DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

TOO DUSTY DOWN HERE!

"Another one bites the dust..." Ughhhh!


BITE THE DUST? NOT ME!

RETURN...YEAH! Ya know what? I am so F'kn tired of reading that people miss me, etc., When the truth IS: I am missing YOU! If you'll let me back in, I want to blog some more. Is it Pride? Who cares? Maybe, that is not my gravest concern at the moment.

Whether it is humiliation (I'm experienced with humiliation--read the blog) or Humility, or EGO (I don't think so!) or simply wanting to stay in contact, because I NEED YOU PEEPS! This is part of my survival, nothing more.
Whether ANYBODY reads, comments--good or bad--none of that matters any more to me. I need it, it's here, and I'm staying, NO MATTER WHAT!

If ya don't like that, well Fk...don't read it! Simple? This blog is about me...not you. If someone can be helped by staying sober with me today...have at it. Welcome, friend.

The shit in my brain is not too deep though, so NO DIVING! Let's get on with this crap. Just delete the blog prior to this one, OK? I'm fine, wife is fine.
One more thing. Someone named LYN (I don't think I even 'know' her, but I will!) commented on my 'Last Blog' posting
..."another one bites the dust...".
THAT DID IT! I simply CAN NOT, WILL NOT, be "another one" who bit the dust. I hate dust, It makes me sneeze. Thank you Lyn...we usually never know what affect our words have on another--right? Well, you do now! Blessings for you, dear.

STEVE'S FIRST SPONSORS, PART TWO

That first sober summer was for me spent in escape, at first by sleeping, then by working. I was so run down physically, and was mentally an imbecilic and an Einstein during any ten-minute period.

Some inconsistency might be seen in a description of myself on the one hand my being nearly a vegetable, and on the other hand, playing violin and tending bar, with deftness and skill. I had developed a great tolerance for alcohol over a nearly thirty-year piece of my life.

But today I wish to relive the experience of my first attempt at being a meeting chairperson. Sometime in the fall, Betty B, a long-ago (1934) student nurse who had worked in Dr Bob's operating room, decided that her friend Steve E (me) should chair an AA meeting.

DIXON'S DIRTY DOZEN

Sober six months, and more wobbly than a brand new-born colt--I mean I could hardly walk without holding onto something--she gave me two weeks to "prepare".

I gathered together a meeting topic, all my assorted pamphlets, Big Book, 12 X 12, As Bill Sees It (then called "A Way of Life in AA"), AA Comes of Age, numerous articles, photos, and my very own yellow legal pad with enough written on it for TWENTY meetings!

I was armed, and ready, to teach these old guys and old girls all what I had learned in six months. I was age 41 at the time of all this. When I began the meeting I said, "Let's begin with the Serenity Prayer." Then I forgot how it started, and I said out loud, "Oh God!!!" and everybody said at once as one voice, "Grant me the serenity to accept.......etc." It was my moment of triumph. I knew God was with me. Was He?

Unknown to me, interspersed around the crowded room at the newly constructed 24-hour club, sat Twelve men, mostly older, all in suits and ties. (These were "Dixon's Dirty Dozen, a group of AA men who enjoyed traveling, and playing lots of golf and 'crashing' AA meetings.)

As I began to read something lengthy from one of my documents, I realized this was the "Finest Moment" of my "Finest Hour"...I had arrived, and my body language showed it. It was certainly the defining moment of my place in AA history.

One of the strangers in a suit stood, introduced himself as "Bill D, from Pittsburgh", and he began to talk. Since I was so full of patience and tolerance (and Bull Shit--grin!), I let him ramble on. Then, before I could say, "OK people, this is MY meeting....", another stood, then another. These alien creatures had invaded earth to harass me and my meeting. And there were Twelve of them...12 Steps? Was God playing a trick?

It was the second of only two times in my life when I was visibly shaken, crying like a pooped baby, yet had a huge SMILE on my face as if to say, "I planned this whole thing Ha-ha-ha!"

Well, ya know? I got through it, cried all the way home as I felt I had been made a laughing stock (years later I found out that was true) of the group of AAs in Naples FL "Naples Group", my home group today. This was not humility, this was humiliation.

But whatever, I passed several liquor stores that night on the way home--I even stopped in the bar where I worked on the other six nights a week,
to see if I could get into any trouble. I did not drink, then...or now. I had never heard the words "No Matter What" but that's what I DID--"Not drink--No Matter What."

And that's what we'll all do together today...right?

Peace and Love
Steve E


32 comments:

Gin said...

(((((Steve)))))

Selchie said...

Hey Steve, glad to see you back))) and still sober...)
happy day lovely,

Sarah

Cat said...

So thrilled you are staying here!!!

Kristin H. said...

(((((Steve))))))

Ann said...

Hugs and luv - soooo glad to see you back!

Queenneenee said...

I'm glad you're sticking around Mr. Roni!

Syd said...

I am glad that you are back my friend. I don't think that blogging would be nearly as exciting, informative, and interesting without you. Maybe it's those of us who sent you waves of good thoughts and prayers. Whatever...it is meant to be.

Cindy said...

All right then, as long as it's what you want. I for one am glad to read!

dAAve said...

I was pretty sure you'd be back. Your experience proves that.

Lou said...

Hi, Steve-0-Comeback Kid.

Her Big Sad said...

I have been lurking and reading your blog (and learning a lot) for a long time.

You said "we usually never know what affect our words have on another--right?"

Please know that your words often teach and encourage me, and I have so very much to learn. I am very glad you have decided to continue blogging. (I personally have been a real dud at blogging lately.) I hope you will continue, but you gotta do what is best for you, too!

Either way, please know I care, and I really appreciate you! Wishing you an excellent and restful evening!

:)

Madison said...

You have a great voice and a beautiful spirit. And, you're funny. I love reading your blog. Thanks for coming back.

Eli said...

Glad you didn't end up leaving, Steve. You're nice to have around!

Just Be Real said...

Okay, I guess it is safe to post once again to you. I was scared to as you deleted the ones that did from yesterday, and I refused to be a "deleted peep!"

Welcome back!

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Oh see the God idea DOES WORK!!!!

YAY GOD!!!

Tall Karen said...

It's funny...I was angry and sad...thinking about posting something on Black and White (no gray areas). Quitting right in the middle of a 2 part series...just how dramatic can one get?

I feel like I'm the only one on the outside of what's really happenin' (of course, it had to be about me somehow). I am really, (no REALLY) grateful you're back.

I just knew you were no quitter! Bigs hugs...

~C~ said...

Dang, I thought it was what I said that made you come back.

Sigh...the al-anon nevers gets to change anybody.:(

Welcome home, you were missed!
(Even though your tired of hearing it!)

Patrick said...

Welcome back. I do get a lot out of your blog, so thanks for keepin' on.

Rickie said...

I have read, absorbed and been inspired by your blogs without commenting up until now, but I'm here to say....welcome back! And thank you for continuing.

Andrew said...

Steve, I'm glad to see the cart is back on it's wheels.

Dixon's Dirty Dozen is a phenomena I have yet to see. A very interesting post. Thank you.

Scott said...

lol dude you crack me up.... and no worries, peeps quit commenting on ym blog long before I left it go... I've decided to blog again for me, not for anyone who reads,although I'd love to attract an audience again

peace be with you

Carol said...

It's nice to be needed. We need you and you need us, glad that you changed your mind. Just like an alcoholic to keep us guessing!

Di-Git said...

Hello Steve
You add alot of wisdom to my life thanks for the return blog adventure!

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

So pleased to connect ... glad you are here ... you are ever an inspiration ... deeply appreciated for your honesty, humor and humanity! Do stop by again.

Best always,
Rose Marie
APOGEE Poet

Findon said...

Steve. I have absolutley no idea whats bee going on whilst I have been away, but I for one do aprreciate your posts and you. So thanks for staying with us.

recoveryboy said...

Good to have you back

Atiyanna said...

Steve, I can't say how grateful I am that you decided to stick around. My heart ached for you when I read you last post. I am not sure of the exact number of people you have helped on here, but I sure as hell know that you have helped me time and time again and that this place would be awefully lonely with out you.
Hugs,
Your Favourite Witch

Anonymous said...

WOW, you quit for a whole 9 hours.

Steve E. said...

Anonymous

Yeah. Nine hours. Why--is that a record for longevity?

Seemed like nine months. Actually, we traveled to Tampa during those hours! "Thinkin' Time."

Gabriella Moonlight said...

You can never keep a good man down, that is the truth, so glad you are back!!!!! ((((((HUG))))))
G

vicariousrising said...

I'm glad you're sticking with the blog. {{{{Steve-o}}}}

Ed G. said...

Lovely to hear of your experience - all the pieces (humiliations, humility) fit perfectly into the mosaic that has become the perfect picture of your life today.

Blessings and aloha...