Thursday, July 24, 2008



I laugh. I cry. I love. I enjoy. I relax. Humor is good. Humor gladdens the hearts of humans and spirits alike. Humor pleases even Itself, it's very Source--God--it's Creator.
My father said many times to me, "Do everything--even humor--in moderation." (Duh!) He never could figure out the meanings of physical compulsion, mental obsession, (serious) craving--well, neither could I! Ha! He supposed I should achieve a balance between jesting and a certain, sometime seriousness? He supposed I could drink in moderation? He simply could not understand my love of a chaotic life--he was not one of us. Intelligent as Pop was (even though deaf and blind) he and I never meshed like other fathers-and-sons. I just could not "moderate", could not DO things half-way.

These days I occasionally feel myself kind of floating, being sustained on a plateau of sorts, remaining in an habitué of humor, of blissful unawareness of a troubled world--continually engulfed in that happy, confident, peaceful, satisfying place which seems to emanate from funniness.

But wait!
Consider: If I'm not being (what maybe I alone consider) funny, I might be giving you a glimpse of who I really am. Could it be that I shun seriousness in fear of uncovering myself to you? Maybe humor has become simply another place for me to hide. Who would ever guess, ever know (or care? -grin-?)

People used to say to me, as a ten-year-old, "You? An introvert? No way. Why, you're always kidding everyone and cracking jokes!" And yet...in my very soul, I was knowing then that all was not well. In the gallery of my heart hung always those ever-present, frightening images of guilt, worthlessness, and dark sadness.
In that same heart now is some acknowledgment of the fact that what is...is, what was...was, and what ain't...ain't, and so "who I am" is no longer important to me. The present truth (though REAL truth never can change), although not always now so ugly, is neither always brimming with utter beauty, contentment and serenity. So now I know this about you and me and everyone: NOWHERE ARE MORE HIDING PLACES THAN IN THE HUMAN HEART...I wonder who said that? Not me, not me! Also I'm wondering if any of this might make sense to anyone BUT crazy me? -GRIN- Laugh, and be HAPPY! ....I do! Tomorrow's posting on a lighter note..MAYBE -g-!
--Steve E. 7/24/2008

once again: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY #24, Mary Christine, and many more!


Anonymous said...

Hi there. I am also willing to try everything once! :)

I like your points here. Especially how people who joke around are usually introverts. That's not so true for me personally, but I think it is safe to say it is true for the vast majority. Very well put.

And I agree too that God loves us no matter what. He has a sense of humor too. :) Have a great day!

Mary Christine said...

Thank you Mr. AlkySeltzer.

We have a life long journey, don't we?

Anonymous said...

Steveroni, this makes sense to crazy me, too.-grin- My humor often hides the real me, it has in the past and continues to sometimes in the present. I too am glad that God has a sense of humor as well! Enjoying the journey!

Syd said...

I covered up a lot throughout my life. Outward appearances aren't what they seem. That's especially true for children of alcoholics.