OF COURSE, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! YEAH...RIGHT!
"Steve, it's NOT 'all about YOU'! Don't ya GET it?" Occasionally through the years, those words have resounded within my brain, usually having emanated from an outside source and usually--but not always--from someone who knows me well. And it is not necessarily a pleasant notice for me to accept with ease. So, it is with no slight difficulty that I attempt, with God's help, to adjust my thinking. After all, where else is any problem I might have, except within my head?
When something has been on my mind for at least a week--that's my criteria for deciding whether to post or not. Last sentence not entirely true. I mean it's a LIE, OK? Regardless, while riding my motor-bike early today, I received an insight...Ha! Gotta make this sound 'heaven-sent'. I 'made a decision', that instead of wondering why or when I am truly self-centered (like when writing this blog?), I would write down a situation in which it is NOT "all about me".
Well, I found one. That is when I am face-to-face with a suffering alcoholic (one-on-one) talking--no, rather, LISTENING to him or (rarely) her. This might take place in the Quiet Room at **** Club, in the cab of my pickup, or on a bench located midst nature's beauty in the garden of a churchyard, or anywhere else. During those minutes or hours, I can recall being as unselfish as God will allow me, having not one byte of self-serving thought.
There IS another time when I can become 'selfless', and that's while in meditation mode. Certainly, my 'meditation' is rudimentary in nature, but "practice becomes the virtue" (hey, THAT'S a 'quote-a-roni'!). Anyways...this meditation thing just gets better and better, even easier. Talk about "letting go, and letting God"--that IS a form of meditation for me. Other times, I want to just let myself BE in His Presence. I ask simply to be NEAR Him, feel the Greatest love, the God-Love. THEN can I wholly--albeit maybe momentarily-- realize that of what my mind thinks of, and my soul desires, is You, God. Moments fleeting...Oops, almost started a 'po-em' there!
One MORE "not about ME" opportunity just came to mind--right this minute! About a year ago, I took on a new semi-hobby, planting stuff around our yard, to make it look more pleasing to whoever drives by. So, as I weed, sew, weed, mow, plant, mulch,weed and water, etc., I am 'removed' from myself...that's for sure! So I have been slack in this, and just comprehended that I need to get out there and practice more of this method of mentally getting away from ego.
Our Twelfth Step tells me to "Carry the message" and, finally, insists that I PRACTICE this stuff always and everywhere. Our Primary Purpose: to help others, is obviously a gift given and received. Our wonderful Twelve Traditions, which guide the outward and inward behaviors of our groups, and ourselves, I sometimes--a bit shamefully--take for granted. The goal here is to add to this list of experiences which relieve me of the bondage of self, and to allott more time to them.
Again--here I go!--I am TRULY so happy to discover (actually, RE-discover) these methods of applying our program to my daily living pattern, and I thank my Higher Power, God, AND all you AA people who assist me in your unique fashions. Just like playing a violin, it takes practice, practice, practice!