MY GRATITUDE LIST

On these blogs I read so many gratitude lists. Some are short. Others, not. But all are evidence that we are progressing. "We", because likely I am experiencing--more or less--the same gifts for which others are grateful. And reading your lists reminds me why I need to thank my Higher Power, daily, even hourly. Since I do not write my own list often on here, I depend on those who do. And so I am grateful today for the GRATITUDE LISTS of my friends

Thank you SO much!
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I was asked to speak for nearly an hour at an AA group last night (Saturday). In the past I have been asked to speak a couple dozen times (or more?) during my 34-year period of AA sobriety. Always, without fail, my nervousness has overcome all else, and my talks--in my opinion--were of no value whatever to anyone else, nor to me. My mind went completely blank--always.

Last night, however--and one week ago, on a Thursday night--my message seemed to spill out so clearly, succinctly, and well--again, in my opinion--that the surprise didn't hit me until I was biking home. And I could not help myself from being overcome with gratitude. Gratitude to God, for teaching me, all these former years, how to deliver experience, strength, and hope to others. God allowed me to relax, enjoy, and actually 'have fun'. He also allowed me to discover another of many gifts He has bestowed upon me. My thoughts have been so positive today (really, as usual, I guess!), and I love SO much my Higher Power, and that part of Him I can now see in others.

No more do I fear that what I say from my heart will be rejected by some, ridiculed by others, or given accolades. My words are no longer MY words, ya know what I mean?

To a great extent, these have become my own: a new freedom, and a new happiness; serenity and peace; knowledge that my experience DOES benefit others; no longer do I harbor thoughts or feelings of uselessness and self-pity; interest in my AA friends AND others has entered my life in wholehearted ways; really now, believe this--my attitude and outlook on life has changed; economic fear has left me, even in these so-called scary times; I do not fear people (in fact, just recently I have made amends to several AA members, long-standing hard feelings have been washed away with SO few healing words); some situations I can now handle with ease, which used to trouble me horrendously; all I needed was willingness, for God to do things to and for me, which I could never bring about on my own.

Oh, my God, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness. My life (at this moment!) is truly being run by You, and I have finally 'let You in'--and I am ready and willing to do Your Will. Please show me what, and lend me the power I'll need, and keep me just enough healthy to do these things for You. I have no expectations. It is still one-day-at-a-time and that is the ONLY way I can live.

This life is exciting, and I am excited...and I have not had a coffee for over five hours, so this is the 'real' Steve E. here...writing.

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