Monday, July 28, 2008



If it were not for people, places, and things...I'd be OK. --Steve E.

Some little (Ha! Little?) situation has been bothering me for months, and I've hesitated--well, procrastinated--talking about it, to ANYONE. (Little voice says, "Sponsor, sponsor, sponsor!) To me, it is a BIG character defect. Those few friends who have detected my recent uneasiness--and the reasons for it--call me "meshuga", Hebrew for "crazy". This morning I heard the word, in reference to me, "meshugana", Yiddish, for "a crazy man". Now, it's not every day I get called crazy, even though you all probably hear that a lot -BIG grin-.

Back to "serious" now: I'm a "praying" type of guy, believe in it, trust in it (prayer, that is). But I've been drifting away from that, devouring everything I hear at all these meetings, except what I do not wish to hear. "Steveroni's will be done on earth?" Well, I've been getting sicker and tireder. Been hearing those words for thirty-four years, thinking they could NEVER apply to moi, after all this sobriety.

Sobriety? What a word! Forward to the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (It's also in all the other editions...may you find it now -grin-.) BEGINS: "We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body."

They did not say "We have recovered from alcoholism!" Why can I not remember that fact? I am, and will always be, an ALCOHOLIC. I'm a person with an incurable disease. Exactly how my disease has "flowered" during the past couple years, I cannot write, because it comes under the realm of "hurting them or others", which we strive to avoid.

Bottom line for today is, I SAW the miracle take place. I could see it in the eyes of a human being. God allowed me to witness the working of His Infinite Power, flooding through another person, to remove from me MY difficulties. And that is so that one day I may help another to do the same. And that is SO COOL!

How often have I counseled others in regard to their program, their praying, their improprieties, their "meshuga" (craziness!), and yet, over what of these have I ever become a master? Well, as of now, I'm still learning to see the point, to become "willing to grow along spiritual lines."

Following quote (message to me this morning?) is excerpted from today's entry in GOD CALLING, from "Two Listeners", edited by A.J. Russell:

JULY 28, 2008:
"You wonder sometimes why you are permitted to make mistakes in your choices when you sought so truly to do My Will in those matters.

To that I say it was no mistake.... All your lessons cannot be learned without difficulty, and this was needed to teach you a lesson. Not to him who walks on, with no obstacles in his way, but to him that overcomes is the promise given."

I pray that God blesses ALL who have had a part in my sobriety, and I don't even have to know who you are. Thank YOU!
Steve E.

(Discovered that somone close...was praying HARD for me...)


dAAve said...

Thank you, Steve. Those are some pretty darn good thougths.

Syd said...

Good stuff Steve. We all get a little crazy at times. But if I can just do God's will, the craziness subsides. Patience for me is a key.

Mary Christine said...

Hang in there Mr. Meshugana.

I read that in God Calling too. And I liked it.

Let Go, Let God said...

Thank you Steve for reminding me that it's progress, not perfection. It is a struggle, but I'm grateful that eventually I can get the message, or at least part of it for now. Love!

Lou said...

This "know it all" needed to hear this today.
thanks, sunshine buddy