Thursday, August 13, 2009




I think of possible scenarios in which not saying something...not speaking up, might actually kill. Someone else...or me.

Example: When the hangman says, "OK. Last chance. Do you wish to tell us WHO did it? If so, you may go free." (I'd probably keep mum, not believing him or her.)

For me, it is when--early in the party--the host says to me, "Here's a little drink (a little pill?) for you. Let's drink together, for old times' sake". It is past time to say, "Goodbye, I suddenly feel ill". (gotta go Puke --grin!)


Please note: The following is not an hourly, nor a daily occurrence. Whatever it may be, it is but a fraction of my otherwise happy, joyful and free me. My life, I am certain, is frequently one of God using me to help another person, another alcoholic.

During this past year, maybe longer, my head is in "loose" mode. In other words, if I think something (whether I believe it or not) I say it, write it, or do it. Without thinking it through, as "we" used to say, and still say.

Sometimes it is almost as if I am age 7 again, roaming the hilly, summer forests in the far-reached acres of the farm. Back then fantasy ruled my life. I became whatever, whoever, whichever, wherever my thought led me. I was everywhere from being born--up to and including dead. I should have studied writing. I could have written the autobiography of my 94-year life--at age 20. And it might have been somewhat accurate. (And it might have sold!)

Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me--is teaching me--to think before I write, say, or do...anything. It is time to begin being 70 instead of 7.


The problem for me about sleeping is not the waking up part. Usually, I slide right out of bed and onto my knees, 'talk' to God for a few minutes. And then, up and "take on the day." My problem is going to bed at a sensible (ha!) hour.

This afternoon I took a 'short' nap beginning around 4PM. I woke up at 9:30PM, did not know whether it was day or night, not even what day it might have been. It was weird, like in "those" days of yesteryear.

Even though I am writing this blog, I perceive some hidden messages in here. Maybe I'll look back and find them.

Just this minute I read a short blog by Patty of "Calm Acceptance" (yeah--Calm-- that's me, LOL). I could have simply copied her blog, except for last 7 lines (with permission, of course!), instead of painfully writing out pages from my own soul's inner sanctum.

This I DO know. I have not had a drink today. I have prayed, gone to a meeting, and will be at a meeting in the morning at 7. A "cookie" meeting tomorrow night is a weekly highlight for me. Writing these notes (blogs) to my peeps is a highlight of my day--almost every day. As it is now another day, Thursday, I plan to stay sober with all of you today. Please.

Peace (for me, too!)
Love you Peeps.

I "like" the saying that I heard in a meeting--"Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut." (Time to quit "liking it" (the advice) and start "using it"!)


dAAve said...

Apparently, it works if you work it.

Shadow said...

what is it with boys who don't know when to go to sleep? i have 2 at home, and now you here. is it a male thing????? i just loooooove sleeping. would make it my official hobby if hubby let me, heee heee heee

Gin said...

Good mornin' Steveroni. It's 6:45 a.m. So you've been alseep for what? Like an hour?

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I'm still still still learning to Shut up.

Yet another quote from a book of my youth that was a "ominous warning":

"I won't say another word--not one. I know I talk too much, but I am really trying to overcome it, and although I say far too much, yet if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't, you'd give me some credit for it." Anne of Green Gables (and Jessie R.)

God reveals to me more and more every day, and yet... when I speak to my spiritual guides (sponsor and friends) in 10th step contemplation, I find that I couldn't stop myself, and that God will continue to show me and teach me through each experience. Thank God for Loving and Grace-filled friends who still work with me and play with me even when I'm so flawed!

Thank God for Steve-a-roni, who continues to teach through everything he shares!

lana g said...

the rule of thumb i TRY to adhere to is - SAY IT - yet in a way that does not shame or blame the other.

i love those really long naps like you had. lovely!

have a great day :)

Tall Karen said...

What a beautiful child in the photo. I think God sees each of us like that...His beautiful children. I would LOVE a 5 hour nap right now! Great post.

Steve E. said...

Lana G. Funny, I tried that just this morning, and it was enjoyable. To get a point across, without crossong another's point of view.

I did this after a meeting...and again, in comments. It's new to me.
What's "funny" is that your comment appeared just as I'm experienceing.

NOTE: That long nap was an unique, extraordinary event for me, or I would not have blogged it --grin!

Ed G. said...

You remind me of my 2-year-old g'girls who, at night-night time run around the room screaming "...not night-night!!! no night-night!!! noooooo night-night!!!!!"

It's cute, endearing and lovely - as long as you're not the parents who have to deal with the consequences of waking a surly, sleep deprived she-monster the next morning... Then, it's do whatever trick you can to get them to think they're not going to bed so that you can have a much more peaceful awakening.

At our age, you can sleep as little or as much as you choose (or, in my case, can), as long as you're willing to accept the consequences and learn the lessons.

...but, you knew that ;-) ...

Blessings, aloha and sweet dreams...

vicariousrising said...

I've been sufferring from a little insomnia myself the past couple weeks. I think my unconscious is trying to tell me something and I'm not doing a very good job listening.

I'm glad you got a nap in, but I know what you mean about not liking the Deja vu of waking up and being disoriented about the time and place.

Madison said...

Wow. "If I think something whether I believe it or not, I say it, write it or do it." Now that would be interesting. That's like Hillary Clinton losing it with a microphone on the other day. Love those moments. You can always redefine how a 70 year old acts.

Syd said...

I find that I want to stay up later than I need to since I have to get up fairly early at 6 AM to get ready for work. I like the saying--never miss an opportunity to keep my mouth shut. It is once that I use a lot. I would rather not talk actually and have been a listener. But there have been times when I've had nothing good to say. That's when I need to keep my mouth shut.

Pete Hoge said...

I didn't drink today either.

Because each day of sobriety
builds into a sober life.

Thanks for being an inspiration.