Tuesday, July 13, 2010




Amended: We lost two this week to suicide, both shocking, because there were no clues that they were harboring "stuff" about which they cold not share with another. God, please take care of their souls, and let the lesson of their lives--and deaths--be for all to open up, ask for help, and share in this wonderful life of sobriety and beyond....
At a recent early morning AA "Speaker" meeting the speaker was talking about the chaotic life he's lived, the money he'd owed. Thousands of dollars in child support, many, MANY thousands to the IRS, thousands to former employers, employees, also former business partners. And he told of the Peeps he had hurt throughout life, beginning with the parental home, then the marital home, then the next marital home, etc....children--not physically... friends  who were friends no longer.

All these streets have now been swept clean, owed debts satisfied, amends made, changes in himself, changes which came about in some others BECAUSE of his new way of life. IF you are recovering (OK..."recovered") from an addiction, you understand of what I am writing here. If not, you well may still "get it"...OK?--grin!

The point is soon coming, stay with me here.  He next told of how he "found" AA, attended a few meetings, had trouble deciding whether he was an alcoholic or a "social" drinker.

(I am again hearing those words:

If I drink to be social, it is not "social Drinking"!
Actually he really knew deep-down that he had long ago "crossed over that line" because he thought about drinking much of the time, as in "How good it will be when I'm off work in about (ugh!) three more HOURS???" --OR-- "How wonderful that I have two days off, I can drink as I please with no work obligations!" And when alcohol was not in the "near-future" picture, he was restless, irritable, and discontent with himself, with everything.

At a meeting (years before), even though he identified with the THINKING of these odd sober Peeps, he wanted NO PART in stopping...and he just didn't "fit in". The alcoholic Peeps accepted one another with laughter and easy conversation, but not HIM. Nobody went out of their way to talk with HIM!

When, at the finish of the meeting, all stood in a circle next to each other to meditate a moment, there was no place for him in the crowd.  He was ready to sneak out of the room, when one fellow said to the girl next to him, "Hey, let's move a bit so this new fellow can get in here". Then, with a big smile, "Come on in buddy, there's room for everyone here--grin!"

At this point, the speaker was in pre-cry mode, as he choked a bit, and softly said, "THAT'S when I knew I belonged here. I was now ONE OF YOU. I FIT IN. I STAYED. I AM STILL HERE 36 YEARS LATER. Thank you AA Peeps from the bottom of my heart for giving me my own Higher Power as I understand It. I call It by its name, GOD. And I thank GOD for bringing me to you peeps, when I had not a clue God was doing so."

HERE IS THE REAL POINT: I never know when a single word of encouragement, a calmness of demeanor, a look of recognition, a smile, will be that message which God is sending to a Peep who is suffering inside with all the fear, anxiety, low self-esteem, anger, hatred, bitterness, guilt, resentment, self loathing, depression.  A message which might help relieve her/him from the bondage of self.

PEACE, Peeps!
LOVE, peeps!
SOBER today, Peeps!


@ Deviant Art


steveroni said...


Brian Miller said...

so true steve...yours may be the word that changes their life...in the most beautiful way...

dAAve said...

A good message.

willow said...

Keep thinking those good thoughts.

izzy said...

"Bondage of self-" yup I remember all the tears and rage! being so prickly: I was a mangy wolf snapping and snarling, in a perpetual circle...people kept waving me over until eventually I went for it on my own.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

:)So great that we don't have to always be RID of things, we can accept each day in it's own Light and find that, even what we have decided to be RID of, was once useful as far as it went, but it didn't ever go far enough did it?

Insatiable desires, insatiable passions and longing, without the quenching of the Ultimate Spirit of all power we'd still be lost in it wouldn't we?

Thank God we of the fellowship exemplify a powerful forceful show of that reflection of light and love! :)

You've been a part of that for 36 years, and I'm so grateful I've been able to share for the time I've been here.

Nevine said...

I can't tell you enough how inspiring you are... how positive your spirit. Your post might just be that message for someone that you don't even know... today. Stay positive, Steveroni. You are contagious... :-)


Syd said...

I am glad that someone was there for you and that there are many there today. I am sad for those who decided suicide was the only way. That is hard to read.

Em said...

so sorry to hear about the two devastating losses. It is always hard to hear, whether they are friends, family or strangers. Like Syd, it's sad that they felt that was their only way.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is so true Steve, we just don't know when or where, but because we need to have our hand out for those in need we can keep our attitudes and our sharing amazing for those who may need us even when we don't know it, we don't need to know it.

Claudia said...

My father used to drink - and my husband used to work with people who drink...so I know a lot of sad, sad stories. But I have also seen lives that were changed when God touched them. And it's just so good to hear your story
Hugs - Claudia

drybottomgirl said...

Amen! You have said many things on your blogs, your poems, and your comments that make a difference in all of our lives. May you continue to bless and be blessed!

Hap Joy Free said...

Such a bitter sweet post. Reading your touching story, brought tears.

Reading of the suicide brought sadness and....just more sadness.

So sorry for your loss, Stever. Stay sober today, ok?

Brad said...

Thanks for the message, Steve, and I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

I just posted about my own relapse and return today: www.thisunmanageablelife.com

♥ Brad