OUTSIGHT - INSIGHT
It's been only two days since my cataract removal (one eye) and I marvel at the changes which have taken place in my vision. Of course, everything is not clear, but all that cloudiness and fuzziness is gone. And I am typing for the first time in thirty years without glasses.
So, I prayed recently, and so did others, for my eyesight, for the whole situation to end with improvement. And it appears this will be so. However, now I wonder at that inner vision, my insight, my perception of things spiritual in nature (big contemplative words for me, "IN NATURE"). That is what I might, should, and better have prayed for. I wish to see clearly the will of God and then ask His help for....carrying that out.
Example: I am so dense when it comes to understanding the simplicity of certain concepts. This morning's meeting moved into the "I-am-a -grateful-alcoholic" mode. People were sharing about how they at first did NOT share the "gratitude" thing. Well, I always said it...because everyone else seemed to be saying it. I was "in agreement" with the majority, so maybe they would not bother me any more. Real truth was, at age 40, I had not the slightest notion of what they were saying. I did not know the word--the meaning--of grateful, or gratitude. "Why don't these AA people speak English?"
When someone gave me a gift--say, a half gallon of Smirnoff--I fell immediately in LOVE. Not with the giver...with the BOTTLE!
So many years later I am reading:
"The master's sermon that day consisted of one enigmatic sentence.
With a wry smile he said, 'All I do is sit by the bank of the river, selling river water.'
I was so busy buying the water that I failed to see the river."
--THE SONG OF THE BIRD by Anthony De Mello p 60
Reading that last night, again this morning I was still puzzled, even though De Mello explained it in his usual succinct manner.
NOW, finally, I GOT it! (Maybe!) All my life, I've been in line to hear and learn about God and Me. It never occurred to me that He is already everywhere--I don't need the jug, the 'reading', the 'sentence', the 'chapter', the 'verse' the 'explanation' of every word and comma. I'm not looking for that sought-after SPECIAL 'insight'.
After all, of the Alcoholics Anonymous ABC's, is letter (c) "That God could and would if He were sought." (NOT CAUGHT!)