Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Note: The intention of this post is not to show the
despair we experience, but rather that recovery
IS available--it is free--it is wonderful! --Steve E.

My friend N, woke one sunny Sunday morning in 1993. Beside her was her husband. He was not snoring. He was not sleeping. He was not breathing. He had died so peacefully, none of the usual characteristics of death lingered in the room.

N had been working a stressful job--overworking it, I'd say. Like 14-18 hours every day. She consciously decided to work as much as possible--no days off--to bury her grief. She managed many people and departments, and had one boss.

Most of her peeps--and her boss--loved her much. All prayed and cajoled--finally begged--for her to take a vacation, to meditate, to pray, to grieve. To no avail were their greatest efforts. They were rewarded however, with her acknowledgement that she indeed, could put to good use a day off, away from the club.

Hence came this scribbled poem, the morning of her first 'day away' in two months:

april 03...written by ns


we miss you so..
on your day off

isn't she sweet
oh how talented

she can do anything
she is so happy

life is so good
good to you

did you have a
wonderful day off

yes I put a gun
to my head

pulled the trigger
it was a day of rest.....n

Pleased, and SO HAPPY am I to report that the gun did not fire. N always was a very hard and dedicated worker. She was and still is very talented in painting, pottery making, stained glass art, concrete working (art), glazing, ceramics, sewing, needlepoint, decorating, tiling floors, antiquing cabinets and furniture and, well...you name it!

Accompanying the talents of N, is one of her many gifts from God, that of 'getting along with people'. N is growing (and willing to grow) in spirituality, as we all are working to do. N and I were very close at one time, a many-years-blong drunken time. Then we began to drift apart, as two ships might sail from one another, on two different oceans.

Recently meeting N again, after a long period of time, has validated my belief that everyone can be friendly--even friends!--loving the God we see within each other, rejoicing in the recovery of one another, and gratefully praising Him for what He has wrought, in our corner of the world of sobriety.

As I read the blogs today, I am so aware of the good He is bringing me--and you, dear bloggers, through these pages of truth we write daily. These blogs allow me to detail my AA life in all my affairs. And occasionally you might discover some of my thoughts here. Thank you for reading this post. And God's PEACE be with all of us!

In love and service,
Steve E.


Mike Golch said...

Steve,and His grace and love be with you.A favor Please,keep me in your prayers I haveing a really tough day today.see my blog you will understand.

Zanejabbers said...

Two ships in night. I really like the artwork. And I'm glad N did not let the gun go BANG. I expected that and glad it was not delivered. Nothing like reconnecting with old friends. Thanks grineroni.

Eli said...

Just came from a meeting that focused on gratitude lists. The relationships we build in recovery are always one of the first things. Sounds like a neat re-connection for you.

clean and crazy said...

You know i heard the most wonderful speaker this weekend talking about the despair in that poem and that the "God" of his understanding had brought him through it. Today I am so very grateful I do not want to die, and that I have many talents. Your friend is talented too, I thought that was a Van Gogh painting, my daughter is such a huge fan of his and those brush strokes mimic his work so well. Thanks again for the post.

Findon said...

Lovely post. So glad your friend decided to stay with us.

Shadow said...

what a strong yet sad poem...

Just Be Real said...

Hey Stevie!
Always a pleasure to read your blogs. That is a cool painting. Silly enough, it reminded me of an episode from the old Twilight Zone where the sun was burning up. Has nothing to do with your post though, but when I first saw it here, that is what came to my mind.

Anyway, how awesome for you to meet up with N again! Thanks for sharing dear one! Blessings!

Ed G. said...

Steve, best of blessings to you and N.

What a blessing it is to get to the other side of the Dark Night of the Soul...

Syd said...

I'm glad that N didn't die. I hope that she is more relaxed and at peace with herself. Thanks for all that you share here.

Findon said...

Don't bother posting anymore. Just post the address of your dentist and assistant.......
Now, where,s that passport....

steveroni said...

FINDON, that's FUNNY! You're referencing yesterday's entry. Well, it was a warm day in Naples, and the A/C broke down...you know how it is.

And what's this talk about a 'passport'??? You've been talking to my SPONSOR? -grin!

Prayer Girl said...

Another miracle of life......that someone in such despair has managed to achieve a, for the most part, happy and contented life.


Paula and Skip said...

dear Steve, I stumbled over your blog today and I am so grateful for your shares. 2 months ago I moved from Spain to Florida to be with my American partner. An Alcoholic who doesnt drink anymore but doesnt seek recovery either. Sometimes his behavioural pattern are still very hurtful and undergoing a aloneness in a foreign country as well as a major culture shock I find myself attending Al Anon more often and reading blogs on recovery. Thanks for sharing so openly. Paula

steveroni said...

Paula, I sent you a LONG comment on your blog "Kneading Dough"

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Very very moving...very touching! God showed up!

Conscientia said...

peace be with you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. I am glad that N lived. I am a major alcoholic who has been struggling in and out of meetings (for the first time, last month) and am really in a place where I don't know what fits. All of your posts make so much sense, though -- thank you.