Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I just assumed EVERYONE considered suicide for one reason or another. And I figured most people tried it now and then. Also I just knew those who lived after were not at all serious about it. 

Well, I was wrong on all three counts. And I have not thought about it for maybe eight months or so, but a blog yesterday triggered the memories...ya gotta know how that is!

 Yesterday I found myself enjoying once more "Secretia's"  blog, in which she invites readers to contribute answers to her question-of-the-day.  Sounds kinda like "Trivial trivia" (and it is) but usually great fun for some--me included. Yesterday's question was proposed in this manner:

"Sometimes the hurting gets so
Strong that we wish we were gone.
That's when we pray for
Much happier days...
  Were you ever so sad  that you wanted
  to end your life?
   you CAN be anonymous...   
Posted by Secretia Tuesday Dec 8 at 5:11 AM
39 comments Links to this post"

And I did have a comment to make but decided to post it here instead, because it was definitely a low point in the drunken, chaotic, helpless, "powerless" stage of my life at age 26, in 1958.  And I tell you that from there until 1974, the state, the condition of my life went no way but DOWN. So this is what I wrote at that time (I had already died, OK? --Alright, WHO said "Fine!"--grin!):

At last I have found my solitude
All now is quiet and peaceful
In this room

With Endless futility have I sought  
Serenity--absent ever since I lived
In the womb

At last happiness is mine since
No more must I calculate
My doom

I've considered often this moment
When I look up instead of down
At the bloom

And I SO wish to thank them
The both who laid me here
In my tomb.

--Steve E  August 3, 1958

Peeps, let us soberly, peacefully, 

LOVE all things today! OK?

Information on picture of SUICIDE can be found HERE


Silver said...

:) Happy to see you in the light.

love & hugs,

Steve E said...

Hey, I wish to make clear...I do not feel like this anymore--for a BLONG time! OK No misunderstanding....

Anonymous said...

Thanks Steve for another meaningful poem and for your helpful words. You have already helped and continue to help people worldwide to fight their own demons and find some inner strength. You spread the messages of hope and recovery.

Everyone appreciates what you do.

Thanks also for mentioning my blog.

Sincerely, Secretia

Anonymous said...

It brings me joy to dance with those who see the light! I have never tried, too afraid of what God would think, but I know others who have. The devastation they feel inside is overwhelming I am sure. I only know to pray come out of any mood unfitting for me. Hugs to you. Tammy

clean and crazy said...

you know steve, i too have been there and your words really, i mean really capture the feelings we feel when we are in that state. the simple longing for inner peace. it just seemed so unattainable didn't it?

Gwen R said...

It's all good Steve~ Express YO-Self!!

Nevine said...

Steve, this is heartbreakingly beautiful - yes, it is! The joy is in the moments you live now, and the truest joy comes when you look at this piece you wrote 50 years ago and say, "This is not me anymore!" Doesn't that make you feel good?


Findon said...

I have never tried suicide, nor being drawn to it. I have alwys thought people who do commit suicide must have such courage and be in such deep despair. To be able to overide so many of natures inbuilt survival mechanisms, does one have to be insane to be able to do that. It is of course very poignant for me at the moment. We bury Jane on friday and I don't know how I will cope with the day.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that despair before you discovered serenity and happiness. I am so glad you did otherwise I would not have met you in the blogosphere.

Dulce said...

Am happy you did not such a thing...
Had you done it I wouldn't have been born... For we are all 'interbeing' here,right now YOu and Me...as I write this comment, as you read it...

terrible picture... and terrific for it says it all as well.

Eres un sol, Steve Peep
New lesson!) Grin!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I guess really that just by drinking we were slowly committing suicide and at other points more actively sought it. Your words are chilling, although they bring hope since it is still you, here writing them, with love and hope to our continued sobriety!


Syd said...

Glad that you didn't make that final, very final decision and instead chose to live with all the possibilities of a sober life.

Anonymous said...

So thankful you are still among the living Steve... and really LIVING, not just alive! You and PG bring a joyous light to so many others. If only others that are comtemplating suicide would hold out, for a little while longer, at least... perhaps they would find their reason for living. Thanks for the post, as always. Hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

I have tried ,I was in my late 20's
to be honest I still have my days, but i try to hold on, hoping for thing to change , That is the story of my life waiting for thing to get better, I have days where i don't understand why god has let me live to go threw all this pain and loneliness

enchantedoak said...

Been there, done that. Didn't save the goodbye note, though. Well, one time I did, because it was dramatic and spotted with blood. Thank God and AA I don't have to do that anymore.

Silver said...

It's Thursday for me here, Mister.. i am here for that enticing post that'd you'd promised!!!

No pressure.
But i am waiting.........!!


Shadow said...

yeah, low times happen. more often then we think... may we just remember at that time, that tomorrow brings another dawn. wait for it.

Nessa said...

I am glad you are still here.

Car Goes Boom

Gaia said...

I think perhaps we don't even recognise happiness and joy even if it is staring right at us. We want more and more and we don't get it. We get depressed instead, maybe what we had was good. Hiaz.