WE ARE NOT PERFEKT
Some years ago I developed a hatred for the words: "Happy, Joyful, and Free". I thought, for several years...how much BS this is. When is the chaotic bedlam going to 'leave' me? Well, it did not happen overnight, but here is a TODAY example, of a brief return to my 'old life', and how God keeps changing, keeps molding me, to maybe one day becoming a better person:
Did I ever sleep good last night! Not sure why, but I will say this much (really not much!). There has been for several days--and nights--a troubling in my heart. (Get to the point, Steve.) Not quite a week ago, I offended someone--right here at this keyboard, right here on my blogroll. Now, I have been in Alcoholics Anonymous for a long enough time to know better, to know when I am pushing that envelope. So WHY? Why do I even 'go there'?
Well, it's that long story again, of Pride. Ego says to me, "You can fix the whole world. If only they would do as you think, and say what you believe, Steve." Well, that's never going to happen, ain't THAT the truth. (There is nothing more true than the truth.) And it's a good thing that ain't going to happen, because I am not God. Once in a while I must do that "Be still" thing. "Steve, be still......and know that HE is God, not you!" How beautiful, even close to momentary humility. Fancy that!
Well, being acquainted with our Twelve Steps, I knew there is one called Step NINE, you know, that one about "Made direct amends...wherever possible...." So, how is this going to happen, to make an amend to someone who probably will not even read my mail, or my blog? What do I do when all else fails? I turn to God for help. Actually, I work through a Guardian Angel, named Flex (for 'flexible'). And somehow, I found myself in church, and, kneeling there up front, I was alone, but not lonely. "God, please help me here, how am I going to 'fix' this?" And God said to me (yeah, right!! -g-) well, at least this is what I discerned, that God said, "Don't fret over this. Let ME handle it--and all will be well."
The next day I receive a communication from the person whose very soul I injured. Now I do not like to use the word 'overjoyed', but, needless to say, I was smiling as I read the note, I was happy that God had given me an opportunity to show that I was sincerely, oh, so sorry. And we shared a little of ourselves with each other (Emails), and I shed a couple tears. The tears were, yes, of happiness, but maybe not what I might have thought. They were for a greater understanding of how God works in our lives. The tears were for my being allowed a newer conception of our God-given program, which gives me a real and spiritual PLAN of action, and the powerful tools, which--if I use them--bring me back to that good life I know so well.
That is a life, beyond all expectation, beyond even belief--considering where it (my life) was 34 years ago. And so I'm again here to say (yeah, almost finished!) that if I really follow these steps, and work them, I can, I CAN, enjoy that life of freedom and happiness. That life which we are promised is right around the bend, for each of us, for ALL of us. Again, we are not perfect (I DO know how to spell it!), but we keep working at it, knowing we'll never BE there. And let's all try for Happiness, Joyful, and Free, today. I've found for me, that there can even be joy in adversity, but I guess that's another blog--blong.
A happy, joyful, and free Steve E.