Never have I really liked my mother. During more than 60 years I did not feel a warmth from her, a true non-obligated love. When one has a strong intuition one way or another about anything for 60 years it cannot be denied, whatever were/are the reasons for the feelings. Yes, I did and do love her--again, that sense of filial obligation. God does not demand that I love my mother, only that I honor her--"Honor Thy father and thy mother" or something like that.
That being stated, my mother did give me a lifeline to the road of happiness, a key to the notion of fulfillment. My music. I now sing in the church choir at St Ann in Naples FL. This is the first time ever that I entertained the thought of singing. For three months it has been a blessing in my life, and--for me--is another cause of living, not simply existing. So, I guess, "Thank you, Mom."
Jamie is the Music and Liturgy Director. I posted a blog about her in June 2008, if you are interested (it's pretty good!) here's the link. And we worked together for nine months in 2007-8 and now I get to sing in her (really good) choir. If it were not for my mother's years of constant prodding, I could not sit out there and read music as if it were a Stephen king novel.
Each year for 25 years I have been an orchestra member (violinist) at a large Baptist Church here for their annual Living Christmas Trees. We give 9 performances, and 2,000 people attend each one (18,000 people).
Anyway, to get to the point, I had not played in an orchestral situation for about a year. It is different than strolling, or playing alone in a country club foyer. To get "back in the saddle again" was sheer happiness, and with the greatest joy I told God how grateful I was that He allows me to continue to play in these types of situations. So, I guess...thanks Mom.
And although I LOVE that we have some rehearsals now, plus those "shows" --churches like to call them "Presentations"--and I have some other gigs coming up, TIME is gonna be my problem. Maybe my Guardian Angel "Flex" will bend some time for me through these next five weeks. I will be reading, but not too much commenting. OK?
I was led to the Naples group of Alcoholics Anonymous a long time ago. One of those "things" I had to do was to stop drinking. Another was to pick up the "kit of tools for living" called Twelve Steps, and use them. Peeps I can unequivocally state that I should have been dead YEARS before now. And I'd have missed the fun in life, the joys of helping other Alkies, and the pleasure of playing the violin until I'm 100--that's my new goal.
And I have never felt so young, so productive, and so happy for MANY moons! I'll try for another poem tomorrow? I feel one inside just in a rage to get out. I can hear it now: "Rage, rage, rage".....
Peeps, let's stay SOBER today
Let's LOVE today
Let's spread PEACE today