DRINKING ALCOHOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY
THEN IT TOOK AWAY THE SKY

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

THURSDAY SPOOF


Appearing daily are "new and improved" methods whereby one can easily stop drinking and stay sober, with no meetings, no sponsors, no steps, no Traditions, no rules (suggestions!) and no lifestyle changes to disrupt one's routine. Below, you will find another such "tried-and-true" method in this

"SPOOF-BY STEVE E"

Ummmmm...I like chocolate! I've been reading and studying the Big Book for a long time...years! And still I find little nuggets of mirth strewn about: do you recall that the BB tells me to eat chocolate?
Check out bottom of page 133 where it says (taken out of context), "...all alcoholics should constantly have chocolate..." (MC, this one is real!)

And this is what has been my style. I can take several words out of a sentence, maybe add or drop one--or change the "do" to a "don't", and procure the meaning I wish to convey. After all, if..."There is a God, and I am He..." then my job is to create, right?

Aside from that, well, you know I was just making a point, correct? But back to the topic, chocolate. I used to declare my favorite town in the country is Hershey, Pennsylvania. The symphony of which I was a member played there while touring the thriving musical capitals of inner Pennsylvania rural counties, -grin! We spent two nights in Hershey, and I shall never forget the street lamps shaped like Hershey Kisses, and other land marks of similar note.

And the smell, that odor, that blissful olfactory happening kept me awake most of the night. And I dreamed I ordered and ate street lamps for breakfast. Oh! The ecstasy! And coffee mocha! And chocolate chip waffles...you get the picture of my raptures.

Well, as with every thing of beauty, there is at least one flaw, one non-perfection. Chocolate is no exception. Here is my problem--or rather WAS my problem. Hershey Bars interfered with my drinking.

(NOTE: I mention the Hershey name throughout this blog, because that was and IS my favorite of favorites of chocolate.)

I could never eat an eight-ounce bar or two, and then get drunk! And that IS why I drank--to get plastered, hammered. When I ate chocolate, I could not then hide from you or anyone else. I could not hide even from myself--which was the worse concernment. So, for many years chocolate--namely Hershey Bars--remained second in preference on my list of two indispensable foods.

Has anyone else tried to swallow a glassful of Bourbon, Scotch, Vodka, Gin--in other words, dietary staples--and got it all the way down, AFTER eating a couple eight-ouncers? It all came right back UP on me--for me...well yes, ON me, too -grin!

And so, I propose that any who wish to stop drinking, develop a Hershey Bar habit--only the BIG ones. As a research project, one might even contract with Hershey Inc., for free bars for life if one could stay sober using the "Steve E Method" of sobriety.

I can just hear it NOW--the beautiful sounds, those words delivered at the Anniversary Meeting: "By the power of Hershey Bars, and the Hershey Company I have managed to stay sober for thirteen years!" (Much Applause!)

"And I am FK'ing MISERABLE! WRETCHED! I've spent five years in prison, two years in a flophouse, three years in a halfway house, three years living in the woods in South Florida, and I stand--all 357 pounds of me--before you to say, 'I owe it all to HERSHEY BARS!' Thank you. Excuse me, I'm going out and get drunk--maybe I can find some normalcy somewhere on this earth!

"The Blog above is NOT true--The following IS true..."

Sent in LOVE and Service
To my blogger-friends,
Sincerely (REALLY)
Steve E

Today, Thursday, we are traveling across the state to Cocoa Beach, FL, to attend a four-day roundup called "Woodstock of AA", and so my blogs may come through at odd times, or not at all. My new laptop did not make it "home" yet. So I'll be using a strange box.

20 comments:

Kristin H. said...

That last paragraph about put me over the edge! "three years living in the woods of south Florida."

Classic.

And it is true. I can't drink after chocolate. It was about the only time ever that alcohol did not taste good.

dAAve said...

You write about chocolate when you're going to Cocoa (beach).

Steve E. said...

dAAve, I am really going to enjoy meeting you f2f one day. I mean that!

I hope we can break bread together or break SOMETHING.

vicariousrising said...

I've never been that big a chocolate fan. Guess I'll have to stick with hard work for my sobriety.

Linda S. Socha said...

Delicious post Steve
Linda

Steve E. said...

Vicarious Rising...But isn't the hard work eventually FUN? It is for me...serious fun, but serious, life-and-death serious.

Linda S Socha, Glad you enjoyed it. Actually (a secret for you..Shhhhhh) After writin that blog I HAD to go ouor to Walgreen, and check out their H Bars. So I got some EXTRA bubble gum instead.
Woe is me! thanks for dropping by!

Atiyanna said...

Thanks for the haha...safe travels my friend.
~A

Just Be Real said...

Oh that is so funny what Dave said. Clever. Have a safe and "healthy" Coco Beach road trip Stevie!!! Blessings to you both!

Sherrlyn Borkgren Photography said...

Chocolate? I just had my fill of it today Ot oh. I cannot cannot have chocolate anything in the house or garage or anyplace within walking distance. Is Coco beach made out of chocolate or coconuts?

Who is 375 lbs?

Shadow said...

noooo, how can you do this.... all that chocolate. now i want some....

Gin said...

This was too funny. Had I only known...my husband could have "licked" his problem years ago...ha, ha! Have a great trip!

Ann said...

I'm in! Chocolate is ALWAYS the answer when a drink is not an option!!!! :-)

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Travel safety and God's abundant blessings be with you as you travel to more and more recovery and fun!

Love ya!

Banana Girl said...

So its really chocolate and then you go to "Cocoa" beach. Too funny. Love it and you. J.

Cat said...

I much prefer to keep my husband stocked in chocolate any day of the week!

Safe trip and have fun!

♥Shann♥ said...

LOL what daave said annnnnnd I read it on the top of pg 134 in the 4th edition... just sayin lol

have a great time

Mary Christine said...

You know, I am one of the only people on earth who doesn't like chocolate... but it must be genetic, because my kids don't either.

Selchie said...

mmm.. chocolate bliss... I've never had a Hershey bar. I feel my life is incomplete... but plenty of chocolate... yum yum... fortunately or not there is none in the house. great grin post.))

happy travelling,

Selchie.))

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Hershey, PA and Cocoa Beach...Hmmmm
Hope you have a good time and you'll be missed!
Love,
g

Syd said...

I've not been a chocoholic but there are AA's that I know who are.