WATCH OUT! SOME "GOD" STUFF AHEAD....
What a wonderfully busy and spiritual weekend this was. For several years I've been more or less (MORE!) riding high on this 'pink cloud' of being happy, experiencing great peace, and sometimes even serenity (being at peace in the midst of turmoil). I thought three years ago I was going to soon die, because I figured the tranquility in my life at that time was reserved for the dead, not the living.
No longer do I believe that way. But my love for life has continued in an upward spiral. I ask some long-timers, how can this be, how can it last, my voracious appetite for wanting, desiring, yearning for a better life, when it is already "better"?
True, there are the continuing usual health problems, love problems, family problems, 'choice' problems (Prudence) and a lacking in the virtue, Fortitude. And I cannot forget my nemesis PRIDE--holy Sh*t! But at lease, at last, I know who am I, Who God is, and what God wants of me. And it is utter simplicity--the answer. How I so struggled for many decades seeking the solution to my dilemma. The answer, which has evolved for me follows:
I am an alcoholic. I am a part of God's Creation. God is a Spirit. God is without gender, neither 'She' nor 'He' nor 'It'. God resides deep down within me--and within each and every one of us...unless I forcibly, willfully, actively and continuously expel God. God is always waiting, ready, desiring with His Whole Heart, to reenter me. Thank God! -grin
I spurned God for many years, but always deep down, I knew He was somewhere nearby. I 'felt' Him, as in "God! Help me!" For me, it is as in the HOUND of HEAVEN.
Without my knowledge, God brought me to my knees, to the bottom of my pit, to my point of no return via my "other god"--alcohol. What horrors, the unchanging turmoil, constant bickering/fighting, the spilled blood, the horrors, chaos, the unwillingness to change, EVER. I do not dwell on this period of my life, but I DO remember it, if needed to show someone else where I've been...and to where I've come to be.
Which is the next part. NOTE: Here, birds sing, vibrant colors break out of their mazes, into heavenly art, everyone loves everyone, we are all equal yet different, peace reigns, and I AM SOBER. Praise God! Yes, now I can truly say it was God Who brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous, and God used you people to bring me back to Him.
It is a comfortable place to be, today...sober, and with God. TODAY! When uneasiness enters into my life, due to any activity, I must (however reluctantly? -grin) check my motive for doing whatever is producing that feeling. Thank You God, for these Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, AA members, and especially YOU BLOGGERS! I depend on you--and that whole last sentence-- for my daily nourishment, and I wish you all peace, and I LOVE you all! AMEN?
(Who published this...and WHEN???)