Sunday, September 13, 2009


This Sunday I could not resist sending the following chapter from the book AWARENESS by Anthony De Mello (PAGE 9) for any who are interested in a brief dissertation on LOVE:


The first thing I want you to understand, if you really want to wake up, is that you don't want to wake up. The first step to waking up is to be honest enough to admit to yourself that you don't like it. You don't want to be happy. Want a little test? Let's try it. It will take you exactly one minute. You could close your eyes while you're doing it or you could keep them open. It doesn't really matter. Think of someone you love very much, someone you're close to, someone who is precious to you, and say to that person in your mind, "I'd rather have happiness than have you." See what happens. "I'd rather be happy than have you. If I had a choice, no question about it, I'd choose happiness." How many of you felt selfish when you said this? Many, it seems.

See how we've been brainwashed? See how we've been brainwashed into thinking, "How could I be so selfish?" But look at who's being selfish. Imagine somebody saying to
you, "How could you be so selfish that you'd choose happiness over me?" Would you not feel like responding, "Pardon me, but how could you be so selfish that you would demand I choose you above my own happiness?!"

A woman once told me that when she was a child her Jesuit cousin gave a retreat in the Jesuit church in Milwaukee. He opened each conference with the words: "The test of love is sacrifice, and the gauge of love is unselfishness." That's marvelous! I asked her, "Would you want me to love you at the cost of my happiness?" "Yes," she answered. Isn't that delightful? Wouldn't that be wonderful? She would love me at the cost of her happiness and I would love her at the cost of my happiness, and so you've got two unhappy people, but long live love!

PEACE to you all, peeps


Dulce said...

I understand there are two types of love. Whenyou asked the question I thought about my son, so I coudn't say "I'd rather have happiness than have you" for I would noy be happy if Idid not have him.
The other type of love (partners)well that
Is easier to say, utter and state- no problem about that!
hugs :)

Just Be Real said...

Thanks for posting this chapter! Selfishness has a proper way about it..... very good Stevie! Blessings....

Pete Hoge said...

Thank you...Glad to hear about
various ideas about Love because
we alcoholics need to understand


vicariousrising said...

I would never want someone to sacrifice their happiness for me. I could not live with that. And it would not be loving on my part.

I have to admit, when I tried your exercise and I was imagining my husband... Then I got to the 'punchline' where I was to say that I'd chose happiness over being with you, I was genuinely puzzled. I didn't know what you meant. I was thinking, but I'm so happy with my husband, why am I letting him go?

It isn't that he make me happy. That comes from within. But what we have together seems to be working. If he made me miserable (or rather the situation of us being together was unhealthy and misery-making) no way would I choose unhappiness. It serves no purpose to anyone and I don't think it is what my higher power would have me do.

Great post, Steve. Hugs to you!

Cindy said...

Ooooo. Selfish is not a bad word here and in other ways. I really like the way that you said that.

GO PACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!

garden-variety drunk said...

I love Anthony de Mello and remember my mind being blown open by this part of the book. I had thought about selfishness and happiness many times, but never in quite that way before. happy continued scooting!

Shadow said...

i'm with you. love over everything....

John DeFlumeri Jr said...

That is a heavy-duty test to give yourself! Very Deep!

Syd said...

I think that is the codependent thing in which we think our happiness derives from another. But it doesn't--and as you said, there would be two unhappy people if each sacrifices happiness for the other.