DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Saturday, December 13, 2008

WENT OUT OR STAYED OUT?

"Come with me...have a drink, friend..."

"EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS!

EVERY NIGHT IS NEW YEARS' EVE!"


Why Oh Why do people drink more around holiday/Holy-Day time. Is it like a reprieve from sanity? It's like a "Get out of jail FREE" card, which often turns into a "Go back to jail" card.


Literally, every time I turn around these days, I'm confronted with a new wet one, or a returning wet one. And they seem to gravitate towards steveroni. I do not hold up a sign, "Pick me!" I do not EVER respond when a chairperson asks, "Whoever is willing to be a sponsor, please raise your hand..."
Yet, when a beginner or returnee walks into the room , they invariably find the chair next to me, and claim it for their own.

This past week one day, at a 5:30PM meeting , it was time for my third cup of coffee. And in walked J, a guy I'd seen each morning for about 30 mornings during September. He had not 'been around' lately, and the smell, as he walked into the big room, well...it changed. He sat nearby, and when he spotted me, he immediately moved over and slid into the vacant chair next to moi. Well, I could smell the strong odor of alcohol, and as I was trying to decide what brand of cheap vodka he had been drinking, he gushed out s few words: Hello, Schtefe, yu 'member me, J?

Yep, I remembered.


I figured, "I'll show this guy how to stay sober if it kills me." Instead, J showed ME a few things. He was unaware that anything he said might have had an affect on me that afternoon, but here is the very short of it, what happened.

J started crying after we went outside so he could smoke (they all smoke, it seems). He told me he stopped going to meetings because everything seemed to be working OK in his life. Got his good job back, his wife acted happy (key word "acted"?), the police had ended the stakeout on his house, you get the picture...things were looking up for J. Up until that very morning. J felt so good, that a little celebration was called for, just a simple pint (only 16 oz., sheeesh!) of cheap vodka, no big deal, for a fellow who was used to nearly two quarts per day, just for maintenance.

He told me "All I had was one F***ing PINT, for God's sake! One lousy F***ing pint, and it ruined the rest of my whole life. I drank one little pint, and my wife left me, my boss fired me, the police are trying to nail my butt to a cot in the jail, this (AA Club) is the only place I could come, and be welcomed. Among more tears, he said to me, "Don't let it happen to you, Steve. Also, I need a sponsor."


Four days later, this afternoon, at the 5:30 meeting J was outside the hall. My sponsor was the guest speaker at this meeting, and J chose to spend his time with the "real winners" sitting outside. (WARNING! A "Steve" Judgment coming:) These people regularly choose to not attend meetings...and so goes another short story of another drunk, who is being offered--again--the gift of sobriety, and who seems to be spurning it. I'm certain God will take good care of J. My father, who was sightless, said many times, "God watches over drunks, and blind people".

But God just maybe will not keep J out of jail one more time....God insists that I, and everyone else, including J, cooperate--even if only a little bit--with His gifts, in order to achieve one day their fulfillment.

steveroni prays now that active and inactive drunks everywhere find and accept that inner peace which IS available, if we only embrace a few simple principles, follow a few simple rules. These Steps will lead to a complete psychic change, which is my/our goal. I hope that word "COMPLETE" was copied!


PHOTO CREDIT

16 comments:

J-Online said...

Very moving story Steve. I hope your gig last night went well. I'm sure it did!

steveroni said...

Gig last night: GREAT!
One today Saturday
Sunday, morning mass, the two shows
afternoon and night.

This is the season for gigs!

Gonna ride my bike to Lakeland FL, about three hours from here--to visit and mend fences with my daughter...
Prayers are welcomed!

steveroni said...

Lakeland FL trip is set for Tuesday, but you can pray any time!!! Thanks, Jenn. Love, 'roni

J-Online said...

WOW. I'm so excited for you that you are taking this big step to mend fences with your daughter. I understand it may be scary, but with God by your side, you can do anything. Prayers and Blessings from Houston.

Findon said...

It's just like meetings in England. Even the same people are there, sitting outside the meeting. Still, it keeps you and I sober stevroni, so I bless the little darlings.

Amysplash said...

hi there my friend i quit meetings along time ago as i struggle with being around alot of people but i remember the days i went drunk and said they had the prob not me i laugh now lol i know i hade the prob i just quit hanging with people that drank i usually drank alone or with my dad tho i hade some friends that drank to i am recovering i am not perfect i will never say i wont drink again but i live one day at a time and pray for streangth peace and love to you my friend


huggles amy

Cat said...

My husband was in jail for ten days after his last DUI. He lost his car, golf & bowling equiptment and I a was ready to call it quit as well. I am grateful that god intervienwd while he was in jail. He came out sober & scared & ready for change.

I spent two hours today with him at a big book meeting - open AA mtg. He was doing service and I was learning about his program.

big Jenn said...

I knew many people like your friend. We called them frequent flyers at work. IMHO, these guys don't really want to stop drinking, they just want the consequences to stop. Not drinking requires way too much effort. Theres alot of work to be done when you're not drunk. Living sober takes some effort. It's much easier to hang around the fringes of the program and get kind people like you to spend YOUR energy trying to fix them with AA. Just sayin'
Hope it goes well with your daughter. jeNN

Christy said...

Very touching...

I pray that your trip to mend fences goes well!! Seriously.. I'm praying...

♥Shann♥ said...

sighs.... i always peep my head outside and say , "hey, meeting is inside guys, why dont you come on in!" sometimes it works, and sometimtes it doesnt. but thats ok either way

Have a good saturday and good luck today with your gig

Kristin H. said...

They sit next to you because they are drawn to you. That's a good thing. It means they want what you have.

Zanejabbers said...

One drinky poo is to many and a thousand drinky poos is not enough.
Oh Yeah, the "outside meeting." The one where they laugh at service, taking direction, following suggestions, gripe, complain about how everyone just shits on them.Of course some of these are responsible alcoholics, they just can't do without a cigaret for 10 minutes. And then they tell others, AA is just too strict, it does not work for me.
DUH. Good luck with your daughter.

Shadow said...

i'll pray that with you if you don't mind.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

This, I needed to hear.

I got in trouble yesterday. Said something I shouldn't have at a meeting and hurt someone dear to me without knowing I was doing it. I'd like to blame it on being early in recovery, on the person because it wasn't really meant to hurt so they should have let it go, on the circumstance...

But the truth is, it was my fault. I poorly chose words to explain something, I was ego stroking thinking I had the answers and should have just shared the message of recovery without trying to embellish, and I had to make an amend. Thank GOD this person works a better program than me and understood and explained the hurt and also accepted my apology and told me what I could do to make the amend.

That was the alcoholic way of saying... that's where my head has been for the last 19 hours. (Give or take getting out to air it for another meeting last night) and you finally put my head back on straight because I remembered the best part about yesterday morning's meeting.

I remember the guy, very fresh off the last turnip truck, sitting in the meeting shoulders slumped hopelessness and anguish in his eyes, looking like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. He listened to people share, shook his head a lot and slumped more and then, a few people shared their experience, their hopelessness and how they found the solution, and someone shared a funny story and this guy laughed.

Laughter in the midst of hopelessness. It was beautiful.

God, thanks for kicking my ego back to zero and thanks for those beautiful wonderful "longtimers" who continue to assist us know it alls to learning that we know just enough to be a danger to ourselves and others and yet they tell me to keep coming back... amazing.

steveroni said...

Jess, I believe that no matter how well I are "connected" to God--and you certainly ARE!--there's always that slight slip (excuse me?) in my thinking. It is soetimes warped. All the "old ideas" are right there in RAM memory, ready to come forward with the sound of ONE click.

Thank you for a very thoughtful comment(ary?) BIG GRIN--I LOVE it!

And I really appreciate the other comments which are spiritually inspired, and helpful to me especially this week coming up.
Love you ALL! A Grateful Steve E.

Syd said...

J has to want what the program offers and be willing to go to any length to stay sober. He apparently isn't ready to hear or to take action. It sounds like his ego is still in charge. I guess that's judgmental on my part but the rooms have a revolving door. Many come in and go out but a few decide to stay. I'm glad that you were one of those.