DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Sunday, March 14, 2010

UNDERSTANDING??? WHY?




THE PREMISE:

 

Following is from our Big Book p 60

a.....b..... "c.  God could and would if He were sought." In my book someone suggested I write in the margin, "NOT CAUGHT!" And I did.


LOOSELY RELATED MATERIAL:

The next two paragraphs are from The Cloud of Unknowing, by an Anonymous Monk.  I had to read them slowly and with care.  My nearly impenetrable thick head does not absorb readily, without some squashing.  It really IS me, wanting to know  the unknown, and believing that sometimes I have been favored to know,  that special level of thought--"above" the average peep...OH! What BS I can dish out to myself...and you!!!!

"Our intense need to 'understand' will always be a powerful stumbling block to our attempts to reach God in simple love, and must always be overcome. For if you do not overcome this need to understand, it will undermine your quest. It will replace the darkness which you have pierced to reach God with clear images of something which, however good, however beautiful, however Godlike, is not God."

"And so I urge you, go after experience rather than knowledge. On account of pride, knowledge may often deceive you, but this gentle, loving affection will not deceive you. Knowledge tends to breed conceit, but love builds. Knowledge is full of labor, but love, full of rest."

SYD WRITES:

Syd wrote Thursday March 11 in "Outcasts" that:  "I don't need to know "why"?  I only know that I will pick up that abandoned outcast part of me, dust it off, give it a good hug, and treat it as gently as I possibly can."

(Note:  I had already prepared this post, so Syd's remarks are presented here as addenda.)

MY PROBLEM:

Ya know, a long time ago--age 2 to age 52--I got so tired of people asking me "Why?"  Why this? Why that? Why do you? Why did you? Why did you NOT?  TIRED!   I mean I became READY-TO-BLOW-UP-tired of the word "WHY?" when directed at me.

And so I made myself a "life-rule".  Of course, being alcoholic, the rule did not apply to ME!  Every friend, every girlfriend, every wife, every fellow worker, even my children (Oh God...my poor children) knew to not ask me the dreaded question...why?  Don't ask me WHY?  NMW! (No Matter What!)

And ya know what?  People seemed to respect that--maybe they were afraid?  Fear pre-sober, "violent" Steve? -grin!  (Maybe they just didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with me--now THAT I can believe...--grin!)

I myself never stopped asking "Why?" If I ask you, it is OK.  When you ask me, it is not!

Got to still work on that.  Asking "WHY" stunts my growth (I'm 75, not nearly finished growing FGS!).  WHY slowly builds a wall of distrust between me and YOU.  WHY constructs a wall between me and God.  "WHY" still drives me NUTS!  Why, Why, Why???

Why am I writing this?  Because just MAYBE it will help someone else who has the same F'ing problem--and like me, will stop and look at their own stupid, single, three-letter word...W.H.Y???


Join me if you wish:
Sober, Happy, At Peace...today
And love someone...today!

22 comments:

Syd said...

Asking another Why seems to have a bit of judgment associated with it. Whenever I have asked why someone did something, I think I might have been actually criticizing. I don't ask why anymore.

Steve E said...

Why?

Dulce said...

This is a thought provoking post peep dear...
Why I wonder too...
Have a great Sunday!

Garnet said...

Hi Steve, thanks for your enthusiastic comments on my blog. Your post today 'convicts me', as a friend says. Thanks for bringing this to me attention. Look forward to many more.

Andrew said...

The quote from The Cloud of Unknowing, by an Anonymous Monk got my attention. It could also be a quote from A Course in Miracles. And I thought of John of the Cross.

So I looked it up, and found a lot of good stuff.

Thanks Steve.

Enchanted Oak said...

I love the Monk's comment that seeking to understand "why" is always a stumbling block to the simple love of God. That is just awesome. It reminds me of our warning against "paralysis by analysis."

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Properly smashed. And I'll bet you weren't even talking about me. :)

It's those why's that have driven my whole life... the moment I didn't get the answer I wanted, I began to act in opposition to the sources.

Now I act in service to the sources, and they whys seem to dissipate more quickly in the action.

Hmmm...

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I'm so glad you're here, sharing your experiences.

I sometimes don't want to share my shortcomings, but I find that every time I take that action, I don't feel so alone anymore.

I'm scared to do it because I think I'm the only one, but you all continue to convince me in your action, that we are together in this.

Secretia said...

What an impenetrable wall we can build when we're afraid of intrusion.

Secretia

Kim A. said...

My sponsor nailed me on my insatiable need-to-know. Andrew already noted that your post reflects a lot of A Course in Miracles lessons. I agree. If I look back, I can see the whys sometimes but it doesn't add to my life to know why anymore. What adds to my life is the experience, spiritual growth (hopefully) and what I can share, which is what you did today. Thank you so much.

♥namaste♥

Steve E said...

SYD, Why do you noat ask why? Oh! I should know the answer to that, right? --grin!

DULCE, you are an ardent follower here. And I truly value your opinion on everything--as long as it agrees with mine--BIG GRIN!!
...and I just REALLY love your poetry (me, blushing here!)
Take Care.

GARNET, I guess we ALL stand "convicted of one thing or another. But we keep trying, and sometimes improve--so they tell me.
I am glad we met!

JESSIE, maybe it is because we met, and I know you, that I can see everything you write comes straight from your beautiful heart (yes, you can tell Shawn I said that!), and I feel real good when I see your posting or commenting all over this blog'spheare (like the Bard, yes?)

ENCHANTED OAK. Yep! It also reminds me of other slogan like "Live and Let Live", "Take cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth"... You are one GOOD blogger-Girl!

ANDREW, I just KNEW that if you logged on here, "the monk" would grab you. You're THAT kind of guy. And I admire so much about you--wish you'd blog more than twice a year--grin!

SECRETIA. YOU--Mistress of the blog-world's secrets, holder of the keys to people's very hearts!
I feel, well--honored, when you show up here (often you do!) simply because you have so MANY Peeps following, asking advice, and By The Way--ALL love you, girl.

Kim A. Yeah, I guess without true sharing--well "why BE here--didja get that "why"?????

chitowngreg said...

I think people of great faith have also been prone to great doubts, leading to lots of questioning. The more we question, though, the greater our faith is likely to become. In many respects, I think faith is all that's left after we've asked all the questions.

drybottomgirl said...

I was always taught that "belief is just belief" there is no why in belief (if you truly believe) being human and reacting to how we are raised our experiences etc. effects the amount of "why" factor we have. However even the great ones in the bible struggled with why: Look at Moses, he was trying to get out of going to Egypt all the time. God had to send Aaron along to speak. I'm sure more than once Moses thought :Why do I have to go and set the Israelites free? Why do bad things happen to us, Why can't I just have one drink...because I can't. I think why links in surrender, to turning ourselves over to the will of God. Why is over when you do that. You do his will and you don't ask why. Just my rambling thoughts. Interesting subject.

Annie said...

Interesting. I'm going to have to chew on this for awhile.

Steve E said...

SECRETIA, I meant "when do you find the TIME to comment on blogs like steveroni, which are just one out of 100's???"

CHITOWNGREG, YOU, Greg, are a thinker
...in a good meaning. And it sounds like you're a BELIEVER. I am glad you are here.

DRYBOTTOMGIRL...you just "ramble on" ANY time, here or there, your ramblings make a lot more sense to me, than many of my own. So glad to have "met" you. Please keep coming back. I have been ultra busy, therefore missed a few posts of your and others...but I will somehow catch up. MAYBE?

ANNIE, if I do not "chew on things for awhile"...I may swallow them without tasting the deliciousness!

Do you have a blog? Cannot get there from here--grin! If NOT, please keep us informed when yours will come online. PLEASE!

Kathy M. said...

I followed Garnet to your post here today. I love it. Don't ask me why... ;)

dusty said...

Is this why god is so angry with me?

Cause I really can't help it, it is an Optsession I have with puzzles, but not spelling, I could not care less about spelling (i was always out preformed by that dickhead merriam)
oh and metaphors, those don't have to be correct cause I don't understand them anyway. I need to be talking about whatever it is I need to know why about.

I won't ask you why, cause you clearly said it irritates you. God stays under the microscope until HE says it that clearly or i die, but trust me, he doesn't want me causes this rukus up there and if I go to hell me and the debil will make one mighty strong team.

so I figure it's gonna be a while. But I honestly love hearing opinions. Thank you Brother Steve!

PS I think I've towed your car before

Fireblossom said...

At a certain age, my son was prone to asking "why" about absolutely everything. Sometimes I would answer, but sometimes I would start singing that old song: Why do the birds go on singinggggg....

He still hates that song. LOL.

Fireblossom said...

PS--I was here at your request a few days ago and read the post about your dog, although I didn't leave a comment. Occasionally, I CAN shut up.

Syd said...

I don't ask why about life's issues because there is no answer. Unlike scientific questions in which a why question is part of the scientific method, a why question about life, such as why me, why am I different, why do I think like this, will often lead to nothing that will really soothe the pain that prompted one to ask. Instead, ssking “why” can lead to a brutal cycle of unanswered questions, one more confounding than the next.

mile191 said...

always great words of wisdom and comfort. thank you friend. mile

Superfluous Brunette said...

I am so happy you are back! I too took a break, until a blog peep urged me to write something again and here I see you are back!
Why? That truly stunts my growth. Wanting so much knowledge of why I had my past relationship, why he was that way, why didn't I see, why am I still so doubtful, why am I acting this way. I am looking for answers, but it only keeps spinning me around...down. Hopefully I will move on from WHY too and not needing to fully understand.
Thanks for your inspiration!!
Kim