FEAR and BAFFLING INTUITION
Pages 83 and 84 in our Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" lists some promises (below) which come true in the lives of many of us who work this Program of Twelve steps:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
At first reading many moons ago, I did not understand anything, much less how anybody in the world could live a day (or an hour -grin!) without getting hammered. There was NO WAY these so-called "promises" would ever or could ever one day apply to me.
Two stood above the others in utter unbelievable nonsense:
1. "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
So fearful and paranoiac was I, toward the end of my drinking career, my eyes always faced down. I was continuously filled with guilt and shame. Low, low self esteem was my trademark. And I never had money left for the children's needs, or so I figured. But I managed my--maintenance--Quart-a-day habit quite well.
Now, it has finally become an unthinking habit of mine, to look at everyone I meet, eyeball-to-eyeball. It amazes me how much can be learned just by gazing into another's eyes.
For in another's eyes
Where it is--truth lies! --steveroni
2. "We will intuitively know how to handle things which used to baffle us."
This has plagued me since I was age two or thereabouts. And it continues to act as my nemesis. I never, ever had that common sense--which I've noticed abundant in others--to make a 'right' decision, about anything--anything. This 'learning disorder' preempted my learning from mistakes.
As an active (drinking) alcoholic, this malady worsened over years....and then I got sober!
Sober now, I find that most alcoholics of my type "intuitively' know how to lie, cheat, steal, drink, and not much else--intuitively, that is. My intuition gene has been forever disabled. I have, from my early AA days, translated this (#2) to read: "I will intuitively be baffled by things which I used to know." Of course, this is true--when I was drinking, I knew everything about everything. Sober now, "We realize we know only a little." (BB Page 164, line 11)
Although I may yet find things "baffling", at least no more am I "babbling" -grin!
In real LOVE and service,
Sincerely,
Steve E.
12 comments:
I've always liked the promises. I like the part about being painstaking. Hard work is good. We're not being promised something for nothing.
Nice post. I think NA lost a bet when they didn't cadge the promises. Our only promise if "freedom from active addiction"; however, I and most everyone I know has gotten so much more than that.
Hey Stevie! Great post! Oh the hard work, I hear ya! Blessings!
I hope you're not selling yourself short.
I would bet that you are less baffled by this world than you let on.
"I will intuitively be baffled by things I used to know" THAT IS IT!!!
That's exactly how I feel and experience so much of life now! It's the most awesome feeling!
Now if I could just stop my I'm so great superiority when my sponsee starts to go off for longer than 10 minutes at a time.
I think that's why God keeps putting really hard hard people in my life (other people asking me to sponsor who have relapsed MMMMMultiple times) I have to have to depend on prayer and His power, and the sponsee (the one that I spoke of first, is so directible and awesome, she works a good program and is constantly wanting to learn and experience more in recovery)
I'm blessed in so many ways I cannot even enumerate!!!
Thanks for this today!
Steve - nice post...
Hmmmm - the first pigeon who stayed sober made it to his first meeting with a black-eye and couldn't get his eyes off the floor. Used to kid him about how many floor tiles there were.
Eyeball to eyeball is a good practice that I believe in too. Thanks...
You see it says " fear of economic security will leave us". It has for me, even though at times I have had less. Responsibility has taught me to live within my means and to have faith that I will work.
Steve - ty for stopping by the Haunted House. when you cry, i cry....proud of all you have done with your life. may you continue down your own personal journey, with renewed sense of self and love of self. safe hugs to you..........
nice gratitude post. you know i can so relate to looking down all the time. And self seeking I feel I have been that way recently, I also feel it has to do with my low self esteem character defect that needs to be removed.
Holy SteveroniMan, I missed this blog yesterday. That means I was way too busy.
The promise - intuition instead of bafflement.....truly a gift from God. They all are.
Love you Mr. SteveroniMan.
PG
The promises in the BB are great. I never tire of hearing them read.
In my disease, I have been baffled by how to think, act, etc. around other people, especially the alcoholic. I hope that I'm seeing clearer now.
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