Sunday, August 9, 2009


You're mine! You're mine! All mine!

ADDENDUM: Go here to find out what I am doing tonight at 8 PM.
Now click these blue-colored words: The Second Road --It is an online community where people can communicate, interact, learn, and live while facing addiction.
Hope to see some of--well, ALL of youse guys there, 8-9 PM Eastern.


It was a beautiful day at an AA Intergroup Beach Picnic one week ago. Because of regular afternoon showers we drove the car
instead of riding scooters to this affair. Of course with a car, parking was a half mile from the event, located in Wiggins Pass State Park, a really nice, miles-long beach park in SW Florida.

After arrival and lugging all our paraphernalia (my gosh!) I was already tired. So I went to get a coffee. It was about 12 noon. The volunteer told me, "We do not serve coffee at these functions". She said it, like "We do not serve alcohol at these functions". And...she did not bat an eyelash. I thought she was certainly joking. "You are joking, right?" No joke, Steve, there WAS no coffee.

Now, for a long time, I had been LIVING on coffee--not Dee-calf. COFFEE! Maybe a gallon a day. Too much? Who knew? It had become my very lifeblood.

I started feeling jumpy. I perspired. I became immediately nervous. I was actually, really, truly "Restless, Irritable, and Discontent". I began making a real scene, my first in many years. I was, like, well, a drunk without his morning bottle of vodka. I was transported back in time. Way back. I'm not gonna say how far back, because it could be taken the wrong way.

Peeps, I was in serious pain. I ached inside and out. My hands shook. I do not drink water, Gatorade, 7-Up, tea. Colas make me burp or hiccup. I had already been up early, been to meetings, everything was fine about the day...except...no coffee, at an AA beach function, with guest speaker, and a meeting.

What does one do? Well, i became part of the solution, rather than a continuing part of the problem. I nervously walked the half-mile to our car.

It took a full hour, walking, traffic, etc., but I made it to a Starbucks, came back with four huge coffees (three for me!). At Starbucks I had a big one while waiting for the rest of the order. I must tell you--I hate this--with my first sip of the soothing hot, nearly-black liquid, I again experienced that sense of ease and comfort which came at once by taking a drink of...coffee!

This is not a funny thing. I found out how much of a craving I had developed. And do you know, I had no idea it was that bad. I did not realize I was hooked on a drug all these years, which affects my body and my brain. I am sitting here now at 2:00 AM drinking, well, you know...COFFEE! And as soon as I hit the bed, I'll be able to shut it down to sleep in several minutes.

I use coffee as a sleep aid. I shake when I do not have it. Coffee soothes my nerves. Coffee lets me live. Now you know another "bad" thing about me. How many more? Stay tuned!

Let us ALL have a sober good Sunday!

Stll loving you, Peeps!


Findon said...

Wow a gallon of coffee, Well you did throw away ALL that tea. You take care of yourself now Steve.

Madison said...

Now we need a CA - coffee anonymous. I'll be in the group. But you're definitely the leader.

Andrew said...

In the early '80's I had overdosed on coffee. My system wasn't eliminating it fast enough due to medical conditions. I switched from coffee to green tea for the most part about a year and a half ago with no problems.

Anonymous Drifter said...

My husband goes through terrible withdrawals if he doesn't have his daily coffee. He gets migraines and unbelievable nausea. The only thing that cures it is a large cup from Tim Hortons. I've also been finding that I've been consuming more since I quit smoking.

Tall Karen said...

Replace the word 'coffee' with 'Diet Pepsi Lime' and I could have written this exact story! I carry an ice chest with me everywhere I go...just like I used to carry vodka with me. OKay...I gave up drinking and smoking...LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT THE DIET PEPSI! I choose not to share the lengths I have gone thru to get my 'fix'. Thanks for sharing yours.

Carol said...

You know I gave it up for about 2 months 'cuz I thought it was aggravating my hot flashes. I was doing fine, figured I never would drink it again. Then I got depressed, thought about St Johns Wort, had a cup of coffee. I was a new woman, I's likes my coffee and it likes me.

Lou said...

Tall Karen--Diet Pepsi with lime!?! Those corporate robbers clearly stole the recipe from Diet Coke with lime.

It is war, I tell you.

(let me grab a venti Americano, and we will get it on)

Queenneenee said...

Yes, I live on it as well. The iced version. I have all kinds of mixers, flavors, creamers-etc. To see me make a coffee is like watching a bartender. HAHA. Everyone always asks me to make them one, cause I am a good coffeemaker lol. Hey everyone has their talents right? See you tonight in chat. If my old ass remembers, that is.

garden-variety drunk said...

thanks for opening up about the coffee "situation" steve. admitting there's a problem is the first step ;) this summer i've gone from coffee as a nice occasional treat to at least one a day. may your story serve as a warning- one which i likely won't end up heeding

Steve E. said...

Garden variety...thank you! So many of us take this "coffee" thing as a joke, but ya know--it AIN'T! This is for REAL! This is addiction, just as serious in later stages as other addictions. I can wreck my car from being too nervous, or from falling asleep at the wheel--when caffein stops working

wolfie185 said...

Yes I am a coffee junkie!! My young friends joke about me, my coffee and my travel mug, I actually retired my old nasty stained mug for a new model this week because of the new job. I was heard a speaker say that an AA meeting with out coffee could be held in comtempt, but that was long before the water and natural drink faze. I know I need to drink more water, juice or gatorade but they just don't taste as good as a cup of coffee, even when it is 100 degrees out.
Love the post.

Cindy said...

Hi, my name is Cindy...grateful member of coffee drinkers anonymous...only I don't abstain!

Love love love the coffee.

Syd said...

I just do decaf now. And Pepsi Zero as well as club soda. It's much better than having the caffeine.

Ed G. said...

Twice in my sobriety, I have been coffee/caffeine abstinent for over a year and, once I got through the withdrawals (about 2 weeks as I remember), it was the best I've ever felt - IN MY LIFE!!!

OK, so, I'm not there now but am coming to awareness that the next time might not be too far off...

Blessings and aloha...