I live in predominantly a Spanish-speaking area. All the neighbors smile at me and wave as I travel back and forth on my motor scooter. Of course, I began that habit with them several years ago, that habit of waving, smiling, loving after I had finally crawled out from my tomb, from under my very private rock.
This morning on the way to a rehearsal (yesss, another one--grin!), violin ensconced on the rear of my bike, I had to literally STOP in the middle of the road--not a thoroughfare. As I sat there, feeling the warmth of 'old sol' on my body, I practiced what is now becoming habit: when there is nothing to do but wait--just sit back, have beautiful thoughts of gratitude, peace and love and.....wait.
A family of the Spanish folks were walking slowly in the roadway, little tots, all the way to (I presume) uncles, aunts, and grandparents. With brightly colored clothing, and umbrellas of the same hues, they were all smiling, waving, enjoying what God has given them, and me. The wonderful life we have here is no other place where I have been. I waved at them also, with my, well...smiling face (I smile a lot!), and all was good in God's world for this moment.
NOTE to self: What an opportunity to learn some Spanish, from right next door, across the road, or around the corner...
I thanked God for allowing me to see this beautifulness of an extended family all walking, seemingly going nowhere but following the leader nonetheless. And I wondered what went wrong in MY family.
Where was I during those days which should have been OH! so different? Where was my heart? Where was my soul? I DO know at a certain stage of life, booze (alcohol) became my God. It was all I thought about, simply ALL. I could not live with it, and I could not live without it. And be damned with everything else--if I even realized there WAS everything else! My body was wasting and wasted, my soul had blackened, my spirit was dead. When there was nowhere for me to turn, my wife drove me to Alcoholics Anonymous--nor, NOT, a place where I wanted to be seen--or even to BE. EVER! NEVER! And I had my last drink at the midnight before that 8:00 PM AA meeting.
That was March 18, 1974, the most important date in my whole LIFE.
And I am still there today, sober, happy, free of my addictions of alcohol and drugs. There are other problems of living which at times give me great peace, at other times torment. But, as life goes on, I can write with confidence that I fear today NOTHING, neither life...nor death, neither you...nor ME!
AND Peeps, I love you all, more than you realize. Because you, and the God within you are what keeps me sober, alive, and gratefully happy these days. True, some things I would change about me...if I could. I trust that God will do that, as I become ready for Him to do that, and then as I ask Him. And I AM in a place where I can be of service to others now with God's help. What a beautiful place that IS!
Fully in gratitude, to God and YOU my Peeps, I write this from my heart tonight, as I go out right NOW (I'm LATE again!!!) to play another Christmas show. I'll have to post this later.
By the way, the "Show" tonight was spectacular! Especially the violin section--grin!
Love and PEACE!