Wednesday, November 18, 2009



Never have I really liked my mother.  During more than 60 years I did not  feel a warmth from her, a true non-obligated love.  When one has a strong intuition one way or another about anything for 60 years it cannot be denied, whatever were/are the reasons for the feelings.  Yes, I did and do love her--again, that sense of filial obligation. God does not demand that I love my mother, only that I honor her--"Honor Thy father and thy mother" or something like that.

That being stated, my mother did give me a lifeline to the road of happiness, a key to the notion of fulfillment.  My music.  I now sing in the church choir at St Ann in Naples FL. This is the first time ever that I entertained the thought of singing. For three months it has been a blessing in my life, and--for me--is another cause of living, not simply existing. So, I guess, "Thank you, Mom."

Jamie is the Music and Liturgy Director. I posted a blog about her in June 2008, if you are interested (it's pretty good!) here's the link.  And we worked together for nine months in 2007-8 and now I get to sing in her (really good) choir.  If it were not for my mother's years of constant prodding, I could not sit out there and read music as if it were a Stephen king novel.

Each year for 25 years I have been an orchestra member (violinist) at a large Baptist Church here for their annual Living Christmas Trees. We give 9 performances, and 2,000 people attend each one (18,000 people).

Anyway, to get to the point, I had not played in an orchestral situation for about a year. It is different than strolling, or playing alone in a country club foyer. To get "back in the saddle again" was sheer happiness, and with the greatest joy I told God how grateful I was that He allows me to continue to play in these types of situations.  So, I guess...thanks Mom.

And although I LOVE that we have some rehearsals now, plus those "shows" --churches like to call them "Presentations"--and I have some other gigs coming up, TIME is gonna be my problem. Maybe my Guardian Angel "Flex" will bend some time for me through these next five weeks. I will be reading, but not too much commenting. OK?

I was led to the Naples group of Alcoholics Anonymous a long time ago. One of those "things" I had to do was to stop drinking. Another was to pick up the "kit of tools for living" called Twelve Steps, and use them. Peeps I can unequivocally state that I should have been dead YEARS before now.  And I'd have missed the fun in life, the joys of helping other Alkies, and the pleasure of playing the violin until I'm 100--that's my new goal.

And I have never felt so young, so productive, and so happy for MANY moons!  I'll try for another poem tomorrow?  I feel one inside just in a rage to get out. I can hear it now:  "Rage, rage, rage".....

Peeps, let's stay SOBER today
Let's LOVE today
Let's spread PEACE today


Shadow said...

parents... no comment. but i do love them....

you be busy and be safe and have a great time doing it!

Just Be Real said...

Great that a wonderful gift came forth from you dear one of music. Rage, rage, rage for that poem to bring forth. Blessings...

Anonymous said...

There's time for everything else in life now. How good that is.

Nessa said...

When you practice your passion you are happy.

Wordless Wednesday - Pirates' Strumpet

it's possible google reader dropped my feed again


Dulce said...

I am happy for you Peep. Hope you reach at least 100, maybe 112!
So you can do it all and more...
beautiful post

Angeles said...

Hi Esteban!!
Certainly you are in the way, music is a good way and if you go with "Flex" all will be ok.

PD: Catalunya (Spain) have the San Esteban's celebration on December 26 is as important as Christmas.

Scott said...

for serveral years in my drunken addictionand on into sobriety I didn't play my trombone. And that was a sad by-product of ym disease. For if I am anything at all, I am musician. But, my drinking and drugging became way more important than playing and teaching. I now play regularly, for free.. I owe it to God to use His gift to bring joy to people as often as I might. I owe...

~Christina~ said...

Just goes to show that something wonderful can come from something not so wonderful.

Im so glad my son has his Tuba, because he feels just as you describe about your violin. Music is love!


Ann said...

It seems they teach us one way or another, hugh? Just like some teach us what we want to be and others what we DONT want to be! Thanks for the awesome posts as always!

Silver said...

oh wow.. i wish i have the opportunity to hear you play or sing!

also, thks for asking me abt Anthony De Mello. Nope, have not been introduced formally, is he handsome and single? haha..

ok, enough banter! I love this from him,

" People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it. "

isn't that true!


Gabriella Moonlight said...

As long as I can read your posts and testaments to sober living, I will be happy! I love your comments and will miss them, but hope that you have a great time...maybe post a performance on your blog!!!

love you!

♥Shann♥ said...

remarkable! yes and like gabriella moonlight please post a performance on your blog! if you want lol

You got fire and passion in your life and yes, I too think its due to this program, because when we were wasting away drinkin, druggin and who knows what else, those things fell by the waste side! keep up all the passion you have!

enchantedoak said...

Amen for the fire and passion in your life, Steve. I love reading your blog and your sober musings and even that poetry that's raging inside you right now. Let 'er rip! P.S. My mom is hard to love too, was hard in my childhood, got better as a fruitful though drunken adult, got great in sobriety, then she became hard to love again in her dementia. It helped to read that I'm called to honor her, not necessarily love her. She gave me many gifts when she was herself, hard lessons and a love of books.

Anonymous said...

you are on a roll Steve. Great POST!!
Sorry about not feeling the love for your mother but good at how you feel now. I am one who can shout out to the heavens on the love i have and recieved from my mother and I am so happy I can still say this love has grown and keeps growing over the years. My father when he drank, I still loved him but did not LIKE him when he was drinking. He turned 85 on Saturday and the love we have is heaven sent.. Keep your blessings coming.. HUGS

Cat said...

Wonderful topic Steve.
Parents... sometimes we get lucky and are able to change our own perspective. I am working toward that end before it is too late.


Kerrie said...

Mums you can't help but love them even when they drive you insane. It's nice that you can see the good that came from her.
I will happily join you in spreading love and peace today, we could all do with some of that.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Go with God, lead with spirit and love with abandon the next thing that peaks your passions! God is there and we are all exactly where we should be, right in the palm of his hands too! :)

That's the great thing about being his kids, we can all run off and play in his Kingdom and the other kids take up the slack from time to time. It's a great allowance he gives us. We'll miss you but know that once the weeks dwindle you'll have lots of fun and miracles to share!

Roban said...

I read your beautiful poem on Silver's blog and thought I would stop in for a short visit. Instead, I've found myself wandering around in your life a bit.

When you talked about your music in this post, it reminded me of my dear father-in-law, who, at 84, plays his harmonica in a band.... I think they've been together about six years (or so).

Congratulations on "getting back in the saddle!"

Anonymous said...

Bravo, seems to me, is an excellent phrase