DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A QUESTION...OR THE ANSWER?

THE ANSWER MY FRIEND
IS BLOWIN' IN THE WIND
THE ANSWER IS
BLOWIN' IN THE WIND



Twelve is Five
Five is Ten
If I'm alive
Tell me when
I am behooved

Yes, behooved

To be moved
To make the call
Over the tall great wall
Of brick, trees,
Sand and seas
To the Most-Loved One
'Neath her loved Sun

By all reckoning
Isle is beckoning
Come to me.
Come with me.
Come and see.
Yes, come again
My love...Come!

So in quandary
I ready myself
Do the laundry
Empty the shelf
Pack the bag
See it sag
Travel away...forever

Up Love's Lane
(I am insane)
And you, too
A loose screw
Under mane
Of pretty hair
Up in the air

We will go
We will show
All how
All now
Toe to toe
We can together
Be one
In the other
One
Within
The other


PEEPS!
TODAY!

SOBRIETY!
PEACE!
LOVE!
OK?



windy_spirit_3_by_collien.jpg @ DeviantArt.com

Monday, December 28, 2009

CALLI...AND JESSICA J.



A GIFT--TWICE BLEST

A beautiful-in-so-many-ways Artist, poet, and "loved one" gifted me a month ago with a framed "Lady In RED" whom/which I had greatly admired, having watched her grow on Calli's blog from a few splotches of red paint, to the strikingly attractive RED. Along with that work, she sent a water-color of the farm scene above.


These hang right in front of me on wall behind my monitor. Prayer Girl surprised me with the farm scene all prettily framed, as a Christmas present. Hence, the title of this short blog A GIFT IS TWICE BLEST...And to visit Calli--careful, she IS pretty--go HERE ... ALSO do yourself a B I G favor by going to THIS place as well.

When a blogger friend (we've never met) sends me a painting, I declare that we DO have a connection in fact. Because a piece of Calli is right here with me as I write. Just how wonderful IS this Internet???



ANOTHER TOPIC:

And while this blog is sort of  "in-between", ya might say...I have "run into" a blogger who is quite worthy of your perusal. PLEASE all youse guys, visit and welcome Jessica at THIS PLACE. I believe she is new to us Peeps, and for me, anyway, she is now a fully registered PEEP!

And....PEEPS!


SOBER today with me, right?
HAPPY today, with me, right?
LOVE today--also with me, OK?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

LOVE IS LOVE



LOVE IS LOVE

QUESTION:

"Have you loved anyone this much
--ever before now?

ANSWER:

"One cannot have lived all these years
And not loved
Oft-intensely so
Unless he be
A tree.

And who is to say
The weeping willow
Has never loved
Or that she does not weep?"

Tears are frequently
Not for the absent loved one
Rather the wet product of
Lost face
Damaged Pride
Crushed Ego.

I cry maybe not for you
But for the loss of you
The loss of comfort,
Of understanding love,
Of Kindness
Of a perceived Oneness

The emptiness I suffer
Must in itself be
Of temporal nature
It is steeped
In thought
In expression
In desire
In feeling.
It is steeped also
In SELFISHNESS!

But
What
If my tears are of more substance?
Suppose my weeping is a token
Of my...OH!...such a broken
Pile of pieces of my heart

Thought I was so smart
As any two men
But only human
Is shown to be
That bone, flesh, mind and heart
Which is me.

So once again God, I turn to You.
You, in Whom I see all as true
Please send your help to find me
Find myself

In all things my real Quest is being
One with my heavenly King.
One day
Not simply a guest,
But full fledged--
One of the best

And the love I had thought lost
Was never ever missing
From my heart or yours.
Hearts forever kissing
Being, Beating, Loving...

Good night, my Love.
Sleep the sleep of the
Well-loved
Above


--Steve E



Saturday, December 26, 2009

RAMBLINGS THE DAY AFTER.....




What an AA meeting would look like 
if nobody showed up




Christmas Day (yesterday) I had posted my own thoughts regarding religion, my church, and some such stuff. I expected one or two Peeps to comment "Separate your religion from your AA Program, etc." Nobody did that. In fact, the loyal ones who read AND (ahem!) comment were--surprising to me--very supportive and tolerant of another's (my) belief.

Dulce, SHADOW, Hope, Secretia, Kim, Pat, Christina, Selchie, BE REAL, Jessie, Ed G, Carol, Sylvia, Chris and Angeles
, Adrinna, wrote such great, supportive, intuitive and thoughtful words, that I wanted to shout for them today. Thank you SO much, Peeps--yours are definitely some of my favorite places to visit. (Hope I didn't miss anyone--if so, well...sorrrry!)

This day after Christmas, December 26, is the feast of St Stephen, a Greek Martyr (the first known and listed Martyr of the Christian church. He was stoned to death. My father was born this day, and named...Stephen, which became also my own name,
a.k.a., JUNIOR! (God! I hated that name, Junior.) My sister was called "Sissy"...she hated that one also, but I'm glad nobody ever EVAH called ME "Sissy".

TODAY'S POST however is an observation of some sayings at this morning's AA meeting, as so much of this applied to the way I lived my life:

"I needed and used lots of shoe boxes, bought lots of shoes, until I found that stores would supply me boxes without my purchasing shoes. I would use two, one for July, one for August, for all my unread mail--then two more, for September and October. All my greatest fears lived in shoe boxes;  bills for Power, telephone, IRS stuff, mortgage letters, credit card statements, etc., etc. Now my garage is full of empty shoe boxes, and I am sober."

"I used to change my goals to match my actions. Now, I change my behavior to meet my goals."

"I told my sponsor I had feelings of 'pending doom', and asked him what is that? He answered me, It IS Doom!  ...That's when I knew it was time to get real, to stop being foolish about life, lives, and love."

Peeps, there was one fellow sitting yesterday in the corner, looked like he was pondering the writings on some papers. When asked if he wanted to "share" (I still hate that SO-liberal word), he did:

"I was just going through my records...my jail time, and my State Prison records and my Federal prison sentence...and thinking how different life is this Christmas!"

Peeps, where in the world do you find someone at an AA meeting on Christmas morning at 7 AM, looking up his "Court Record"...and sober he IS!

Last one for this post, said by a young female school teacher:  "I've been drunk and in jail.  I've been sober. Sober is better!"

Enough for my thoughts this afternoon.  Peeps, let's "do" sober another day--today. And let us find peace in our lives...and let us LOVE one another all over the world.
 

In such, much Gratitude,
Steve E

Friday, December 25, 2009

CHRISTMAS DAY




This Christmas morning I get to repeat last night's "Holy Night", sharing another meal with a couple thousand Catholics. Later, I am just SO honored to share a meal with several hundred of my closest friends--alcoholics in recovery. We meet, eat, tell one another the most outlandish stories of our "drinking careers" and then laugh about it all, in true love and fellowship. Happiness for this alcoholic is made of days like this....


In the thirties and forties I was raised on a farm. Raised to be nice, to say "Please" and "Thank you". I was taught to respect animals; we bred, birthed, fed and watered lots of them. 

I was also raised a catholic. And I'm back!

My beliefs are mine alone, tend to be more spiritual than religious, though the two words (worlds?) spiritual and religious do join one another or collide, however it happens. Aside from belief, I totally cringe, and want to crawl under the table, when a speaker says, "I'm a recovering alcoholic, and a recovering catholic," as if Catholicism is a disease.

It is impossible for me to begin to count the times I've heard, "I'm a recovering alcoholic, and a recovering Baptist."  Because in many years of meetings, I have never EVER heard that said. So I cannot count "nothing". Well, you must realize this is all leading up to something, yes?

It IS Christmas Eve. I just returned home from the most beautiful service dedicated to God "as I understood Him" in a Catholic Church. I was allowed to use my gift in adoration, playing obbligatos in the "Mass of Creation"...and some other things.

The priests sang the complete Acclamations including the Consecration--the most beautiful spiritual experience (in memory) I've ever witnessed.. And the incense, that wonderful odor, of smoke which rises to heaven carrying the prayers of a standing-room-only church full of worshipers--Oh! how I love that!

I must say, I am overwhelmed again at being sober for Christmas, it is like a Benchmark, as the memories of Christmases before sobriety are of nothing but debauchery and chaos. Oh Happy Day! Oh Happy Steve! Oh...peace, and love, to all you blogger-Peeps. Always! Be full of Joy, and be blest.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

CAREER DAY?




 A spot in heaven is waiting for each of us.
Under our tree waits a spot--sans packages--

Each year for Bert,  Our "Cat Who Rules!"
Never been to school
He never used a tool
Bert's not a fool
This cat does RULE!


MY CAREER


Where ever (EVAH?) do I hear someone speaking of their "drinking career" unless she/he is a recovering alcoholic?  What's that, you say? A "career" in drinking? Yesss!

It was a career which stole everything from me, my self-respect, my will, my meagerly-limited spirituality, my friends and lovers, my families, my jobs,my car, my boat, my abilities to perform as a violinist,  my savings, my nights and days, my very LIFE. One must admit--a F I N E career choice--grin!

And this season of Christmas until Epiphany, allows me time to momentarily ponder where that "drinking career" would have taken me. And I get to meditate what I and others have gained as the DIRECT result of "Changing Careers".


Life of mine, not perfect,
Brim-filled with self...and fears
Yet could have been oh! so much worse
As I look back these thirty-five years
It might well've been ME--back in that hearse!
--Steve E

This is my 35th SOBER Christmas, which well might NOT have been And that is why I say...without reservation to you ALL:

A MERRY, JOYFUL CHRISTMAS!!! 

Peeps I wish you LOVE

Peeps, I wish you PEACE
And to those who want it...
We'll stay SOBER today!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

PG AND STEVE E AND CHERYL CHRISTMAS TREE


O CHRISTMAS TREE--
YOUR REFLECTION 
IS IN THE IMAGE OF YOURSELF



CHRISTMAS 
AND GRATITUDE


Years ago, a guy in AA handed me a card, and he said "Here is your Gratitude List!"

There was nothing on either side of the card, so I told him that.

He said, "Good!  All you have to do is fill in all that blank space!"

So much gratitude we talk about during this triumviral holiday season. Only this morning the chair person announced: "Today's topic--and I can hear groaning already--is on Gratitude." Those were his exact words.

My first thought was "You said 'Groaning'? WTF? After 'not drinking', gratitude is what keeps me ALIVE!!"  

If I am not grateful, Who do I think got me sober, and keeps me sober? Me? You? AA? Answer: None of the above. It is GOD Who does all this for me-- through you Peeps and practicing the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.  That's how it's done, where it is AT, folks. For ME--nowhere else. It is the only thing that worked--and continually works.

So, for everything I might declare Gratitude for, SOBRIETY is Numero Uno, because without it, I have nothing. I would have been  either in JAIL,a Mental Institution, or under the ground...and maybe for those reasons is whence comes my JOY at being alive.

Happiness is for me Acceptance of almost everything, Willingness to change most everything, and Gratitude to my God, for all he has given me.  This gratitude is not a simple "feeling of being grateful". It is more like "feeling of DOING grateful". Gratitude is an action word. I must show others what I used to be like, what happened to me, and what I am like now. Perfection is the goal. Great amounts of IMPERFECTION is the reality. And so I can only strive to get better, BE better, and serve better my fellows, you Peeps, and whoever I may be fortunate enough today to MEET.

Dammmm, I sure got on the soapbox! But I'm NOT sorry! See? It's working already!

I wish you all the Peace for which the Christmas celebration implies. I wish you my LOVE and a Merry (means HAPPY!) Christmas week...and after. Thank you--all my Peeps--SO much for being here. Blessings.

Monday, December 21, 2009

KEEPING IT GREEN





A LOOK BACK

It took me many years
to wrap my mind around
this unique concept:  
If I do not take a drink,
I will not get drunk!  
Brilliant.
Who would have thought???

But at the first,
I did not want to
"not get drunk".
Being drunk--A drunk--
Was my way of life.
It was my state of being.
It became all that I knew.
I was READY for the asylum,
The grave
...but not the prison...
No, never again.

Already I had been
In my own prison
And I loved it
It was totally "me"
The solitary cell
In the Penitentiary
Of Steve

Things are different today
Although not in every way
So for what I'm about to say--
You may just not wish to stay

I, who am not so tall
Climbed up and over the wall
Like a puppy, I yelped
Like the Master--God helped

He became visible to me one year
In guise of a man--said, "don't fear
Not only listen to this man, but hear
What he says, and change what you wear"

So I donned the uniform of sobriety  
Which has nothing to do with piety
And I became ANOTHER SOBER ALCOHOLIC
Believe me...this was no frolic

Now I say out loud, "Oh Waiter!
No beer, No booze, No 'wine later'...
Just bring me plenty of good food
You'll see, I won't be rude

Won't mess around with your girls
Although I admire their curly curls
Will not behave like a slob
Just let them do their job

I won't start any fights
Nor will I break any lights
Will simply eat my rice-coated grease
And be a "tipping" customer of peace

Got to get to an AA meeting
While there is available seating
And I want to see all my Peeps
Because I'm in this thing for KEEPS"

An Ambassador for PEACE
I live now a long-term lease
And I wish you all LOVE
From Great God above

And also from me.

 
 
 
Sober by the Grace of God,
Through the Steps of
Alcoholics Anonymous
Since March 18, 1974

Sunday, December 20, 2009

LAUGH-IN SUNDAY



I'm so tired tonight Peeps, I'll just leave you with one of my clean Thursday Night "cookie meeting" jokes, OK?


The Talking Dog

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale.

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep", the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars" the owner says.

"This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit." 

_______________________________________


HEY, PEEPS!!!

SOBER today...right?
LOVE today, OK?
PEACE today...PLEASE!


 ____________________________________________________________________________________

 Oh what the heck, another short MUSICAL JOKE:

In the early days of his career, Elton John was approached to do background music for a movie. He wrote the music without seeing the script, so, when the previews came up, he arrived at the cinema wondering what the movie would be like.

Looking around, he noticed he was sitting next to Alice Cooper. When the movie started, Elton was stunned to discover it was one of the hardest hard-core porn films he had ever seen. Deeply embarrassed, he turned to Alice and whispered,

"Actually, I only came along to hear my music."

"Yeah, man", said Alice, "and I only came along to see my snake."

Saturday, December 19, 2009

AWARDS NIGHT!



When ah gits an awahd, 
ah wants ya ta SEE it!




I gratefully accept this undeserved award from AH CLICK HERE--I'm just not an "award-type" guy--and will try to abide by the rules here...ONE WORD ANSWERS???


RULES


Answer the survey below…you can only use one word answers!
Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers!
Alert them that you have given them this award!
Have Fun!
_______________________________________________________
Where is your cell phone?- "Hello?"
Your hair? Much
Your mother? Much
Your father? Dead
Your favorite food? HERSHEYS
Your dream last night? Forgotten
Your favorite drink? Espresso
Your dream/goal? Growup
What room are you in? Greatroom
Your hobby? Bloggin'
Your Fear? Lonliness
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Living
Where were you last night? – Cookiemeeting
Something that you aren’t? drunk
Muffins? Yesssss
Wish list item? Travel
Where did you grow up? Cincinnati
Last thing you did? homework
What are you wearing? what?
Your TV? Off
Your pets? Asleep
Friends? Peeps
Your life? Great
Your mood? Up
Missing someone? Yep
Vehicle? Two-wheeler
Something you’re not wearing? Anything
Your favorite store? Starbucks
Your favorite color? Blue
When was the last time you laughed? Now
Last time you cried? Tonight
One place that I go to over and over? AA
One person who emails me regularly? Yesssss
Favorite place to eat? Italian




Ok, NOW I get to choose my  bloggers.  I do not expect all to follow the rules, but I want you to know WHO you are--my special Peeps. The rules are above, if you wish to play along....you are loved NO LESS if you simply answer the questions with ONE word.

JESSIE:  Spent four days in the 'hood with Jess and Friends in September. That Jessie is ONE SWELL GIRL, one GREAT sponsor, wonderful blogger, and one GOOD friend!

CHEF KAR: She's back in Sarasota for Holidays, then returning to Italy. (Whew!) Her writing is brilliant, and she knows so MUCH about so MANY things! What a trip!

SHADOW: I am without words very seldom. But to describe Shadow's talents would be more like describing God's miracles--where do I begin? Definitely one of my most favorites!

KRISTIN: I have loved Kristin's writings, her life, her spirituality, from the beginning of my blogging. But meeting her one fine evening sealed the deal--a favorite of FAVORITES! Love her!


DULCE: Sweeter Dulce deserves to be on my list of Peeps who I never miss commenting. She is SUCH a good friend to me, special in my life. Her poetry possesses a charm which does not hide the sensuality, the beauty, the spirituality and enthusiasm which I now expect to see daily.


CALLI:   "...and the LAST shall be FIRST...". Well, Calli-Girl what is left to tell you? Poet, writer, artist extraordinaire, you must LOVE what you do, and it shows, in your writing and painting. One of your works, a Lady in Red (RED) is looking at me right now, from above my computer. She seems to be asking, "Can you not say anything nicer to me, Steve?" Calli, yes I can. I love you.

ZANE JABBERS: Hey a GUY sneaked on here! And for good reason, too! I like SO much Zane's humor, his Program of recovery, his (also) spirit and enthusiasm, his non-judgmental loyalty. He is a GOOD man, and I love him also!


YESSS, I KNOW THAT WAS SEVEN! ..It's MY Blog, right? -grin! Besides, I could easily have put 60 names on here as award winners.

Peeps, Love soberly, and with enthusiasm today, and be at PEACE!

Thursday, December 17, 2009



fill your heart 
with art

--manon doyle

(Do yourself a favor and 
drop by to visit her HERE!)

 A month ago I happened on a blog manondoyle and right in front of me were the words "...whoever sends me an email request, will receive a handful of my business cards. The cards are very pretty with copies of original artwork by Manon Doyle. I have changed information on my new business cards, and so have lots of old cards to give away." (Not exact words.)


So Peeps, if you know me--When something is FREE! God must have a hand in that--or Congress--grin. And only a few days after I received this really nice gift in the mail, from the artist Manon. I thanked her, then got so busy with music that I only returned to her blog once or twice.


Yesterday we received by snail-mail a most beautiful Christmas card (Heading Picture), guess who did the graphics. And I did not even remember her name. I felt like the guy in the crowd witnessing Jesus perform miracles of welcoming peeps back from the dead...and the fellow "...didn't even know His Name." (I made that up--grin!)


Anyway, I went back to Manon Doyle's blog, and her web pages, and found there treasures of stuff--that's right, "STUFF". What attracted me though, was her art, worked mostly in mixed media, and her commentaries, succinct and appropriate, with humor and truth. Can't ask for much more.

Manon's blog is a welcoming, pleasant, peaceful, spiritual, and fun place to be. Take it from me.


After all those--yes, MANY--years I hid behind my drinking, later my violin playing, I am finally discovering this whole (new to me) world of art and poetry. Thank you again, MD!


You sober Peeps, stay SOBER with me today?
LOVE someone with me today?
Find that "heavenly" PEACE, today?
Yessssss!






Past, Present, Future!





PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE


This post is the sole responsibility 
of the Blog-owner and reflects 
the thinking of me alone.

It surprises me that some Peeps really believe there is only Past and Future, but no Present. I do not know the philosophy, nor the theology of this, but I do have my own thinking. And I am certain there must be others who share my thoughts on this.

Please do not read only the first line and then move to another blog. You will know why. OK!

The past is unattainable by me, except for purposes of research, a teaching aid, or the results of those.  The Past, as I see it, is that accumulation of experiences, activity, and knowledge which affords humanity and the world a constant flow of what we label as "new, improved, or never-seen-heard-or-thought-of-before now"!

These results of past revelations, one might think, would culminate in a complete and total learning environment, a search for truth. For there is but one truth, in the final analysis. We can argue truth forever, but in the end, truth stands uncluttered, unfettered, undoubted, admired, revered, adored. God is Truth as much as God is LOVE.

The FUTCHAH! Well, who knows? Actually none of us know what the future--even the next second--holds. We plan, sign contracts, buy, sell, consume, enjoy freedom, make do with oppression, sleep, awaken (somewhat?), and we live. Always we live, planning the next step, next day, week, year or more--we live. However, whoever observes must know the future has not yet arrived, and is changed moment-to-moment by zillions of factorings.

What is...is now, this moment, this split spit of time, but whoa! there Nellie! This moment is all that ever was or will be. Creation happened in that instant of the Most Powerful Purest of Infinite LOVE. Creation was, IS, that Prime Thought of a First Cause. And we live creation in this (that) moment. Everything "happened" now, is happening now. Of course I do not understand this, I just "know" it. OK?

I think always of love as a quality connection, unity, combination, the closest word would be UNION. Naturally, a beautiful God-created Gift,that quality of love one human can express with another is sexual union. 


Aside and beyond--dare I say 'above'?-- that is a connection, a union of the mind and the soul, when two minds and two souls become as one, there arises as the result of "them" a third "person".  I shall call this person Happiness, Ecstasy, a Total Escape (even if only temporary) from Self, and Self-Centeredness. 

There is a lovely love for all humanity. there is the love of ALL THINGS, and there is that love I have for GOD, that which He so desires, that which He has so freely given.

Peeps, know PEACE today!
Peeps, give and receive LOVE today!

Recovering Peeps, stay SOBER today!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

BAWDY IS AS BAWDY DOES





This post may read as a bit bawdy. It is partly the true story of me, and my first exposure to the world of Eros. I did not realize this erotic world was "bad" until a few years after, when I was TOLD it was "bad"!  And do you know, I still cannot bring myself to see it as anything but good, a gift from God.

I place all the blame for publishing this bawdiness, on my friend SYD (maybe now 'past' friend?) whose one-time "Bawdy Blog" (see it HERE) last week inspired this post.






BAWDY BLOG POST

You know, I might just come off sounding as a "cold-hearted" Peep here. But I will tell you I seldom really enjoyed printed eroticism--unless, as in the case of blogger Peeps, I 'know' the author. It was never a great turn-on for me to read about someone ELSE'S "fantastic journey" through an affair of one kind or another.

Also, hearing about sexual escapades has never excited me.  I'm listening to guys always (all my life, from age 5) love to tell (brag) about their prowess with women in general, one woman in particular. And always EVERY TIME, I say silently to myself, "Where was I?  Why didn't I think of that? Why wasn't I included in that group?"


Something must be wrong with me, that I do not enjoy this talk or these stories so much. A DOER I must be--not a spectator! Let the "busy-hands" of the voyeurs know NOT what they are missing.

Two remarks here are to clarify.  


ONE, at the age of five years, I found myself in bed with an eight-year-old girl. We did, that night, everything I have since heard or imagined which two people would or could do to and with each other...naked. The only thing we did NOT do was.........sleep! She--Nellie Jane--was ever so gentle with me, took me randomly anywhere, everywhere, on and in her body, so loving and patient, she.

Nellie Jane taught me--maybe we learned together-- the art of loving long before others of my peerage even considered that boys owned a body part which, on the body of a girl was absent. I knew early in life that you female Peeps had something FAR more valuable than I. You enjoyed ownership of the apple  of which I loved to suck on the skin and eat the meat.

My food, my drink, my air, my life, is tied up inside that centeredness, whence I came. I and my "Southern eight-year-old" lover cooked and consumed platefuls during those nine hours of blissful impurities--or purities! And the aroma, the scent of that secret center of her--oh! the rapture, the frenzy, the trance, oh! the utter ECSTASY of it all! I hurt!

I have frequently wondered if there are many who at such tender age, before their "Carnegie Hall Debut" were so blest, so honored, so ready to say, "Death, take me now...I have lived it all and am happy, satisfied, ready!" Such gentleness, such caring, sharing, wanting, needing, learning, loving, have I experienced NEVER since.

Enough about ONE! Here is the SECOND appropriately clarifying statement of Steve. Having written the above, I wish to let you know that erotic literature does not necessarily turn me off.

One author has touched me, caressed me with his word-pictures ever since age 24. The introduction of myself to Pierre Louys came by a woman, a 'cellist in the Cincinnati Symphony orchestra where I played violin. The 'cello player became my second wife. Pierre Louys's book of poetry "Aphrodite and the Songs of Bilitis" became my/our nightly AND morning meditation. I love Bilitis to this day. HERE are a few brief examples....

I am SOBER today.
I LOVE today.
I am at PEACE.
And I wish loveliness for ALL you Peeps!

Monday, December 14, 2009

WORDLESS DAY? NOT!





 ADDENDUM:




Hey Peeps! PG gave me my Christmas present yesterday, Motorola DROID (Verizon). I L O V E it! Now I gotta learn how to use it. Internet, Facebook, unlimited mail, text, photos, 5-pixel camera, PDA, GPS and tons of applications. It even has a telephone connection! So NOW you know what I'll be doing the next few days--learning (She got one also, an L.G. enV TouchPhone)





WORDLESS MONDAY??? 
NEVER, FOR ME!

More "Wordless" days, that's what I need. How about Wordless Monday--or Monday Without Words (like  Felix Mendelssohn's "Songs Without Words").

At one of my meetings there is a "rule"--grin! speak for two minutes or less, then shut up. At first--long ago--my rebellious nature (who knew?) saw that as ridiculously impertinent,  illegal, against tradition--certainly against ME!

In this group of 60-90 peeps daily it seems to work. Over time I've reconciled with the group's conscience, and have found to my amazement that one or even several thoughts can be promulgated inside of two minutes (no one is timing, BTW!).

Maybe that's the chief reason my favorite meeting is at 7 AM each morning of the year. Such a wonderful cross-section of AA thought from long timers, new members. As others blog on here, I can vouch also that a meeting of Peeps, whether daily or bi-weekly, become in time a family of sorts.  For many this IS their 'family', after continuing years of estrangement from blood relatives.

Some visualize their group--an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting--as the first family they've felt a part of since the 15-20 years they spent in Federal Prison,or some such.

Aside from all that, I have NEVER been to an AA meeting where I did not learn something, and was welcomed without reservations. I could not say that about any but a few organized religious groups.

I remembering (without resentment, of course, of course--grin) even the time that I mentioned God, and how He is within each of us (Big Book page 55) whether we see Him or not.  One 'older' guy, an ex-university "tenured" law professor, a learned man (but nevertheless an AA long-timer blowhard) said right after I had spoke of God in us. and I quote him, "I (he pronounced it 'oy') get so tired of these assholes who talk about God in these rooms. I thought religion was not to be discussed here."

In effect, he had just called me an asshole, I even asked the guys sitting near me, "Did he say what I thought he said?"  Resounding answer was YESSSSS! However, I did not stop going to that meeting. True, I do not "talk" to the guy, but there is no reason to put my finger in the cage, I reason.  And we all stay sober, One Day...today.

Almost everyone in our big 45-minute 7 AM meeting has a sponsor. During each week we have four discussion/topic meetings, then one on Steps, one on Big Book, and a 20-minute Speaker meeting followed by discussion. Usually everyone who wishes to, gets to speak. This group hands out a bunch of chips in a given month.

Back to the family thing:  we have brief squabbles, misunderstandings, lots of gossip--oh yeah! And yet the room is SO full of help, for any who ask. And SO full of genuine love. And full of AMENDS, where peeps try to change their behaviors.

Whatever happens in my life ANYWHERE, favorable or not...or whatever happens in the world, when I sit down with my "AA family" and friends, all is well. It is God's world, and God is in charge."

Back to "Wordless Monday". That is what today should be for me, I have not one single thought while at the keyboard today. All the rest of the day, I'm going so fast, it is a blur. And thank God for Espresso!  Espresso RULES, Baby!

Love you Peeps...
Sober today--OK?
And PEACE!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A "STEVE" EXPERIENCE




THE NINTH OF BEETHOVEN
MY EXPERIENCE

There is nothing in or out of our world so sublime to the human psyche as mankind's ability to appreciate wondrous nature, a fine painting, a beautiful dance, architectural majesty, sculpted masterfulness, materials so soft or course, music ethereal, verse eternal, even the scentedness of things animated and not.

To feel, touch, to visualize, see, to listen, to hear, to experience a fragrance or something not so fragrant, to taste of either piquant or sweet, to extraordinarily perceive; these attributes, normally accepted as birth gifts are--for us women and men--that which are only some of the qualities of humanness.

For this post I am transported to the stage of a gigantic 19th Century concert hall. The occasion, an orchestral reading of Beethoven's final chapter, his great, unsurpassed NINTH SYMPHONY.

I am living this moment in the Fifth Movement, Where everything sort of stops.....and almost in silent mode (not a sound from the audience of three thousand listeners) in the utmost of Pianississimos (PPP),the violoncello section twelve strong just whisper the melody, unaccompanied, of the immortal poem which we today know as "Ode To Joy".

The melodious tones meander their journey through, with all, even other orchestra members straining to hear these glorious God-inspired sounds. And then, in a very short time, all 250-members of the chorus, and 125 members of the orchestra, blast forth in great and glorious intonement the songful words of the master poet Frederich von Schiller in his poem An Die Freude (Ode to joy). It is HERE in the original German, followed by an English Translation.

Along with the greatest music ever written, lines such as these bring hope, Joy, Love, and Gratitude to generations before, now, and as yet unknown:

Joy, beautiful spark of the gods

All creatures drink joy
At the breasts of nature;

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss for the whole world!

Your (God's) magic reunites
What custom sternly divides;
All people become brothers

And, as a simple-minded second-violin player in this vast enterprise, I am blest, feel ever-so-much honored, that at a gathering, and a happening so heavenly-inspired, so heavenly close to the Almighty, my very presence is even allowed.

And, please believe it, I have been there several times in my life. I do not have a necessity for the DVD--it is all in my head, to be called upon in a moment of need, whenever and wherever, and in whatever circumstance I find myself...I can "hear" the whole 70 minutes of this symphony--in the correct tempo and key(s)!

It is a gift I have--thank You, God....

Whoever reads this (some poets, artists, dancers, lovers, sober Peeps) hopefully will  understand of what I speak. The awesomeness of creativity, that piece of God within each of us, which allows some to create, others to--by viewing, listening, reading, imagining, tasting, smelling--others to RE-CREATE.

Heaven on earth is made of such.

For today, I am with you
Sober Peeps!
Peaceful Peeps!
Loving peeps
!


Picture Credit: 
http://www.lvbeethoven.com/Portraits/ImagesGalerie/PeintureKatzaroff_EnricoPinto.jpg

INTERNATIONAL NEIGHBORS


 
SILENT RECOGNITION


I  live in predominantly a Spanish-speaking area. All the neighbors smile at me and wave as I travel back and forth on my motor scooter. Of course, I began that habit with them several years ago, that habit of waving, smiling, loving after I had finally crawled out from my tomb, from under my very private rock.

This morning on the way to a rehearsal (yesss, another one--grin!), violin ensconced on the rear of my bike, I had to literally STOP in the middle of the road--not a thoroughfare. As I sat there, feeling the warmth of 'old sol' on my body, I practiced what is now becoming habit:  when there is nothing to do but wait--just sit back, have beautiful thoughts of gratitude, peace and love and.....wait.  

A family of the Spanish folks were walking slowly in the roadway, little tots, all the way to (I presume) uncles, aunts, and grandparents.  With brightly colored clothing, and umbrellas of the same hues, they were all smiling, waving, enjoying what God has given them, and me. The wonderful life we have here is no other place where I have been. I waved at them also, with my, well...smiling face (I smile a lot!), and all was good in God's world for this moment.

NOTE to self: What an opportunity to learn some Spanish, from right next door, across the road, or around the corner...

I thanked God for allowing me to see this beautifulness of an extended family all walking, seemingly going nowhere but following the leader nonetheless. And I wondered what went wrong in MY family.

Where was I during those days which should have been OH! so different? Where was my heart? Where was my soul? I DO know at a certain stage of life, booze (alcohol) became my God. It was all I thought about, simply ALL. I could not live with it, and I could not live without it. And be damned with everything else--if I even realized there WAS everything else! My body was wasting and wasted, my soul had blackened, my spirit was dead. When there was nowhere for me to turn, my wife drove me to Alcoholics Anonymous--nor, NOT, a place where I wanted to be seen--or even to BE. EVER! NEVER! And I had my last drink at the midnight before that 8:00 PM AA meeting.
That was March 18, 1974, the most important date in my whole LIFE.

And I am still there today, sober, happy, free of my addictions of alcohol and drugs. There are other problems of living which at times give me great peace, at other times torment. But, as life goes on, I can write with confidence that I fear today NOTHING, neither life...nor death, neither you...nor ME!

AND Peeps, I love you all, more than you realize. Because you, and the God within you are what keeps me sober, alive, and gratefully happy these days. True, some things I would change about me...if I could. I trust that God will do that, as I become ready for Him to do that, and then as I ask Him. And I AM in a place where I can be of service to others now with God's help. What a beautiful place that IS!

Fully in gratitude, to God and YOU my Peeps, I write this from my heart tonight, as I go out right NOW (I'm LATE again!!!) to play another Christmas show.  I'll have to post this later.

By the way, the "Show" tonight was spectacular! Especially the violin section--grin!

Love and PEACE!
Steve E