DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Friday, September 26, 2008

WE LIVE AND WE DIE


Shhh. Don't tell anyone. I'm trying to sneak back into my blog. Shhh!




DISCLAIMER: ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE OFFENDED BY A HANGING--OR HAS HAD SOMEONE CLOSE TO THEM COMMIT SUICIDE...PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS BLOG. I AM SERIOUS, THIS IS NOT PUBLISHED TO CAUSE ILL FEELINGS. IT IS WHERE I WAS--IN MY HEAD--A COUPLE MORNINGS AGO.

NOTE: The following poem was written this week, upon the memory of the life and death of a dear AA friend and her husband. They closed their garage door, sat in their car, started up the engine, held hands, kissed, and then prayed. Before long they were in the next life, where all must enter. This heart-breaking occurrence took place in early 2008.

The lines below were written by a VERY happy, almost serene, totally sober alcoholic, who has not entertained a single thought of suicide for over 34 years. This extremely grateful "poet"? -grin- was in NO way drunk when he hung himself. Hey, WAIT! It's ME, guys! I'm still here!
Alkyseltzer...steveroni..macabre-a-roni...Steve E.

I started with "Trying to sneak back into my blog" (Been away a few days), and just kept on writing...and the next thing I knew I was at the end of my rope..... and so "ended it all". No relation to reality, almost like a dream. PLEASE! Can anyone understand this? I do not...weird!!!


Shhh. Don't tell anyone. I'm trying to sneak back into my blog. Shhh!

Sign in big window
At the Dew Drop Inn

Said COME ON IN
Whether friend or foe

I went on in...
and so
Begins
my tale of woe


Trying to sneak back into my blog

Hope to be met but not by my dog

For with bark and yelp
He'll call out for help

As he grabs me by the tog

To welcome me from my fog


Sign in big window
At the Dew Drop Inn

Said COME ON IN

Whether friend or foe

I went on in...and so

Renewed my tale of woe


I might make some noise

Falling over the toys
And wake up the boys and their cat

While my wife upstairs

Asleep unawares

And me here, being, feeling, like a rat


Sign in big window
At the Dew Drop Inn

Said COME ON IN

Whether friend or foe

I went on in...and so
Went on my tale of woe


Like many good men
I just did it again
'Twas a bit of drinking
Totally without thinking

Which brought me to the end
To this place 'round the bend

Sign in big window
At the Dew Drop Inn

Said COME ON IN

Whether friend or foe

I went on in...and so
Persisted my tale of woe

I left my Big Book in the car

It's just not welcome in the bar
Now I'm standing on that book on a tall chair

There's a hefty rope swinging in the air
I put it around my neck, slip it by my cheek
And forever (kick!) I shall be...asleep

Sign in big window

At the Dew Drop Inn

Said COME ON IN

Whether friend or foe

I went on in...and so
Ended my tale of woe

Steve E. 09/24/2008
antidepressed-a-roni

6 comments:

Mary Christine said...

Why would you post a suicide note?

J-Online said...

I've learned there will be some things I understand and some things I don't. Sorry for your loss in early 2008

Lou said...

I think you are trying to make sense of a senseless event. The program tells us we cannot do that.

But how very sad this must have been, and what an impact it must have had on you.

Kristin H. said...

I'm sorry Steve.

indistinct said...

It didn't take me long to learn that there is a lot of pain when getting involved in the recovery community. People who become friends go back out to feed their addictions. People we know and spend time with end up dead for various reasons. In the group of people I went to treatment with, 4 are dead. Three at their own hand, one by others. I've talked with far to many parents who have lost their children.

My own child has had a couple of suicide attempts.

Death can be very scary. It doesn't make sense, trying to figure it all out doesn't work for me. My child's death seems to be a very big fear for me. The best I can do is to leave it all in God's hands. The future, my fears, my child,my family, sponsee's, my sponsor, etc.

I have no control over anything but can become anxious about much. Trusting in my Higher Power gives me a measure of peace and serenity, it keeps me sober.

I feel sad that you lost two friends to this disease. A big hug your way.

In answer to your question, I live on the west coast of Canada.

Molls said...

A very interesting post Steve. I'm not sure what to make of it, or the story of your friends. Is it strange to think that it sounds like a very beautiful and loving way to go? Maybe we should all be so lucky.