DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Monday, July 6, 2009

MORE ON CHANGE

THIS SAYS IT ALL

"When your heart responds instinctively to other people's joys and sorrows, you will know you have lost your "self" and attained the experience of your "one-body-ness" with the human race--and love has finally arrived."

"--TAKING FLIGHT" Page 167 by Anthony De Mello


CHANGE

Things have been happening to me. Many of you personally participate in the lives of others. My guess is that most who read this are female. That might be the reason so many bloggers and their comments show great amounts of empathy for others. You "live in" the lives of your children, family, and friends. You "feel" what another is suffering. You experience true happiness when someone in your life or elsewhere, is enjoying the good times. You rejoice with some, undergo sadness with another. That is what WE are becoming or have become. People who truly care, who really try to place ourselves in the shoes of another.

I used the word "we" above, because I find myself breaking through a wall into a room where "myself" does not matter so much anymore. This is fairly new to me. Reading these blogs for a whole year has left an indelible mark on my mind, on my soul. This is all about change. During the past year I have changed more than any thousand days prior .

My perception of huge transitions taking place in me began several years ago when I volunteered to use my musical gifts in a nearby church community. I simply followed one morning, a barely audible conscience-voice, walked up to the music director and said, "Can you use a violin player?" It was the first time I actually committed to "give" of myself--outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. This slowly brought out of me a willingness to look people in the eye, to openly greet strangers everywhere and anywhere, to, well, I guess to "fear not" anything or everything. I see now that God was working in my life, and I was beginning to cooperate, in a feeble fashion of newness.

And what a wonderful time of discovery it was for me! I found that people actually liked me...just for myself! I could finally make mistakes, and nobody berated me. I began to feel as if I was something of value in God's world. Most important, I finally found God, reconciled myself with God. I recognized that I believed in God, and He in ME!

After 35 years reading page 55 in our Big Book, I finally saw and understood the words. I became aware of Who God is, and where God is. He is "us" and we are Him. He can be found in one place ONLY--deep down within us. Sometimes--not always--God speaks through you, to me. Sometimes God uses me to speak to you. I see God in me, trying to rise to the surface of my whole self, trying to breach the fortifications (against Him) which I have spent a lifetime building. And now, occasionally I "Let go, and let God" do for me what I could never have done for myself.

Little by little these changes are taking place. I now can 'allow' God to allow me to 'like' or 'not like'. He allows me to feel what you feel, care for you, help you, love you. Since God is in you, a part of you, I not only can love that part --I MUST love that in you which is God.

And that is where the greatest change has occurred, in the realm of human relations. Trial and (much) error, embarrassment, heartache, sleeplessness are chacteristics of this learning experience. And perseverance has shown me some of the highway ahead. With care, with guidance, with advice, with prayer and prudence I am walking that road now.

Within the scope of healing, It has been proven to me at least a dozen times during these last few years, how God can liquefy the human heart from a state of dislike, even hatred, to one of forgiveness and love. God's special gifts of patience and tolerance become necessary allies in these ventures.

I would enjoy writing that this is all "sit-back-and-watch-it-happen" stuff. That is not true. Willingness is the key (familiar?). Prayer is the venue. Action joins these ingredients, mixed with a total helping of God's Grace. And then I can begin to approach that "complete psychic change" necessary for long-term sobriety. Use of the word "sobriety" here means a lack of chaos--mental or physical. Sobriety now means to me peace, happiness, serenity, a feeling of usefulness, loving and being loved.

Our (my) whole attitude and outlook on life has changed" and I suppose that is my message here today. The world certainly has not changed...I have changed! God is weeding this garden, but only as it becomes ready.


TRIVIA

Mark Twain: "Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves, and how little we think of the other person."

Let us all stay sober with each other today. OK? And let's allow God to show us the way to change our attitude, our outlook, our hearts. He really wants to do that!

Love you all.
Steve E


16 comments:

Andrew said...

I'm with you on all of this Steve. Thanks for writing it all out for me!

clean and crazy said...

yet another perfect read. thanks for sharing this epiphany of who our higher power is and where he comes from. i too go to meetings to have a connection with my hp by listening to others.

Prayer Girl said...

A completely surrendered life is one of mystery, wonder, and awe.

Hard to describe, but you did a really good job doing so with this blog.

Love you,
ME

Tall Karen said...

Wow! That's about all I can say. Wow! I can't seem to get out of my own way today. I think I need to read this post again.

Gin said...

Beautiful post Steve. And so very true. We learned about this somewhat in church today. God and his ways have not changed. They have and will always be the same. I have changed because I am trying to do things his way. Not mine.

~C~ said...

boy, Mrs. Steve-eroni (aka Prayer Girl) is so lucky to have such a catch like yourself. Youre an excellent blogger and I suspect a great friend to many.

Lou said...

Thanks for pointing out we don't "sit and wait" for God. You have to pray for joy, inner peace, compassion, and goodness..and then God will be happy to oblige you.

Awesome post.

Sarah said...

Haha, thanks for the poker tip!

And thanks for keeping in touch, it's always great to hear from you...

~Sarah

vicariousrising said...

You know what? I think you and I might be on the same page about God in this post.

Well, I'll be. :)

(Not that I thought we were polar opposites, but you know how feisty I can be about my HP/powerlessness stuff ;) )

Ed G. said...

Nicely articulated...

Blessings and aloha...

Zanejabbers said...

Howdy from the great state of Texas. Yep, I like the kit and kaboodle, also like the idea of us all staying sober together.

Carol said...

You're a power of example especially in being able to see new possibilities around you in the physical world that have already been there. That's my amazement, that I can see the world with new glasses as long as I keep talking to people and keep program close. I'm excited for you.

Shadow said...

another beautiful steve post. thank you. yet sometimes, sometimes, i wish i could feel just a little less....

Cat said...

Steve I feel inspired today. Thank you.

lana said...

i really really really really enjoyed the writing today.

Syd said...

Great stuff Steve. I think that it's the changes that come through the program that leave me in awe. Who would have ever thought that such a profound change would occur?