DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Saturday, April 11, 2009

AA GIFTS: TOO MUCH TO HANDLE?

dAAve Saturday April 11 inspired
this picture: youll see why...
When ya visit dAAve


BLOGGERS! Boys and Girls. Hear ye hear ye! A new guy has come into our presence a couple days ago. Since I believe there are no accidents in God's world, please welcome blogger Jim at "Alive and Smiling". We have been in touch by Email, and he seems like an OK sort. He is ONE OF US, and that is why I am introducing him in this veddy veddy formal manner!
--Steve E.


I MUST NOT ALLOW THE THINGS
WHICH AA HAS GIVEN ME
TO TAKE ME AWAY
FROM AA


I used to walk in a public place thinking the crowds of people there hated me. What a shock to find they didn't even know I existed! Of course, I never looked eyeball-to-eyeball with a single soul. My eyes were planted on the floor, venturing only so far as the next step might take me.

Since I never looked up, how did I know you hated me? How could I EVER entertain a notion that you didn't care one whit for that guy (me) in a dirty trench coat, and old tattered shoes? I did not SEE you, therefore you did not see ME! Maybe that's the summation here. If I do not see you, you will not see me! As if ANYONE ever gave a Royal F'CK either way.

Well, all that changed--over time, not in a blinding flash. In Alcoholics Anonymous, I recall certain events which 'brought me out from my shell'.

1. I was asked to stand up in a room full of 70 people, and say "I'm an alkie, etc., and I had my last drink -insert how many days", etc. I recall that first "desire" chip. They made me come up to the front. How NEAT! That was me, learning how to face people and how to utter 7 words: "I'm...I'm...I'm Steve. I'm an alcoholic."

2. After I was free of alcohol for several months, someone asked me to read "How It Works" out of our Big Book. I recall shaking plenty. I'm sure no bird would have alit on a branch which was shaking so.

3. Some weeks later (three months) a lady named Mary gave me a 24-Hr Book (Hazeldon) and I have had that book ever since, and I have used it ever since. It is well-worn. Mary went out soon after that, never did make it back. That's what happens. I become ashamed. I am, after all, addicted to alcohol. What low self-esteem! What PRIDE!

4. After about seven months in AA, I was asked to chair a meeting. I prepared for this as if I were defending my Thesis. It was truly a farce, but I did learn a lot from the experience...do not try to memorize ANYTHING, the Lord's Prayer...anything!

5. Finally, it became time to "share" (and maybe this is why I do not like the word "share") my Experience, Strength and Hope, from the microphone. I blubbered like an idiot. That is NOT "humility" talking! But I got through it.

I did not mention tending the coffee bar at the 24-Hr Club, Twelfth Stepping, emptying the trash, setting up the chairs, doing the dishes, playing doorman (my favorite job today!) as tricks you AA people did to bring me into your warm bosom, and confer on me sobriety and willingness.

Now, that I fear no one, nor anything; now that I am FREE; Now that I can blog, write, ride, talk to whomever, wherever, and whenever; now that I have a checkbook and a couple bucks in my pocket; now that I am outgoing, happy, and blest with an attitude of gratitude; now that my enthusiasm for this program is known--I cannot let ANY of these gifts from God take over my life, rule my thinking, or guide my feet.

Since God has given me these gifts, I must use them ONLY for His greater honor and glory. That all being written, I hereby bestow upon all who are reading this my love, and when we all stay sober today, I can smile at the end of this day, and say that I did what I could to make someone happy today. And it IS worth it!

In LOVE and service,
Sincerely.
Steve E.

I MUST NOT ALLOW THE THINGS
WHICH AA HAS GIVEN ME
TO TAKE ME AWAY
FROM AA

16 comments:

dAAve said...

Oh dear!
What have I started?

Steve E. said...

dAAve, if you recall, it was Pammie who "started" it! Remember all that zippering stuff? BAD girl!

Alive And Smiling (Jim) said...

Another wonderful blog post Steve with words from the heart. Thank you so much for the blog shoutout. It was unexpected but very much appreciated. As you say, there are no accidents in God's world and I feel certain that God led me to you and this group of fine bloggers. Your kindness toward me, a virtual stranger, has touched me more than you can know and for that I am truly grateful. -Jim

Just Be Real said...

Happy Easter for one thing. Thank you for the wonderful blog Stevie. I went to dAAve's and I must say, Oweeee!
Blessings dear!

Shadow said...

happy easter dear steve e!

Prayer Girl said...

HAPPY EASTER DAY my hubby-aroni.

Wonderful blog on this special day from a guy near and dear to my heart.

Love and prayers, as always,
Prayer Girl

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Happy Easter my friend!!! I'm wishing, praying, and sending much love southward today!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Syd said...

I hear you on this. Great post to remember my humility and to check my ego often. Thanks Steve. Pam did start something didn't she?

Mike Golch said...

Steve,great posting and a great message as well.I hope that you and your family have a blessed Easter.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Happy Easter dear Steve...I hoe that you had a gteat one!!!

Ed G. said...

Steve - nice post.
Your saying is a slight variation often said in my circles of: "...don't let the life you've been given take you away from AA, where they gave you a life..."

I've heard many variations but it's all around being vigilant to never get "too busy" for AA, which sustains me 1st and above all.

Easter blessings to you...
Ed

Steve E. said...

Ed, I'm SURE I was meant to read that tonight. Thank you. Dammit, now I'm "thinking" again -grin! Life is so easy if I just "live" it in self-centered mode, oblivious to all about me...even to the point of one day, thinking, "Hey a drink on this 100 degree day might be nice!" HOO-BOY!

Findon said...

Great post Steve. I have found that doing things in AA has prepared me for life. It is one of the biggest secrets. AA is kindergarten for life. have a happy easter.

Rainbow said...

great post from a great man.
in answer to your questions, Steve, yes we are Multiples...an no we don't think we implied our Sister drinks too much..she relies on alcohol to blur her memories of the terrible abuse we, she and our brother (may he rest in peace) suffered as children. you are right..."T" does stand for what you said. we have been to alnon..perhaps we should mention this to Doc...we dunno.... safe hugs to you and Blessed Easter

Rainbow said...

very sweet of you to think of us...but we must "own" who we are...will leave it up to you about publishing...we don't mind...thank you for being so sensitive to other's feelings.

Ed G. said...

oh GAWWWD noooooo!!! not THINKING!!!

Sorry ;-)

I hope you enjoy your little time in the head - they really can be useful from time to time...

Reminds me that I've never gotten around to writing that chapter of the Big Book that I'm just sure someone would want me to write: "Into Thinking"

I could certainly show others how to get as miserable in AA as I have at different times in the past 25 years...