DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Monday, March 23, 2009

ABOUT ME--AGAIN?

MIGRAINE HEADACHE

The above photo has nothing to do with the following blog entry. I am just glad I do not suffer with migraine headaches. I pray for those who do. "Please alleviate their pain, Dear God." -Steve E.


THIS IS ABOUT ME!

"And I remembered the creeping horror of the interminable night, in which I slept for short spells and woke dripping with cold sweat and shaken with utter despair, to drink hastily from my bottle, and mercifully pass out again. "You're mad, you're mad, you're mad!" pounded through my brain with each returning ray of consciousness, and I drowned the refrain with drink."


Some years ago I discovered this passage from the story "Women Suffer Too" in our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous". The story begins on page 200 (Fourth Edition). This excerpt, which I captured as my own--because it WAS me!--is on page 202.

Whenever I'm the designated "speaker" at an AA meeting, I begin with those two sentences...and I read them oh, so slowly, because every comma, every word, so important, is just ME--through and through. And I can recall the feeling, relive the moments, hours, days of the several, final--190-proof--booze-soaked years that all my nights, and some days, had then become. It all boiled right down--for me--to this: LIFE...or DEATH!

My wish is to let you all know exactly from where I came--this blubbering idiot (me)--so that when I show you where and how I entered into a life of sobriety, that beautiful dawn, that light of a new day, you will know. Yes, you will believe and know of God's Power, God's Love, and God's Way of Life. You will know because I told you so, and I was there...

My prayer is that I may do His will always. That is all I ask for me.

I'm filled with gratitude, love, and wishes that we all enjoy another sober day...Monday!

In love and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

18 comments:

Ed G. said...

Steve - how nice to still be able to conjure that gift of desperation after 35 years on this path.

Seems it serves you (and us) well...

Blessings & aloha,
Ed

Kristin H. said...

I know this horror all to well. Knowing that the horrors of the past are but one drink away keeps me in a state of perpetual gratitude and humbleness for my daily reprieve. Love to you my Floridian friend.

vicariousrising said...

I so hated that time in my life when I was stuck in that cycle of sleeping a few hours, waking up in a sweat and desperate for more to drink, taking the bottle in my shaking hands, guzzling down what I needed, then repeating the whole effing thing over again.

Awful. Any mere thought of drinking, and I shoot my thoughts back to that sick, sick time when I was a slave to my addiction.

Findon said...

Nicely said. I always begin my share with the phrase " My Name is Paul, I'm an alcoholic and today has been a good day for me" I do this to remind myself that I am a human being, an alcoholic and that today is better than any day drinking and better than my worst day sober.

Shadow said...

it's when we forget the bad times, that we are in a dangerous zone...

The Real Gal said...

Ahhh, welcome to Monday! Yes, Monday Monday.....
As always, thank you for sharing from the bottom of your heart. Blessings!

dAAve said...

The thought of the possibility of another incomprehensible demorialization is enough to keep me coming back.

Prayer Girl said...

I don't have migraines either, thank God. And I also pray for those who do.

And I don't have those creeping horrors at night anymore.

Life is good.

PG

Mary Christine said...

We have recovered and have been given the power to help others. (p. 132)

Shadow said...

ah ha, that was before i knew there was a superstition about birds and their pooping... so my comment in retrospect would be that you're going around bring a whole bunch of luck to people. which you do, in a way, here every day... hey, this superstition's got a whole lot more to it that i originally thought! cool, steve, thank you!!!

mile191 said...

"that beautiful dawn, that light of a new day, you will know. Yes, you will believe and know of God's Power, God's Love, and God's Way of Life. You will know because I told you so, and I was there...

My prayer is that I may do His will always. That is all I ask for me."

I needed to read this. And while I read it I physically felt the prayers you send my way. Thank you. I feel you doing all you can to help so many. Thank you for keeping on the track of peace and love, in our lives.

thanks...

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Wow, what a great post indeed, it's sincerety and humbleness awe me on this Monday. It is those moments of desperation and degradation that keep me coming back and working the steps, it is my higher power that keeps me sober today in a gateful kind of way!

Love ya,
G

Cat said...

I felt as if I was listening to you at a speaker meeting and what a good way to begin my week!

Syd said...

Thanks Steve. I am awed by how far people come from that "interminable night" to a life of recovery.

Just Be Real said...

Hey Steve, thought I would pop on in again to see if anything is new here. Also, to inform you that I have moved my blog to http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/ so please take note.
Blessings!

Femin Susan said...

you are getting some rest is all we all want.

Zanejabbers said...

Yep.

Laura said...

Great post, steve. I haven't walked in your shoes, but have suffered from migraines and maybe the pray for the removal of the ache is similar. I don't know.

I do know that you consistently offer yourself to be used by God in such a humble and grateful way... His plan is being played out through you, his messenger.

Awesome.