Wednesday, September 10, 2008



It's been only two days since my cataract removal (one eye) and I marvel at the changes which have taken place in my vision. Of course, everything is not clear, but all that cloudiness and fuzziness is gone. And I am typing for the first time in thirty years without glasses.

So, I prayed recently, and so did others, for my eyesight, for the whole situation to end with improvement. And it appears this will be so. However, now I wonder at that inner vision, my insight, my perception of things spiritual in nature (big contemplative words for me, "IN NATURE"). That is what I might, should, and better have prayed for. I wish to see clearly the will of God and then ask His help for....carrying that out.

Example: I am so dense when it comes to understanding the simplicity of certain concepts. This morning's meeting moved into the "I-am-a -grateful-alcoholic" mode. People were sharing about how they at first did NOT share the "gratitude" thing. Well, I always said it...because everyone else seemed to be saying it. I was "in agreement" with the majority, so maybe they would not bother me any more. Real truth was, at age 40, I had not the slightest notion of what they were saying. I did not know the word--the meaning--of grateful, or gratitude. "Why don't these AA people speak English?"

When someone gave me a gift--say, a half gallon of Smirnoff--I fell immediately in LOVE. Not with the giver...with the BOTTLE!

So many years later I am reading:

"The master's sermon that day consisted
of one enigmatic sentence.

With a wry smile he said, 'All
I do is sit by the bank of the river, selling river water.'

I was so busy buying the water that I failed to see the river."

--THE SONG OF THE BIRD by Anthony De Mello p 60

Reading that last night, again this morning I was still puzzled, even though De Mello explained it in his usual succinct manner.

NOW, finally, I GOT it! (Maybe!) All my life, I've been in line to hear and learn about God and Me. It never occurred to me that He is already everywhere--I don't need the jug, the 'reading', the 'sentence', the 'chapter', the 'verse' the 'explanation' of every word and comma. I'm not looking for that sought-after SPECIAL 'insight'.

After all, of the Alcoholics Anonymous ABC's, is letter (c) "That God could and would if He were sought." (NOT CAUGHT!)



Mary Christine said...

Glad to hear the sight and insight is ever improving.

Shadow said...

...i love your name variations at the bottom of your posts...

prayergirl also mentioned anthony de mello just a while ago. now you. and i'm sitting introspectively contemplating LIFE today... that's all... i'm still thinking... for now...


Kind of a coincidence(?) (no, there is no such thing - it's God) that we both love De Mello!

His writings send me "inside" to look at what I might find, to gain new perceptions, to shake up my old thinking.

Zanejabbers said...

"I Can See cLEARLY nOW" THAT SHOULD BE A TRUTH WITHIN THE NEXT DAY OR SO. "I'm a Grateful Alcoholic" just used to grate my last nerve. Now is are one.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see that you are recovering well. In every way. Eyeballs and alcoholism included.

Anonymous said...

I used to groan out loud when the topic was gratitude. Yeh, yeh I'm grateful blah blah blah. Now I love it when it is gratitude, because I have so much every day to be grateful for, and one of those things is bloggers like you!

Lou said...

Glad you're back at the keyboard.

Princess Powerless said...

Steve-o, my man!

Aren't those the best? Those "duh" moments, I mean?

I remember finally understanding what it means when an oldtimer says, "I only have 24 hours, just like you."

In way early sobriety, I was like, Whatever, dude. You have a gajillion years. You must be doing something right. You must know something I don't know.

And about a year into sobriety I "got" it. Duh.

If I don't do what I need to do today to stay sober, I may drink. Same with the guy with a gajillion years. Doesn't mean we will drink, either, but doing what I need to do to stay sober is a daily insurance policy.

Ya heard meh? :-) PP

Syd said...

Yes He could and would if he were sought. I've been glad to seek Him out on many occasions.

Akannie said...

Yippee! I just have one question....

Do you now have HINDSIGHT?

(Can you see your butt?)

Seriously though...that was an awfully Buddhist leaning post, Steve-o. I love it. All paths lead to God. We are all ONE. Leads me to peace.

AlkySeltzer said...

To Annie:

No hindsight, because I cannot see a thing back there, with my head stuck up my ass...VBG