbling behavior (asking for help) it was a huge change for me to ask someone--a MAN???--C'mon now, I'll ask a woman for help/commiseration(!), but a guy? Oh, well....(This one thing was what almost kept me from returning "next week".)

I could see that everyone around me who HAD a sponsor was fairly happy, their thinking seemed "above average!" and most looked like they were a 'part OF', rather than 'apart from' something. And I wanted to be like them...

"I wanted what you had", but I didn't know those words yet. And--for some strange reason--, I wanted you to like me! Oh GOD, how I wanted that!...and so I did what you said, more or less...less?

And so time slipped by, and here is:

TODAY

I hate to admit it, but sometimes I simply just do not want to sponsor a certain person, or maybe anybody, on a certain day. But I've been reminded that when I was searching, how much 'courage' it took ME to get out there and ask a stranger to help me

So even if I do not WANT to be your sponsor...when you ask, I tell you, "Sure, I'll sponsor you temporarily, until you can find a permanent sponsor."

That way I do not 'destroy' that spark of humility which enabled you to ASK! It is those small sparks which become a flame of hope and belief, then eventually a roaring fire of ENTHUSIASM! This--I KNOW about. I LIVE it!

Let's hear it--for sobriety today, Peeps! OK?

Without LOVE, there is nothing--absolutely nothing--look it up! WITH LOVE, there is everything--yes, everything!

In LOVE and Service,
Sincerely,
Steve E.

News You Cannot Use.

Yesterday's NEWS TODAY!

I am reposting this bit, hoping for some 'serious' (yeah, right!) input:
Heard a word today--new to me--"sponsling" instead of the old "SPONSEE". I've always disliked that expression. But sponsling sounds kind of feminine to me, so I'm still looking for a more macho-sounding substitute for sponsee, for men. Something like "Pigeon-shit"--any suggestions? Time for a change, Peeps!

I believe the word "sponsling" was coined by one of the women on here. Maybe Pam? Kristin? Lou? Someone else? Lemme know, please?--I enjoy (yeah, right!) giving credit to myself for something YOU did -grin!

TODAY'S NEWS

My daughter "K" is a Firefighter-Paramedic. She owns a huge attack dog, named "Chief". One day she had her Big old German Shepherd at the firehouse. She was showing her co-workers how "Chief" obeys her commands.

"K" shouted out, at one point, "CHIEF...SIT!!!" Of course, at that very moment, in walked the gold-helmeted human Fire Chief, who immediately scurried to a seat in the corner.

(Ahem!) In other news....

On Saturday, while in Tampa, I had called my sponsor, just to say "Howdy". We talked about the recent business meeting at which it was decided to allow one meeting a month to be used for Tradition reading and discussion. In order to get the thing rolling off to a 'correct' beginning, he was sort of "appointed to take care of it."

So, on the phone, he said to me, "Of course, I'll expect you, Steve, to take a few meetings yourself". Now, that's called passing the buck. Since (click on) Alanon Syd and I did twelve separate sessions on the Traditions in recent months, I may steal some of his knowledge on the topic. I don't even have to ask, Syd! Do I?

More News:

Went to 6 PM Palm Sunday mass. Forgot that Palm Sunday is a lengthy affair, with procession, bells, a 'blong' gospel reading, and homily, etc. Got home later than expected for some dinner, AA phone calling, and (of course, what else?) BLOGGING!

I've got to see what the Peeps are writing today. As with everyone else here, time seems to be my enemy. Who the heck invented "time" anyway? It seems to create so many of my problems.

And yes, I'm 'Always and Forever' in LOVE with our program of Alcoholics Anonymous. AND it's members, AND it's blogger-members who pass on to me and others their Experience, Strength, and Hope.

May all of us stay sober another day...like TODAY!

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

Amended: WEDDING DAY plus "K" (Update!)

Amended: As I went to lobby at midnight to write this blog, I found "K" (see below) sitting on floor by elevator, talking on her cell. She told me this morning that she was so excited (at midnight!) about her Saturday--and her unanticipated AA meeting--she had to call her sponsor in Virginia and give her the good news! -SE

THE WEDDING

People, I have played violin for at least 500 weddings. Some were for relatives, some friends, but most contracted for, through agents. Today's wedding in Tampa FL was for Anna's son, and it was one of the most fun for me.

I got to meet so many relatives and friends for the first time, nearly eighty people who I did not know until today. I must say that attending were the usual number of future "customers" for our fellowship--lots of prospects.

SURPRISE FOR STEVE E.

But the following is my reason for blogging tonight. A little background first. Back in late July or early August 2008, I blogged about a girl named "K", a then-unknown (to me) relative, age 17, who happened into our midst one Thursday night.

Next morning at 7AM in Naples, she attended her first ever AA meeting. She 'looked' then (to me) like she really 'wanted' to stay sober. And somehow I 'knew' she would soon be one of us. Ya know how after a number of years we achieve a certain 'intuition' about certain people, etc? And once-in-awhile it turns out we are correct? -grin!

Periodically, but not often, we have been in touch with K, who lives "up nowath". At the hotel, where Anna and I are staying for the duration of wedding celebrations, I stepped outside the lobby for a minute. Who do I meet, like, blocking my path? Of course, it was K--what a wonderful moment for me, to reaquaint with this beautiful young high school senior, who I had not seen since last summer.

She was smiling a smile which could adorn only the face of one who is happily sober. We hugged. I met her Mom, Dad, and brother. A few whispered remarks with K confirmed with me she had stayed sober since last July 30 (2008).

Her sponsor told her she must sponsor someone, and so she now has a "sponsling"! K is active in her home group. I must tell you all I am tearing up with happiness as I write this! Don't forget, we had the joy of taking her to her first AA meeting! I had not even expected her to be here. Thank You, God!

NEXT: UNBELIEVABLE! AND YET?...

OK, here goes. Anna and I were on the way to the wedding venue this morning. Anna saw, out of the corner of her eye, a triangle hanging over a garage of an old house. We decided to stop on the way back, after the wedding stuff. Well, as you might know, it IS an "old" AA-type club house, with a meeting at 8:15 PM.

We decided to go, called K, and she sounded "overjoyed", said she really needed a meeting. We did it! We are all happy campers, praising our Higher Power for what He has accomplished for us! What a WONDERFUL way to end a day!

And today, Sunday morning, we'll breakfast together, before returning to our respective cities...homes.

Our Higher Power DID do one more thing for us last night. He pointed out--after our AA meeting--a Dairy Queen store, where we all fell in love....with the concoction named TURTLE SUNDAE ($5). My advice: If ya never tried one--DON'T! It can be like that "first drink" thing we've all heard about.

Anyway, blogger friends, this was another of many sober, happy days. I feel more love than usual tonight for God, AA, family, and YOU blogger people--and I really mean that! Thank you all for being here!

In Love and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

SATURDAY'S STUFF

HELLO BLOGGERS!

This is Steve E, reporting from Tampa FL, where spring is truly showing itself, raising her skirts just above her ankles, know what I mean? Prayer Girl and I are here for her son's wedding, his first...and he's almost age forty!

I always have trouble believing that someone is joining together with someone else "until death do we part" for the FIRST TIME. I don't think I ever experienced a "first time" being married (or anything -grin!). Funny, the only "first thing" I can recall now is my first day of not drinking, and I shall NEVER forget that! Never.

OH! And my first girl friend. How could I ever forget her? I was age 4, and when she and her family moved away 10 years later...life ended for me. Nellie Jane Wynn, 3 or 4 years my senior, was from Kentucky, but lived on the farm with us near Cincinnati. Oh, God, what do I do to myself, forming attachments which should never have been at all...but which last lifetimes? Nellie Jane and I shared everything...everything.

On the other hand, incidents which linger still in memory are what and who I am. That is one of what makes our program so wonderful. Good or bad, the "stuff" is in there, and our steps relieve me of the bondage of the past, and the present bondage of self. Ha! Who would have guessed? And God will do it, if I let Him! Holy Moly, Batman!

On the way to Tampa this morning, I developed an attack of vertigo. If ya never experienced it, believe me, you do not want to. It is so debilitating, defines itself instantly, and does not let you have any idea how long it will be in residence. It is characterized by extreme dizziness, the falling-down kind, nausea, and a definite longing for immediate death. Fortunately, I had earlier adhered to Prayer Girl's wishes that we NOT bike it to Tampa. A few hours in bed and it went away. Sometimes an episode has lasted me three days.

At noon Saturday, I'll be playing violin at the children's wedding. Families have arrived from many places, east and west. Most of the attendees I have not met until this evening. I got to identify more than a few "members-in-training" for our AA program! What fun, to notice that we will never die out from lack of prospects. I should not call it fun...but it IS exciting!

Again, I certainly began this, to write a few brief sentences. But nothing spoken or written is BRIEF with me, hence another Blong goes out to its spacial residence. Glad we're all here.

Pray with me for those who are looking toward a huge approaching snow storm in the Rockies today and tonight (Saturday!), and I will close with that.

In Love and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

STUFF

NOTE: We are going to be away until Monday (three days) but I'm gonna try to configure Anna's laptop with my blog. Received some instructions last night by telephone, so it should work. At any rate, see you Monday morning right here, and maybe before then on a different schedule. I'm shutting my machine down for the first time in many months, hope it will not be traumatized! -Steve E.

NEW DAWN GROUP plus TRADITIONS

Morning meeting called New Dawn (fancy that!) on Thursday had a business meeting. We have 365 meetings a year, and not one of them is on the Traditions. And so, a certain group of long-timers decided it is time. Motion seconded and passed to have one meeting a week formatted into a Tradition-of-the-month, informational and discussion.

Seems as if so MANY of our number know so little of our tradtitions, and even fewer know or realize the utter importance, the necessity, for these principles, to keep AA the program which keeps me sober.
When I mentioned that even our blog AA guys did the twelve Traditiond couple months ago, that did it...for me at least.

Most of the long-timers around here think not too highly of online AA, much less the blogging AA community. So maybe a few guys were shamed into realizing we must entertain ourselves with First Things First, in other words, let's get it on...for the Traditions!

Love all you guys, really!

In Love and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

JUST ANOTHER DAY

SPONSORSHIP: AN ANALOGY

Meeting this morning was on "Sponsorship". I've probably been to 500 meetings on this topic. Suddenly during all the 'same-ole, same-ole' sharing I was inspired to approach the subject without even mentioning "Sponsorship"...and it seemed to make a lot of sense (not to the 87 people attending--but to ME -grin!). So I said, I am Steve, I am an alcoholic:

"I play a violin.
I am VERY good at it.
One day a fellow told me about his grandfather.
His grandfather played violin just like me.
I asked at what school he learned?
None.
I asked who was his teacher?
Oh, he taught himself!
One thing I know about his grandfather.
He don't play like ME!"

NOTE: For newer people who might not have understood the analogy, the grandfather without a teacher, is like the fellow who is trying to stay sober without a sponsor, and he will never be as happy, free, and as 'sober' as if he'd had a sponsor. Get it? -grin!

NOTE #2: Yesterday April 1, I played for the old folks at a Retirement/Nursing Home. About 40 of them, through dinner and a little "musical, sing-along-type" after--you know what I mean.

Well, I knelt down in front of a 97-year-old lady in a wheelchair, so I could play right near her. She opened her eyes, pointed at my violin, and asked me, "Do they let you keep that thing in your room?" 10 hours later, I'm now still laughing.

Also got to play (it was not planned) Happy Birthday for a little old lady. She had asked me to play it for her. I found out later, her date of birth was April 1, 1908, she is 101 years young, and she whistled and sang with me--IN TUNE! I'm tellin' ya gang, what JOY I experienced cannot be explained in any words I know.

You and I, we ARE staying sober today, right? OK!
Pray for me.

In LOVE and service.
Sincerely,
Steve E.