DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Sunday, December 20, 2009

LAUGH-IN SUNDAY



I'm so tired tonight Peeps, I'll just leave you with one of my clean Thursday Night "cookie meeting" jokes, OK?


The Talking Dog

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale.

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep", the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars" the owner says.

"This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit." 

_______________________________________


HEY, PEEPS!!!

SOBER today...right?
LOVE today, OK?
PEACE today...PLEASE!


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 Oh what the heck, another short MUSICAL JOKE:

In the early days of his career, Elton John was approached to do background music for a movie. He wrote the music without seeing the script, so, when the previews came up, he arrived at the cinema wondering what the movie would be like.

Looking around, he noticed he was sitting next to Alice Cooper. When the movie started, Elton was stunned to discover it was one of the hardest hard-core porn films he had ever seen. Deeply embarrassed, he turned to Alice and whispered,

"Actually, I only came along to hear my music."

"Yeah, man", said Alice, "and I only came along to see my snake."

15 comments:

Silver said...

Talking dog joke is really cool. Got me laughing quite a bit there.. i like why the owner decided to sell him off.. ! Must drive one crazy having to live with a compulsive liar around, especially if he also happens to be a man's best friend! ;)

hugs,
~Silver

Shadow said...

love me that dog!

Gaia said...

Totally hilarious! Alice seeing his snake! I am actually visualising this image of Elton and Alice together :0)

Dulce said...

ha ha ha ha- I can't stop it sorry!
You are the best!

dAAve said...

I used to run around with that dog. And it's true; he NEVER worked for the CIA.

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emilyism.com said...

heheheh:)

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

LOL

Secretia said...

That talking dog joke is similar to some of my dreams!

wolfie185 said...

Too funny times 2!!

catvibe said...

LOL Steveroni!

Inky said...

too funny and loved them both. but not as much as I love U lol

HUGS I needed this laugh this morning

enchantedoak said...

Thank you for the laugh on a gray Monday morning in California!

Sylvia said...

Those stories are amazing! Thank you for a big smile! Hugs.

Syd said...

I like the Labrador story. They are such smart dogs that often they seem to talk.

I don't want to know about Alice's snake.