FEAR and BAFFLING INTUITION
Pages 83 and 84 in our Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" lists some promises (below) which come true in the lives of many of us who work this Program of Twelve steps:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
At first reading many moons ago, I did not understand anything, much less how anybody in the world could live a day (or an hour -grin!) without getting hammered. There was NO WAY these so-called "promises" would ever or could ever one day apply to me.
Two stood above the others in utter unbelievable nonsense:
1. "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
So fearful and paranoiac was I, toward the end of my drinking career, my eyes always faced down. I was continuously filled with guilt and shame. Low, low self esteem was my trademark. And I never had money left for the children's needs, or so I figured. But I managed my--maintenance--Quart-a-day habit quite well.
Now, it has finally become an unthinking habit of mine, to look at everyone I meet, eyeball-to-eyeball. It amazes me how much can be learned just by gazing into another's eyes.
For in another's eyes
Where it is--truth lies! --steveroni
2. "We will intuitively know how to handle things which used to baffle us."
This has plagued me since I was age two or thereabouts. And it continues to act as my nemesis. I never, ever had that common sense--which I've noticed abundant in others--to make a 'right' decision, about anything--anything. This 'learning disorder' preempted my learning from mistakes.
As an active (drinking) alcoholic, this malady worsened over years....and then I got sober!
Sober now, I find that most alcoholics of my type "intuitively' know how to lie, cheat, steal, drink, and not much else--intuitively, that is. My intuition gene has been forever disabled. I have, from my early AA days, translated this (#2) to read: "I will intuitively be baffled by things which I used to know." Of course, this is true--when I was drinking, I knew everything about everything. Sober now, "We realize we know only a little." (BB Page 164, line 11)
Although I may yet find things "baffling", at least no more am I "babbling" -grin!
In real LOVE and service,