DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Sunday, September 28, 2008

NOT ABOUT ME?



OF COURSE, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! YEAH...RIGHT!


"Steve, it's NOT 'all about YOU'! Don't ya GET it?" Occasionally through the years, those words have resounded within my brain, usually having emanated from an outside source and usually--but not always--from someone who knows me well. And it is not necessarily a pleasant notice for me to accept with ease. So, it is with no slight difficulty that I attempt, with God's help, to adjust my thinking. After all, where else is any problem I might have, except within my head?

When something has been on my mind for at least a week--that's my criteria for deciding whether to post or not. Last sentence not entirely true. I mean it's a LIE, OK? Regardless, while riding my motor-bike early today, I received an insight...Ha! Gotta make this sound 'heaven-sent'. I 'made a decision', that instead of wondering why or when I am truly self-centered (like when writing this blog?), I would write down a situation in which it is NOT "all about me".

Well, I found one. That is when I am face-to-face with a suffering alcoholic (one-on-one) talking--no, rather, LISTENING to him or (rarely) her. This might take place in the Quiet Room at **** Club, in the cab of my pickup, or on a bench located midst nature's beauty in the garden of a churchyard, or anywhere else. During those minutes or hours, I can recall being as unselfish as God will allow me, having not one byte of self-serving thought.


There IS another time when I can become 'selfless', and that's while in meditation mode. Certainly, my 'meditation' is rudimentary in nature, but "practice becomes the virtue" (hey, THAT'S a 'quote-a-roni'!). Anyways...this meditation thing just gets better and better, even easier. Talk about "letting go, and letting God"--that IS a form of meditation for me. Other times, I want to just let myself BE in His Presence. I ask simply to be NEAR Him, feel the Greatest love, the God-Love. THEN can I wholly--albeit maybe momentarily-- realize that of what my mind thinks of, and my soul desires, is You, God. Moments fleeting...Oops, almost started a 'po-em' there!


One MORE "not about ME" opportunity just came to mind--right this minute! About a year ago, I took on a new semi-hobby, planting stuff around our yard, to make it look more pleasing to whoever drives by. So, as I weed, sew, weed, mow, plant, mulch,weed and water, etc., I am 'removed' from myself...that's for sure! So I have been slack in this, and just comprehended that I need to get out there and practice more of this method of mentally getting away from ego.


Our Twelfth Step tells me to "Carry the message" and, finally, insists that I PRACTICE this stuff always and everywhere. Our Primary Purpose: to help others, is obviously a gift given and received. Our wonderful Twelve Traditions, which guide the outward and inward behaviors of our groups, and ourselves, I sometimes--a bit shamefully--take for granted. The goal here is to add to this list of
experiences which relieve me of the bondage of self, and to allott more time to them.

Again--here I go!--I am TRULY so happy to discover (actually, RE-discover) these methods of applying our program to my daily living pattern, and I thank my Higher Power, God, AND all you AA people who assist me in your unique fashions. Just like playing a violin, it takes practice, practice, practice!


--gratefully-a-ronily...........................

14 comments:

Kristin H. said...

You will mention that it's "all about you," but I don't get that from you at all. The interest that you take in all of our blogs and what we write and our recovery leads me to believe that you are very much "out" of yourself and into others.

I'm glad I met you.

AlkySeltzer said...

In this case, Kristin, I'll gladly use my four favorite words, "You may be right". Thanks!

vicariousrising said...

Another gardener, yeah! I can't think of anything that puts me more at peace than digging in the dirt and working side by side with the bees.

vicariousrising said...

Another gardener, yeah! I can't think of much else that gives me as much peace as digging in the dirt and working side by side with the bees.

Lou said...

You are right that meditation does take practice. I find it sooo hard to turn off my brain.

~Tyra~ said...

I agree with Kristin.

indistinct said...

Sometimes I'm just so full of me, less often I find myself selfless.

Just the way I am.

AlkySeltzer said...

IMO, Indistinct, you've got a good hold of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous--at least, from what I've been reading.

Glad to know you.

Patty said...

There is something about digging in the earth, planting, weeding, sowing. I like to think of it as tending GOD'S garden, not mine. It is amental health break I need to take more often, thanks Stev-a roni!

Akannie said...

Morning, steve-a-roni !! (Just to help you out, I wrote your name in all lower case lettes. There. Feel better? lol

I think we all find those golden moments when we can get out of our own way and let the light shine. I'm a gardner too, and have a yard full of flowering things. I have a plaque in my kitchen that says "Tend the Earth, Feed the Soul." It's kinda like that...
Thanks for getting me to look at myself with your posts. It all helps. All of you guys...Danke Schon!

molly said...

i can't remember where i read this but 'we are never more essentially ourselves that when we are still'

i also read (pema chodron i think it was) that those who think meditation is a 'vacation from thought' are sorely mistaken. i find that very true. i also find that my ego does NOT like to be 'looked' at and that is what we do in meditation i think. hard to be non-judgmental to the thoughts and emotions passing through like clouds. i try to ignore all that nonsense and find the silence.. the stillness. i love the verse 'be still and know that I am God'

take care

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I agree with Kristin too! Thank you for this blog this morning, it really is what I needed to read; again HP working for me in ways that I cannot!
Love,
G

Kathy Lynne said...

I thought it was about me...

Molls said...

I'm so excited to hear about all the gardeners out there! I do it for a living and love every sweaty, weed-pulling, dirty, back-aching minute of it! Really! To me, nothing beats a day in the garden.