Sunday, October 19, 2008


On these blogs I read so many gratitude lists. Some are short. Others, not. But all are evidence that we are progressing. "We", because likely I am experiencing--more or less--the same gifts for which others are grateful. And reading your lists reminds me why I need to thank my Higher Power, daily, even hourly. Since I do not write my own list often on here, I depend on those who do. And so I am grateful today for the GRATITUDE LISTS of my friends

Thank you SO much!

I was asked to speak for nearly an hour at an AA group last night (Saturday). In the past I have been asked to speak a couple dozen times (or more?) during my 34-year period of AA sobriety. Always, without fail, my nervousness has overcome all else, and my talks--in my opinion--were of no value whatever to anyone else, nor to me. My mind went completely blank--always.

Last night, however--and one week ago, on a Thursday night--my message seemed to spill out so clearly, succinctly, and well--again, in my opinion--that the surprise didn't hit me until I was biking home. And I could not help myself from being overcome with gratitude. Gratitude to God, for teaching me, all these former years, how to deliver experience, strength, and hope to others. God allowed me to relax, enjoy, and actually 'have fun'. He also allowed me to discover another of many gifts He has bestowed upon me. My thoughts have been so positive today (really, as usual, I guess!), and I love SO much my Higher Power, and that part of Him I can now see in others.

No more do I fear that what I say from my heart will be rejected by some, ridiculed by others, or given accolades. My words are no longer MY words, ya know what I mean?

To a great extent, these have become my own: a new freedom, and a new happiness; serenity and peace; knowledge that my experience DOES benefit others; no longer do I harbor thoughts or feelings of uselessness and self-pity; interest in my AA friends AND others has entered my life in wholehearted ways; really now, believe this--my attitude and outlook on life has changed; economic fear has left me, even in these so-called scary times; I do not fear people (in fact, just recently I have made amends to several AA members, long-standing hard feelings have been washed away with SO few healing words); some situations I can now handle with ease, which used to trouble me horrendously; all I needed was willingness, for God to do things to and for me, which I could never bring about on my own.

Oh, my God, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness. My life (at this moment!) is truly being run by You, and I have finally 'let You in'--and I am ready and willing to do Your Will. Please show me what, and lend me the power I'll need, and keep me just enough healthy to do these things for You. I have no expectations. It is still one-day-at-a-time and that is the ONLY way I can live.

This life is exciting, and I am excited...and I have not had a coffee for over five hours, so this is the 'real' Steve E. here...writing.



J-Online said...

You sound very grateful, blessed, and happy. At my Friday night meeting we talked about Fear and I was amazed at how the people with years of sobriety are able to deal with these feelings through working the program. It really works. I see proof of it daily. Life is good

Molls said...

I hope we can all get to where you are real-a-roni!
p.s. My acupuncturist recommended I give up coffee. I haven't had one in about 5 weeks! Yikes!

Anonymous said...

One day I will journey down to the sunny state and sneak into one of those speaker rooms to hear to share. Then I'll surprise you afterward with a big 'ol hug and a "Hi Steve! I'm Kristin H.!"

Faith said...

I think gratitude lists are a great idea. I wrote one once, but I should look at it and revise it often to keep it fresh in my head.

Lou said...

Your devotion to the program, and life in general, is always so positive to read. Very enjoyable!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Ditto what Kristin said...hey Kristin...how about a Road Trip - a - Roni!!!


AlkySeltzer said...

Kristin and Gabi, I truly am BLUSHING...ask PG!

I must confess, secretly I thought y'all would be SO tired of hearing how -great- steveroni feels (Almost all the time!) that nobody would even take the time to read what started out to be one short par. and a thank-you.


Akannie said...

Gratitude ROCKS, dude-a-roni.

Nice post...you blusher, you.

Zanejabbers said...

Aw, shucks man, you're a blusher?
I'm glad you are blessed with being a real person. Ain't it gret.

Shadow said...

real-a-roni, you are the best! your gratitude literally jumps from the screen and grabs me.

indistinct said...

Your right, stevaroni, someone's gratitude post is a blessing to read. Just like yours was. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Steve Finally on the page

Anonymous said...

Hi again my friend! This is Anonymous Don. I had to cut you off a little quickly since my son entered the room and is helping me through the day with errands etc.
I am pleased you spoke to me about the member's comment re your lead last Tuesday. He is wrong! A.A. has historically and correctly drawn from Religious, Medical, Philosophical and Literary treasures. Our heritage is richly based upon Christian Western Civilization.
A.A. remains independent. Isolating ourselves from these sources of wisdom however is ludicrous.
Our Traditions sternly warn us from being allied with others and from endorsing or opposing outside issues.
Drawing upon the wisdom of others was the foundation of our Fellowship. Remember Fr. Dowling and Silkworth and Sr.Ignatious! What about William James, Carl Jung etc?
Oh well; you pressed a button and that's what you get.
You did well to prepare for the lead and model how meetings can/should be chaired.

Cat said...

This post was very touching. I went to an open AA meeting last Saturday night with my husband and for the first time they had an Al Anon person get up and talk - and I cried - becuase I heard myself in this person - and when I left I was grateful because I had wanted someone i could relate to to talk to me at that meeting. My husband said it was my HP at work.

be well

Syd said...

Great stuff Steve. I feel the goodness of your heart coming through in the writing. Life really is great.

AlkySeltzer said...

NOTE: The anonymous post (above) is my sponsor Don. He is brand new on posting, and so his comment was far off-topic. I'll have to mention this to him. Sorry.

Shaking head-a-roni