DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Friday, April 10, 2009

MORE: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

AA MEDALLION AT THREE YEARS" SOBRIETY
NOTE: Here is my blog for Good Friday, so serious, so spiritual,
so UNLIKE the real me...while all about in the
blog world tonight is frivolity, and bawdiness:
Click here and see Pammie's latest...oh well, she lives in Texas!



TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE:


GOOD FRIDAY

This Good Friday at 3 PM, I am to play violin solos, sans accompaniment (means no organ, piano, voices, or other instruments). It is for the "Adoration of the Cross" time, which can last anywhere from a half hour to one hour, depending on number of people attending.

So, again, since I thoroughly enjoy playing my violin, the age-old argument rages on in my head. I don't care what anyone says about "How nice, that you play for our meditation, etc., etc." Nor does it phase me that the priests all tell me how much my music adds to the parish community and its services. My Pride (yep, I have that also, plenty!) just does not even "go there".

It is that I feel I should be praying, not doing. When in fact, if I think it through, doing IS praying, especially when in the company of a correct motive.

Isn't this akin to our wonderful AA Program? I cannot simply sit there in AA meetings morning after morning, listening and maybe 'sharing' (still hate that word), maybe sharing what I consider to be some witty tidbit which I heard someone utter many moons ago.

This "three-legged" Program of ours is about Unity (of which most of us know little), Recovery (which we work for the most part, in a private manner, with a sponsor) and SERVICE.

Service. Aha! There it is! That means I'm DOING stuff; cleaning ashtrays, mopping floors, painting the clubhouse rest rooms, setting up, tearing down, chairing meetings, doing actual Twelfth Step work, sponsoring, attending group business meetings, serving as a trusted elected person, and God knows what else!

Service is my guarantee of a better, happier, soberer, more fully lived, recovered (ing, whatever) life. Therein I find that Peace which surpasses all understanding. This is how I stay sober and show others (by example, and by training) how to live it by doing it.

When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought it was a totally giving organization...giving to me! However, a few years later I found it was ME giving to IT that helped me to grow spiritually, and grow in that social grace, to get along with others.

My life is divided into two parts, before and after AA. Before, my first 40 years I can truly describe as dying embers. Since then, my description of this new life, the second half of my lifetime, can only be looked at as a BURNING FLAME! And that burning flame is LOVE!

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.


Note: "Burning Flame is Love"--words taken from a Kahlil Gibran poem.

17 comments:

Selchie said...

Hi Lovely,

I think you are someone who has really captured the spirit of giving.))
I would love to play an instrument, I tried with guitar for a while but just couldnt get the hang of it. I bet you sound lovely.

All the mundane tasks are great for the soul, I get some of my best inspirations from cleaning the floor!!

Happy Easter.)

dAAve said...

I like the word "soberer".

Lou said...

When I was in D.C. I had the honor of attending St. Matthews (where JFK's funeral service was held). A beautiful church, a beautiful service, but no violins!

Shadow said...

a burning flame... beautiful words and sentiments!

Mary Christine said...

I would love to go to adoration where you are playing violin

Prayer Girl said...

Your violin lifts others up....whether in the church, at an outdoor wedding, or in the living room - anywhere.

I know about that "burning flame" - my life too has been transformed from a rotting ash heap to a flame of love.

God's miracle work.

Prayer Girl

Kim-QOAS said...

I love the sound of the violin,it has soothing effect for me;-)

Kristin H. said...

Happy Good Friday to you, Steve-O!

Ed G. said...

Lovely - I hope I can hear you play sometime...

Banana Girl said...

Roni:
I have a theory about prayer that might lend a new "note" to your lament about your service. If we accept that we are made by God to become like Him, then we can start. Every part of us down to the smallest particle is made of atoms. Atoms are energy, vibrating and hanging together in mysterious sound and force. When we think, the atoms in our bodies make sounds only God can hear. When we talk, that sound gets louder. When we pray alone, the sound is there. When we pray together, the sound gets even louder and the ryhthm and vibration is growing, that crescendo of need. Then when those in faith call on others to pray in unison all over the world for a person or a cause, the sound builds. As this energy and sound and rhythm takes flight into God's heart, it is noticed. Not that God is ignoring us. It is like the dog whistle that only a dog can hear. These are the actions that bring God, indeed, sing God to us. We are then speaking His language. The language of the heart. That is what your violin does. When you describe on these pages the intensity and compassion you bring into your music, I know just by reading the description, that God is working through you in the rhythm and energy of healing prayer. This is a tremendous gift He has given you to share. And you do so generously. For those of us with no musical talent, your prayer is special, a direct line to Him and a way to ease the rest of us who at any given time when hearing the refrain of your bow cannot find words to relieve our pain. Your music allows the soul to find peace. That is truly a gift that cannot be undervalued. So when you play, just remember that each movement of the bow and each note of the "fiddle" is a prayer. I hope to hear that "prayer" in person some day. I know it is awesome! J.

Syd said...

I also would like to hear you play. I'm sure that it's very moving. It sounds as if you do plenty of service. I wonder about those who don't and whether the selfishness is in charge.

Steve E. said...

Gosh, you Peeps are SO uplifting in your comments.

Tomorrow's EASTER blog will be a comment on the comments. At this moment I am overwhelmed with stuff in my heart to which I am sure not accustomed. Thank you! ALL!

Gotta go practice violin a bit, at my age, it gets rusty over-night.

Just like our AA Program--if I do not practice it daily, it gets mighty rusty, mighty suddenly!

mile191 said...

Hey Steve E...love and hugs your way. Thanks for the great post here. I have been MIA for a bit, but wanted to stop by and say thanks, for everything. You are wonderful. Take care of you.

Anonymous said...

lovely. take good care of yourself.

with love and gratitude

judith ellis said...

Thank you, Steve. I appreciate your words. Sometimes we cannot act or speak. But there is hope.

"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."

Romans 8:26

It's beautiful that you play your violin and it is appreciated by others. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a service and receiving appreciation for your service. Motive, as you have pointed out, matters. False humility is also something to consider.

Whatever you do remain positive about you.

Zanejabbers said...

I loves me some of that BURNINNG FLAME. Yeah!

Alive And Smiling said...

Steve thanks for all the service and time you've given to help others. I just stumbled across your blog from a link on another sobriety blog. I'm looking forward to reading more!