RESTRAINT OF TONGUE
WILL NOT KILL ME
WILL NOT KILL ME
I think of possible scenarios in which not saying something...not speaking up, might actually kill. Someone else...or me.
Example: When the hangman says, "OK. Last chance. Do you wish to tell us WHO did it? If so, you may go free." (I'd probably keep mum, not believing him or her.)
For me, it is when--early in the party--the host says to me, "Here's a little drink (a little pill?) for you. Let's drink together, for old times' sake". It is past time to say, "Goodbye, I suddenly feel ill". (gotta go Puke --grin!)
Please note: The following is not an hourly, nor a daily occurrence. Whatever it may be, it is but a fraction of my otherwise happy, joyful and free me. My life, I am certain, is frequently one of God using me to help another person, another alcoholic.
During this past year, maybe longer, my head is in "loose" mode. In other words, if I think something (whether I believe it or not) I say it, write it, or do it. Without thinking it through, as "we" used to say, and still say.
Sometimes it is almost as if I am age 7 again, roaming the hilly, summer forests in the far-reached acres of the farm. Back then fantasy ruled my life. I became whatever, whoever, whichever, wherever my thought led me. I was everywhere from being born--up to and including dead. I should have studied writing. I could have written the autobiography of my 94-year life--at age 20. And it might have been somewhat accurate. (And it might have sold!)
Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me--is teaching me--to think before I write, say, or do...anything. It is time to begin being 70 instead of 7.
The problem for me about sleeping is not the waking up part. Usually, I slide right out of bed and onto my knees, 'talk' to God for a few minutes. And then, up and "take on the day." My problem is going to bed at a sensible (ha!) hour.
This afternoon I took a 'short' nap beginning around 4PM. I woke up at 9:30PM, did not know whether it was day or night, not even what day it might have been. It was weird, like in "those" days of yesteryear.
Even though I am writing this blog, I perceive some hidden messages in here. Maybe I'll look back and find them.
Just this minute I read a short blog by Patty of "Calm Acceptance" (yeah--Calm-- that's me, LOL). I could have simply copied her blog, except for last 7 lines (with permission, of course!), instead of painfully writing out pages from my own soul's inner sanctum.
This I DO know. I have not had a drink today. I have prayed, gone to a meeting, and will be at a meeting in the morning at 7. A "cookie" meeting tomorrow night is a weekly highlight for me. Writing these notes (blogs) to my peeps is a highlight of my day--almost every day. As it is now another day, Thursday, I plan to stay sober with all of you today. Please.
Peace (for me, too!)
Love you Peeps.
I "like" the saying that I heard in a meeting--"Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut." (Time to quit "liking it" (the advice) and start "using it"!)